Another duck joke...

[Hambone]

Three ducks are standing before the county judge, he turns to the first duck and says, "I want you to step forward and state your name and why you were arrested."

The first duck steps forward and says, "my name is quack and i dont' know why i was arrested, i was just swimming around the mill pond, blowing bubbles."

"OK," says the judge. "Step back. Now you," he says pointing to the second duck with his gavel. "Step forward and state your name and why you were arrested."

"my name is quack-quack and i dont' know why i was arrested, i was just swimming around the mill pond, blowing bubbles."

"OK," says the judge. "Step back. Now you," he says pointing to the third duck with his gavel. "Step forward. Let me guess, your name is quack-quack-quack."

"nope..." Replies the third duck, "bubbles."

[Tom Stormcrowe]

sick, but funny still!@

[Brillig]

That reminds me of this all-time favorite:

Man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender offers him a drink and he says, "No, just soda for me. I got so hammered last night I went home and blew chunks"

The bartender says, "So what? That happens all the time"

Man says, "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog"

[Hambone]

That reminds me of this all-time favorite:

Man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender offers him a drink and he says, "No, just soda for me. I got so hammered last night I went home and blew chunks"

The bartender says, "So what? That happens all the time"

Man says, "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog"that hurts so good

[Bob Ross]

That reminds me of this all-time favorite:

Man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender offers him a drink and he says, "No, just soda for me. I got so hammered last night I went home and blew chunks"

The bartender says, "So what? That happens all the time"

Man says, "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog"


And that reminds me of *this* all-time favorite:

Man walks into a bar & announces to the bartender "I'm celebrating my first blowjob! Give me a dozen beers!"

Bartender sets them up, and the man chugs them all, one right after another. Bartender says "Would you like another? Next round is on the house."

Man thinks for a second, then says "No thanks. If 12 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, 13 won't help."

[Hambone]

And that reminds me of *this* all-time favorite:

Man walks into a bar & announces to the bartender "I'm celebrating my first blowjob! Give me a dozen beers!"

Bartender sets them up, and the man chugs them all, one right after another. Bartender says "Would you like another? Next round is on the house."

Man thinks for a second, then says "No thanks. If 12 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, 13 won't help."which reminds me,

Two old winos are sharing a bottle of Thunderbird and a box in a park. One looks across at the fountain and by the moonlight he sees a mongrel dog licking its privates.

"I wissssh I cud do that."

His buddie cautions, "Yu bettr pet 'im first."

[feba]

This reminds me of a one i've always liked...

An upper-class, snobby, preppy family's son has been out partying all night. He told his parents he'd be back by 11PM at latest, and it's already 2AM! His parents are sitting on the couch, watching the news, angry and worried, talking about how they're going to punish him when he arrives home. Eventually, they hear him pull up in his car, and walk to the door, where the father goes to wait. Not a second after he opens the door, the father screams "You're grounded for a month, and i'm taking your keys!", to which the son replies "Dad, please don-" "Get to your room! I'm going to discuss this with your mother, then i'll let you know what ELSE we're piling on!". The son runs to his room, slamming his door, while the parents discuss what they should do.

After awhile of talking, they decide the best plan would be to ground him for a month, give him a stern long lecture, and cancel his allowance until he can prove he's responsible again. The father decides it would have the most impact to give him the lecture right away, so the anger would be fresh in his mind.

The mother walks off to go to bed, and the father goes up to his son's room to discuss what happened. He walks in to find his son excitedly writing an email, and says "What do you think you're doing!? Grounded means no computer!" To which the son blurts "Dad, I lost my virginity!". It takes the father a few moments to realize what his son has just said, and as his anger is replaced with pride, he tells his son that he's proud of him, and that he's no longer grounded, although he still won't be recieving an allowance. The son thanks him, they say their good-nights, and the father walks to his room to go to sleep.

The next morning, while eating breakfast, the son pulls the father aside, and asks "Hey dad, can I ask you for some... personal... advice?". The father replies with an enthusiastic "Why sure, son! Is it about last night?" "Yes....dad, I need to know..." "What is it?" "Well, I lost my virginity last night, right?" "Yes, yes, what do you need to know?" "Well, how long does it take for your ass to stop hurting?"

[Hambone]

which of course leads us too:

Father gets call from son who has finished US Army basic training and is in jump school with the 82nd.

"So, son, tell me how it's going."

"Well dad, we did our first real jump yesterday. It was sooo scary. I just froze at the door. All my buddies just went around me and jumped untl I was the last one there." The young man confided.

"What happened?" Asked the concerned father.

"Well, before I knew it the instructor was behind me. He said if I didn't go out that door we has going to screw me in the butt"

"Did you jump?"

"Yeah, a little, at first..."