Foo - Post some advice for Pheard

We all know that Pheard has the uncanny ability to put his foot in it. With unerring presicion, if there is an indelicate question or imprudent observation to be made, our man Jon will find it and blurt it out in as tactless a way as is humanly possible. This in turn leads to expulsion of tons of greenhouse gasses as we all exclaim "WTF?" and the senseless destruction of innocent electrons as we all post appropriate responses.

So, in the interests of preserving precious natural resources, please post advice for Pheard here. You know, things that he really ought to know or do but doesn't or won't.

I'll start:

Jon:
Never, never, NEVER ask a woman if she is PMS'ing, on her period, in menopause, or anything that even remotely suggests that you think there might be even a tiny bit of difference in her behavior because of her womanly bodily functions. In fact, the only thing you can safely do that suggests you even know she has womanly bodily functions is buy her some damn pads or tampons when she asks you to.

There is no correct, or even safe, answer when a S/O asks the dreaded "does this make me look fat" question. The least wrong response is to say "NO" as quickly as ever you can and pray like crazy that it was quickly enough. You'll still catch hell for lying or just trying to butter her up or some such, but believe me, it beats the consequences of any other answer you could possibly give.

And finally: Don't do wheelies on carbon fiber frames.

1. inhale
2. hold

Red meat is not bad for you.

Blue fuzzy meat is bad for you.

Be sure to wash the sheets after tryst with rainbow bike.

Can I tell a SO I think she'd look better if she loses 15 pounds?

What if I tell her she's kind of clingy? is that acceptable?

Can I tell a SO I think she'd look better if she loses 15 pounds?

What if I tell her she's kind of clingy? is that acceptable?

:) Wear a helmet when you do. ;)

I'll just put on protection and duck for cover.

http://uk.gizmodo.com/bguard.jpg

we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends dont dance
And if they dont dance
Well they're no friends of mine


Also, there is no good way to tell your SO that she needs to lose pounds. At best you can suggest activities that burn calories, while never, EVER, EVER, saying thats why you suggested them.

Good: It's really nice out tonight, want to go on a moon light stroll with me?
Bad: You should go on a walk, it'll be good for you.
Huge Mistake: Hey fatty, why don't you go for a walk now and again.

As for the clingy bit, with enough tact, you can pull it off. Which means, from the sounds of it, that you(specifically) can't pull it off :)

I'll just put on protection and duck for cover.

http://uk.gizmodo.com/bguard.jpg

hehe - couple ladies from work ordered them for a woman who 1) liked bananas and 2) was getting married.


Funny looking things. :)

Pheard,

Weight loss is a scary subject. You have to notice she lost weight, but you have to make sure she knows she was just fine before she lost weight, but you appreciate the effort. It must matter that she lost weight since she might have done it for you, but then again, if it matters too much, you thought she was ugly. However, if you act like it wasn't that big of a thing she will assume you don't care how much she suffered just to please you.

In other words - you are dead meat.

Pheard,

Weight loss is a scary subject. You have to notice she lost weight, but you have to make sure she knows she was just fine before she lost weight, but you appreciate the effort. It must matter that she lost weight since she might have done it for you, but then again, if it matters too much, you thought she was ugly. However, if you act like it wasn't that big of a thing she will assume you don't care how much she suffered just to please you.

In other words - you are dead meat.

Or - Give up now.

Wear a helmet when riding, especially on boat docks!!
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d126/telehammer/bigdope.gif

Pheard, your best possible scenario is that she lost the weight so that she can dump you and get someone better - it is your only hope. :eek:

Also never ask a pregant looking women when the baby due, unless you ahve in writing that she is pregnant.

best bet is to never respond....she will hate you, but it won't be as bad as if you answered tuthfully.....horizontal stripes has NEVER made anyone look slender, unless they are a waif to begin with, in which case they need to be offered a sammich.

This is the solution:
http://photos2.flickr.com/2302530_51acf53284_m.jpg

I hope Jon loves soup... :D

Look at your sig quote for some advice from me, Jon:)

This is the solution:
http://photos2.flickr.com/2302530_51acf53284_m.jpg

I hope Jon loves soup... :D

So is this guy back in town then?

http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q37/MrBlakWidow/captainhowdy.jpg

Earn your special undies.

Buy low, sell high.

Never go to a forum for advice...

Keep your feet clean, that way when you put your foot in your mouth, it won't taste so bad.

:lol::roflmao::lol:

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=SDPagtBZg7Y&mode=related&search=)

Stop doing that, it'll make you go blind :o

Can I tell a SO I think she'd look better if she loses 15 pounds?

What if I tell her she's kind of clingy? is that acceptable?

The answers to your questions are, in order:

Answer to first question: Are you nucking futs? Absolutely NO, unless your goal is either to break up or change your last name to Bobbitt. Under no circumstances is it ever okay to say that she'd look better if she lost ___ lbs., or even hint that you think she is overweight. Do. Not. Go. There. Period. You'd be better off faking your own death and moving to another planet.

Answer to second question: This one is also fraught with danger and potential for disater, but there is some small hope of addressing the issue. In fact, it may be necessary to do so if you want to maintain the relationship, as the "too clingy" thing can become a real annoyance over time. But for God's sake, do not start by saying "you're kind of clingy." The main thing is to make her feel secure enough in your affection and monogamy that she doesn't feel the need to be so possessive. At base, clingy behavior usually has to do with a lack of trust: either a lack of trust in her own attractiveness or a lack of trust in your faithfullness (and that is not meant as a judgment as to whether or not you have done anything to make her not trust you - we're talking deep, primal emotional fear here, not rational thought). So if you have to chum these waters, do it veeeeeeery carefully. Otherwise, you will have the same options as above: break up, getr Bobbi-cized, or move to Jupiter.

1. inhale
2. hold

My preferred version of this is:

1. Fill a bucket with water.
2. Insert head three times.
3. Remove head twice.

Change your underwear.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=SDPagtBZg7Y&mode=related&search=)

Heh, heh... First I look at the purse. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=dm8gE8YoG6A)