Jokes & Humor - tasteless or corny pickup lines

Worked for my friend a few nights ago:

Phil:"excuse me, im running a little low on cash. Do you have 25 cents?"

Her:"I think I do, why?"

Phil:" Because I wanna call my mom and tell her I met the girl of my dreams"

*Lick your finger and touch her shirt*

Now how 'bout we go back to my place and get you out of these wet clothes. ;)


this one is awsome

"My dad's got a big penis and it's hereditary"

Not really a chat up line but...

"I'm not a great looking guy, but I'm the only one talking to you!"

This could be called "lines to use if you actually like getting your face slapped."

If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter could I spend some time between the holidays?

This could be called "lines to use if you actually like getting your face slapped."

LOL, forgive me for this,

You: "Can I smell your p***y?"

Her: "NO!!!"

You: "Then it must be your feet I'm smelling"

1. Girl, are you tired? Because you've been running [biking] through my mind all night!


2. Hey babe, what has a great smile, two thumbs up, and is great in bed? (Make a creepy smiling face and and hold two thumbs up)

Were you raised on a farm? Cuz you're so good at raising cocks.

*Hands girl packet of sugar*

"Here, you dropped your nametag"

*Hands girl packet of sugar*

"Here, you dropped your nametag"
Oh damn that's good.

The "does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" is very efficient! [;
(if you like crazy chicks, not that there is another sort... iono
worked on me...)

Said the fair maiden to the self-styled lothario: "I'd love to screw your brains out, but I see someone's already beaten me to it!"

One of my favorites that I've seen work.

"Do you like peanut butter?"
"Yes" or no the answer doesn't matter.
"Wanna F*ck?"

"Hey there good lookin', who's your fat friend?"


My all time favorite that a coworker of mine would use when we were on the road together.

"Oh, hey"

That's it. It was really funny because he got one response out of 1000 "oh hey's"

How about:

You look better and better every day, and right now you look like tomorrow.

An 80 year old woman walks in to a college bar, and sits down at a table with the football team. She cups her hands, holds them out in front of her, looks at the quarterback and says, "If you can guess what's in my hand, we will make mad, passionate love all night long."

"Uhhh... an elephant?" says the young man, cringing.

"Close enough sonny, now get in the car!" squeals the old lady!

Hey sis, you awake?
Only works if your a redneck....

I'm gonna give this one a try.:)

Your legs would make a great scarf

this one a friend on mine came up on the spot with while we were shooting corny pick-up jokes:


if i could re-arrange the solar system, i'd put Uranus in front of me.

Do you work at UPS?

Cause I swear you were checking out my package.

With the occasional waitress: "You take orders to go? . . . . Get your coat!"

*Hands girl packet of sugar*

"Here, you dropped your nametag"

I had a friend who told a group of friends (my girl at the time included) that one. I turned it around, and REALLY made their day. Mainly cause i KNEW the girls, and their interests.....

Same exact line... but hand them a packet of "equal" ;)

"Fat Penguins"


"Huh?"

"Just something to break the ice."

They may even miss the literal real meaning of it... or catch it 10min later.

A great response to a ham-handed pick-up line: "No thanks, I've already got an ******* in my pants!"

"Is it just me or does this rag smell like ether to you?"

"Is your dad a terrorist, 'cause you're the bomb!"

(Break a piece of ice on the bar/table from your drink)
"Now that i've broken the ice, wanna have sex?"

"Did you know you had 206 bones in your body? Want another one?"

"As long as I have a face, you have a place to sit"

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?"

(I did a speech on "how not to pick up a girl" in public speaking class years ago.)

how much does a polar bear weight?......







enough to break the ice.... hi my name is (insert your name)