Jokes & Humor - tasteless or corny pickup lines

what's the best or worst you've heard?


"how YOU doin' " works really well for my 5 yo son.

we ate at tgif's last night. they gave us a number for waiting to be seated. when our number was called, i told my son to give it to the hostess and say, "here's my number. now can i have yours?"

oh, and one more;

do you like chicken?




















because i've got something that tastes pretty foul.

"is your name summer? cause you're hot!"

"Excuse me, can you please stop mentally undressing me, it's making me pretty uncomfortable" (I've seen this work)

"I've forgotten my phone number, can I have yours?"

"I may not work at subway, but girl you just gave me a footlong!"

"I ain't know weather man, but i heard the forecast is callling for 8 inches tonight!"

"Nice shirt, wanna ****"

*Lick your finger and touch her shirt*

Now how 'bout we go back to my place and get you out of these wet clothes. ;)

Is your dad a baker 'coz your buns are hot

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

good one

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?


There was a stage play off-Broadway in the early 1970's that included the following dialogue:


Him: "What does semen taste like?"

Her: "It tastes like the junior prom."

Him: "Really? I thought it would taste like Clorox®."

Her: "No, it smells like Clorox® ...but it tastes like the junior prom."

That's a nice necklace; it would look even nicer on my nightstand.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!

U dont sweat much for a fat chick!

"Tie me up and make me feel cheap"

That's a nice necklace; it would look even nicer on my nightstand.

!idea¡

Nice boots! They'd look great parked under my bed.

"Tie me up and make me feel cheap"

Try that one at a Scorpio Club meeting in SoCal.

Would you like to have sex?

Alternately:

You must be an adverb, because you sure modify me!

...


Excuse me, I can't seem to find the party, do you know whe... oh, never mind, it's in my pants!

Keep quiet, get in the car, and nobody gets hurt!

My girlfriend old me that if I was a booger, she'd pick me first.

Are you horny, because i am.

Hmm...hasn't worked yet

" are you a farmer?"

" Oh, cause those are some nice melons!!"

A creative writing student of mine once wrote a collection of pick-up lines. He wrote what is, logically, the perfect pick-up line. I told him it wouldn't work, but, like I said, logically, it is perfect:

F**k me if I'm wrong, I know you.

"If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

Nice shoes, wana have sex?

I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?

You're like a dictionary, you've added so much meanings to my life.

They say that you are what you eat, so by tomorrow morning I want to be you.

From "Weird Al" Yankovick's Wanna B Ur Lovr:

"I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?"

"Stop drop and roll, 'cause baby, you're on fire."

"You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy."

There's more, but I liked those three.

I used this one on a co-worker as a joke, but she really liked it:

"Now I know whay the sky is so grey. All the blue is in your eyes."

Uh, guys, that last one only works if your target HAS blue eyes, and it's a cloudy day. :D

What my wife used to get me on our first date:

"You wanna go out to eat sometime?"

hey how about we go out for some pizza and sex?
...after she turns you down---

What, you dont like pizza?

jmmorris: I'm totally going to have to use that one.

Let's play carpenter, first we get hammered then I nail you.

Let's play army, I'll lie down and you can blow the hell out of me.

Hi, you'll do.

U dont sweat much for a fat chick!

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

U dont sweat much for a fat chick!

As I recall that was a line from Gomer on either 'Gomer Pyle', or 'The Andy Griffith Show'.

He: Do you like fruit?
She: Sure.
He: Ok, how bout I take you home and **** your brains out. How do you like them apples?

"'Sup *****?"

I don't know, work's for me.

"I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."

Do you like Billy Joel?

Because I'm going to play piano on your ***** all night long.

Hey sis, you awake?
Only works if your a redneck....

"Nice shirt, wanna ****"

Hm...

I always said it as "Nice shoes, wanna feck?" I guess either has its use.

You remind me of a 10 lb bass...


...I don't know if I should eat you, or mount you!

Whats Weird Al Quotes without, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/wannaburlovr.html

"How'd you get through security? 'Cause, baby, you're the bomb!"

dipy911

Your parents must have been ********, because you are so special.

My face is leaving in 5 minutes, be on it.

Stolen from Star Trek....

"I would kill the children of a thousand planets just to see you smile"

your so hot I'd swim through rat infested donkey piss, just to here you fart through the phone.

As told by my nephew:
"You're cute. You have any [INSERT YOUR NATIONALITY HERE] in you?"
[Response="No"]
"You want some?"

Obviously, if the answer is yes, you could just modify that to say "you want some more?" :lol:

Now that I'm here, what are your other two wishes?

"Thats got to be Jello cause pudding dont shake like that!" :D

"Every time I see you my tongue gets hard!" :D

"Your tongue is making that ice cream TO damn happy!" :D

"WOW! Lucky bike seat!" :D

Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

Most tasteless pickup line (and yes I did hear it): Wanna come over and watch me take a dump?