Foo - Do you discipline your kids for poor grades?

Why, or why not? Or if you plan to be a parent, do you think you will?

No way... What do you mean by "poor"? I'd give them incentives for getting "good grades" instead.

No way... What do you mean by "poor"? I'd give them incentives for getting "good grades" instead.
I mean if your kid is not working up his ability level. If your kid should be getting A's and you know it, and is getting a D or even failing. Do you make a cut off point like, grounded if your grade is below a C-? That type of thing.

In elementary school, our principle used to whack my rear end with his bare hand in front of the class after reading aloud our report cards. I still got bad grades....in fact, I flunked 5th grade.

Discipline? As in punishment?

For poor grades, I'd expect to take some privileges away, such as TV or video game time.

I'm not a fan of $$$ or prizes for grades. "$20 for an A" or whatever. Good grades should be expected, not bargained for by parents.

BTW, I was too scared of disappointing my parents to get anything below a B. And I was competitive with other kids for good grades, so my parents rarely had to hound me about studying or bad grades.

My son is only in kindergarten, so no real grades yet. However, when the teacher informs us of bad behaviour on the part of our child, we try to get both sides of the story and discipline appropriately. For instance, if he is disruptive in class, and he tells us it was because he was tired, he would go to bed early and he would have to apologize the his teacher the next day.

If it is a situation where he is not getting his work done or seems to be below the teachers or shcools districts expectations, we meet with the teacher and find out what we as parents can do at home to help her do her job. This may involve more time reading together, or working on his writing skills or math skills, etc. Luckily, he seems to be doing quite well and is already reading above grade level.
Once our kids advance to the point where they are getting graded for their work, we will come up with an accepted standard and reward for over standard performance and penalize for sub standard performance. By penalize, I assume we will limit priviledges, like TV/computer/gaming time, etc and increase study time.

In elementary school, our principle used to whack my rear end with his bare hand in front of the class after reading aloud our report cards.
As discipline or as a reward?

Never had to think about it. My only daughter might have made one B in her life. She's working on her Masters now. I don't know where she got it either. Bs were the upper end of the grades I got. And never very many of them.

As discipline or as a reward?
you naawty little minx, you.

they know they disapoint me if the grade is not good and they hate that more then anything.
They also know i will reward good grades, not only with stuff. we do special things that only they like for rewards and sometimes I will buy them something they have been talkig about for a while.
it's been working fine for us.

I lock 'em in the closet for a week.

In elementary school, our principle used to whack my rear end with his bare hand in front of the class after reading aloud our report cards. I still got bad grades....in fact, I flunked 5th grade.

- i'll never forget getting royally spanked for forgetting my spelling book for class... except in our school, the principal administered the punishment using a flat paddle, drilled out with holes and wrapped in electrical tape...

- didn't do much for my grades, IIRC, but i learned to stay out of the principal's office...

I lock 'em in the closet for a week.
As discipline or as a reward?

I would rather take a 30 second taser jolt to the testicles once a week and every week for 30 years rather than have kids.

I also got spanked for forgetting to bring back some money I borrowed from the school office the day before for the trolly fare. He also made me write the word "money" on the blackboard a 1,000 times after school. I'm completely debt free today and I always pay my credit card bills in full each month.

I would rather take a 30 second taser jolt to the testicles once a week and every week for 30 years rather than have kids.
Seems like a few weeks of this punishment would insure that you would never have kids or go nude in public.

BTW, Mich, If you ever get to hold ld your own son for the first time, I think you might change your answer! Being a dad is HARD, harder than I could have ever imagined and I fail at some aspect of it every day, but it is so rewarding and fulfilling that I will never regret having kids.

Its a biological fact, after you have kids your brain gets rewired and your kid(s) become the most important thing in the world to you. I bet it feels nice, but somehow I think a CAV GT40 would be nicer.:)

If a parent is taking action after the grades are in they are not doing their job. The time for action is before exams, not after. Make sure homework is done and that the kid studies is the way to improvement. Not punishment after the fact.

Now if the grades, or perhaps more exactly the teacher conference afterwards reveals that the kid has been lying about classwork and progress that could be a different story.

Personally I think parents should try to make learning, if not fun, at least not a total bore. But kids should also learn that some classes and teachers just s*ck and that they still have to do well in htat situation.

I would rather take a 30 second taser jolt to the testicles once a week and every week for 30 years rather than have kids.
Again, as punishment or reward?

Its a biological fact, after you have kids your brain gets rewired and your kid(s) become the most important thing in the world to you. I bet it feels nice, but somehow I think a CAV GT40 would be nicer.:)
Will it be able to change your diapers when you are an octagenarian?:eek:

If a parent is taking action after the grades are in they are not doing their job. The time for action is before exams, not after. Make sure homework is done and that the kid studies is the way to improvement. Not punishment after the fact.

Now if the grades, or perhaps more exactly the teacher conference afterwards reveals that the kid has been lying about classwork and progress that could be a different story.

Personally I think parents should try to make learning, if not fun, at least not a total bore. But kids should also learn that some classes and teachers just s*ck and that they still have to do well in htat situation.
very well said!!!

Will it be able to change your diapers when you are an octagenarian?:eek:

I'm guessing that means when I get too old to wipe my own ass. When such a time comes, I will seek the help of Remington to fix the problem.

Again, as punishment or reward?

I'm guessing you've never been shocked by any substantial amount of voltage if you could possibly consider a taser to the nuts to be a form of reward.

I'm guessing that means when I get too old to wipe my own ass. When such a time comes, I will seek the help of Remington to fix the problem.

That sounds a little abrasive to me.

Not until my middle boy got into higher grades did I take the TV away from him for bad grades. That's all he wanted to do is watch TV and not do his home work.

Yes...if by "discipline your kids" you mean "spank the monkey" and by "for poor grades" you mean "every chance you get".

I don't have any kids yet myself (I hope not for the next few years, just not ready for that yet) But what I would do is to try and encourage my kids with related activities and maybe changing around some of the stuffs to do at home for a better one.

For example, should my son be failing biology class, I would try to make times to take him out to the parks, camping, fishing and whatever outdoors stuffs all the while asking hims about the things that we would interact with then. Doing this would also allow him to improve physically and his confidence too.

Another example of changing the usual in-house activities would be things like...
having my kids helps me with cooking anytime they are getting weaks in math or science (particulary chemistry). You would be suprised at how much math and chemistry there could be in cooking when you try something new and complicated.

I'm also a growing believer of having and doing multi-tasker's stuffs so even if my kids are not having grade issues, they would still be going out with me to enjoys a large variety of activities.

About punishing them though, I would only do that if they are deliberating getting bad grades for a variety of reasons like trying to look "cool" by not caring much for grades, in resistance to my and the mother's wishes and whatnot. Not sure how to punish then though, since it can be greatly varied by the reason of low grades.

When I was in grade school, privileges were taken away for poor performance (tv, computer, having friends over, or not getting my way in regard to something).

For straight A's or almost straight A's, I wouldn't get a monetary award, but maybe if I was with my parents shopping, they might buy me some type of toy, which I thought was great since the only time I'd get stuff would be on Christmas and birthdays.

I would rather take a 30 second taser jolt to the testicles once a week and every week for 30 years rather than have kids.
Should be more effective than a vasectomy. :D

i would handle it differently depending on the cirumstances. you should reward the child for good grades, though. in the real world (at least the part worth dealing with) you get rewards for doing well. so, in giving rewards to this fellow, you will be setting him up with healthy habits and expectations for his future. (if he doesn't get rewarded for his work at some place he should obviously quit).

if the child is trully being bad (like lying to you or acting foolish in class), you should find out why and the find out how to fix the behavior. a good shrink could help you with this (if the shrink just tried to dope up your child he should be avoided. if he tries to reason his way to the solution, then he very well may be a good shrink).

sometime, you'll need to punish the child. sometimes, you'll just need to find out what's going on and what's causing the child to act poorly.

I would rather take a 30 second taser jolt to the testicles once a week and every week for 30 years rather than have kids.
Well, that's an effective form of nonsurgical sterilization, Mich.....

Let me know if you try it out, we'll set up a pay per view video feed!;) :D

We'll make MILLIONS!:D

No way... What do you mean by "poor"? I'd give them incentives for getting "good grades" instead.
I would prepare them for success with emotional incentives so they want good grades.
I hope you don't mean material incentives.

Here's a KISS rule I plan to follow: Give them positive attention and you won't need to punish them with negative attention.

Yes, emotional support and time. My parents would spend hours a day helping me with homework in the early years. Always got lots of compliments and bonuses for good grades. One of my friends was failing out of Cal Poly SLO due to depression and his dad moved in with him for over a month. Dad made him meals, woke him up and made sure he made it to class, helped him with homework, etc. Grades are just the final result of a long series of events beforehand. It requires a lot of support from the parents.

One of my friends was failing out of Cal Poly SLO due to depression and his dad moved in with him for over a month. Dad made him meals, woke him up and made sure he made it to class, helped him with homework, etc.

Wow.

I would prepare them for success with emotional incentives so they want good grades.
I hope you don't mean material incentives.

Here's a KISS rule I plan to follow: Give them positive attention and you won't need to punish them with negative attention.
Works pretty well, most of the time, Nic. There are those occasions where the opposite is necessary, like when they do something that could kill themselves!;)

Reward for good behavior...try not to reinforce and withhold praise for the bad behavior.

Works a whole lot better, as anyone who works for a living has already has figured out.

Why, or why not? Or if you plan to be a parent, do you think you will?


grades...no
lack of effort....yes
poor study habits....yes

The furthest I've ever gone towards "punishment" on bad grades was to make my older boy actually write out a check for over $1000 to pay his tuition; he lost his aid because of his grades. It made an impression on him, but it did not make him a better student. Some kids can study, do all thier work, and still not be able to "spit" the info out upon demand. Everyone is different in the way they learn, how their learning sinks in, and whether they can apply what has been learned.

My older boy still can't spell on paper, but he'll knock you off the scarbble board. Add/subtract/multiple/divide on paper? No - but in his head, yes.

My favorite one of his weird dichotomies is that he can plot GPS stuff & figure out routes on maps, but he will ALWAYS get lost when driving.

Grades are subjective - important, but subjective. Keep that in mind, parents. Try to figure out HOW your child best learns & absorbs material (some are visual, some auditory, or combinations thereof), and focus on appropriate study habits.

As a parent, I would like to think that positive praise and reinforcement and attention from good old mom and dad go a long way in setting up a framework of expectations and success. As a teacher of 8th grade science in an inner city middle school it is all to easy to see how a framework of punishment and negativity toward education sets up a frameowork of failure and low expectations. My advice, love your children, read to your children, set up a routine of checking you childs homework, take them on trips to parks, museum, and zoos, and talk with your child teachers so that any problems can be diagnosed early and misbehavors can be curtailed.

Please remember that you are their parent, not their friend. You can be their friend when they move out and are on their own.

Mud

As a parent, I would like to think that positive praise and reinforcement and attention from good old mom and dad go a long way in setting up a framework of expectations and success. As a teacher of 8th grade science in an inner city middle school it is all to easy to see how a framework of punishment and negativity toward education sets up a frameowork of failure and low expectations. My advice, love your children, read to your children, set up a routine of checking you childs homework, take them on trips to parks, museum, and zoos, and talk with your child teachers so that any problems can be diagnosed early and misbehavors can be curtailed.

Please remember that you are their parent, not their friend. You can be their friend when they move out and are on their own.

Mud

I'm also a teacher and that pretty much sums it up. Emphasize to the student that they should do their best at all times. It also depends on the age of the kids. I think grades are way overrated in elementary school (I'm also a 5th grade teacher). In elementary school grades are basically determined by whether or not the student is taking their time and checking their work, asking for help, and TURNING work in. Students who are not getting B's in elementary school are most likely not turning work in on time or just putting out zero effort. Elementary schools are built for success (at least should be). I might get slammed about this but it's true- Elementary schools are set up for students who take their time and do neat work succeed and this majorly favors the average girl. It's been well documented that boys struggle in this setting. There are a lot of students who get A's and B's in elementary school who do not know the content but they make up for it with help from the teacher and taking their time.

However, good work habits should still be instilled and taught because once junior high starts is when grades start to tell whether or not a student knows the information. Most junior highs are also more friendly to boys because of the changing classes lets them get up and move around between classes. This also allows for them to interact between classes.