Foo - Train Ride

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an
English guy, an Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young
attractive. well endowed, blonde Swiss girl.

The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the
sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright
red, hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: The English guy must have groped the blonde in the
dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That English guy must have tried to grope
me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his
cheek.

The English guy thinks: That Scottish bloke must have groped the blonde
in the dark - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

And the Scottish guy thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I
can smack that Englishman again.....

Lol

KT. I TOLD you to keep your hands to yourself...........

eh...I think it's time for a train ride. :D

:lol:

Two Americans boarded an American Airlines flight out of Salt Lake after the gold medal hockey game. One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a Canadian got on and took the aisle seat. After take-off, the Canadian kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the American in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a beer." "No problem," said the Canadian, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the Americans picked up the Canadian's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other American said, "That looks good; I think I'll have one too." Again, the Canadian obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other American picked up the other shoe and spat in it. When the Canadian returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Canadian slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" He asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations, This hatred, This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in beers?"

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an
English guy, an Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young
attractive. well endowed, blonde Swiss girl.

The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the
sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright
red, hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: The English guy must have groped the blonde in the
dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That English guy must have tried to grope
me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his
cheek.

The English guy thinks: That Scottish bloke must have groped the blonde
in the dark - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

And the Scottish guy thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I
can smack that Englishman again.....

Hell Yeah!!!!!!!

An Oregonian was riding his MTB through the Ochoco National Forest when he came upon a Texan and a Californian sitting at a campfire, having a drink and shooting the breeze. Introductions were made and the Oregonian was invited to join the others. The Texan pulled a half gallon bottle of Tequila (every thing's bigger in Texas) out of his backpack, took a drink, tossed the bottle high in the air, drew his .45 Colt Peacemaker from his El Paso Saddlery holster and shot the tequila bottle before it hit the ground. "Jeez!" cried the Californian, "that was a full bottle". "Don't worry, son" drawled the Texan "we've got a lot of that where I come from".

Not to be outdone, the Californian went to his pack and got a bottle of Robert Mondavi Pinot Grigio (1987). He opened the wine with one of those fancy, chrome plated, two pronged corkscrews and set the bottle aside to "breathe" for a bit. He then got out two hard plastic boxes with padlocks on them and unlocked them both. From the larger box, he pulled out a Glock 17 and unlocked and removed the state mandated trigger-lock. From the smaller box, he retrieved a box of 9mm ammunition (115gr, semi-jacketed hollow point, +p), loaded 10 rounds into a post-ban, politically correct magazine, inserted the mag and racked the slide. He picked up the wine, brushed his sun-bleached blond hair out of his eyes, took a drink, tossed the bottle high into the air, picked up his Glock and emptied the gun in the direction of the bottle. He hit it twice. "Yee Haw" cried the Texan. "That's pretty good shootin' for a beach boy but why waste all that wine"? "No biggie", said the Californian. "We've got millions of gallons of that where I come from".

"Hmmm" said the Oregonian as he pulled a cold bottle of Cinder Cone Red Ale from his Camelback. The webfoot opened the bottle with his Surly Tugnut chain tensioner, tipped it back and drained the whole 12 oz. in one gulp. He then stood, threw the bottle high in the air, unzipped the pocket of his REI Epic MTB shorts. drew his legally carried Smith & Wesson model 38 (Airweight Bodyguard), shot the Californian twice in the chest and once in the head and caught the bottle before it hit the ground. "Don't you think that's a little excessive?" asked the Texan. To which the Oregonian replied; "we've got a lot of those around here but I can get a nickel back on the bottle".

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico.

They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and scratches.

Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"

Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine... but what the heck is a pinata?"