So my mother thinks I'm crazy for not having a car and thinking it's perfectly practical to get around on a bike. We got into a bit of a "what if you wanted to go..." conversation where none of her examples made the slightest dent in my argument. So I turned it around and said "what if you biked to work, what if you biked to the grocery store..." and met with a lot of head-butting. As far as I could tell, she had no actual reason for not doing it, just that it takes time (that she would usually be spending on the couch in front of the tv) or that she doesn't feel safe.
I would really like to come up with some way to get her out there on a more regular basis. At least a test run. She's a bit overweight and really has a hard time being motivated to do anything, but I'm trying.
Have any of you managed to convince a family member/friend through example or otherwise to at least try biking somewhere/anywhere?
She has a good bike and good paths, but anything (work and grocery store) is 10 miles away at least (even though she claims to be able to bike that distance just for fun with my dad). I can't seem to get her to equate biking with fun AND function. To her, it just seems like something she has to do to appease my father.
HELP!!

It is easier to convince people to start it as a recreational activity. Like a nice bike ride on a trail.

Then... later...suggest you bike from the house, rather than carting the bikes with a car, then... later... start suggesting things like "Why don't we bike over to the coffee shop?" ... then later... "What about taking a bike trip? Maybe stay in a B&B along the way"...

I think it takes a while for it all to sink in for most people. You might need to make the sales pitch more slowly.

I'd never do this at work because our bike rack is tiny. I like having my choice of spots.

Invite her to join you for a day. Go do some shopping and have a nice lunch.

I blew my van's engine apart six years ago, she didn't have many options at that point.

I'd never do this at work because our bike rack is tiny. I like having my choice of spots.

Invite her to join you for a day. Go do some shopping and have a nice lunch.


I tried this with my gf. She started crying because she thought a car was going to hit her...........on the sidewalk!!!! Needless to say, her bike went to craigslist.

You don't talk someone into adapting your lifestyle. You can tell them why it's good for you but you should respect their needs and wishes when doing so. There is no 'one size fits all' solution to anything.

I don't try to convince people to take up cycling. Instead, the ones who know me will also know how much I love it and eventually some of them will start to look into cycling for themselves. At that point, I'll become the resource person or the resident expert.

So my mother thinks I'm crazy for not having a car and thinking it's perfectly practical to get around on a bike. <snip>

In today's society, choosing cycling over a motor vehicle is A Major Life Choice™. As you're finding, you can't talk anyone into (or out of) A Major Life Choice™. You can't talk her out of her car just as she can't talk you into one.

Accept your differences without criticizing, and move on.

I belong to a group where joining is A Major Life Choice™. Its "public relations policy is based upon attraction rather than promotion". Try as they might, outsiders couldn't get me to join this group. I dug in my heels and resisted mightily. Insiders, acting on their policy, simply said, "If you ever want to join, look me up" and went on about their lives.

Many years later, when looking at them for myself, it seemed like they had something I wanted. Then I joined. In other words, when what *the group had* looked attractive to me, I became part of it.

I've found that strategy works really well in many other situations, but it has particularly interesting parallels to this one.

When it comes to Living Car Free, I think many of the same principles apply as in the other group I belong to. A regular poster in the Winter Cycling forums, Cosmoline, once wrote in a post, "I don't hate cars per se, but the lifestyle they encourage is as lethal and self-destructive as any drug."

There's that word, "lifestyle" again, but the part that clicked with me was the part about the drug. Many times you hear about our "addiction to oil". If oil is a drug and our dependence on it is an addiction, then you can see the parallel between it and the other group I belong to, which in case you haven't figured it out already, is AA. I've been sober and drug-free for seven years now.

(FWIW, it wasn't DUI that got me out of the car a year before I got sober. It was economics. The car, gas, insurance, parking and all that cut way too much into the cocaine budget.)

Many times I feel that more people would get out of their cars if people like us weren't preaching to them. Simply demonstrating--through quietly going about our lives, that one can be "happy, joyous and free", and have a normal life doing normal things while car-free--is a powerful statement.

I have friends who are slowly going car-lite. They tell me it's because they've seen how I've successfully improved my life--not just managed, but improved--by being car free. He now cycles to work more than half the time, and she recently asked me about grocery panniers.

I've never said to them, "Gee, you could use your car less often if you took your bikes and you could reap these benefits." I just do what I do. So I know that just being a quiet example works.

I blew my van's engine apart six years ago, she didn't have many options at that point.

Yes Marrock, but with what did you blow up your van's engine??....ooops sorry, wrong forum ;)



Seriously though O.P., I have tried for years to convince my wife to join me in my cycling obsession, but to no avail...or very little. I have a BoB trailer which I've used for the grocery shopping etc, (the stores are very close by), but she just doesn't seem to want to do it that way. I also bought a tandem to make it easier on her when we do go for a ride....she hates it, and it's starting to cause friction. So I've decided to back off and continue my aim of being car free and hoping one day she might join me.
I think the Western world is so convinced of it's need for the motor car and it's so engrained in our psyche that to choose a bicycle over a car seems crazy, even for the shortest trip. I have personally seen an able-bodied neighbour drive her car 100 mtrs from her house to a shop to get the newspaper......so who is crazy....or just plumb lazy???

Well, you've tried the verbal arguments and lost. So give up.

What you might try however is ask her to go on a recreational ride with you. Take the time to make sure that her bike is fully operational. Maybe get her one of those cute wicker baskets for the front of her bike so she has a little cargo capability. Then make it short and fun. Maybe have her pack up a picnic lunch. The whole point is to just enjoy time with each other. Don't even think of mentioning why she should ride more to the store or talk about your car free lifestyle. JUST ENJOY THE RIDE WITH HER. Give her the gift of enjoying time with her child. Then do it again. And again. Make it a fun, special event that is just for you two.

She will take the lead from there. If she likes only that much, then you are infinitely richer in having a better relationship with your Mom and a new time to be with her :). If she wants to do longer rides, she will let you know.

She may start doing recreational rides herself, just to get out of the house. If she clues in and decides to do a little utility riding, she may not tell you before hand. She may start on a recreational ride and then on impulse stop by the convenience store for a loaf of bread. Who knows. It's a journey that she has to go on herself, really.

At worst, be aware that she has made a contribution. She raised a child who is car-free and that's worth a lot too.

In all situations the hard truth is......
"Nobody does anything unless "they" want to"

The trick is coinvincing them they want to.
If ya can't do that let nature take it's course
towards hardship and need.

Many times I feel that more people would get out of their cars if people like us weren't preaching to them. Simply demonstrating--through quietly going about our lives, that one can be "happy, joyous and free", and have a normal life doing normal things while car-free--is a powerful statement.

I have friends who are slowly going car-lite. They tell me it's because they've seen how I've successfully improved my life--not just managed, but improved--by being car free. He now cycles to work more than half the time, and she recently asked me about grocery panniers.

I've never said to them, "Gee, you could use your car less often if you took your bikes and you could reap these benefits." I just do what I do. So I know that just being a quiet example works.

I totally agree. Leading [quietly] by example.

And what you've touched on with respect to improving your life - too true! I think one actually uncomplicates their live moreso. Thus making it easier to manage.

Sure their are contingencies if you're car-free with respect to getting around, but I find it is much easier and less complicated than when dealing with a car. But that's probably because I'm in a large city.

You can't talk her into it. She's not going to do it if she doesn't want to do it. On the other hand, if she does want to do it she will do it.

All you can do is make it easier for her to do it if she decides that she wants to by encouraging her with your example and providing things like directions, techniques/methods that motorists take for granted.

Just keep wearing away at her with all your good reasons to ride. I'd focus on fun and fitness, since it sounds like, for utility cycling, your location isn't the greatest ["anything (work and grocery store) is 10 miles away at least"]. So keep on talking it up in an enthusiastic manner. Eventually she'll either join you...or disown you. :eek:

I tried this with my gf. She started crying because she thought a car was going to hit her...........on the sidewalk!!!! Needless to say, her bike went to craigslist.

Dood, your girlfriend should go to Craigslist.

Does she like her bike??? I got my wife an older bike to just get started riding and she wouldn't ride with me... even for short rides. Turns out she just didn't like the bike! I saw a Trek hybrid on Craigslist, and bought it... she got mad at me for buying her another bike... but when she tried it, she loved it! Now she's riding a lot more, 50-75 miles a week, in fact.

Just yesterday she took the bus to the mall... She could take the bus the whole way... instead she rode down to the transfer station and put her bike on the front of the bus. :D

She even asked me to take one of the panniers off my bike and put it on hers so she could carry stuff. :D :D

Watch out, though... I think I've created a monster... she's talking about clipless pedals and bike shoes, and of course, she needs a good light set... and a helmet and new clothes and....

:eek:

Does she like her bike??? I got my wife an older bike to just get started riding and she wouldn't ride with me... even for short rides. Turns out she just didn't like the bike! I saw a Trek hybrid on Craigslist, and bought it... she got mad at me for buying her another bike... but when she tried it, she loved it! Now she's riding a lot more, 50-75 miles a week, in fact.

Just yesterday she took the bus to the mall... She could take the bus the whole way... instead she rode down to the transfer station and put her bike on the front of the bus.

She even asked me to take one of the panniers off my bike and put it on hers so she could carry stuff. :D :D

Watch out, though... I think I've created a monster... she's talking about clipless pedals and bike shoes, and of course, she needs a good light set... and a helmet and new clothes and....

:eek:

:roflmao::beer:

Actually it was the older bike that got my wife to ride more....When we first started dating I bought her nice GT Slipstream Hybrid, but the 27 speeds gave her the fits. In 2006 we attended the ABCE Tour in MSP and won a door prize of a 1971 Raleigh Colt. It fits her perfect, and she was the only person at the event that was short enough to ride it:D It has become her favorite bike. We had to swap the saddle out for something she was a bit more comfortable with, bought the wicker basket and off she goes. I suspect when we move to town in the next year or two, she will be riding it to work and the grocery store. We also just acquired a tandem for riding around on Saturday afternoons;) It is my fault of course, she was in town and called and asked if I needed anything from the LBS. Why of course I need a 4 prong Suntour freewheel remover and a couple of 26x1.5 tubes...next thing I know I get a call from her telling me about this neat tandem for only $350...talk to my buddy at the shop and it turns out to be a 2001 Raleigh Companion that looks brand new. So now we have a tandem to work on upgrading...like I need another project. BTW we are riding it in the small town Christmas Parade in full Wedding Regalia to advertise her Bridal Shop:eek::rolleyes:

Aaron:)

BTW we are riding it in the small town Christmas Parade in full Wedding Regalia to advertise her Bridal Shop
Aaron:)

Pics or it never happened. ;)

I've never said to them, "Gee, you could use your car less often if you took your bikes and you could reap these benefits." I just do what I do. So I know that just being a quiet example works.

The "quiet example" thing works a LOT. Let them ask the questions, give the facts (both good and bad), and they'll make their own decisions.

I like the idea about recreational riding, too. Turning a ride around the park into a ride to the coffee shop makes the whole thing seem "recreational"; adding a recreational aspect to grocery shopping isn't much farther off.

Does she like her bike??? I got my wife an older bike to just get started riding and she wouldn't ride with me... even for short rides. Turns out she just didn't like the bike! I saw a Trek hybrid on Craigslist, and bought it... she got mad at me for buying her another bike... but when she tried it, she loved it! Now she's riding a lot more, 50-75 miles a week, in fact.

Just yesterday she took the bus to the mall... She could take the bus the whole way... instead she rode down to the transfer station and put her bike on the front of the bus. :D

She even asked me to take one of the panniers off my bike and put it on hers so she could carry stuff. :D :D

Watch out, though... I think I've created a monster... she's talking about clipless pedals and bike shoes, and of course, she needs a good light set... and a helmet and new clothes and....

:eek:



You are a very lucky man, treasure that for life.

that she doesn't feel safe.

This is a very significant reason for not riding a bike. Riding a bike for transportation is safe if you have some basic safety skills (which take time to learn) but it is very dangerous if it's done wrong.

I haven't convinced my partner to ride a bike all the time, but I did convince her to ride fairly often, and one of the things I'm pretty proud of is that I also helped her learn lots of safe riding habits.

When I first got her a bike, she knew how to ride, but was really out of practice. we rode around on streets where cars almost never pass, and on paved trails where cars never pass. Now she's a confident rider and rides to work, school, and errands when the weather is nice.

She had more motivation than a lot of people do, though, because she considers it important to try to be earth-friendly and also (like a lot of people our age) has little enough money that driving seems pretty darn expensive.

I think riding purely for recreation was a big help in getting her ready to ride for transportation later on.

Be an example.

I started riding my bike to school earlier this semester and now my roomate sees how much I save on gas and time and now wants to buy a bike of his own!

I dont ride to school anymore though, too much running these days!

'spread the Gospel; if necessary, use words' -St. Francis of Assisi

Alot of people will never be convinced.

I think you are all right. Some people will NEVER be convinced. I guess they are set in their ways the same as I am set in my ways. It's absurd to me that some people drive to the bar that they can see from where the car is parked(I actually know a guy who does this - he'll drive everywhere, even if it's one little block). It's absurd to me that people just flat out deny that living without a car anywhere is possible. But, on the other hand, all of these people think most things that I do are absurd. Viscious cycle.
I live about 6 hours away from my mother and therefore, do not have the option of riding with her very often. I think that next summer I'll bring my bike on the Amtrak to the folks' place and ride to the grocery store myself. At least show her that it is possible if she won't come with me.

Little side thought: I wonder if people like my parents think anything along these lines (perhaps SpecializedFan does too...): "We worked so hard to be able to afford these cars (SUV included) and this lifestyle; why would I NOT enjoy these luxuries after that?"
I do know that my parents were very unhappy when I sold my car (that they so graciously gifted me) because they were not lucky enough to have parents give them cars when they were my age. This is not necessarily relevant to anything...I'm just sort of curious.

Does she like her bike??? I got my wife an older bike to just get started riding and she wouldn't ride with me... even for short rides. Turns out she just didn't like the bike! I saw a Trek hybrid on Craigslist, and bought it... she got mad at me for buying her another bike... but when she tried it, she loved it! Now she's riding a lot more, 50-75 miles a week, in fact.

Just yesterday she took the bus to the mall... She could take the bus the whole way... instead she rode down to the transfer station and put her bike on the front of the bus. :D

She even asked me to take one of the panniers off my bike and put it on hers so she could carry stuff. :D :D

Watch out, though... I think I've created a monster... she's talking about clipless pedals and bike shoes, and of course, she needs a good light set... and a helmet and new clothes and....

:eek:

Wow, is there really that much of a difference? To me, apart from extremely inefficient and/or broken bikes, a bike's a bike.

Wow, is there really that much of a difference?

Yes. Why do you think they make so many models. Otherwise we'd all be riding Flying Pigeons.

Wow, is there really that much of a difference? To me, apart from extremely inefficient and/or broken bikes, a bike's a bike.

There's a reason that there are so many different styles of bikes out there. ;)