I know this is an old topic I’m revisiting, but I need some advice. My tribuddies and coach offer me a wealth of training information on everything except this – blowing a perfect Snot Rocket.
Besides the fact that I am pokey slow and offer little in the way of a draft benefit, the main reason people ride in front of me is because of the ton of gook that erupts from my sinuses on every ride. (The peeps here who have ridden with me know this first hand.) No one wants to be in range of the shrapnel when Old Faithful blows. So as a public service, I’m asking fellow BFers on advice on how to perfect this little-discussed, yet necessary cycling skill.
Some background... I’ve very good launching the suckers from my right. Clean, efficient, quick.
Left? Well, that could use some help. Something is wrong with the angle of nostril trajectory because most times I narrowly avoid my left shoe. On a bad day with the wrong crosswind... look out!
Maybe it’s my ammo. It’s a bit on the “non-substantial" side. Don’t think Paintball gun... think Supersoaker. Nothing much to grab a hold of there. But that doesn’t explain why I’m right-nostriled. Practice as I may, I can’t seem to get the left-handed shot down correctly. It’s definitely dismaying, and my downward spiral may drive me to seek out Mo'Phat so we can drink vast quantities of alcohol together.
On a positive note, good things can come of desperation. While negotiating the bumpy Portugese Bend area of Palos Verdes last week, I was afraid to let go of my handlebars and fired a perfect no-hands-double-barrelled-snotlaunch that would have made even the most jaded junkmile-hater proud. Had Jschen not dropped me prior to that point, he could have witnessed the beauty of that moment. Time almost stood still. And at least I know my limitations are mental, not physical.
BFer thomson told me last week of a riding buddy who was so deadly accurate she could hit stop signs as she rode by. Myth... or Reality? Tell me, O great BF gurus, how does one become a top notch snotsman???
I just want to make Mom proud...
Indolent58
07-13-07, 04:50 PM
I know this is an old topic I’m revisiting, but I need some advice. My tribuddies and coach offer me a wealth of training information on everything except this – blowing a perfect Snot Rocket. ............ Tell me, O great BF gurus, how does one become a top notch snotsman??? ......I just want to make Mom proud...
Your mother is a wolf? :eek:
VanceMac
07-13-07, 04:51 PM
Tell me, O great BF gurus, how does one become a top notch snotsman???
Performance enhancing drugs. I heard that a little saltpeter added to the nostrils make for just the right balance of explosive consistency.
roadfix
07-13-07, 04:51 PM
Why don't I show you how to trackstand instead. It's clean & your mom would be very proud.
ronjon10
07-13-07, 05:53 PM
gross
spingineer
07-13-07, 06:04 PM
Just don't get any on your bike, your wheels, or your chainrings ... that would be really messy!!! :p
merider1
07-13-07, 06:05 PM
gross
+1 Trackstands are just nasty.
Go_Fast
07-13-07, 07:22 PM
she does have the common courtesy of doing them when she is behind me. thanks joy!
Happytime
07-13-07, 07:23 PM
Just enjoying the view, man.
spingineer
07-13-07, 07:24 PM
I haven't had the pleasure of experiencing the snot rocket ... so when I actually do go on a ride with you, is this what I have to beware of???
Dunwood
07-13-07, 11:10 PM
That was a very entertaining read Joy......kind of like watching a train wreck. :D I think you missed your calling. Drop the painting and take up creative writing.
I'd like to hear a full description of your morning ride after a big mexican food meal from the prior night. Oh never mind......
Sunday morning early?
Psydotek
07-13-07, 11:48 PM
I just suck it up like the girly man that i am...:o
Happytime
07-14-07, 04:51 AM
Well, so far I'm very disappointed in your BFers...
No advice at all on how to master such a valuable cycling skill!
:mad:
I'd like to hear a full description of your morning ride after a big mexican food meal from the prior night. Oh never mind......
Sunday morning early?
Sorry, Eric, I'll be on the slacker ride on Sunday, dragging a gimp box and eating large burritos (perhaps fodder for Monday's ride?). Maybe next time. Have a great ride... weather should be perfect.:D
Drew12
07-14-07, 07:39 AM
tissue anyone.....
merider1
07-14-07, 09:35 AM
Well, so far I'm very disappointed in your BFers...
No advice at all on how to master such a valuable cycling skill!
:mad:
Joy, as everyone on here knows, I'm a master snot rocketist. But you've yet approached me with the respect I deserve and instead have asked the entire community within which I reside (er...ride my bike) publicly. This is considered a tremendous insult to the masters of snot rocketry, one that you must seek atonement for. You must travel to the ends of the earth (er...somewhere in So Cal where you can find an LBS) and bring me forth a sacred gift (might I suggest lyra and/or spandex and of the highest quality). Then and only then will you have made the appropriate amends, and then and only then, will I impart my wisdom upon you (and I'm not kidding, some of it may accidentally be blown on you). :D
Happytime
07-14-07, 10:07 AM
ME, the person who teaches me how to master the Art of Snotrocketry is going to get (aside from my undying gratitude) payment in full.
I doubt you would want to be the recipient of such a gift. :p
merider1
07-14-07, 10:45 AM
ME, the person who teaches me how to master the Art of Snotrocketry is going to get (aside from my undying gratitude) payment in full.
I doubt you would want to be the recipient of such a gift. :p
Yee of little faith...I accept gifts universally and do not discriminate. Bring forth your fruits, and shall decide. :p
thomson
07-14-07, 02:59 PM
ME, the person who teaches me how to master the Art of Snotrocketry is going to get (aside from my undying gratitude) payment in full.
I doubt you would want to be the recipient of such a gift. :p
Joy, obviously you do one nostril at a time by closing the other with your thumb or finger. If the free nostril is still letting too much air out, partially close it. The best way is to close one nostril completely with your thumb and close the other nostril partially with your index finger.
I will collect my payment now.
Cassave
07-14-07, 04:32 PM
Joy, since no one is stepping up with real advice, it falls on me, snotty B*****d that I am to render some.
1. Do your eyes water when you ride due to glasses that let air stream across them? Watery eyes
will add to the sinus load. Get glasses with a tight fitting bridge.
2. Prior to firing, inhale thru the selected nostril to sort of, load the breech. This compacts the ammo, resulting in
a much more cohesive missile. Nothing's worse than firing a snot shot that hasn't been properly tamped.
Go forth and make Mom proud.
Cassave
07-14-07, 05:48 PM
Joy, as everyone on here knows, I'm a master snot rocketist.
That's more properly Snot Rocketeer, dear
merider1
07-14-07, 06:16 PM
That's more properly Snot Rocketeer, dear
I'm a rocketist, Steve. :rolleyes: As you well know, and adore imensely :p , I beat to my own drum. :D
Happytime
07-14-07, 06:21 PM
I'm a rocketist, Steve. :rolleyes: As you well know, and adore imensely :p , I beat to my own drum. :D
Not Snot Rocketscientist?
merider1
07-14-07, 06:23 PM
Not Snot Rocketscientist?
Why, yes, Joy...exactly. Only I say, Rocketist for short. :p :D
Luckily, ME's snot rocket missed me, but I would have to agree ... it's a loaded projectile
Go_Fast
07-14-07, 10:14 PM
why do i keep clicking on this thread?
spingineer
07-14-07, 10:22 PM
why do i keep clicking on this thread?
+1 ... We seem to have this odd fascination with snot! :roflmao:
ronjon10
07-14-07, 10:25 PM
gross
merider1
07-14-07, 10:31 PM
gross
You love it...clearly.
ronjon10
07-14-07, 10:39 PM
You love it...clearly.
have you people not heard of handkerchief's?
merider1
07-14-07, 10:40 PM
have you people not heard of handkerchief's?
Sure...and tomorrow I'll expect to use the ones you'll carry and provide me along the way on that 100 mile ride we're doing...in the heat....outdoors...on bikes. :rolleyes: :p :D
socalrider
07-15-07, 12:39 AM
Always keep one hand on the bars, use index finger, plug the nostril of your choosing.. Slightly bend the arm that is holding the bars, aim between the arm and top tube and blow.. Repeat with other side or as needed during your ride..