Foo - So you find someone very appealing besides your bf/gf, what do you?

Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?

Whoa... I could see this getting into a heavy thread.

There will always be temptation in life. One has to make decisions and then stand by those decisions when it comes to fidelity and loyalty.

Move to Utah and don't force yourself to choose? :p

Also be aware that fidelity and loyalty are different things. It really comes down to the results you want out of life and the commitments you've given to your current mate. If you are currently getting what you want out of life with your current relationship, then what more would you want? If your commitment is to be with that person and obtain certain various benefits from that relationship on an exclusive basis, then it's a matter of integrity and keeping your word.

However... not all relationships are the same with the same commitments. Everyone does not want the same thing out of life. So... you have to examine what it is you've got with the current relationship and judge for yourself if it's worth risking. In many cases, you're not gonna get anything extra or new, but can throw everything away. In other cases, it may be an improvement, but you need to make an ethical transition. Personally, I think you can have both. Check out Wikipedia - polyamory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory).

It really comes down to communications and negotiating the terms of your relationships...

Unless you like to live dangerously, goota choose there guy. Some guys have more than one wife tucked away in some far corner of the country. Such situations look pretty pscyhofrentic to me. Life might always present such choices. What will you do say when you permamently choose a S/O.
Unless you decide the other is more compatable and has the greater interest . Gotta choose and not string along the other. Its pretty cruel to the other, unless she also is sort of liberal in her affairs. You decided the second person is worth getting to know better, then it will only complicate the first relationship; should it advance very far.

i would not want you as a girlfreind. people should either be together or not. if this new person seems so interesting to you that you'd question your relationship for them, i believe you should at least have the decency to tell your partner about this person. it seems that you know what you're planning is wrong, why else would you ask what to do? it seems wrong to me for you to decieve your current mate into thinking you're both together when, in reality, you're not.

its really a matter of taking a chance...in either of your choices. I mean if you choose to stay with person you are already together with, then you might find yourself always thinking about the other one, and what could have been.

But also if you decide to pack it in and ditch the person your currently with...well then you run the risk of things not even working out with this new person and youll be kicking yourself in the ass for even doing it....and in the end you might just end up all alone.

follow your own gut instinct...do what you feel is in your OWN best interest...it might sound selfish but..thats life.
Dont regret a damn thing either.

BTW ...i made a very tough decision just like this.....couldnt be happier.

"Hey wanna have a threesome?"

Then you find out she's a prude that wants a million kids. Most crushes won't make it very far. Better to figure out it won't work, but this only works if your SO is fairly open minded.

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. There are such things as loyalty and trust. The choice is difficult but I am sure you'll make the decision that is best for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gaX4O_UHIA

It takes a while before you can develop enough trust in something that you can feel safe putting your life in their hands. If you're at that level, there's an awful lot that you have to lose if you compromise that trust.

On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and my girlfriend is an absolute klutz so... putting my life in her hands might just prove to be my last mistake. And we've been together 5 years so it does feel good to go out with other girls on occassion. For me, she knows that there's a difference between the emotional bond that we have and the purely superficial bond that I have with other girls.

If she's into you as much as you are into her, explain the situation to her, you're likely to get a very different point of view than the advice we're offering you here.

Move to Utah and don't force yourself to choose? :p
99.9% of the time your quips are humorous (IMO). This is the .1% that missed the mark with me. (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)

OP - Keep things with the co-worker non-serious - or you could find yourself starting from scratch with no bf/gf.

If you're at the bf/gf stage then you're still kicking tires and taking test drives, you haven't committed to buy yet. I say take her for a test drive and see how she handles, if she's a lemmon at least you found out early, otherwise you could be trading up to a nicer ride.

Forget person #2. You gotta ask, and answer
Life with or without person #1. Better, or not better? How do you feel about never having a relationship with #1 again?

Deal with that before you start a new relationship.

Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?
Appealing only becomes a problem if you choose to act upon it, at which point yes you will then have numerous issues to resolve.
Just because you have a bf/gf, wife/husband, etc, does not mean that you change the way you see other people. It does however, state that you have a committment. And always remember the grass is always greener on the other side ;)

a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush


and then you f&%k the bush

99.9% of the time your quips are humorous (IMO). This is the .1% that missed the mark with me. (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)

I didn't see anything implied about Mormons in there - there are many religious sects in Utah that practice polygamy that have nothing to do with the Mormon church

I made that decision once. I figured if I like this new girl there must have been something wrong with my current. We broke up and after a few weeks I realized how much I really effed up and she really wasn't who I thought. To me the girl I broke up with was 'that girl,' you know, the one you missed though I realize I'm very grateful for my experiences I've had as a result. I remember the day we broke up like it was yesterday and it was 12 years ago in a month. [And I also realize that it wouldn't have worked between us].

Are you about to marry your current? If not, do you see yourself marrying her? Sometimes we're attracted to a part of the whole, something that may be lacking in our current relationship. Figure that part out, see what may be lacking and if it's something that can be improved on. There's also nothing wrong with hanging out with work girl - be upfront about your relationship so you don't lead her on and it should be fine to grab a drink after work sometime.

Tell your steady that you want to start dating other people and give them the chance to do the same. You might be surprised to find that they are feeling the same way about you. If you genuinely do stand a chance of finding someone who is really right for you, and shed someone who is not, I would say that you would be doing all involved a big favor by moving forward. Just be prepared for the consequences thereafter and accept them, come what may.

Of course if the the stand-up approach doesn't appeal to you, you could use the the sneak-around approach and end up tanking both relationships at the same time. Karma, like your next endo, is always out there though. So choose wisely.

I ignore it. I committed to my wife and see no reason to change that.

Forget person #2. You gotta ask, and answer
Life with or without person #1. Better, or not better? How do you feel about never having a relationship with #1 again?

Deal with that before you start a new relationship.
+1. Absolutely spot-on. As regards #1, give serious and honest thought to Dear Abby's decades-old question: Are you better off with her, or without her? An honest answer to that will tell you everything you need to know about what to do about both #1 and #2.

/\/\ In agreement with Ann Landers, Dear Abby, cccorlew, and bikingshearer above!

(a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)Heh, sorry. I meant no offense by it, and yeah, it certainly wasn't the less-travelled fork in the road. :)

My GF is one of the only women that can stand to be with me, so it's easy :D

Whoa... I could see this getting into a heavy thread.
There's that word again; "heavy". Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?

I've got some female friends I enjoy and have much in common with. I just don't sleep
with them. That's the line, pal; if you cross it you can't come back ...


No.. sometime's if you cross that line - you can come back, again and again. . and again and again and again. :beer:

I'm that way with BDG!!! Oh well..... I guess I'll just keep dreaming. :p

One concern. If you drop your current SO for the 2.0 model, the new SO in your life will always have in the back of his/her mind that you did that, and fear that the same thing might happen to them.

One concern. If you drop your current SO for the 2.0 model, the new SO in your life will always have in the back of his/her mind that you did that, and fear that the same thing might happen to them.

Of they may be ok with that and then do it to you

When I have a gf it always makes me feel confident that I can have any woman; when I am without a gf I feel like I cannot get the interest of any woman. The truth is somehwere between, and probably skewed toward the latter (i.e. hard to find a suitable mate and partner). So, beware the false confidence that you have in a commited relationship.

Let's bring this back to a cycling analogy -- when you are drafting on someone, they are taking alot of the wind, and you can lull yourself into a false confidence -- so you surge, whip around that person...only to find 300m ahead the pack has again caught up to you, and perhaps left you behind. I think that's what it's like when you have a committed relationship -- you feel too safe about taking risks, thinking you can easily move into a faster lane, only to get left behind in the long run.

I've got some female friends I enjoy and have much in common with. I just don't sleep
with them. That's the line, pal; if you cross it you can't come back ...
Exactly right, and I would add that one of the best ways to ensure not sucummbing to human weakness outside of not having friends of the opposite sex is to make friends with the spouse/s.o. I follow this policy whenever possible, and end up with 2 friends instead of one. :)

what happens if it doesnt work with the co worker then work will be ackward and you cant go home either
then you loose twice

This is what happens...

You start up a relationship with this co-worker. It starts as a friendship and slowly grows to be more... but you still hold back because you are with your current gf/bf. As the months go by you get closer and share your relationship problems with one another. Then you start flirting a bit more. You get really touchy feely and you start swapping pics online. It feels great.

In the meantime, you are betraying the person that you really love but have taken for granted because you both have let things get kind of stale. Not anyone's fault, just a natural thing when you get comfortable with each other.

But this other girl has lit the fire up inside of you, but you don't know why. But you really do know why... because what you are doing is WRONG! and getting away with it makes it feel so right.

Then your current gf/bf notices changes in you but you say nothing has changed. She's suspicious but you ease her fears with your words [of bullsh!t].

You are getting even closer to this new girl. You are falling in love with this lie. Fooling yourself with this lie. Even if you don't actually physically cheat you are mentally cheating. Don't fool yourself.

So what do you do?

You get caught because in your stupidity your suspicious girl finds all the pics and emails you have exchanged. And what was once an innocent flirt has become your downfall. The world you have built with your gf/bf crumbles around you and you realize what a huge mistake you have been making. But it's too late. You blew it... she leaves you and everything you built is destroyed and you have nothing to show for it except the pain you have caused.

And the other girl...??? She left you because she "feels it was wrong too" and thinks you both should stop seeing each other. Suddenly she has morals and leaves you too.

you lose, your true love loses. You broke your true love's heart. And the co-worker finds another sap to play.

So you are left in the rubble with no one but your left and right hand to comfort you.

The end...

Moral of the story: Don't F**K up the good thing you already have. If the spark is lost, relight it by doing what you used to do when you were trying to win your current gf/bf over.

Good luck!

Don't be a monkey. They don't let go of the first branch until they already have their hands firmly on the next.

That's the coward's way out.

Maybe this new person has opened up a realization of what type of person is best for you, something that you may not have been previously aware of. Many times one may think they have found the person of their life only to find later that they had an immature understanding of what works for them.

But most importantly: you must decide if your future is with #1 or not. Not whether it's with #1 or #2.

Now go.

Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?


I would be brutally honest with myself, and ask "am I imagining or exaggerating all these compatibility traits simply because there is a hormonal thing happening?". And if that's the case, I would just masturbate to get it out of my system. :lol:

So basically if the same version of your SO comes along, except better looking, better performing, smarter, better conversation, rolling in dough, same if not better personality, the general concensus is stick with your SO?

I don't know about you guys but you've never had your SO try to kill you.

So basically if the same version of your SO comes along, except better looking, better performing, smarter, better conversation, rolling in dough, same if not better personality, the general concensus is stick with your SO?

I don't know about you guys but you've never had your SO try to kill you.
an ex gf threw a coffee mug at me from the bottom of the stairs while I was at the top of the stairs, it pegged me in the back of the head so hard I fell over and saw stars. It left a mark too! :lol: luckily I fell forward and not down the stairs, or I might have been killed. I "sorta" had it coming to me though, this took place on basement stairs, and I had turned the lights off and was making spooky noises to tease her, cuz she was afraid of the dark and ghosts. Lesson learned? Don't piss off a girlfriend with a temper who is half Italian half Irish, who has good aim.

Personally I'd say go with #2. You'll be wondering the rest of your life anyway so why not. Just don't make a move until you've dropped #1, monkey nut :D

Mine's all italian, and ever since I snatched her from her family and moved out, I've been looking over my shoulder for that Cinzano truck trying to run me down on the street.


Personally I'd say go with #2. You'll be wondering the rest of your life anyway so why not. Just don't make a move until you've dropped #1, monkey nut :D

Precisely. Statistically, even if he stuck with #1 and married her, the divorce rate is 50/50, so he's not much better off. I wouldn't want to go through life thinking what if.

Personally I'd say go with #2. You'll be wondering the rest of your life anyway so why not. Just don't make a move until you've dropped #1, monkey boy :D


I wonder about lots of close calls from the past. Grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence though.

I still suspect its just a case of hormones because he is around this coworker a lot, but I could be wrong, they might be a good match. Hard to say without being in their shoes.

I'm that way with BDG!!! Oh well..... I guess I'll just keep dreaming. :p
:p I had no idea.. really..
but keep dreaming? Im your worst nightmare!:p

and as far as being attracted to someone else, it will happend because you dont get blind when you get attached to someone, it's nice but that's all it is, they seem very attractive cause you make them that way, withought a fault in your own mind but I bet once you get to know them, they would never live up to what you imagined them to be like.

*sigh* * shrug*

Personally I'd say go with #2. You'll be wondering the rest of your life anyway so why not. Just don't make a move until you've dropped #1, monkey nut :DI'd say something similar. Take #2 for a trial run DISCRETELY. Have secret rendezvous in out-of-the-way pubs. Better yet, out of town. Rent motel rooms and pay cash only. Take the relationship with #2 as far as you can go. Then compare with #1 and at that point, cut one of them loose... Good thing about this method is that if you dump #2, you don''t have to tell #1 anything at all and life continues on as usual. :)


Also here are some tips on how to have the most fun with sex in motels. It is not exactly a new idea, but one can always learn a few new tricks. Sure, you could do it the way your parents did - checking in with that vaguely guilty look (even if they were married at the time), washing up separately, laying a towel down to keep the sheets clean and avoid embarrassing the maid, having furtive and quiet sex so the equally-shameful people next door wouldn’t hear, washing up separately again, and then either watching a movie so it wouldn’t be so obvious they were there just to have sex, or going to sleep so they could wake up 300 times in the middle of the night before finally getting up at 6:30 in the morning, sore and miserable. Good times.

But why limit yourself to that, fun though it may be? You’ve just paid someone a wad of cash to borrow their room for a while. Enjoy it! Here’s some tips:

• Walk into the lobby while embracing and kissing each other passionately and ask the clerk (through grasping, hungry lips) for the nearest goddamn room.

• Bring along about 14 friends and ask for a single. Tell the clerk that they won’t all be staying.

• Arrive separately, even if you have to drop your lover off and circle the block a few times.

• Look around furtively a lot. Stay at different ends of the front desk and don’t make eye contact with each other. One of you will need to actually sign in of course, but the other can pretend they were only here for the coupon books of the local attractions (”PlegmWorld! $2 off the plume ride every other Thursday!”).

• Trenchcoats can help here, especially if there are no visible pants legs underneath. Flagrant high heeled pumps make a nice statement, but only if you’re male. It also helps if you both look really nervous and one of you has a suspicious bulge in your shirt that awkwardly-crossed arms just won’t hide.

• Or just walk in normally, ask for a room and go through the process friendly and calm, and then, just as you leave, slip him $5 and, tapping the side of your nose, tell him “We were never here, eh my lad?”

• In a frantic-sounding voice, ask the desk clerk several times if the room has a working toilet. After he/she reassures you enough times, ask what its capacity is, and if you’re allowed to change rooms if it breaks.

• Pay in crumpled, greasy singles, or a single hundred dollar bill half-covered with blue ink.

• If the motel uses those little electronic card keys, take it, stare straight ahead while you run your finger across the magnetic tape like braille, then nod to yourself and put it in your pocket.

• Ask for a room that faces Sirius and mock him if he doesn’t understand what you mean.

• The soap is hardly capable of cleaning anything, but it’s handy for writing obscene sonnets across the bathroom mirror.

• Get the Gideon Bible and read each other the dirty parts. Also rip the pictures out of Playboy/Penthouse and hide it amongst the Bible's pages.

• Ever fold gum wrappers so that they chain together? Ever wonder how long a chain you could make if you used an entire phone book?

• Send crank letters to the President on motel stationary.

• Turn on the TV, turn off the sound, and add your own filthy dialogue to the sitcoms, the soaps (not that they need it), the music videos, even the news. You always knew Gilligan was boned silly over Mary Anne, now’s your chance to hear it happen!

• Tie all the towels, sheets, blankets, and washcloths together in a long rope and leave it tied to the bedpost closest to the window when you leave.

• See how many pillows you can fit into the room safe.

• Pile up all the blankets, sheets and towels into a huge nest to f_ck in.

• The bed is usually just the wrong height for one of you to stand or kneel during sex, but you can crank up the a/c, pull the mattress half-off so that it’s leaning on the bed, lay on it and pretend you’re stranded on the side of an Alp and you need friction to stay warm.

• The little tables are usually pretty sturdy.

• If you have a double room, each of you can get on a separate bed and see how worked up you can get each other. You can look, you can listen, you can stretch and touch each other, but both of you have to be somehow touching your home base at all times.

• Or you can use the little bucket and the ice machine down the hall to turn one bed into an ice-floe and pretend you’re penguins. Dump the bedspread into the tub afterwards to melt.

• Come to think of it, the extra bedspread makes the tub much more comfy. Use it to make a cushioned hidey-hole, or fill the tub anyway and play Swamp Thing.

• If the shower rod looks up to it, doing chin-ups while coupled is both healthy and an incredible sexual rush.

• The ice machine is your friend. Nothing like a bucket of ice in one hand and a coffee pot full of hot water in the other to help you provide just about any sensation necessary.

• While you’re having sex, play a wildlife tape of monkeys fighting, just to see if anyone dares investigate.

• Be imaginative when you cry out. “Oh God!” is trite and dull, and unfair to your potential next-door audience. Try exclamations such as “Great Krypton!”, “Oh, mommy, yes! Yes!”, “Now, give me one more foot of it!”, and "F_ck me ragged, Your Eminence!”

• It is usually possible to have neighbors on up to four sides of you, especially during a busy season. See how many of them you can get to pound on your walls, ceiling and floor because of your shrieked cries of love.

• One of you lies spread-eagle on the bed. The other stands perched on top of the television. Can you get hooked up in a single leap? Lube is essential here. If you master that, have your lover lie spread-eagle on one bed while you run and spring off the other one to get more altitude.

• Motels are an ideal place to play spy. You may want to avoid using live ammunition, though.

• Isn’t the pool just begging for a 3am skinny-dip? Chevy Chase did it, and he got to see Christie Brinkley naked.

• Don’t waste the money on the vibrating bed. Head to the laundry room and sit her on the corner of the washer. Cheaper, lasts a lot longer, and it’s way more powerful. Plus you can do a load of laundry at the same time. Can the vibrating bed do that? I think not.

• Go f_ck in your car anyway. That’ll show ‘em!

• On one memorable stay years ago, we picked up a two-quart jug of baby oil and ended up using the entire thing. We could barely stay connected, it was a giggly, exhausting struggle just to have sex at all.

• Call other rooms at random and see if you can exchange spouses.

• If room service is available, you owe it to the poor bored people downstairs to order something they can talk about for weeks after you leave. I recommend asking for a bunch of those little canoe-looking cakes you use for strawberry shortcake, a hacksaw, a single stalk of celery, a small pool pump, a copy of “Hiney Heros” magazine (last month’s issue), and 50ft of garden hose. Ask them to please hurry and to just leave it outside the door.

• Explain that you’re technically not peeing in the pool, you’re peeing off your balcony and it’s hardly your fault which way the wind was blowing.

• Bring along your own maid’s outfit and wander into other rooms.

• Be sure to make faces at the mirror, just in case.

• Get up early in the morning and replace all the complimentary newspapers with copies of Barely Legal.

• Maids have a pretty boring job, so it’s a nice gesture to liven up their mornings by presenting them with something a little different in the realm of wet spots. Move around a lot, make some art. You’ve got a queen-sized canvas there, use it! Squirt food coloring into some body lotion and coat yourselves with it before you start. A masterpiece!

• Call down to the front desk and ask for a teeny, tiny little favor. Tell them you can’t explain why, but you’d really, really appreciate it if they could send someone around to your room in exactly 17 minutes to bang on the door and yell “Honey, the chicken is done!” If someone actually does it, moan loudly.

• Don’t use the Do Not Disturb sign. Instead, throw back the coverlet, sit up, hold a bottle of champagne ready, and when the maid enters the room, look up and say “Darling, I’ve been waiting.” Alternately, the same scenario, but wearing a leather harness.

• Sit in the motel bar getting good and plastered before taking her hand and saying loudly “C’mon honey, we don’t have much time before my visitation time is over.”

• If the manager comes to complain, refuse to come out until John Walsh shows up.

• Tip very, very well.

What no body's addressed is, what do you do with the body of the one you get rid of when you're done?

What no body's addressed is, what do you do with the body of the one you get rid of when you're done?Check out post #41 in this thread: "Revenge is a dish best served cold..." (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=316108)

You left out the critical information. :rolleyes: Which one cycles better? :D Which one is the better bike mechanic? :p

there is a saying regarding the fury of a woman scorned. :eek:

there is a saying regarding the fury of a woman scorned. :eek:

The same ex gf mentioned above, after she became an ex, actually defecated on my new gf's (who is also now an ex) car. It was the one of the most disgusting things to see in the morning, flies buzzing around it too. I found out about it later because of some mutual friends who were out drinking with her the night she did it. She actually climbed up on the car and squatted over the windshield and let er rip in the middle of the night, and left the toilet paper on the hood. :eek:

i would not want you as a girlfreind. people should either be together or not.


I can't imagine why there is an ever present stereotype about how girls are insecure and naive about men.

For some reason I find what I've read in this thread to be strangely comforting, reassuring.. I am not alone. Atleast nobody has deficated on anyone's windshields that I know of.. yet. I'll drink to that. :beer:

The same ex gf mentioned above, after she became an ex, actually defecated on my new gf's (who is also now an ex) car. It was the one of the most disgusting things to see in the morning, flies buzzing around it too. I found out about it later because of some mutual friends who were out drinking with her the night she did it. She actually climbed up on the car and squatted over the windshield and let er rip in the middle of the night, and left the toilet paper on the hood. :eek:

:eek: