Foo - If your bike could talk...

What would it tell us? :D

It would tell you I'm mean and ride it hard. I don't put it away wet though!

Your ass stinks...

"For the love of God, don't let that fat ass on me again!!!"

"I am going to kill you. Muhuhuhuhahahawhawhaaaa!!!!"

I'm glad Vega loves me enough to get me back out on the road after 20 years. :)

But I wish she'd stop hittin' staples and nails. :mad:

mtb - I wish this guy would learn to ride, I'm getting tired of hitting trees and spending so much time on my side. Oh, he could quit riding me so slow as well.

road bike - Is this guy ever going to learn to ride? I get tired of watching all of the other bikes go by me. Plus, does he know that he doesn't always have to use the easiest gears on the climbs? Some bikes actually get to carry some speed up hills.

cross bike - Come on, only two rides on me. What, am I to fat? Not pretty enough? I just don't get it, the other bikes get all of the attention!!!

Dude, I don't mind your fat okole riding me for hours on end, but can I ask one favor? No riding after a night of beer and pizza...save the gas for the truck, k?

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO FAST FAST FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER!!!!!!!11111111one one one one juan

What would it tell us? :D
Hey......this dumba$$ on me needs to lose another 10 lbs.

Roadbike-I'm lonely I want to ride!!! :)

Mtbike-Oh I see how it is the snow is too good for me!! :)

Roadbike - "oh dear GOD would you please get me off this damn garage wall!"

Commuter - "so, by calling me your commuter you really meant 'yet another bike to adorn the garage wall'...LOSER!"

I have no idea. I don't speak Taiwanese or Japanese. But it would probably have something to do with cleansing the city with the blood of the sinners, same as everything else I have that talks to me.

Cleanse the city with the blood of the sinners!

WATCH OUT FOR THAT ROCK [insert manure, chicken, snake, cow, motorcycle, rut, hole in bridge...)

Cleanse the city with the blood of the sinners!
Can I at least take a break, first? My stabbin' arm's getting tired...

There is no time for breaks. You must become. . . . an ambidextrous stabber!

Alright, alright. Well, this'll at least give me the motivation I need to save up for those switchblade boots I've been wanting.

If my younger son's bike could talk to me, it would say "thanks for the cool parts" on a good day, and would be whining "MMMMOOOOMMMMIIIIIEEEE!!!" on other days....

If my older son's bike could talk to me, it would say "I never knew college could be SO boring... nice hallway you got here...."

Cummon, dude. All the cool ninjas wear tabi boots:

http://www.paragonmartialarts.co.uk/acatalog/kwon_tabi.jpg

Cummon, dude. All the cool ninjas wear tabi boots:
Do those come in clipless?

When will winter end? It's cold out. (Or maybe that's me talking to the bike.)

You're not very good at doing maintenance, are you?

"Go go go!" I envision it as a puppy going for a run. Pure joy on it's face, dragging me along behind.

Do those come in clipless?

With carbon soles! Scha-winggggg!

With carbon soles! Scha-winggggg!
Oh, hotness!

Hey, ninjas need a stiff bike-to-rider connection moreso than anyone who isn't killin' for a living!

My mtb - "COME ON ***** - THAT ALL YOU GOT?!"
Roadbike - "Uhm...are you going to ride me yet or keep playing with your cables?"
Downtube folding - "Be gentle and lose more weight"
Vintage Russian folding - "Why don't you love me anymore?"

My mtb - "COME ON ***** - THAT ALL YOU GOT?!"
Roadbike - "Uhm...are you going to ride me yet or keep playing with your cables?"
Downtube folding - "Be gentle and lose more weight"
Vintage Russian folding - "Why don't you love me anymore?"
Actually, wouldn't the Russian bike be saying "Почему вы не полюбите меня больше?"

It'd probably tell me to wash my stinky ass and lose a few pounds.

Touche!

Uh, my bikes can talk, and they cuss like sailors with tourettes. Except for one which keeps saying: "Must find Explody Pup, tell him to chill out and start hugging, stop stabbing." It then usually shudders and cries.

"Get me out of this damn closet and ride me in the snow!"

"Get me out of this damn closet and ride me in the snow!"
This is supposed to be about what your bikes would say, not you personally!

They're all saying "brrrrrrr" right now.

This is supposed to be about what your bikes would say, not you personally!

Ouch! :p I think it's quite comfortable here in my giant walk in closet. Just me and my bike...all alone...

"Must find Explody Pup, tell him to chill out and start hugging, stop stabbing."
I've tried hugging. It just doesn't work. I simply don't have the upper body strength to crush rib cages and pop out the eyes and all that crap. Plus, stabbing is just more fun. I just loves me that "schluck" sound it makes.

I've tried hugging. It just doesn't work. I simply don't have the upper body strength to crush rib cages and pop out the eyes and all that crap. Plus, stabbing is just more fun. I just loves me that "schluck" sound it makes.
My track bike says to tell you "Make Pista, Not War"

Yea!! Fat @$$ picked the "other" bike today.

My track bike says to tell you "Make Pista, Not War"
What kind of pasta? I could go for some lasagna.

mtb: Dude...WTF is this ****....this isn't a trail...it's just dirt....where's the crap to roll over? Freaking pansy....why the hell did you ever move out here.....from this day on I shall call you Sue.....just wait till chrsitmas Susie....I'm buyin ya a skirt.....freaking sissy....

roadie: I'm too sexy for this fred, too sexy for the fred, yeah I'm so sexy it huuuuuuurts.

Folder: HELP!!!!! THIS FATMAN IS TRYING TO KILL ME........HEEEEEEEEELP! (as I hop a curb with it)

What kind of pasta? I could go for some lasagna.
spaghetti-O's

Dang, it seems everyone's bikes only have negative things to say.

bahstids.

Dang, it seems everyone's bikes only have negative things to say.

bahstids.
My MTB bike was positively beaming this morning and telling me in it's happiest voice," I am glad that dude in the tightie whities is never gonna ride me."

If they could talk
Road bike. I wouldn't be able to understand because it's Italian. But probally "get out in the cold you wuss"
Road bike on trainer "When you gonna ride me out side"
Moutain bike "I'm bored when you gonna ride me on some decent trails."

Mine says: "You upgraded my drivetrain. When are you going upgrade my engine?"

How about cleaning the freaking dust off of me and taking me for a spin!!!

spaghetti-O's
War it is!

My Giant would piss and moan about being in frame stauts. (Much like a certain Trek) My Peleton would piss and moan about it being winter.

Somewhere, there is a sweet roadbike calling out to me to take it home. I just have to hit some more LBS's and find it. :)

"Clean my drive train!... please?"