Foo - my dad always said... "if you have a $10 head.. get a $10 helmet."

QUOTED IN ANOTHER THREAD: "my dad always said... "if you have a $10 head.. get a $10 helmet." I never hear that one....

My dad's famous one-liners:

"Son, you might be able to swim with a bowling ball chained to your ankle, but you won't win too many races." that and.......... "Son, it doesn't take a bucket full."

For those ready to lunge, yes I know this is not bike related. Just thought it would be nice to hear what advice your Dad gave you.

Cheers

"Son if you are gonna go stomping in the swamp. Make sure you have your rubber boots on."
That was the extent of sex talks from my dad.

"God made dirt and dirt don't hurt" In reference to the 5 second rule with food.

"Don't sweat the small stuff"

"Shut up, I can't hear the TV"

"You make a better door than window"

"Boy, you're like a bull in a china shop"

"Get me a beer, like a good kid"

"Son, put down the homework. These drinks aren't gonna make themselves."

"If you're not in bed by 11:00, come home."

Were you all spawned by Ross Perot?

If youre not first youre last


Wait thats Ricky Bobby's dad

"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom all day and all night? Give someone else a chance why don't you?

Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

On dropping me off at University at the start of my BA:
'Work hard, try taking an economics course - your grandfather was a good economist, and don't get a girl pregnant.'

"Get your head out of your ass and into the game"

"Son, don't pick up anything you can't put down."

"Four ever, five never."

(My Dad is a Bridge player.)

my dad always said, "why don't you go play in traffic for a while"

"Son, I know you're not going to listen to me, but blah blah blah blah..."

I told my father I'd buy him the biggest steak dinner ever when I finally graduate from college... his reply was "just make sure I can chew it with my own teeth" :D

"Wish in one hand, and Sh*t in the other. See which one fills up first."

You can't polish a turd...

"don't be a hero"
"get your head out of your *****"
"don't get cought"

"If I tell you to jump, don't ask why. Ask how high when you're already on the way up."

QUOTED IN ANOTHER THREAD: "my dad always said... "if you have a $10 head.. get a $10 helmet." I never hear that one....


that'd be great advice if the cost of the helmet was related to the amount of protection it gave you

"If I tell you to jump, don't ask why. Ask how high when you're already on the way up."

+1

"If you cut your feet off with the lawnmower, don't come running to me."

"Never get a tattoo where a judge can see it."

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out"
Kind of wierd as I was adopted.

And, "You can't get blood out of a turnip."
I don't get that one either.

"Dont take any wooden nickels."

Theres one i dont get. And my favorite:

"Thatd go over as well as a turd in a punch bowl."

Yes, actually used while talking about my brother's wedding.

"A man once cried because he had no shoes...until he saw the man who had no feet!"

"A man once cried because he had no shoes...until he saw the man who had no feet!"

schadenfreude

My dad once told me that when I finally find my place in the world someone will be sure to come along and flush it... :)

You can't polish a turd...

But you can shellac one.

My grandfather had two I was fond of:
"Better a wiseass than a dumbass."
"That's harder than stuffing marshmellows up a wildcats ass"

Daddy said 'son you better see the world'
I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave.
Just remember one thing, don't lose your head
to a woman that'll spend your bread.

So I got out...

"Son if you are gonna go stomping in the swamp. Make sure you have your rubber boots on."
That was the extent of sex talks from my dad.

That's more advice than I ever got ! Figured it out eventually

"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom all day and all night? Give someone else a chance why don't you?

Well done.

From Grandma: "You've got to eat a peck of dirt before you die" The old-world version of the 5 second rule. When my mom was young, she thought that meant if she avoided ever eating anything dirty, she'd live forever.

From dad.... "That idea will go over like a pregnant polevaulter".

"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom all day and all night? Give someone else a chance why don't you?Amazing - that quote came to me as soon as I read the first post :D.

You found your way home again?

Many of these sound familiar to me. I have a few southern U.S. nuggets for you guys.

"I'll jerk a knot in your head." - translation - I will grab a handful of your hair and jerk a pump-knot bruise on your scalp, if you don't do what I said. He said this all the time, but never, ever did it. I didn't even think about what it meant until I was almost a teenager, and my dad scared a freind of mine nearly to death with that phrase.

"**** or get off the pot"

"Look me in the eye, when I talk to you God damnit..." followed by 10-15 minutes of seemingly calm supressed rage-induced explanations/preaching.

And my personal one-word favorite "You, young man, are going to do...fill in task here...PERIOD!"

And, "You can't get blood out of a turnip."
I don't get that one either.

If you ever tried to eat a turnip you would:rolleyes:

From g-pa (RIP): It's not the fall that kills ya, it's the sudden stop at the end.

from some comedian on fist fighting his dad


My dad said " go ahead and try, you'll be an undefeated homeless mother ****er.."

from some comedian on fist fighting his dad


My dad said " go ahead and try, you'll be an undefeated homeless mother ****er.."

:roflmao:

or Eddie Murphy's dad on picking up dog crap.


That's right Eddie, you'll be a seven year old, no home, walking the dog mf'er!

from dad....don't forget to put a head gasket on the hot rod before the engine gets warmed up;)

"Adversity builds character" and "Suffering is good for the soul." Usually stated in response to my efforts to explain how miserable I was/would be if I either had to do what he wanted me to or didn't get whatever it was I was trying to con out of him. Also, I was pretty much guaranteed to get one or both of these little pearls if I complained about homework.

"I oughta knock your heads together." Reserved for when my brother and I were into hour three of ragging on and/or punching each other, especially if we were stuck in the house on a rainy weekend day where he had to listen to it.

"You'd better straighten up and fly right." Used in response to any one of a number of minor to moderate transgressions - of which I committed my fair share, and then some.

"Don't chew with your mouth full or talk with your mouth open." Deliberately fractured dinner table rules to get our attention and make the point with a touch of humor.

All in all, Dad was pretty fair and pretty much a straight-shooter. Very, very little extraneous bull-bleep dumped on my brother, sister or me. Same for my Mom, although she tended to be a bit more excitable than Dad was. I was (and remain) extremely fortunate in the parent department.

Can I say it?

"Moved to FOO".