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atomship47
03-29-07, 08:59 AM
what's the best or worst you've heard?


"how YOU doin' " works really well for my 5 yo son.

we ate at tgif's last night. they gave us a number for waiting to be seated. when our number was called, i told my son to give it to the hostess and say, "here's my number. now can i have yours?"

oh, and one more;

do you like chicken?




















because i've got something that tastes pretty foul.

Bizurke
03-29-07, 09:09 AM
"is your name summer? cause you're hot!"

"Excuse me, can you please stop mentally undressing me, it's making me pretty uncomfortable" (I've seen this work)

"I've forgotten my phone number, can I have yours?"

Jaydub
03-29-07, 03:56 PM
"I may not work at subway, but girl you just gave me a footlong!"

"I ain't know weather man, but i heard the forecast is callling for 8 inches tonight!"

"Nice shirt, wanna ****"

Taerom
03-29-07, 08:08 PM
*Lick your finger and touch her shirt*

Now how 'bout we go back to my place and get you out of these wet clothes. ;)

cantdrv55
04-02-07, 10:47 PM
Is your dad a baker 'coz your buns are hot

Sprocket Man
04-03-07, 08:44 PM
Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

atomship47
04-03-07, 08:58 PM
Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

good one

Bob Ross
04-04-07, 09:29 AM
Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?


There was a stage play off-Broadway in the early 1970's that included the following dialogue:


Him: "What does semen taste like?"

Her: "It tastes like the junior prom."

Him: "Really? I thought it would taste like Clorox®."

Her: "No, it smells like Clorox® ...but it tastes like the junior prom."

Elkhound
04-11-07, 10:47 AM
That's a nice necklace; it would look even nicer on my nightstand.

tmowery18
04-11-07, 11:03 AM
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!

PartyPat
04-11-07, 03:11 PM
U dont sweat much for a fat chick!

DM4
04-11-07, 06:12 PM
"Tie me up and make me feel cheap"

BroMax
04-11-07, 08:30 PM
That's a nice necklace; it would look even nicer on my nightstand.

!idea¡

Nice boots! They'd look great parked under my bed.

ken cummings
04-11-07, 08:54 PM
"Tie me up and make me feel cheap"

Try that one at a Scorpio Club meeting in SoCal.

M_S
04-11-07, 09:35 PM
Would you like to have sex?

M_S
04-11-07, 09:39 PM
Alternately:

You must be an adverb, because you sure modify me!

...


Excuse me, I can't seem to find the party, do you know whe... oh, never mind, it's in my pants!

bravozulu
04-24-07, 07:24 PM
Keep quiet, get in the car, and nobody gets hurt!

z415
04-24-07, 07:26 PM
My girlfriend old me that if I was a booger, she'd pick me first.

timmyquest
04-25-07, 12:20 AM
Are you horny, because i am.

Hmm...hasn't worked yet

lodi781
05-02-07, 03:52 PM
" are you a farmer?"

" Oh, cause those are some nice melons!!"

Prosody
05-02-07, 07:38 PM
A creative writing student of mine once wrote a collection of pick-up lines. He wrote what is, logically, the perfect pick-up line. I told him it wouldn't work, but, like I said, logically, it is perfect:

F**k me if I'm wrong, I know you.

huge
05-08-07, 02:27 PM
"If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

timmyquest
05-08-07, 07:13 PM
Nice shoes, wana have sex?

polara426sh
05-10-07, 08:33 AM
I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?

samsation7
05-10-07, 02:29 PM
You're like a dictionary, you've added so much meanings to my life.

Cyclaholic
05-11-07, 05:04 AM
They say that you are what you eat, so by tomorrow morning I want to be you.

eubi
05-18-07, 10:19 AM
From "Weird Al" Yankovick's Wanna B Ur Lovr:

"I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?"

"Stop drop and roll, 'cause baby, you're on fire."

"You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy."

There's more, but I liked those three.

I used this one on a co-worker as a joke, but she really liked it:

"Now I know whay the sky is so grey. All the blue is in your eyes."

Uh, guys, that last one only works if your target HAS blue eyes, and it's a cloudy day. :D

What my wife used to get me on our first date:

"You wanna go out to eat sometime?"

jmmorris
05-30-07, 06:45 AM
hey how about we go out for some pizza and sex?
...after she turns you down---

What, you dont like pizza?

bhtooefr
06-09-07, 09:53 PM
jmmorris: I'm totally going to have to use that one.

Hopper
06-13-07, 01:51 AM
Let's play carpenter, first we get hammered then I nail you.

Let's play army, I'll lie down and you can blow the hell out of me.

Hi, you'll do.

Chad's Colnago
06-14-07, 02:24 PM
U dont sweat much for a fat chick!

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

LastPlace
06-23-07, 05:04 PM
U dont sweat much for a fat chick!

As I recall that was a line from Gomer on either 'Gomer Pyle', or 'The Andy Griffith Show'.

bsyptak
06-23-07, 05:32 PM
He: Do you like fruit?
She: Sure.
He: Ok, how bout I take you home and **** your brains out. How do you like them apples?

SmoothRide
07-13-07, 12:54 PM
"'Sup *****?"

I don't know, work's for me.

marin1
07-13-07, 03:37 PM
"I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."

CrimsonKarter21
07-14-07, 05:07 PM
Do you like Billy Joel?

Because I'm going to play piano on your ***** all night long.

geofitz13
07-20-07, 04:02 PM
Hey sis, you awake?
Only works if your a redneck....

Mose
07-20-07, 09:36 PM
"Nice shirt, wanna ****"

Hm...

I always said it as "Nice shoes, wanna feck?" I guess either has its use.

Weeks
07-22-07, 05:30 AM
You remind me of a 10 lb bass...


...I don't know if I should eat you, or mount you!

dipy911
07-24-07, 09:10 AM
Whats Weird Al Quotes without, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/wannaburlovr.html

"How'd you get through security? 'Cause, baby, you're the bomb!"

dipy911

marin1
07-24-07, 05:09 PM
Your parents must have been ******ed, because you are so special.

Cyclaholic
07-30-07, 05:32 AM
My face is leaving in 5 minutes, be on it.

CrimsonKarter21
09-12-07, 09:53 PM
Stolen from Star Trek....

"I would kill the children of a thousand planets just to see you smile"

marin1
09-13-07, 09:19 AM
your so hot I'd swim through rat infested donkey piss, just to here you fart through the phone.

NRRider
09-16-07, 11:46 AM
As told by my nephew:
"You're cute. You have any [INSERT YOUR NATIONALITY HERE] in you?"
[Response="No"]
"You want some?"

bhtooefr
09-16-07, 11:52 AM
Obviously, if the answer is yes, you could just modify that to say "you want some more?" :lol:

Zan
10-18-07, 05:35 PM
Now that I'm here, what are your other two wishes?

ilikebikes
10-24-07, 08:09 PM
"Thats got to be Jello cause pudding dont shake like that!" :D

"Every time I see you my tongue gets hard!" :D

"Your tongue is making that ice cream TO damn happy!" :D

"WOW! Lucky bike seat!" :D

San Rensho
10-29-07, 01:32 PM
Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

McCthulhu
11-01-07, 06:42 PM
Most tasteless pickup line (and yes I did hear it): Wanna come over and watch me take a dump?