When you see parking spots with a wheelchair symbol that is NOT handicapped parking. It is Chuck Norris parking and if he catches you taking his spot you will need a wheelchair.

Chuck Norris once arm wrestled Superman, on the condition that the loser had to make an infomercial.

Heeey, wait a minute...;)

chuck norris has read hair.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/)was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris is not really a man, he is actually a colony of fists.

Chuck Norris likes his women the way he likes his whiskey:

12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.

Chuck's faves ( if this has alrady been posted, tough)


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

chuck norris decided to bottle his own urine. it is now known as Red Bull.

On the 8th day God created Chuck Norris. Chuck roundhouse kicked God in the nads and said 'Thanks for the world'.

All your base are belong to Chuck Norris!

Who is Chuck Norris?