Foo - Jack Bauer Vs. Chuck Norris: The Thread To End All Threads

Discuss. No flaming, please.

OK...we're going to explain this ONE LAST TIME.

Jack Bauer is MAKE BELIEVE.....Chuck Norris is REAL and can do a roundhouse faster than the speed of light. Of course Chuckie is the king of all killing kings!!!!

Nuff said!

OK...we're going to explain this ONE LAST TIME.

Jack Bauer is MAKE BELIEVE.....Chuck Norris is REAL and can do a roundhouse faster than the speed of light. Of course Chuckie is the king of all killing kings!!!!

Nuff said!


Bruce Lee killed Chuck Norris with his bare hands (and feet) in Enter The Dragon.

Chuck Norris is REAL...


Prove it.

Bruce Lee could have taken them both at once, and that isn't even really debatable. And I don't mean the chain smoking idiot Kiefer Sutherland, I mean his fictional, invinceable character.

I vote for Hulk Hogan jumping into the arena and whooping both of those sisssie's asses.

I liked Silvester Stalone picking Hulk up over his head.

chuck norris by default decision

Chuck Norris, and all that disagree will get their private parts handed to them by Chuck tonight.

I vote for this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSbt8n



Daaaaamn! :eek:

Carlos Ray for the win!!

I vote for this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSbt8n



Daaaaamn! :eek:

This is what i get?

The url contained a malformed video id.

Bruce Lee killed Chuck Norris with his bare hands (and feet) in Enter The Dragon.
Actually it was in "Return of the Dragon", but good point.

This is what i get?

Oops...all that ass kicking caused some typos!:D


This guy > everybody. All he needs is an American name, and his own show.


http://www.youtube.com?watch?v=jSbt8nk6SLM

Norris: "You're hurting me."
Bauer: "I'm not hurting you. You WILL KNOW when I'm hurting you!"

Norris: "You're hurting me."
Bauer: "I'm not hurting you. You WILL KNOW when I'm hurting you!"


False. C.N. had his nervous system replaced by barbed wire waaay back in the late 70's.



Nice try, though.:)

False. C.N. had his nervous system replaced by barbed wire waaay back in the late 70's.
False. Being far more intelligent than Norris, Bauer had already ripped the barbed wire out of Norris' and tied him up with it, causing Chuckie to yelp like a lil' puppy. Awwwwwwwww!

False. Being far more intelligent than Norris, Bauer had already ripped the barbed wire out of Norris' and tied him up with it, causing Chuckie to yelp like a lil' puppy. Awwwwwwwww!


He has no nervous system, ergo he feels no pain. He does not "yelp". He is...Chuck Norris.


You are about two seconds away from getting banned, buddy.

Steven Segal would kill the hell out of them both with his cool & calm demeanor and his +2 Ponytail of Maiming.

Steven Segal would kill the hell out of them both with his cool & calm demeanor and his +2 Ponytail of Maiming.
Agree. He would slap 'em both silly :D


He has no nervous system, ergo he feels no pain. He does not "yelp". He is...Chuck Norris.


You are about two seconds away from getting banned, buddy.
Hmmm I guess Chuck Norris has to resort to banning to win, eh? ;)

Godzilla...

Godzilla...


That's crazy! I was going to make it Chuck Vs. Godzilla, but decided that it was too silly.





Norris would beat Godzilla's ass.

Hehe :beer:

Just look at my avatar and take a wild guess.

Just look at my avatar and take a wild guess.

Lunch? :eek:

Godzilla has an Achilles heel. Time travel. Go back in time to prevent the United States from doing nuclear testing in the oceans around Japan, and suddenly, Godzilla doesn't exist! He has no natural defense against such attacks.

To counter all the Chuck hype, has anyone here suffered through Lone Wolf McQuaid? Somehow the fact that Norris made that movie has to add some balance to this equation and at least give Bauer a fighting chance.

Godzilla has an Achilles heel. Time travel. Go back in time to prevent the United States from doing nuclear testing in the oceans around Japan, and suddenly, Godzilla doesn't exist! He has no natural defense against such attacks.

Arrghh!!! :fight:

Godzilla has an Achilles heel. Time travel. Go back in time to prevent the United States from doing nuclear testing in the oceans around Japan, and suddenly, Godzilla doesn't exist! He has no natural defense against such attacks.


...and Norris ain't nuclear powered awesome? Yeah right.:rolleyes: You're like one second from getting banned.

Whether or not Norris is nuclear powered, if you try to go back in time to erase him from existence, he will follow your ass back in time and kill the **** out of you. He can defend himself from this particular attack. I'm just saying that Godzilla cannot.

Whether or not Norris is nuclear powered, if you try to go back in time to erase him from existence, he will follow your ass back in time and kill the **** out of you. He can defend himself from this particular attack. I'm just saying that Godzilla cannot.

Awww damn. Good points.


You have one (1) non-transferable immunity from being banned from this thread.

Thank you, sir.

Some how The Terminator has to factor in to this...

Some how The Terminator has to factor in to this...


Have you seen his gut lateley? He needs to go back in time and terminate that beer belly. Ewww.

Don't talk about his buddy the T1000, either. He went on to be a part of the X-Files during its downfall, so he's eliminated.

Some how The Terminator has to factor in to this...

I am Captain Braxton of the Federation Timeship Relativity. This thread is in violation of the
Temporal Prime Directive. All parties will be returned to their space/time.

I am Captain Braxton of the Federation Timeship Relativity. This thread is in violation of the
Temporal Prime Directive. All parties will be returned to their space/time.
Ahhh the Federation...I read about them in some antiquated history disc. :D
http://home.earthlink.net/~selgart/smith/graphics/baker.jpg

http://home.earthlink.net/~selgart/smith/graphics/tardis2.gif

As long as we're talking fictional characters, I take this guy:
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d126/telehammer/get_smart.jpg

You can have Max. I'll take 99. ;)

I vote Mr. Rogers. In a bloodstained sweater.

Chuck Norris < Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan.

You can have Max. I'll take 99. ;)
for some reason that sounds about 31 high

Steven Segal would kill the hell out of them both with his cool & calm demeanor and his +2 Ponytail of Maiming.
You mean THIS GUY?????!!!??

http://berkoff.chlumec.net/blog/media/pictures_seagal_emotion_chart.jpg

for some reason that sounds about 31 highWhatchoo talkin' bout, Willis?

Ahhh the Federation...I read about them in some antiquated history disc. :D
http://home.earthlink.net/~selgart/smith/graphics/baker.jpg

http://home.earthlink.net/~selgart/smith/graphics/tardis2.gif
NOW WE'RE TALKING........

Is that a picture of my TARDIScycle?

My cat would win. He would distract them with his cuteness, then eviscerate them with his 20 razor sharp claws of death.

Who's Jack Bauer?

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Jack Bauer is who Chuck Norris wants to be when he grows up:

http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty

Superman, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer were left alone to fight it out in a room containing only a table, chair, electrical outlet, and a pan of water. The losers had to either make an infomercial, or wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Steven Segal would kill the hell out of them both with his cool & calm demeanor and his +2 Ponytail of Maiming.

Nah. Clint Eastwood would take them both out, and that Segal pansy too, just by looking at them. I still wet myself a little whenever I think of the High Plains Drifter glaring at that sniveling barber who asked him if he wanted some lavender water.