Foo - "Do you have a family?"

My wife and I have decided to not have children. It is a personal choice and one that we both feel good about. The only problem is the inevitable question "do you have a family?".

Of course I have a freaking family!! I was born. I was raised by my mother and father, grew up with a brother and two sisters, then I got married, so now I have that family, plus a whole bunch of in-laws to boot. But what people mean when they ask "do you have a family?" is actually "do you have children?". This always comes from new acquaintences (new clients, new employees, etc.) and anything I say at that point seems make the situation awkward.

I certainly don't have any regrets about our decision and don't hold anything against those that have chosen to have kids, but I could really use some suggetions on how to answer this question without throwing a wrench in the conversation.

Suggestions?

Lie.

Say something like "you're not ready" or something like that.

Good suggestion, but I am 42 years old.

"Yes, I do. But we decided to not contribute to the world population explosion."

"No, I'm not a breeder."

"Yes, I do. But we decided to not contribute to the world population explosion."

That's close to what I usually say. It usually comes out something like "yes, but no children". Then you get a puzzled look and then embarrasment when they decide it might be a plumbing problem or something :eek:.

"I'm firing blanks, since you reeeaally wanted to know." *snicker!*:D

No, I had an accident on my bike when I was a kid. After the re-constructive surgery I was told having children was not an option.

"okay I must confess. We both have innies."

"okay I must confess. We both have innies."

Dreams really do come true.

Errr I mean....

GROSS!!! :p

"You want the truth? You cant handle the truth"

and optionally

"Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Why even worry about it? No kids here either ;) Been married 30 years now too.

"We traded the kids for these really cool bikes!"

Dang, I'm on a roll! :D

Why even worry about it? No kids here either ;) Been married 30 years now too.

*knock knock*

Excuuuuse me? *feeling like chopped liver* :(

I was conceived as a test tube baby. I wouldn't want to out another human being through that.

*knock knock*

Excuuuuse me? *feeling like chopped liver* :(

I don't mean Foo daughters....

In this case I'm referring to biological daughters ;) You'll always be my Foo daughter, Siu!:D

( Besides, Foo daughters are daughters that were chosen rather than a biological accident ;) )

Why even worry about it? No kids here either ;) Been married 30 years now too.

I deal with people. I am a senior manager in a professional service consulting firm. I greet clients, welcome new employees, and generally am the "face of the company". When you meet a new person, they naturally tend to look for things you have in common to help bond. Children are great for that - "want to see a picture of my little precious? Sure, then I will show you mine...".

It's not that I am worried about it. I just need some social lubricant and redirect here...

Turn it over to them.

Them: Do you have any kids?

You: Nope. Do you?

Them: Yeah I have ____ kids.

You: How old are they?


I mean, that's what the question is all about isn't it? Just filler for an inevitably bland conversation?

I usually use the line, "Hey, if you have to fail at something, that's more fun than most", if I want a humorous response.

If they are irrritating me about it, I get a bit more pithy.:D

I deal with people. I am a senior manager in a professional service consulting firm. I greet clients, welcome new employees, and generally am the "face of the company". When you meet a new person, they naturally tend to look for things you have in common to help bond. Children are great for that - "want to see a picture of my little precious? Sure, then I will show you mine...".

It's not that I am worried about it. I just need some social lubricant and redirect here...

Turn it over to them.

Them: Do you have any kids?

You: Nope. Do you?

Them: Yeah I have ____ kids.

You: How old are they?


I mean, that's what the question is all about isn't it? Just filler for an inevitably bland conversation?

God damn!! He has a point..

If they are irrritating me about it, I get a bit more pithy.:D

I can get pithy, too. Some of my spicier responses include:

"No - I sprang from the earth when Thor dropped his hammer."

or my favorite...

"I don't think so."

I don't mean Foo daughters....

In this case I'm referring to biological daughters ;) You'll always be my Foo daughter, Siu!:D

( Besides, Foo daughters are daughters that were chosen rather than a biological accident ;) )


:)

I can get pithy, too. Some of my spicier responses include:

"No - I sprang from the earth when Thor dropped his hammer."

or my favorite...

"I don't think so."

"Oh no. Who are you, how old are you and what's your mother's name? :eek:"

I can get pithy, too. Some of my spicier responses include:

"No - I sprang from the earth when Thor dropped his hammer."

or my favorite...

"I don't think so."

you mean droped his hamer right?

We can't have kids so we have dogs/cats/bicycles instead. They'll think it's a plumbing problem, and you'll know it's a lifestyle issue, but it's a whole lot easier that way. ;)

I had my tubes tied earlier this year (I'm 24) so I get all sort of shock and awe reactions whenever the topic of kids comes up. So I just say that I can't have them and it's true and simple.

"Do you have a family?"

In a very emotionless, monotone voice, and with unblinking eyes, slowly reply: "Yes, they're in the freezer, right next to those two hitch hikers I picked up last month."

I doubt they'll ask any more questions.

Or you could just go with the answer from The Cypress.

I think cypress has the angle on this one - just dump the ball back into their court and then brace for the response. Most people would not bring the issue up if it was something they wanted to avoid, so they will probably yammer away about their little above-average wonders for some time after a response like that.

Thanks, cypress!

You owe me $8.00

I think cypress has the angle on this one - just dump the ball back into their court and then brace for the response. Most people would not bring the issue up if it was something they wanted to avoid, so they will probably yammer away about their little above-average wonders for some time after a response like that.

Thanks, cypress!

This assumes you can stand to hear about how Susie made the honor roll and plays soccer for 30 mins. Isn't enough money in the world to make me do that, sorry.

This assumes you can stand to hear about how Susie made the honor roll and plays soccer for 30 mins. Isn't enough money in the world to make me do that, sorry.

That's why they call it "work".

P.S. Is Whinerville, NC near Charlotte? I suspect it is.

When they ask you this question, hit them about the head and shoulders with blunt objects. Soon enough, you will have conditioned them to stop asking.

They may crave cheese, though...

The official show stopper response is, "It's not that I don't like kids... I just can't finish a whole one."

"I have lots of kids! None of them are mine though..."

I'm 39, I just don't like kids. Never have.
So many people have kids because they think they're supposed too, with out thinking if kids really fit into their lives. I'd much rather be free to travel and do what ever else I want. Having kids to me would be like a 18 year jail sentence. F*** that!

i am sure i do, it's just that i dont claim any of them. later.

I'm 39, I just don't like kids. Never have.
So many people have kids because they think they're supposed too, with out thinking if kids really fit into their lives. I'd much rather be free to travel and do what ever else I want. Having kids to me would be like a 18 year jail sentence. F*** that!

Just about sums up my feelings on the matter perfectly. I, for one, have better things to do than to sacrifice 20 years of my life for something the world needs less of anyway.


In answer to the original question, why not just give them the old "no, I'm an orphan, I have no family and nobody to love me" sob story. They'll soon tire of that.

Why not just have fun with it? I wouldn't take it to seriously. The wife and I don't have kids and when people ask I always feel like there is an expectation that once you're married that it's straight off to making kids. I'm sure we'll have kids but not there yet.

I'm not sure what I normally respond with though when asked. I only get that question from people I dont know.

Get a couple of dogs. Put some clothing on them. Give them their own rooms. Then simply answer the question with a "yes".

hahaha....

"Have kids? And share my toys?"

I wonder even why anyone thinks it's their business. Frankly, it seems like everyone else is doing a pretty good job of populating the earth...i don;t think they need my help.

Just say NOPE and don't want any but its SURE FUN TRYING :)

Just say no and look away momentarily.

If they don't get the message that it's none of their business, tell em you prefer not to talk about it.

For all they know, you or your spouse could have some medical condition. Again, none of their business.

This thread remonded me of a question I have always wondered. I just made a thread if you feel like adding anything to it.

http://bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=346585

Just keep laughin'/smilin'....

It's really no one's business but your own....

So sorry this is an issue for you, even in today's "enlightened" world.... ((hugs))

"We traded the kids for these really cool bikes!"



If only!

My dad, of all people, keeps talking about "when you have kids..." The other day, he said it again, and I told him again that I don't want kids. He gave the same reaction as usual (:eek: "Why not??"). I tried telling him I don't want kids, just like some people don't want dogs or an office job. He said, "But a dog isn't something that... comes out of you..." He let the sentence trail off and left the room. :lol:

My dad, of all people, keeps talking about "when you have kids..." The other day, he said it again, and I told him again that I don't want kids. He gave the same reaction as usual (:eek: "Why not??"). I tried telling him I don't want kids, just like some people don't want dogs or an office job. He said, "But a dog isn't something that... comes out of you..." He let the sentence trail off and left the room. :lol:
I didn't have a kid until I was 45, 7 years ago. Too busy with work, play, etc, and not hooked up with the right woman.

The funny thing is, real soon after I had my son, I suddenly understood with brilliant clarity why my mother had bugged me about it for so many years. Geez, already I can envision myself bugging my son about it when he's in his 30s.

I understand why he bugs me about it. I just don't understand why people keep thinking I'll change my mind. I know he'll always be very disappointed, and that makes me sad, but I can't have a kid just to make someone else happy.

"Oh, I have several children, I just don't know who the mothers are..." usually shuts people up.

(mrs. scrub and i don't really care for children, and don't want any. at all. i was fixed in january. :) )

Getting married, having kids, being in a certain job... for the wrong reasons, or just to please somebody else, isn't really living.

I lucked out. When it finally felt right, it all fell into place very effortlessly. Before that? It probably would have been a disaster, although at times I almost gave in to all the bugging by family, bugging by girlfriends, and even bugging by a very determined potential MIL.

and even bugging by a very determined potential MIL.

Those are the scariest. My ex's mother would have been a complete pain in my ass, as her son could do no wrong, so I was obviously forcing my wants on him.