Foo - Tis time for a bad pirate jokes thread

I'll be the first matey to get started:

What be a Pirates favorite letter? -- Answer after picture

http://img.engadget.com/common/images/4586150847204572.JPG


A Letter of Marque! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letter_of_marque)
(didn't see that one coming, did you)

Pirates do not rent videos. They download them illegally. They call it booty legging!

What do pirates study in school?

ARRRRRRRRT

i've got a good one.....but it requires a web cam. i'll see if i can find a jpeg that will work.

i've got a good one.....but it requires a web cam. i'll see if i can find a jpeg that will work.


*shiver*...me timber

A pirate walks into a bar, with a Ships wheel attached firmly to his crotch.

The bar tender asks, "Hey, why do you have that wheel attached to your crotch?"
The pirate replies "Arrrr, it be drivin me nuts"

A punk rocker with a rainbow mohawk walks into a bar and sits down next to a pirate.

The pirate stares at the punk constanlty.

Finally the punk asks the pirate why he is staring.

The pirate replies "Arrrrrr, long ago, after one too many pannikans of grog, I bedded me mates parrot. I was just thinking that ye could be me son"

a pirate rows ashore to go to a pet shop.

pirate says; "aye there matey. i'd like to buy me a new buddy. me old one done died."

pet shop clerk say; "we just happen to have a parrot in. it's a little shy. but it'll start talking soon enough."

pirate; "that'll do matey."

the pirate buys the bird, puts it on his shoulder and rows back out to his ship.

later that day, the pirate tries to feed the bird; "aye there me 1st mate, ye want a cracker?"

parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

pirate; "ahoy there matey. me lost that eye many year ago when me raided a spanish galleon. don't ye be pokin' fun at me."

next day, pirate tries to feed the bird again; "does me 1st mate want a cracker?"

parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

pirate; "now ah warned ye there matey. don't be pokin fun at me eye else i'll cut yer tongue out and feed it to the fishies."

parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

pirate: "all righty there ye skallywag. i warned ye."

the pirate cuts the parrot's tongue off with his sword and throws it in the ocean; "i told ye i'd cut yer tongue out. whaddya got to say there now matey?"


parrot looks at the pirate and goes.................

54995

Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

Yes, PIRATE RAP

http://www.myspace.com/captaindan

What's a pirate's favorite car part?

A cARRRRRbARRRRRatARRRRRRRR!! :)

Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

Aye, PIRATE RAP

http://www.myspace.com/captaindan

Fixed ;)

Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

Yes, PIRATE RAP

http://www.myspace.com/captaindan

Arrrr matey, there be nothing better than some 'dope' beats while pillaging

This Jolly Roger
Thats how we do
This Jolly Roger
Will cut thru you
This Jolly Roger
Will cut you thru

From an old Dave Barry column...

To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech. For example, let's consider a typical conversation between two co-workers in a business office:

BOB: Hi. Mary.

MARY: Hi, Bob. Have you had a chance to look at the Fennerman contract?

BOB: Yes, and I have some suggestions.

MARY: OK, I'll review them.

Now let's see how this same conversation would sound on Talk Like a Pirate Day:

BOB: Avast, me beauty.

MARY: Avast, Bob. Is that a yardarm in your doubloons, or are you just glad to see me?

BOB: You are giving me the desire to haul some keel.

MARY: Arrrrr.

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling about their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.

The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies: "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" said the sailor. "And how did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull-dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull-dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate,"it was my first day with the hook..."

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted, ''Get me my brown pants.''

:D

Yarrrr!

To Catch a Pirate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtorXg6lpA8

AAAHHHHRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!

Pirate Sex in the City! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Oo4yUslavo&NR=1

What is a pirate's favourite food?


AARRRRRRRRbys

What's a pirate's favorite type of music?

Opera

???

They love the aRRRRRRRias.

:o

sorry.

What does a vegan pirate do in jail?


Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!

What's up a priates ass?

TARRRRRDs

You can pretty much make a pirate joke about anything really.

GUYS! GUYS! I HAVE ONE!

So I'm walking to class this morning, and I squint across the quad. I see... no... can't be... yeah, I guess it is. A freaking pirate is walking towards me on the sidewalk. I notice he has a steering wheel sticking up out of the front of his pants. I ponder what this could possibly be for, but come up with nothing, so when he gets close I ask him, "Hey. Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants? That doesn't look comfortable." He replies, "ARRRRRGH! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"

GUYS! GUYS! I HAVE ONE!

So I'm walking to class this morning, and I squint across the quad. I see... no... can't be... yeah, I guess it is. A freaking pirate is walking towards me on the sidewalk. I notice he has a steering wheel sticking up out of the front of his pants. I ponder what this could possibly be for, but come up with nothing, so when he gets close I ask him, "Hey. Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants? That doesn't look comfortable." He replies, "ARRRRRGH! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"

You my friend are too late to the party. But i will say i like how you got here better.

why couldn't the eight year old get into the pirate movie?
It was rated Arrrr

"When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade"

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird *****!"
"Well," says the pirate, "It was my first day with the hook."

Q: What do you get if you cross a pirate & a robot?































A: …Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr2d2



;)

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird *****!"
"Well," says the pirate, "It was my first day with the hook."


Great joke, but alas, like me, you were too late with your post.

A pirate says to his shipmate, "Arrrrrr, that be a fine-looking hook and peg leg ye got for yeself, matey."
Says the shipmate, "I should think so. They cost me an arm and a leg."

An old pirate saunters into the rusty scabbard saloon, parks his kiester, and orders a grog. Looking around, he sees another sailor, but this fellow has a head the size of an orange.

He can't resist: he has to ask about the keelhauler's story.

Seems the sailor had once captured a mythical, magical sea creature, which had offered him 3 wishes if he would release the creature. First thing he asked for was treasure, 2nd thing was for the mermaid to become a beautiful woman. Unfortunately, the rules of Neptune forbade her from changing her own appearance.

His third request?

"OK, how about a little head?"

A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty cool? Where'd you get him?"

The parrot says, "In the Caribbean. There's hundreds of 'em down there."

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bartender says "You know you have sheet of paper towel on your head?"

The pirate says "Aye, I have a bounty on my head"

*rimshot*

I can't believe I've not read this one...

How do you know when you're a pirate?




















You just arrrrr.

Great joke, but alas, like me, you were too late with your post.

Wait, what??? Crap, i checked and i thought i didn't see it... :lol: