Fifty Plus (50+) - Running Campy Gears.... humor

Yesterday I saw my neurologist, and in the course of making small talk, he said, "So, you bike riders talk about running Campy gears." I responded, that I perfer Dura Ace. Turns out he didn't have a clue what he was talking about, he just heard someone say this somewhere and it stuck in his head. I offered, "Campy gear, like many Italian products, does have a flair for design... almost art, but I perfer the way Dura Ace functions." Upon hearing this he told the following story. His wife is Italian, and two summers ago they went to Italy to see relatives. While they were there his wife asked one of her uncles to go out and buy her a good expresso maker. The uncle came back with a Braun. His wife asked why he did that and the uncle replied, "You want it to work don't you?"

The guy who leads our off-season (read: dead-of-winter) Tuesday Night Urban Assault rides is an avid racer and passionate Campy fan. He works 15 or 20 minutes of training into these otherwise recreational rides. One night before hill repeats (always a favorite :rolleyes:) he advised, "No shifting on this hill, it's too steep. At the bottom, find one happy gear and spin it all the way to the top."

The rider next to me muttered, "My bike doesn't have a happy gear."

I replied, "That must be something that comes with Campy."

:lol: I like the espresso maker analogy.:lol:

Funny story, but my Campagnolo parts work just fine. So do the Shimano . For that matter, I have several old Suntour components that work just fine.

We used to say the "brev camp" really does not mean patent campagnolo, rather it means get tough or die.

This reminds me of a T-shirt I saw on the waiters at a cafe the Missus and I stopped for dinner at Monday:

"Heaven would be a place where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks Italian, the lovers French, and the whole thing organized by the Swiss.

Hell would be a place where the police are German, the mechanics French, the cooks British, the lovers Swiss, and the whole thing organized by the Italians. "

He did Marry an Italian... :)

"Heaven would be a place where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks Italian, the lovers French, and the whole thing organized by the Swiss.

Hell would be a place where the police are German, the mechanics French, the cooks British, the lovers Swiss, and the whole thing organized by the Italians. "

I like it. I even agree.

Over a period of 30 yrs. the most reliable motorcycle I ever owned was a '97 Ducati Supersport. My previous bikes were Honda, Suzuki and BMW. My current Ducati 998 and Triumph Sprint have been trouble free for the past 3 yrs. that I've had them. Now, as for American motorcycles and cars.........

This reminds me of a T-shirt I saw on the waiters at a cafe the Missus and I stopped for dinner at Monday:

"Heaven would be a place where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks Italian, the lovers French, and the whole thing organized by the Swiss.

Hell would be a place where the police are German, the mechanics French, the cooks British, the lovers Swiss, and the whole thing organized by the Italians. "
I love this and am going to steal it from you now that you stole it from the waiters T-Shirt!:p

There is a particular subset of Hell where anything electrical or electronic in nature was designed and built by Lucas, by the way!

You have to have owned an MG to appreciate this!:p

or a Triumph Spitfire...

Or a TC 2000!

or a Triumph Spitfire...
Why don't the British market a line of computers?

Because they haven't figured out how to make them leak oil.

To our English friends: I'm of English heritage and I live in a state where the collective number of teeth is about the some number as the collective number of shoes. So don't get your knickers in a twist.

Two or three teeth total for the state? :LOL:

Why don't the British market a line of computers?

Because they haven't figured out how to make them leak oil.

To our English friends: I'm of English heritage and I live in a state where the collective number of teeth is about the some number as the collective number of shoes. So don't get your knickers in a twist.

When it comes to leaking oil, the British take a distant second to Detroit Diesel. You can take an anvil, paint it Detroit Green, and it will start oozing oil within the day.

Why don't the British market a line of computers?

Because they haven't figured out how to make them leak oil.

To our English friends: I'm of English heritage and I live in a state where the collective number of teeth is about the some number as the collective number of shoes. So don't get your knickers in a twist.

We used to make them and I suppose DELL is across Our side of the water. That English manufacturer was Amstrad- So now you know why we no longer make them.

As to that leaking oil- If it is leaking oil- You know there is still some in the engine. It is when the leak stops you have a problem.

There is a particular subset of Hell where anything electrical or electronic in nature was designed and built by Lucas, by the way!

You have to have owned an MG to appreciate this!:p


-Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans considered Lucas an ally.
-The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
-"And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no way'."
-Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness".
-Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
-Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
-The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
-The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
-"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."
-If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
-Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
-It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
-Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
-Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.
-Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
-Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made refrigerators, too.
-Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
-Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
-Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
-Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections And Splices.
-In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.
-Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators
-Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.
-Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.

We used to make them and I suppose DELL is across Our side of the water. That English manufacturer was Amstrad- So now you know why we no longer make them.

As to that leaking oil- If it is leaking oil- You know there is still some in the engine. It is when the leak stops you have a problem.
You know, I'm sitting here and for some reason I have no hope of explaining, am listening to Emerson, Lake and Palmer's version of "Hoedown". You folks have nothing to be proud of. They should have been tried for crimes against humanity.

I bought a 1971 MG Midget from a guy in 1974 and just happened to pick it up at night. I was getting ready to leave when he stopped me and opened the trunk and fooled around with something. When I asked him what he was doing, he said one of the tail lights was dim and he was just polishing the contact with steel wool. He then pointed out that I could have the wad of steel wool which was kept in the trunk for cleaning electrical connections. :D

Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars. The smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has released it's original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The affected circuit is then rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced. An advantage over the cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the exceptionally rare Churchill metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables the intrepid and highly skilled British Car Technician to meter the precise amount of genuine Lucas smoke required by the circuit.
Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIYsmoke offered by the "usual suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of consistent size, It has been our experience in our shop that the reproduction Taiwanese smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive resistance in our finely-engineered British harnesses and components. This is often the cause of failure in the repro electrical parts currently available, causing much consternation and misplaced cursing of the big three suppliers.
These kits have long been the secret weapon of the "Ultimate Authorities" in the trade, and this may be the last one available. Be forewarned, though, that it is not applicable to any British vehicle built after the discontinuing of bullet connectors, so you Range Rover types are still on your own...

I'm getting some good laughs here. :roflmao:

Back in the '60s, in my motorcycling days, I rode with a guy who rode a BSA. His headlight never worked properly from day one. At night it was "ride five miles, stop - fix Pete's headlight, ride five more miles, stop - fix Pete's headlight, ride ten miles, stop..."
It was a nice bike but only good for "day riding".

Now I'm wondering...did Lucas make the electrical system on BSA motorcycles?

Don't knock Lucas. Well you can if you want as it is not the company it used to be.

Lucas was one of the mainstays of the british economy. It employed thousands of people at a time when jobs were scarce. All those people making replacement parts to keep the wheels of industry turning.

Now if you really want to knock a company- Try AC Delco. I never even thought of Buying a Vauxhall (General motors), until they changed to Bosch and Lucas. Lucas starter motor- Only two types and a replacement was only around £25. Bosch --7 different types- never any indication as to which type was fitted unless you took it off and took it to the garage- and then they sent it to the supplier and yours was always the uncommon one that had to come from Germany and cost around £300. And those Lucas parts are still available and are an easy home replacement job. Just a pity you have to keep replacing them.

Now about that Derailler hanger on my Bianchi that took 6 weeks to be made as the factory had to dig out the blueprint to make one specially for me.

I'm getting some good laughs here. :roflmao:

Back in the '60s, in my motorcycling days, I rode with a guy who rode a BSA. His headlight never worked properly from day one. At night it was "ride five miles, stop - fix Pete's headlight, ride five more miles, stop - fix Pete's headlight, ride ten miles, stop..."
It was a nice bike but only good for "day riding".

Now I'm wondering...did Lucas make the electrical system on BSA motorcycles?

Yes......and during the 60s, they had the infamous Amal Monobloc carbs which were a setup/tune nightmare.

Don't knock Lucas. Well you can if you want as it is not the company it used to be.

Lucas was one of the mainstays of the british economy. It employed thousands of people at a time when jobs were scarce. All those people making replacement parts to keep the wheels of industry turning.

Now if you really want to knock a company- Try AC Delco. I never even thought of Buying a Vauxhall (General motors), until they changed to Bosch and Lucas. Lucas starter motor- Only two types and a replacement was only around £25. Bosch --7 different types- never any indication as to which type was fitted unless you took it off and took it to the garage- and then they sent it to the supplier and yours was always the uncommon one that had to come from Germany and cost around £300. And those Lucas parts are still available and are an easy home replacement job. Just a pity you have to keep replacing them.

Now about that Derailler hanger on my Bianchi that took 6 weeks to be made as the factory had to dig out the blueprint to make one specially for me.

Indeed!!! Lucas starter motors could be maintained forever......easily rebuilt with readily available brushes and bearings. I once acquired brushes for my Land Rover starter from a Massey Ferguson tractor dealer.

What we are talking about is OLD technology. In it day- Lucas were a state of the art maunfacturer. Years ahead of its rivals but unfortunately they did not keep up with the times. Thats why the company no longer exists.

Same with computers- I started out with an Amstrad 2086 computer and in fact we used to run our company with 2 of them. State of the art in its day, and it took many years before we progressed up to a 286. Those were the days- the 286 gave us 1mb of memory and a processor that took minutes to to process a page of DTP- instead of an hour. Just try linking to the internet on one of those mean beasties.

Problem is that we now want better tools to work with so that we can sdo more things and quicker. How I long for the days when I used to get into my Austin Healey Mk 1 sprite and take a gentle 3 hour trip down to the coast for a days lazing on the beach. Modern roads and the amount of traffic now mean that I could do the same trip in about half the time- but it won't. Traffic holdups and accidents mean that it will probably take longer than it used to and I will probably be so stressed by the time I get to where I am going that all I can think of is the Trip home that will probably take longer.

Despite the problems of the joys old technology used to bring- The oil leaks and the breakdowns- It was a far better life- but there is no way I am dragging out an old 3 speed tourer to climb the hills and do 50 miles tomorrow.