Jokes & Humor - Southern Women

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
- Clean skin.
- A winning smile.
- That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
- "Yes, ma'am."
- "Yes, sir."
- "Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
- "Y'all come back!"
- "Well, bless your heart."
- "Drop by when you can."
- "How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
- Humidity
- Humidity
- Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
- The beach
- The rivuh
- The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
- Colorful hi-heel sandals
- Strapless sun dresses
- Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
- Honey
- Darlin'
- Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
- Fried Green Tomatoes
- Driving Miss Daisy
- Steel Magnolias
- Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
- Baptist
- Methodist
- Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
- Red-eye gravy
- Grits
- Eggs
- Country ham
- Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
- Chawl'stn
- S'vanah
- Foat Wuth
- N'awlins
- Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
- Men in uniform.
- Men in tuxedos
- Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
- The Mall
- The Country Club
- The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
- Having bad hair and nails
- Having bad manners
- Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
- Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
- Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
- Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
- Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . As in: "Going to town, be back directly."
- Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
- All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
- Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
- Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
- Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po white trash.
- No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
- A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
- Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .. And when we're "in line," . We talk to everybody!
- Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
- In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
- Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
- Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
- When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
- Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
- And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... And go your own way.
- To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
- And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
- And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
- Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could.

Southern women know their vacation spots:
- The beach
- The rivuh
- The crick



Now, I have lived in the South all but 18 months of my 56 years and I have never heard anyone outside of Indiana say "crick" for creek. Besides, we Southerners call it a branch.

Now, I have lived in the South all but 18 months of my 56 years and I have never heard anyone outside of Indiana say "crick" for creek. Besides, we Southerners call it a branch.


Or a slough. Mnay sloughs here in central Florida. Red Bug Slough, Gator Slough, Moccasin Wallow Slough. just to name a few.

I like it here. I don't wish I was born here. I'm glad of who I am. By the way.. you left-out a phrase that I NEVER heard ONCE in my fifty years in NY.. " the baby's daddy".. oh and another "double-wide"

I like it here. I don't wish I was born here. I'm glad of who I am. By the way.. you left-out a phrase that I NEVER heard ONCE in my fifty years in NY.. " the baby's daddy".. oh and another "double-wide"
"Baby's daddy" is definately not a southern thing. I had never heard the term until I moved here to Michigan. anyhow, when a young girl gets pregnant in the south, a shotgun wedding ensues, so the "baby's daddy" is the "husband".

My Mom is a Southern lady, bless her heart. One thing she would say that drives me absolutely bats is when asked where something is she will say, without pointing:

"It's over there."

ARGH!!!!!

Or a slough. Mnay sloughs here in central Florida. Red Bug Slough, Gator Slough, Moccasin Wallow Slough. just to name a few.

Matter of fact I fished in a lake yesterday that is fed by Munson Slough. I'm in the Florida Panhandle.

Now, I have lived in the South all but 18 months of my 56 years and I have never heard anyone outside of Indiana say "crick" for creek. Besides, we Southerners call it a branch.

It's called a "Crick" around here in West Central Illinois. We have so many sayings that are similar to the South that I was genuinely surprised to find that they don't say "Crick" down South.

- The crick


It's called the crick up here in Vermont.

the one i hardly hear anymore is calling all carbonated drinks a "coke", as in:

"yeah I'll have a burger, fries and a coke"
waitress, "what flavor?"
"make it a Dr Pepper"

and somehow that conversation all makes sense...

Yeah. My mother once ordered food at a fast food restaurant in the South, Captain D's - maybe. She ordered the food, Dad scouted out and found an acceptable table, my brother scoped out the extras (straws, napkins, etc.) and I hung around to help carry the food to the table - so I was a first hand witness. Mom is a die-hard diet pepsi drinker. She ordered to drink... three large pepsis and a large diet pepsi with very little ice. Waitress reads the order back as "... yada yada food and three large cokes and a diet." To which my mother said, "No I want diet PEPSI" and the waitress replied "Yes, that's the kind of coke we serve."
Would've all been funny, if I hadn't wanted sweet tea.

Yeahbut,

"Southern hospitality ends at the curb"

Yeahbut,

"Southern hospitality ends at the curb"
So take the lane. ;)