Road Cycling - Defecation a key to BETTER HILL CLIMBING

Everyone has been talking about gearing, cadence, and heartrate as key elements to better climbing. And they are. But lets talk about weight for a second. The less you and your bike weigh, the less energy you will need to climb. People get fanatical about shaving grams off their road rockets for this very reason. One of the best things you can do is empty your bowels of smelly fecal matter just before a ride. Some people evacuate up to 2 to 3 pounds of feces in one sitting. That is one huge weight savings.

so correct timing of your DEFECATION ritual can be a Key to being a better CLIMBER. Have you sat on your throne today???

Regardless if it stinks or not, it is still good to shed a couple pounds.

Me? I'm not that finicky. I don't mind the extra weight. I'm more worried about having to go when I'm on a ride, which is why I try to go before I ride. However, for those weight shavers, I'd imagine that their diet revolves around having the opportunity to have a bowel movement shortly before a ride/race.

If you could see my cat running around the house after a "movement" you'd believe the theory :D

oh boy :)

This is hilarious haha....and 2 to 3 pounds??? omg!

2 pounds is roughly a kilogram. That is a lot, I'm not sure of the density of faeces but I'm sure they'll weigh quite a bit, but maybe not a kilogram. I hope not at least, otherwise my butt might tear.
Maybe the elite athletes like Lance Armstrong do, but for now, my butt is still not ready.

This is a great thread....FOR ME TO POOP ON! :D

Before I became a cyclist, I was a amateur baseball umpire. I did everything from Little League upto and including NCAA Division I baseball in my career. One of my greatest fears was always that sometime in the 3rd or 4th inning, I would have to void my bowels. I became adept at ensuring that I ate the right things at the right times and went to the bathroom prior to the games. I never had to face the problem because of preparation.

I do the same thing when riding. I make sure I have "taken care of business" before I ride.

Hill climbing is crappy enough without other worries!

I'm a med student, and if I recall correctly the average is about 300 - 400 grams. Not quite so good but still nothing to be sniffed at.

Laters,

Team

Ahhhhh, the pre-ride cup of coffee...

Originally posted by jonnyweale
Not quite so good but still nothing to be sniffed at.

I think that goes without saying. :D

You could always have a colonic just before the ride....

;)

Next time I come upon a tough climb I'll just ask the guys to wait while I run into the weeds to take a dump. I doubt they will.

Originally posted by Laggard
Next time I come upon a tough climb I'll just ask the guys to wait while I run into the weeds to take a dump. I doubt they will.

That reminds me of a funny umpiring story. We were umpiring an international tournament at a local stadium. Between innings, the home plate umpire disappeared. I couldn't find him anywhere. Then I checked the bathroom, and there he was, sitting and thinking. He said "Don't tell anyone!"

As I returned, the coach of the Puerto Rican team asked me what was going on. I told him, in my high school Spanish, that my partner was otherwise engaged in the bathroom. Needless to say, the rest of the game was filled with Spanish bathroom humor! One young boy took exception to a call on one pitch, and screamed "You should have wiped both ends, blue!" It took months for my partner to forgive me.

:D :D

I get it out of my system before i ride...

I don't want to end up in the middle of the road trying to find someplace to get it out...

This is the biggest load of CRAP I have ever seen
;-]

you look at it..????

This is a great thread....FOR ME TO POOP ON!
Triumph strikes again! :D

Come on guys, I think you are all just going through the motions keeping this thread up.

I think you are all just going through the motions keeping this thread up.

That post is good for at least another 5-10 posts... ;D

I'm of the opinion that waiting is better. Nothing quite like 'having to go' to get your butt moving faster to get back home

that can be counter productive. If you time it wrong and the turtle head can't come out, you'll have fashioned your self a nice brown butt plug.
Best way to stretch an O-ring that i tell yah. yah won't be making no whistling farts no more boy.:fun: :roflmao:

Can I just say EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:p ;)

Wow, I didn't think this one would stretch out the way it did.

But I must add that I did drop the kids off at the pool before today's ride and the ride felt great.

Ummm, is this before the ride, or in the middle of the hill while at cadence? Maybe an involuntary occurance when looking up at a loooong climb of 15% or better?

No wonder I am such a $hitty climber ;)

This is so gross! I love you guys
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

So this must be why all those people thought the plastic I found in my seat-tube (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32799) was a cholostomy bag.

Good puns guys, but if we stop farting around long enough, we'd see that a great way to lighten up the ride to have a movement prior to getting moving.

Originally posted by danr
But I must add that I did drop the kids off at the pool before today's ride and the ride felt great.

That's great. I'm going to use that from now on.

I used to say "I'm off for a Tom" (Tom Kite?)

Originally posted by chewa
That's great. I'm going to use that from now on.

I used to say "I'm off for a Tom" (Tom Kite?)

Here's a few more for ya...

I'm "laying cable"

Going to give John sh*t

Do up some paper work

Downloading some software into the harddrive


What a great thread this is!!! :D

At age 65, I consider this to be a very serious discussion. When one gets to be my age, you only talk about two things: your grandchildren and your latest bowel movement. I don't have any grandchildren. :D

Originally posted by stiffee_shane
Here's a few more for ya...

You forgot all the coredump messages for all the compugeeks out there such as:

Segmentation Fault (core dumped)
Bus Error (core dumped)
Floating Exception (core dumped)

this is completely unfounded, but i do believe that defication does lead to better posting on this forum!!

This town needs an enema! --- Jack Nicholson, Joker/Jack Napier, Batman, 1989

Originally posted by stiffee_shane
Here's a few more for ya...

I'm "laying cable"

Going to give John sh*t

Do up some paper work

Downloading some software into the harddrive


What a great thread this is!!! :D

My friend likes to say "I'm reading a magazine" ;)

my personal favourite is:

"I'm off to push some putty"

A friend of mine always says he has to "go pinch a loaf"

Release the brown shark

Take a dump.

Can't believe I read this

There's the old southern expression "Go see a man about a dog."

The best one yet (must be said in a loud, commanding voice (preferably in a public restroom))

RELEASE THE KRAKON!

I've always been partial to the term "dropping a deuce."

Now this is one huge load.

Originally posted by CarlJStoneham

RELEASE THE KRAKON!


Is this in reference to the Holy Mammoth head-banging song "Release the Kraken?"

:eek:

No. (Well, not for me). Clash of the Titans!
And it's probably "Kraken" with an "E" now that I look at it (never spelled it out. Just yelled it out :D)

Clash of the Titans!

Classic movie. I still get the giggles when I'm watching it on television.... :lol:

Carl, you're a nut!

Koffee

:D

I guess in this discussion we could also say "Splash of the Titans"

Originally posted by wza97
Release the brown shark

That is absolutely hilarious.

But my favorite is still, "I gotta take a $h!+."