GF of a Cyclist

[snopa1982]

Hi Guys,

I am new to this forum, was browsing the net and thought it might be a good idea to join up.

Let me tell you abit about myself, I have been dating a cyclist for the past 4 years. Cycling takes up alot of my boyfriends time and to be honest i did get annoyed at first as i was used to spending lots of time with him. He has been cycling for about 2 years now. We have had alot of arguments about this but i have now come to realise that if i love him and cycling makes him happy i need to support him and try and get involved in what he is so passionate about.

Just wondering if you guys could give me some tips on what i could do to get more involved with my bf's activities. He races on a Saturday and trains on a Sunday morning. I was thinking of going to watch him race on a Saturday but i don't get the impression from him that he wants me there. I really want to show him that i am interested in what he does. I do take the time to ask him questions and he explains lots of things to me (he seems quite happy to do so).

I would appreciate any responses :D

Thanx Guys

[SingleSpeeDemon]

When making love, try moaning allez! allez! allez! :)

Seriously...support him even if you're not into cycling. The idea is that you want him to know you believe in him...and his accomplishments, no matter what, should be interesting to you.

[biffstephens]

Buy a bike....ride....ride....ride...

I took my girlfriend to France to ride....you could suggest that?

[Eatadonut]

Get him a pair of (cycling) socks. Seriously - when my girlfriend does that, I'll know she finally accepts my addiction.

And ask him if he would mind if you showed up at a race (not if he wants you there, but if he would mind. This way, it seems as if you want to go, but you don't want to bring the bad juju).

[cooker]

What I would want in his place is that you do two things: find something you enjoy and can indulge in some of the time while he is riding, so you're not just hanging around waiting for him; and ride with him from time to time. Competitive cyclists are supposed to do some some modestly paced "recovery" rides between hard training rides, so that would be your chance.
Regards

[CB HI]

If you get the Versus cable channel, consider watching some of the Tour of California bike race with him starting Feb 18. Maybe ask about team tactics and sprinting tactics after the announcers bring it up. Tour of California schedule (http://www.bikeforums.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=35139&d=1169684293)

[dragonflybikes]

I definatly agree with CB, It was great for me when my wife started getting as excited about watching Tour De France as I am. This is provided that he ejoys watching the Tour De France, and now the Tour of California.

I also like the idea of getting him a pair of cycling socks, perhaps for Valentines day. Socks will run you around $8-10.

If you do get a bike to ride with him, be prepaired for it to be hard for him. You will probably be going mch much slower than he wants to and it may be hard for him to go that slow. (I am speaking from experience here). Perhaps ride on a nice loop road where it is 1-4 miles each loop. If he seems to be getting frustrated with your pace then tell him to see how quick he can go around the loop and catch back up to you (lap you). That will allow him to go as hard as you but yet you are still on a ride together.

I would also go to his races with him to not just watch him but also to help suport him at the race. Assuming it is a crit, when he is racing you can have some of his stuff with you such as drinks and snacks. Stuff that he would rather have out but would normally have to keep in the car. This way he knows that doesn't have to worry about you getting upset when he rides by and tossed his water bottle at (to) you, or right before the race starts he tosses his arm warmers or jack to you. Let him know that you can help him out like that. Oh and don't forget to cheer him on. When there it will also be helpfull to start to befriend his other teamates significant others that are there being supportive. If he is still resistant about you coming to the race, then ask why he doesn't want you there.

[Michel Gagnon]

Do you need or do you want to get involved with your boyfriend's activity or with him? What are your activities? From what you say, he is rather competitive. I don't know whether you are (or were) competitive albeit in a different activity (ex.: running instead of cycling), or are more into leasure activities or into utility cycling... or if you are a couch potatoe.

If you want to cycle, don't get a racing bike, but rather a hybrid or light-touring bike, because you'll prefer the more relaxed position and the fact you'll be able to add fenders. I think that the racing bike is something you might want to have later when and if you decide you truly want to ride fast.

Then, I don't know where you are, but I would suggest you look into either riding on your own or finding some social cycling club in your area. If you are in Portland (Oregon), check Slug Velo (http://slugvelo.com/); it sounds to me as a wonderful way to get initiated to cycling in a supportive environment.

And if you come to the point that you actually like to ride fast, you might join fast club rides on your own where you might practice some racing techniques (you'll be as close to racing as you can be without actually racing). Or you may decide to buy a tandem with your boyfriend so you could do fast rides together. On a tandem, you could either ride on your own or do club rides, organized rides like Seattle to Portland or a number of "Charity rides" in your area. And with a tandem, he won't be "waiting for you" and you won't be "trying to keep up".

As for cheering at races and things like that, I don't know because I'm not racing nor into any organized sport. But the last thing I would want is to see my wife feeling like enslaved at my service. It's one thing to be there in the big yearly event, and it would be quite another thing to commit to a weekly presence.

[masiman]

I agree partly with some above comments. The one you might find harder to accomplish is the riding with him. 1)You may not be interested in riding 2) He may get frustrated riding with you. Being there is usually a good thing.

Three times I have tried riding with sig. others. The two rides with different gf's were complete failures. I was competitive at the time. I tried slowing down for them but it just made me very frustrated despite my efforts not to be. It rubbed off on them and made them miserable too. The third ride was with my wife and our kids. That one went great because I was less competitive and focused on the kids having a good time. I don't think I was necessarily focused on her having a good time, but by focusing on the kids needs I was by default focusing on her needs too.

A tandem can be a great way to ride together. Both have to want to do it. If one partner is not very excited about the idea, it will come out both on and off the tandem. There are plenty of stories of tandems amplifying problems in the relationship and hastening the demise. I have seen it once first hand. On the other side of that is that it could be better to find out now rather than later. We now have a tandem, but when we were dating would not have been a good idea for us. If you do want to try a tandem, rent one and take it out for a few hours. It may be one of the best dates you'll ever have :).

Best of luck to you.

[snopa1982]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for all of your comments, i am definetely going to take all your tips into consideration. Went out today and brought the socks (thanx dragonflybikes)

I will keep you all informed on my progress. :-)

[kirbyx]

Does he get involved, or interested, in your activities?

[Mo'Phat]

snopa: I'm married 8 years, but only started cycling in 2005. Before that, I played in bands and was out 3-4 nights/week. I have two kids. My wife was a band widow, and now I get the feeling that she thinks she's a cycling widow, despite my efforts to work my rides into her schedule and make it as convenient for her as possible.

My problems: She's just not into cycling at all. Regardless of my passion for it, she sees it as some kooky hobby I took up, and since she knows me too well, realizes that I get overly-enthusiastic about new hobbies. She still laughs at me when I put on my bib shorts, and calls them a 'onesie' - like babies wear. When I was training up in October-December of last year for a couple of 100 mile rides, I was gone on 5 hour rides during the weekends...and the centuries took literally all day. She didn't like it, but she felt resigned and powerless to stop it. I don't like that attitude, and really really wish she supported me.

My advice to you is more of a dream of how I'd want my wife to be: You don't need to be a rah-rah cheerleader, you don't need to kick him out the door to go on rides as an overly-accommodating girlfriend, you don't need to make token efforts (ie: buying socks or watching a bike race).

What you need to do is just accept that this is something he does. Like a job. My wife doesn't question or resent the fact that I go to work everyday, or that I sometimes work overtime, or sometimes have to go to business dinners or golf outings with clients. The extra work stuff cuts into 'her' time, but she's all for it, because it's work. If you accept that your boyfriend will go for rides everyday, and on weekends, then you'll appreciate when he doesn't and spends time with you.

He, on the other hand, needs to be upfront with how much time he's talking about. If he's just saying, "I'm going riding" and you don't know for how long, or he says 2 hours but is gone for 4, that's not fair to you because you can't have your own life.

Being a two-way street, if you have things that you want to do, you need to be upfront about the time required and the support from him you hope to get. If you don't want him around when you're doing your own thing, be honest about it and you'll both be better for it.

[big john]

You didn't say if you ride, too. If not, would you consider it? It would be great if you had an activity that you could participate in while he is racing/training. I'm in a large cycling club and this can be a problem for both men and women cyclists. Even couples who both ride may be at different levels and aren't happy riding together all the time. The good thing about cycling is you can find riders at your level to ride with.

[blamp28]

I'm on the other side of this. I've been married for four years now to a woman who knows me and understands me. She does actually push me out the door at times to ride my bike. She knows that a good ride is one of my primary stress relievers and can tell when I'm going through withdrawal pains due to scheduling difficulties or whatever.

[dirtyphotons]

the riding might help, but that will probably have to be taken in baby steps.

i agree with the sentiment that you should indulge in your own activities, rather than waiting for him to come home. it'll take some of the pressure off of him to make sure you're taken care of. definitely don't set it up as a "girlfriend versus bike" scenario. that is bad for everyone...

[dragonflybikes]

She still laughs at me when I put on my bib shorts, and calls them a 'onesie' - like babies wear.
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

[Mo'Phat]

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

I prefer 'Rompers'...but once a onesie, always a onesie.

[DiRt DeViL]

The best was is to be supportive, my wife and daughter don't ride so I know what you're going thru.

In my household only the boys ride, my wife was always complaining about the time spent out, the money spent, etc. I stopped racing and working on events, the kid is the serious rider/racer. What we did is that the non riders support the riders on the races, do the driving, prepare bottles, etc; this way everyone is involved somehow.

Now when race day comes is a family thing, afterwards a good meal makes up for the day at the races.

[AndrewP]

If I were your boyfriend I would love as massage after a hard race.

[ROJA]

If I were your boyfriend I would love as$ massage after a hard race.

^^^ Fixed your typo for you!

[snopa1982]

hehehe thats a funny typo. Don't worry he get a massage every Sunday night

[Mo'Phat]

...and what do YOU get?

[nashcommguy]

It's like learning another language. The best way to learn is to immerse yourself in the culture. Read books and/or watch video/dvds on cycling. The fact that you've posted here is huge. A big moment in my gf and my relationship was when she realized on her own that this wasn't a 'hobby' for me, it's my life. She shared that verbally and then apologized for, "condescending to your passion". I've been a commuter/tourer/utilicyclist for over 20 years and she had a 'recreational' mindset re bicycles.

For her b-day 2 years ago I got her a used Specialized Crossroads. Came w/a rack, lock, helmet, etc. Just recently she got herself a pair of Shimano PD-520s and Diadora Saturn mtb shoes because, again in her words she's 'tired of looking like a Fredette'.

She's grown as a cyclist and has thanked me for introducing her to the 'life'. She has her own rides now and is looking to get a road tourer, hardcore wsd roadie and an mtb. We're doing a weekend tour here soon and planning a trip to cycletour Ireland next year for a month. We speak the same language now. She knows what I mean when I say "compact double, 53 by 39, 25 by 12 by 9 with campy brifters".

Would encourage you to begin cycle-commuting if your living situation permits it as a starting point. Develop your own rides, get yourself some tools, take a beginning mechanics course...they have them all the time at your lbs. Knowing how to tear down your own bike and rebuild it is a very self-empowering set of skills to have. Basic things like fixing your own flat is a big leap for some people. This site has a wealth of info and thousands of folks eager to help out in any way. A great website for women(AND men) is teamestrogen.com. It's got a forum section and some world class mechanics who post regularly. There's some good-natured male bashing, but for the most part it's all about cycling.

Good luck and post back w/your progress.

[richardmasoner]

Some good responses here, and props to snopa for joining up here to learn a little of the culture.

+1 on socks and massage. Maybe take a class on how to do massage?

Be careful if you buy things like jerseys or gloves unless you really know what he likes.

If the BF doesn't want you at the race, that might be a bad sign. It's good that he enjoys explaining the sport to you, though.

Most competitive male cyclists take their competitive self even on relaxing recreational bike rides, so don't expect to have a good time if you get a bike of your own. Think about other things you have in common to build a relationship on.

[timmhaan]

Hi Guys,

I am new to this forum, was browsing the net and thought it might be a good idea to join up.

Let me tell you abit about myself, I have been dating a cyclist for the past 4 years. Cycling takes up alot of my boyfriends time and to be honest i did get annoyed at first as i was used to spending lots of time with him. He has been cycling for about 2 years now. We have had alot of arguments about this but i have now come to realise that if i love him and cycling makes him happy i need to support him and try and get involved in what he is so passionate about.

Just wondering if you guys could give me some tips on what i could do to get more involved with my bf's activities. He races on a Saturday and trains on a Sunday morning. I was thinking of going to watch him race on a Saturday but i don't get the impression from him that he wants me there. I really want to show him that i am interested in what he does. I do take the time to ask him questions and he explains lots of things to me (he seems quite happy to do so).

I would appreciate any responses :D

Thanx Guys

omg. you don't live with me do you?? you sound exactly like my GF.

anyway, yeah, go see a race of his. i couldn't imagine that he wouldn't want you to at least check one of them out.

[JPradun]

Hi Guys,

I am new to this forum, was browsing the net and thought it might be a good idea to join up.

Let me tell you abit about myself, I have been dating a cyclist for the past 4 years. Cycling takes up alot of my boyfriends time and to be honest i did get annoyed at first as i was used to spending lots of time with him. He has been cycling for about 2 years now. We have had alot of arguments about this but i have now come to realise that if i love him and cycling makes him happy i need to support him and try and get involved in what he is so passionate about.

Just wondering if you guys could give me some tips on what i could do to get more involved with my bf's activities. He races on a Saturday and trains on a Sunday morning. I was thinking of going to watch him race on a Saturday but i don't get the impression from him that he wants me there. I really want to show him that i am interested in what he does. I do take the time to ask him questions and he explains lots of things to me (he seems quite happy to do so).

I would appreciate any responses :D

Thanx Guys

Steph? Did my gf really just join this forum, or are you someone else?

[martianone]

ask your bf these questions,
not the bf.

[CB HI]

See, you post on here that you want to support your bf's cycling and suddenly all the guys here want to be your bf.

[Retem]

my wife and I have totally different hobbies me it is bikes her it is many other thing she lives with my pile o bikes bike parts cycling gear and what not in the living room ( I am not saying it is right but it makes me happy she is so accepting of it)

now for my suggestions first have a conversation with him see if you getting a bike and riding with him ( becoming a training partner) would bother him in my own experience it bothers me when the wife tries to do certain things with me that is me time I am just saying

If he is cool with you riding with him make a date for bike and bike gear shopping I am sure he would love to assist you in selecting the right bike and the right gear for then start riding and don't stop the worst part of taking a girl out and getting bike stuff with em is when two weeks later they decide sweating is not their thing

most of all have fun and enjoy your time together

[slagjumper]

I think that it is great that you want to support your BF in his biking. I'd ask him what he thinks about this so that your efforts are not in vien. One of the coolest things a GF did for me was pack my lunch and say, "have a great ride!" I really don't think that this is what you are looking for though and that relationship did not last very long for me.

You might see if he is interested in a tandem ride every once in a while. Do you have any interest in riding?

[froze]

If you want to participate with him while he rides then ask him about the best bike to get for the money you have. Then ask him to help you train to be able to ride with him, then do your very best to do what he says. But don't look at riding a bike as work and a pain just so you can be with him, look at it as being fun so you can spend time with him doing something he likes. In the long run, even if by some odd chance you two never marry, I think you will enjoy cycling so much you will continue to do it the rest of your life. Whatever you do, DON'T FAKE IT just to get his attention then blow it off once your married

And just think of what a great body you will have and how much better your quality of life will be. Especially when your old an gray and all your friends are sitting in rockers watching TV and can't physically get out of the rocker! But you will not only be able to get out of your rocker but you'll go ride your bike instead of sitting and waiting to die. They'll have to take medications for heart, thyroid, diabetes, joint pain, etc and you probably won't have to. You'll walk around the grocery store to get your food pushing a shopping cart, while your friends will have to use a powered sitdown shopping cart. Did you get the long term picture yet?

[Velo Dog]

How come you have to like HIS stuff? Why can't he like yours?
Reason I ask is that I tried to interest my wife in cycling for 20 years. She's a good athlete, a former college fencer and equestrian who's also run marathons, and she gave cycling an honest try, even rode a couple of centuries with me. Finally she admitted there were just other things she'd rather do than spend 12 or 15 hours a week on a bicycle. We compromised, I cut back a little on the riding and she cut back a little on the horse stuff and we share each other's activities and interests now. Don't be a suckup--you deserve to have your own life.

[froze]

Some people like to share their lives with their spouses...some prefer to have their own life yet be married, kind of like the convenience of being single with the luxury of being married.

[Retem]

Some people like to share their lives with their spouses...some prefer to have their own life yet be married, kind of like the convenience of being single with the luxury of being married.

a quick note my wife and I are both loners and we are very stubborn people we love and care for eachother very much it is not a convenience or luxury thing it is just how a good relation ship works we are both individuals we spend alot of time together and we spend a considerable amount of time aparts otherwise we would probably be fighting all the time and or divorced already