Foo - Rant Warning***$#@^ &%*$ ^$%# Idiots In My Family!

I have a test tomorrow in math and as per usual, my sister and her loser husband pick up on this with their test radar and of course, have to have one of their meltdowns! They always seem to do this the night before a critical exam, test, quiz, or presentation and it's getting old! I've absolutely had it with them, and my sister refuses to do anything about her situation, and if I intervene and call the police from my end, there are certain risks I am concerned about based off of her past behaviors as well (I'm worried about her getting popped too)!

I'm not really worried about the test, I'll handle it fine, I'm just at my wits end as far as the sister situation. The other problem is that she lives in Texas and I am here in Indiana, so it's not like there's a single blessed thing I can do but sit and listen to the insanity when she calls. I see her number and I really don't want to answer the phone. I know what she needs to do, but I can't get through to her and convince her of this. Now, I can't sleep, and my wife is upset because of the late night call, and as per usual, my wonderful sister and her idiot husband have managed to get me involved in their B******T yet again and I appreciate the vent here!****RANT OVER

Quick idea as to how PO'd I am, how often have I ever blown my stack about anything on BF? Reasonable suggestions would be nice, but I'm honestly afraid I'm going to have to wind up calling the police and letting the chips fall where they may......:mad: :(

Are your parents available to intervene or are they too far away and/or elderly to get involved with their daughter's marital issues?

Are your parents available to intervene or are they too far away and/or elderly to get involved with their daughter's marital issues?
Our parents are too far and have health issues and are elderly (I'm 47 for example!). I just needed to blow my stack in a safe location so I can get it out and plan my next steps. My sister has issues and so does her husband. The real issue is that she refuses to do anything about her problems and basically, makes them my problems. Consider the rant a primal scream to clear my head.

As to what I need to do, well, I'm a psych major and I've recommended counseling to her, but that's all I can do. I've gone as far as finding psychologists in her area. She says she'll make an appointment, but never does. There have already been a couple of family interventions, but they don't work for more than a couple of months. There is a limit as to what anyone can do to help her, especially if she makes no effort on her own behalf.

It's a 1220 mile trip if I go and it would do no good, I've tried that before

You're the enabler, stop it..

You're the enabler, stop it..
Actually, no, I'm not. She just won't take the point that I can't help her. I recommended a psychologist, I don't load her up with sympathy or pity. As I said, there isn't a lot I can do. It's just frustrating and gets me angry as hell! She just won't stop calling either and always very late.

She is a long way off in terms of mileage. If you have reason to believe she and her husband are getting into fistfights, you could politely ask the police to drive down the street every now again based on what you've learned. I've never had to deal with a situation like you've described...must be terrible.

Although I think it's sometimes overused, I think the first verse of the Serenity Prayer is in order:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that your sister finds some peace in her life, and even more importantly, that you find peace in yours.

Although I think it's sometimes overused, I think the first verse of the Serenity Prayer is in order:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that your sister finds some peace in her life, and even more importantly, that you find peace in yours.
I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...

Gosh, Tom -- I couldn't believe the thread title when I saw it was written by you! Sorry to hear about your predicament, but glad you have a place to vent -- hope you feel better.

Ugh.

A friend of mine has a similar problem with her sister - always seems to ruin something she was about to do to because of the sister's 'drama.'

Venting is good - eventually my friend (who actually IS a shrink) told her sister to deal with the problem herself and hung up. The sister broke off the engagement which was a good thing anyway.

((hugs)) Tom - you can choose your friends but not your family ;)

It's hard to be sure how one-way that relationship is, I mean in terms of problems or possibly abuse. If it's really just down to her sticking with a loser but she doesn't want to call it a day on that failure, then she needs a kick up the arse. Sorry to hear that you're dragged into it, I'm so so so glad my sister got away from her abusive a$$hole of a boyfriend and has now found her soulmate (a really *great* guy too).

I could picture myself eventually being in your situation had she not had the sense to get out of it.

I think these kinds of things usually require some sort of "shock" to get the person to see the situation for what it is. The fact that she's been offered so much help and advice tells me that she either has an addiction for the mutually destructive relationship she's in, or she can't find a way to pull herself out of an abusive relationship.

But yeah, destructive relationships can last for years and years. I really wonder how people manage it, must take a lot of energy.

You're the enabler, stop it..

Actually, no, I'm not. She just won't take the point that I can't help her. I recommended a psychologist, I don't load her up with sympathy or pity. As I said, there isn't a lot I can do. It's just frustrating and gets me angry as hell! She just won't stop calling either and always very late.

Yes, you are Tom. C'mon, pay attention to what you know about psycology. You are enabling her every time you pick up that phone, when you know it is her. All you really need to do is let the machine get it.

Now how farkin' stupid is that? You know it's her, you know the damage her calls inflict on your domestic tranquillity... Yet you pick up the phone? Dee-dee-dee, hello!

The way I see it is:

A) You can tell her outright to stop calling you about theis BS stuff and upsetting your peace.
B) You can call the police with whatever information/suspitions you have and let them do their jobs.
C) You can turn off the phone ringers at night, letting the answering machine get it. If it's important they'll leave a message and you can call them back... on YOUR time.

You know the definition of insanity, right Tom? :)

I know of what you speak, Tom, cept for me it's a daughter and her live-in BF who is also the father my grand kid. What I do now when she calls and they start in:

Me: "So what are you going to do about it? Do you want to leave?"

Her: "No, I don't know, I can't, what about my job, yada, yada"

Me: "Thanks for calling, love ya"

Click

Tom....I know how you feel to some degree.

My brother used to be married to the worst lady. She spent money like it was water. The first week after they married she wrote a check for a brand new washer and dryer when they didn't have the money for it...said she thought it worked like a credit card. I used to joke that my brother could be a millionaire, but with her would still be living paycheck to paycheck.

When I heard from my mom that he wanted to initiate the divorce, but didn't have the $75 to file, I stopped at the ATM on the way to dinner with the family and handed it to my brother and said "here ya go.....DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO".

... It's a 1220 mile trip if I go and it would do no good, I've tried that before

I say you go down there and pop open a couple of cans of ice cold whoop-arse.

Stacey's got a point, I was thinking of that myself too - maybe even giving her such an easy outlet to vent is enough to keep her from realising what she's doing.

Maybe just tell her outright that when you see it's her calling, you don't even want to pick up the phone.

Then next time don't.

Call the police. Don't answer the phone. Send her a letter. Sleep well, you've done all you can.

When she starts beotching on the phone, go *click*.

It's hard to be sure how one-way that relationship is, I mean in terms of problems or possibly abuse. If it's really just down to her sticking with a loser but she doesn't want to call it a day on that failure, then she needs a kick up the arse. Sorry to hear that you're dragged into it, I'm so so so glad my sister got away from her abusive a$$hole of a boyfriend and has now found her soulmate (a really *great* guy too).

I could picture myself eventually being in your situation had she not had the sense to get out of it.

I think these kinds of things usually require some sort of "shock" to get the person to see the situation for what it is. The fact that she's been offered so much help and advice tells me that she either has an addiction for the mutually destructive relationship she's in, or she can't find a way to pull herself out of an abusive relationship.

But yeah, destructive relationships can last for years and years. I really wonder how people manage it, must take a lot of energy.
Nic, yep, you summed it up nicely. She ain't a saint though, either. It's just an incredibly toxic situation and I'm tired of dealing with it.

Stacey, on reflection and looking at things with a cooler head....I guess you are right! The definition of insanity is expecting a different result from the same action set and condition. (Same point to you, Danno!)

I appreciate all of you putting up with my little explosion and I've decided next time it happens, I'm just sending the police. I'll stay on the phone til they get there and that way, when they arrive, the whole situation will be still occurring and they can do something. I'd rather have her alive but not talking to me because she's angry than the other alternative I forsee.

That's what the Foo Family is for Tom. :love:

I hope things improve for you and her in all aspects. A bad situation that you needn't be a part of.

I say you go down there and pop open a couple of cans of ice cold whoop-arse.
If it was 150 years ago, I could just go shoot him and problem solved!;) (As long as it was a "fair fight"!)

or you could claim to be a German Muslim & beat her... wait, no, that's just the husband that can do that. Your bro-in-law isn't perchance, a German Muslim?

or you could claim to be a German Muslim & beat her... wait, no, that's just the husband that can do that. Your bro-in-law isn't perchance, a German Muslim?
Nope, he's a Texas Redneck Modern day remittance man. His family pays him a salary to stay away from the family business.....and I ain't kidding!:eek:

If it was 150 years ago, I could just go shoot him and problem solved!;) (As long as it was a "fair fight"!)

If they're in Texas, buy a 4' x 4' section of land and "invite" them over. :fight:

If they're in Texas, buy a 4' x 4' section of land and "invite" them over. :fight:
Hmmmmmmmm, good idea!:D

It seems like every family has one. My sister is a train wreck and I screen her calls because I don't want to hear the same old garbage about her being broke and her rotten kids. Once in a while I'll throw her a bone and answer the phone but it's the same old stuff. I feel for ya!

Nope, he's a Texas Redneck Modern day remittance man. His family pays him a salary to stay away from the family business.....and I ain't kidding!:eek:


who says it doesn't pay to be an a#$hole! at least he's lucky enough to be an a#$hole in a family that can afford to pay him for his (dis)service.

who says it doesn't pay to be an a#$hole! at least he's lucky enough to be an a#$hole in a family that can afford to pay him for his (dis)service.
:p :eek: :D :beer: :lol:

First of all, love the avatar Tom. The best one I've seen in awhile. Weighing in on your issue, I can only say how I would handle it. So she is your sister, big deal. Fortunately she isn't a Siamese Twin and you live across the country.

I'm not saying one should never care for or assist their family but it sounds like your sister's Jerry Springer lifestyle is of her own doing. If she called and told you she was terminally ill, then we obviously have a different issue.

When she called to tell you round 9 of a 12 round fight had just begun, you simply needed to remind her that after Michael Buffer (http://www.ilovewavs.com/TV/Sports/TV%20Theme%20-%20Let's%20Get%20Ready%20to%20Rumble.wav) left the ring, she should have followed him out.

Then you needed to unplug the phone and get a good night's rest. You have your own family and life to protect and account for. Things or people that damage that should be avoided. Regardless if they are your sister.

Yep, this is pretty much the conclusion I've reached, Portis!

Thanks for the Avatar comment, by the way!:D I think I'm going to keep this one for a while!

First of all, love the avatar Tom. The best one I've seen in awhile. Weighing in on your issue, I can only say how I would handle it. So she is your sister, big deal. Fortunately she isn't a Siamese Twin and you live across the country.

I'm not saying one should never care for or assist their family but it sounds like your sister's Jerry Springer lifestyle is of her own doing. If she called and told you she was terminally ill, then we obviously have a different issue.

When she called to tell you round 9 of a 12 round fight had just begun, you simply needed to remind her that after Michael Buffer (http://www.ilovewavs.com/TV/Sports/TV%20Theme%20-%20Let's%20Get%20Ready%20to%20Rumble.wav) left the ring, she should have followed him out.

Then you needed to unplug the phone and get a good night's rest. You have your own family and life to protect and account for. Things or people that damage that should be avoided. Regardless if they are your sister.

Tom,

I think you're on the right track. Hang in there.

Tom,

I think you're on the right track. Hang in there.
About keeping this avatar?:p ;)

Yeah, that too! :p

Tom....I know how you feel to some degree.

My brother used to be married to the worst lady. She spent money like it was water. The first week after they married she wrote a check for a brand new washer and dryer when they didn't have the money for it...said she thought it worked like a credit card. I used to joke that my brother could be a millionaire, but with her would still be living paycheck to paycheck.

When I heard from my mom that he wanted to initiate the divorce, but didn't have the $75 to file, I stopped at the ATM on the way to dinner with the family and handed it to my brother and said "here ya go.....DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO".
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Tom, sorry to hear about the pain - everyone has one I think in the family (or something close)

I have rules, I lay them down at the outset. Ignore them, I ignore you. Three times you call without doing what I said, I stop answering.

I give people suggestions - often someone will say something like "Yeah, I should do that" Once they do, I got them - I say - great, you have the answer - do that and after that, if you still need advice, call me. If they call without having done it - I tell them go do it and stop bothering me. I can't grow a spine for you.

Pretty soon they either change (yes, they do sometimes) and thank me so much it is embarassing or they go find someone who will just "listen" to them.

One of my brothers is worse than me. When a relative was asking for money from him for daughters who were having kids without husbands - he offered to pay to have them sterilized. Think Dr. House on a bad day.

Family is supposed to go both ways - if they don't act like they need to help you with your life - you don't have to feel guilty about them.

The truth is you become stronger from stress. Stress your muscles (called excercise) and they grow, stress you character and it grows stronger too. If you are really going to help someone - you can't take away the stress - otherwise they will never change.

By the way, I was a minister for 7 years and trained in counseling. This is what I did and it changed a lot of people.

just my dos colones and my family still talks to me... :D

Tom, sorry to hear about the pain - everyone has one I think in the family (or something close)

I have rules, I lay them down at the outset. Ignore them, I ignore you. Three times you call without doing what I said, I stop answering.

I give people suggestions - often someone will say something like "Yeah, I should do that" Once they do, I got them - I say - great, you have the answer - do that and after that, if you still need advice, call me. If they call without having done it - I tell them go do it and stop bothering me. I can't grow a spine for you.

Pretty soon they either change (yes, they do sometimes) and thank me so much it is embarassing or they go find someone who will just "listen" to them.

One of my brothers is worse than me. When a relative was asking for money from him for daughters who were having kids without husbands - he offered to pay to have them sterilized. Think Dr. House on a bad day.

Family is supposed to go both ways - if they don't act like they need to help you with your life - you don't have to feel guilty about them.

The truth is you become stronger from stress. Stress your muscles (called excercise) and they grow, stress you character and it grows stronger too. If you are really going to help someone - you can't take away the stress - otherwise they will never change.

By the way, I was a minister for 7 years and trained in counseling. This is what I did and it changed a lot of people.

just my dos colones and my family still talks to me... :D
That's pretty much the course I'm taking, in a nutshell. I spoke with my sister today and laid it down to her that the only person who can fix her problems is her and I wasn't going to be available for advice anymore, since nothing I suggested suited her. I suggested she get counseling again and wouldn't be discussing the matter anymore about her problems. The response was a passive-aggressive "Well, I'll just never call you again, then, and when I'm dead, the guilt will be yours"....a real gem, eh?:rolleyes:

I asked her if she had a plan on how she was going to do it. She didn't like that much either....told me I was a cold son of a ****! Then she hung up. Funny how fast she turned. At least I won't be getting any more late night calls, hopefully and additionally, I hope she either finds the strength to deal with this, because I can't.

By the way, I agree that issues help you grow stronger, but only if you face them head on and deal with them. What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger, as it says in my sig. Neitzche wasn't as dark as most people think!

Sounds like progess is being made, good job! :)

I'm going out with this British chic that's very drama free. She runs a wildlife-rescue operation and it seems there's always some drama. "Help, the bears escaped and are eating all the possums!", or "Hey, the 20 volunteers are here, but there's no envelopes for them to stuff and there's no postage in the machine". Doesn't matter what happens, she keeps her calm, makes a couple calls, runs to the store, etc. whatever it takes to move the situation closer to the results she wants. Very impressive.

Turns out her parents gave her the stiff-upper-lip childhood. She'd be crying and whining about a skinned-knee or some such and her mum would just look at her for a bit... then say, "So are you through, yet?". I can't wait to use that on the next drama-queen that comes crying... :)

cdtreedude, right on :beer: tough love is hard to dish out, but is effective.

Tom, the only other factor I see to consider is that this may not just be a mutually bad situation, but an abusive one (how much is not entirely clear). If so, offering recommendations for helplines or counselling that is tuned to focus on the mental conditioning and self-denial symptoms that come with this might be useful as well. If however she gives as good as she gets, then your last post is right on the money.

I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...



Why are you up at the early hours, [1AM-3AM] writing a rant? Does she keep you awake at night? Nothing to do at that hour? It is time to sleep, unless of course you work at night and just got home.
I'm just sayin'.

I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...



Why are you up at the early hours, [1AM-3AM] writing a rant? Does she keep you awake at night? Nothing to do at that hour? It is time to sleep, unless of course you work at night and just got home.
I'm just sayin'.

I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...



Why are you up at the early hours, [1AM-3AM] writing a rant? Does she keep you awake at night? Nothing to do at that hour? It is time to sleep, unless of course you work at night and just got home.
I'm just sayin'.

I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...



Why are you up at the early hours, [1AM-3AM] writing a rant? Does she keep you awake at night? Nothing to do at that hour? It is time to sleep, unless of course you work at night and just got home.
I'm just sayin'.

I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...



Why are you up at the early hours, [1AM-3AM] writing a rant? Does she keep you awake at night? Nothing to do at that hour? It is time to sleep, unless of course you work at night and just got home.
I'm just sayin'.

Why are you up at the early hours, [1AM-3AM] writing a rant? Does she keep you awake at night? Nothing to do at that hour? It is time to sleep, unless of course you work at night and just got home.
I'm just sayin'.
I had been asleep, but the phone woke me.....I didn't look at the caller ID:(

That's pretty much the course I'm taking, in a nutshell. I spoke with my sister today and laid it down to her that the only person who can fix her problems is her and I wasn't going to be available for advice anymore, since nothing I suggested suited her. I suggested she get counseling again and wouldn't be discussing the matter anymore about her problems. The response was a passive-aggressive "Well, I'll just never call you again, then, and when I'm dead, the guilt will be yours"....a real gem, eh?:rolleyes:

I asked her if she had a plan on how she was going to do it. She didn't like that much either....told me I was a cold son of a ****! Then she hung up. Funny how fast she turned. At least I won't be getting any more late night calls, hopefully and additionally, I hope she either finds the strength to deal with this, because I can't.

By the way, I agree that issues help you grow stronger, but only if you face them head on and deal with them. What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger, as it says in my sig. Neitzche wasn't as dark as most people think!
Good job. I was going to say that I was 100% with Stacey on this one (which kind of scared me, but I got over it:D ), but it looks like you more or less got there on your own.

I love the logic: I am in a situation that may kill me, but if you don't come rescue me from it even though I am making no effort whatsoever to save myselve, it will be your fault if I actually do get killed. It would be laughable if it wasn't a family member and it wasn't playing hell with your sleep patterns.

In any event, Tom S., please do not let her or you guilt-trip you into wading back into that morass. The sad fact is that none of us can save everyone, and there are times when you simply have to walk away before someone drags you under with them.

I know of what you speak, Tom, cept for me it's a daughter and her live-in BF who is also the father my grand kid.

Does this live-in BF know about your psychic abilities?

I think you were right on with your last post. I am not going to tell you to pray, or open a can of whoop arse on him...just realize it is NOT your problem. you can listen with a sympathetic ear, you can tell her you don't want to hear about it, or just not answer the phone, her F'ed up life is not worth causing stress in your life. I know she is your sister and being cold hearted can be difficult but she CHOOSES to stay in that relationship...she CHOOSES!

I think you were right on with your last post. I am not going to tell you to pray, or open a can of whoop arse on him...just realize it is NOT your problem. you can listen with a sympathetic ear, you can tell her you don't want to hear about it, or just not answer the phone, her F'ed up life is not worth causing stress in your life. I know she is your sister and being cold hearted can be difficult but she CHOOSES to stay in that relationship...she CHOOSES!
Yep, that's the conclusion I came to.......


Feels like a load of bricks and a barrelfull of psychotic monkeys off my back too!:D

Good, now go get some sleep! the mrs. might appreciate a warm body to cuddle up to :P

Good, now go get some sleep! the mrs. might appreciate a warm body to cuddle up to :P
Getting ready to crash and burn shortly....tomorrow is an off dat and we're going riding after the wife takes a test!:D No rain and 68℉!:D