Two tickets to Pittsburgh...

[desert_tortoise]

Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar.

One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like himself.

“Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?”

“Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburgh’ and she hit me square in the face. How about you? How’d you get yours?”

“Something similar actually! I was just having dinner with my wife, and what I MEANT to say was, ‘Honey, can you please pass the peas?’ But I slipped up and said “You fat ugly biotch you ruined my life!”

[Keith99]

I think the tickets are part of an older joke.

Three men of God are returning from an ecumenical conference and they need to get tickets. Since it is crowded they decide one will get the tickets for all 3. Also since tehy won't have time to eat before the train they desire the change as change for the vending machines.

First the protestant minister tries. And he really notices how well endowed the ticket girl is and how low cut her top is.

We know how he slips. 'May I have 3 pickets to titsburg'. he blushes bright red and hurries off without buying the tickets.

When he returns the other two give him grief. Hoy Vey says the Rabbi, see how a devout jew handles can control himself. As he leaves the Catholic Priest reminds him the get teh change in Nickles dimes and Quarters.

The Jew does better. He carefully asks the 3 tickets to Pittsburg and then asks for the change in Nipples dimes and quarters. He to gets too flustered to finish the transaction.

The Priest points out that haveing been celibate for so long he can handle it. (This joke predates the current scandles by many years). He then asks for 3 tickets to pittsburg and for the change in nickles dimes and quarters, and completes the transaction. But once finished he can not let well enough alone and has tochide the girl about her dress, saying "Miss your cloting is too revealing and if you are not careful Saint Finger will point his Peter at you."

Jokes about Peter pulls at Saint Taffys are left for others to tell.