Jokes & Humor - Blonde joke

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and
> help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
> get it started.'

> Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when
> it's finished?'

> The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box,
> it's a tiger.'
>
> Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
> him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
> He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
> her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be
> able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.'
>
> He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
> nice cup of tea, and then ..' He sighed........
>
> 'Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box

So this blonde was going to the doctor to check and see if she was pregnant. As she was sitting there, she struck up a conversation with the brunette and the redhead.

Blonde: So, why are y'all here?
Brunette: I'm here to see if I'm pregnant.
Redhead: Me, too.
Blonde: So am I.

after they admire that they are there for the same thing, the redhead continues:
Redhead: Well, I think I'm gonna have a boy, cause I was on top.
Brunette: Well, I was on the bottom, so I'll probably have a girl.

The blonde looks startled, but says nothing.

The brunette gets called back. After a minute or so, she comes out.
Brunette: Yep, I'm having a boy.

Then, the redhead goes back. Comes out a minute later.
Redhead: Yep, I'm having a girl.

The poor blonde, with tears running silently down her face, goes in when she is called.
Doctor: Well, congratulations. You are pregnant.

The blonde breaks down hysterically, sobbing so loud the nurse comes in to see what's going on. After a moment or two, she settles down into quiet sniffles.
Doctor: If this is not good news, I can have the nurse get you some information on other options. Didn't you want to be pregnant?

Blonde: No, doctor. It's not that!

Doctor: What is it, then?

Sobbing anew, she blurts out:

"I'm gonna have puppies!!!"

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."

You are lost in the woods and come to a clearing. In it you see a smart blonde, Santa Claus, an out-of-tune saxaphone player, and in-tune saxaphone player, and the Tooth Fairy. Of whom do you ask directions?

Answer: The out-of-tune sax player; the rest are hallucinations.

Blonde asks her boyfriend if he has any cereal. He says its in the cabinet. She looks and says there is not any cereal. He gets the box of Cheerios and hands it to and asks "what do you think these are " ? Blonde replies DONUT seeds.

So this blonde was going to the doctor to check and see if she was pregnant. As she was sitting there, she struck up a conversation with the brunette and the redhead.

Blonde: So, why are y'all here?
Brunette: I'm here to see if I'm pregnant.
Redhead: Me, too.
Blonde: So am I.

after they admire that they are there for the same thing, the redhead continues:
Redhead: Well, I think I'm gonna have a boy, cause I was on top.
Brunette: Well, I was on the bottom, so I'll probably have a girl.

The blonde looks startled, but says nothing.

The brunette gets called back. After a minute or so, she comes out.
Brunette: Yep, I'm having a boy.

Then, the redhead goes back. Comes out a minute later.
Redhead: Yep, I'm having a girl.

The poor blonde, with tears running silently down her face, goes in when she is called.
Doctor: Well, congratulations. You are pregnant.

The blonde breaks down hysterically, sobbing so loud the nurse comes in to see what's going on. After a moment or two, she settles down into quiet sniffles.
Doctor: If this is not good news, I can have the nurse get you some information on other options. Didn't you want to be pregnant?

Blonde: No, doctor. It's not that!

Doctor: What is it, then?

Sobbing anew, she blurts out:

"I'm gonna have puppies!!!"



hha thats nasty

I don't think you get it....

I've got a couple:

A blonde walks up to the counter and says rather loudly "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and coke!"

The lady at the counter quietly says "I'm sorry dear, this is a library."

So the blonde whispers back "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and coke."

So this hot blonde gets pulled over, by a blonde police officer.

The officer says "Can I see your license, please?"

The blonde says "I can't remember where I put it, can you tell me what it looks like?"

The officer says "Well, it's a rectangle, and has your picture on it."

The blonde pulls out a compact mirror, looks at it, and hands it to the officer.

So the blonde police officer looks at it, hands it back, and says "I'm sorry, if I had known you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.

The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.


Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.


She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.


He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Idaho were
Listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer
Say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must
Park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the
Snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved
Her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
Announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so
The snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved
Her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
Announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife
Was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,
"Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I
Need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
Married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you
Just leave it in the garage this time."

It's not new, but

Two blonds walked into a building......you'd think one of them would have seen it.

lol

You do realize we are the last group in America that it is socially acceptable to ridicule?

Jews, Polocks, blacks NOPE....just blondes.

I object because we are an ethnic group.

OKAY--not a joke this was real:

my beautiful very blonde sister visited me in LA and sees the bus stop bench with a "rent this space" sign and asked me "like...do you really have to pay to sit there?"

and then

"So,...are the phone booths so low for the Mexicans?"


Oyyy

Funny ha, ha!

Q: What's the mating call of the blond?
A: I'm sooooo drunk.

You are lost in the woods and come to a clearing. In it you see a smart blonde, Santa Claus, an out-of-tune saxaphone player, and in-tune saxaphone player, and the Tooth Fairy. Of whom do you ask directions?

Answer: The out-of-tune sax player; the rest are hallucinations.

What's the difference between a bike and a saxaphone? You can tune a bike. PS, I'm a blonde w/ a GPS, and I know how to use it!!

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

oops, sorry, not nice, what was I thinking?

There's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. and they go out hunting.
the red head goes out in the woods and a couple of hours comes back with a deer.
the brunette and blonde asked how'd you shoot the deer?
the red head said find the tracks, follow the tracks, shoot the deer.
so the brunette goes into the woods and comes back in a couple of hours dragging a bear.
the blonde asked how'd you shoot the beer?
the brunette said find the tracks, follow the tracks, shoot the bear.
the blonde goes out and many hours later she comes out with hundreds of cuts and bruises.
they ask what happend
and the blonde said find the tracks, follow the tracks, get hit by a train.

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...


"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE

Most likely told at one point.

This blond is driving in her nice BMW down the highway, and remembers something someone said to her about all blonds being stupid. This pisses her off, as she believes that if she could afford a BMW she must be smart, so she gets mad, and keeps driving.

A couple minutes later she looks out the window to see another blond sitting in the middle of a corn field yelling "HELP ME HELP ME I'M DROWNING HELP ME HELP ME". Fuming, she pulls over her car. Gets out. Walks to the edge of the field and yells "FOR F***SAKE! I HATE YOU. YOU ARE THE KIND OF BLOND THAT GIVES US SMART BLONDS A BAD NAME. IF I COULD SWIM, I WOULD COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS"


_____



A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


_____



This blond walks into a store, walks up to the store clerk and points and says "I want that TV", the clerk responds "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, but we don't sell to blonds". So she leaves.

The next day the same blond walks into the same store, but this time has dyed her hair brown, and says to the same clerk "I want that TV". Again he responds "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, but we don't sell to blonds". So confused, she leaves.

The third day she comes in with ridiculously bright orange hair, walks up to the same guy and points and says "I want that TV", the store clerk responds "Ma'am, I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. WE DON'T SELL TO BLONDS. And plus, thats a microwave"






BTW you can tune a saxophone.

Nice blonde jokes. I like those that are pregnant. Hehehe...

Post More. :D

______________________________
Drive me CRAZY
Autopartswarehouse (http://xanga.com/autopartswarehouse)rocks
Autopartswarehouse (http://supercorps.com/autopartswarehouse.html) rules

-- Finally a blonde guy joke--
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.


They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building."


The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,"Burritos again! If I
get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."


The blonde opened his lunch and said,"Baloney again! If I get a baloney
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."


The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.


The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.


The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the baloney and jumped to his death
as well.


At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have
given it to him again!"


The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,


"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"

Q: What's the mating call of the blond?
A: I'm sooooo drunk.

What's the mating call of an ugly blond?

A: Hey, guys, I SAID 'I'm sooo drunk.'

What's the mating call of a brunette?

A: The blonde's gone home.

What's the mating call of a redhead?

A: So, all you guys are on the same soccer team?

Why did the blond's belly button hurt?

Cuz her boyfriend's a blond too.

Why don't people in Minnesota tell blonde jokes?

Minnesota was settled by Swedes and Norwegians; there are a lot of blondes there, but they're mostly about 6'2"--and that's the women.

Nice blonde jokes. I like those that are pregnant. Hehehe...

Post More. :D

______________________________


Q: What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?
A: "Oh wow, is it mine?"

+++

A blonde was jumping up and down on her front porch, screaming and laughing. Her neighbor came by to see what the big deal was. When he asked her what was going on, she blubbered, "I'm pregnant!!"

"Congratulations," he said calmly.

"That's not all!" she said. "I'm having TWINS!!"

Curious, he asked her how she could tell so early.

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Target and they actually had a home pregnancy test in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

(you're welcome...signed, blonde mommy)

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

oops, sorry, not nice, what was I thinking?

Well. What is the punch line. Please don't leave me to my imagination.

How about this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?


SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"



RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."



AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE - my personal favorite!
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."



KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

...

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

Actually, I think that one's witty. I just got a puppy and wish I had thought of something like that :D

One day, two blondes went shopping at the mall. When they were done they went outside to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather interior convertible. When they get to the car, they realise they had locked the keys inside. So they both kind of stand there and think for a while. Then one has the idea to try to open the car with a hanger.

So the first blonde starts fiddling with the lock with the hanger. The other blonde looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.

"HURRY, HURRY," she urges. "IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

Q: Why did the blonde smile every time she saw lightning?

A: She thought she was having her picture taken. http://emoticons4u.com/happy/046.gif

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...

'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!'

A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a Great Chest you have!'

He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby.'

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her andasks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'

A blond woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a hailstorm that dented her car horribly. The next day, she took her car into a repair shop to have the dents examined.

The repairman, noticing that she was blonde and rather dim-witted, decided to have some fun. He told her to blow into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she got home, as this would cause all of the dents to pop out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could over and over. Just then, one of her blonde friends showed up. Her friend saw her blowing into the tailpipe and was quite startled by the action.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

The first blonde told her the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe real hard so that the dents would pop out.

“You’re such an idiot!” she exclaimed. “You need to roll up the windows first!”

A dimwitted blonde walked into a shoe store wanting to buy some new alligator shoes. The clerk quoted a price of $250.

The blonde replied, "That’s outrageous! There is no way I will pay that kind of money for a pair of shoes. I can shoot an alligator and get shoes for less than that."

The clerk answered, "Well then, I think you should do that."

Later that day, the clerk was driving through the bayou and found the blonde standing waist deep in the swamp with a rifle pointed at a huge, mean-looking alligator swimming toward her. She pointed the gun and shot it, then dragged it out of the water.

The clerk was surprised to see 20 additional dead alligators lying on their backs. The blonde rolled over the alligator that she had just shot and exclaimed, "DARN! That one isn't wearing shoes either!"

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

RUN - she has a grenade in her mouth!

Two blondes go camping together. During a hike one night they get separated. After much searching blonde 1 finds blond 2, only to discover they are separated by a river. blond 2 urges blond one to come across and offers to turn on her flashlight for her. blond 1 asks how this will help. blond 2 replies "well you just walk across the beam of light". blond 1 answers " how stupid do you think i am? you will just wait until i get into the middle and turn off the light"

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.


Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."

Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.

He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"

Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"


A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."




Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are, and do it very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing."

best blonde jokes :)
Blonde Jokes (http://drollyjokes.com/category/jokes/blonde-jokes/)
http://drollyjokes.com/category/jokes/blonde-jokes/

:lol:

Blonde And Barking Dog

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next-door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

Finally, the blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this," and goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard — let's see how THEY like it!"

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up. It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, 'What's going on here?'

'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly

'Well, what are all these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.

'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up. It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, 'What's going on here?'

'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly

'Well, what are all these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.

'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'

Similar post by MsVicki (http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?p=1411774&highlight=emergency+flashers#post1411774)

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.

The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.


Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.


She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.


He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."





hahaha this is really COOL :roflmao2:

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walk ed by and asked them what they were doing.


Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.'


The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off.


Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives us the bloody length.

Why did the blonde student get pregnant?

Her teacher told her to go home and do an essay.


Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why did the blond start jumping up and down after taking her medicine?

Because she forgot to shake up the bottle.

How do you put a sparkle in a blondes eye,hold a flashlight up to her ear.

Heard about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in theater? They went to see "Closed For the Winter".....