Living Car Free - The Clash Between Generations.

Edited now because I re-read it for the first time . . . ummm, I am just as dramatic, spoiled, etc. as I always feared. Great.

They wanted you to take your sister so they could be alone. It's code.

Lol. This is indeed possible, but I doubt it. Very much so, in fact.

They wanted you to take your sister so they could be alone. It's code.

Eeeewwwww, everyone knows parents don't do that.

It's all compromise. You'll be out on your own soon, so you'll be able to be completely car free then. Don't worry about being militant about being so sensible. Adopt the "short timer" attitude. You'll be out of it soon. Don't worry about it.

Being car free is pretty freakish to the car centric. We all have to choose our fights. Be bike centric, not car phobic.

Seems pretty reasonable that your sister wanted to look at the menu there, and just being there where they can smell and feel the place is important for some people. Give your parents a chance to be alone, and get a chance to know your sister better. Believe it or not, she may be your best friend in life if you give it a chance. Not because you are alike, but because no one else will understand you as well.

:lol: Far from dead here.

See your folks can't make noise until all are out of the house....
*so after successfully planting THAT imagine in your brain*
Have a nice weekend....
lying in bed..thinking.....

listening....


Oddly enough the folks can be great friends after you move out.

haha

I don't think you are acting spoiled. It is your choice. Yes you are young, and it may be a struggle, but it is your decision. I went through a similar thing when I became vegetarian at the age of 14, and to be honest it is still an issue raised at times, so I would not wait until you are out of the home. My being car free raises issue all the time, not many people understand it.

I stuck to my guns and found good, close friends, who supported me, and this made it easier for me.

What ever you choose to do, do it knowing that you are doing what you want to do.

It is hard for parents to accept that their kids think differently. After all, they are pretty sure that use of your brain is a new activity for you and they aren't sure all the bugs are worked out yet. :rolleyes: When you come to different conclusions, they of course think with all their years of experience, they are more likely right than you.

And they might be. But it doesn't change a thing. You have to eventually learn to think for yourself and it is never to early to try.

This advice has been brought to you by someone three times your age so you may take it as suspicious if you wish. :D

It got to the point where my mom said/yelled, "Why do you have to make this so hard?"


One example of my problems with a car-free lifestyle and my parents. Do you think I acted spoiledly? When dealing with parents, where do you think I should draw the line?

punch her in the head next time.:eek::beer:

My wife and I occasionally have this discussion; we've evolved a set of rules for when it's apropos for me to use the bike and when the car needs to be deployed. It might be useful to frame this to your folks as you exploring how to make a car-free (or car-light) lifestyle successful. Then when there are bumpy results, you can say, "Well, that experiment didn't work; thanks for your patience with me trying out different ways to do this."

car-light/free don't get to wrapped up into it. (in your case no need for tension/stress)
I would look at this as car-light/free training for when you turn 18.

Use the bike when possible. Arrange your own matters so that it is always possible for things you are doing. If the parameters of the trip are not possible to do on a bike, use a car. They expanded the parameters of the trip to require a car, and they likely had reason to; don't worry about it.

so let me get this strait. you were going to a resturaunt and had no obligation to pick them up any food but you made a selfless offer to do so, they agreed to thier benifit but wanted you to go yet farther out of your obligatory bounderies by taking your sister.

sound like your parents are the ones who are acting spoiled and childish





Heh, the title is not dramatic at all.

Anywho, I was wondering what ya'll think is far enough to push, when my (attempted) carfree lifestyle becomes detrimental to my parents, when it turns into selfishness.

My parents are pretty much the average couple in respect to cars--they (think they) can't live without them. I'm sixteen years of age and have my license as well as a car to drive. I usually go out of my way to offer to retrieve food to go from places for my parents, run errands, etc. My parents are all for me doing errands, of course, but then we hit a little hitch when I mention I'm biking them. I don't think they're concerned with the safety of it at all.

Just want an outsider's evaulation of this little situation a few days ago. At lunchtime, I offered to bring back food from a restaurant if they wanted it. It was a restaurant they had never been to but I had called up the menu online. They said sure, they made their food selections, etc., then they told me to take my sister simply for the sole reason that she wanted to go to look at the menu there. My sister hates bikes as well, so I would have had to have driven a car if I took her. Long story short, I didn't see a reason for this, and told them so. It got to the point where my mom said/yelled, "Why do you have to make this so hard?"


One example of my problems with a car-free lifestyle and my parents. Do you think I acted spoiledly? When dealing with parents, where do you think I should draw the line?

i dont think YOU should ever punch your mom in the head , but i would have



punch her in the head next time.:eek::beer:

Heh, the title is not dramatic at all.

Anywho, I was wondering what ya'll think is far enough to push, when my (attempted) carfree lifestyle becomes detrimental to my parents, when it turns into selfishness.

My parents are pretty much the average couple in respect to cars--they (think they) can't live without them. I'm sixteen years of age and have my license as well as a car to drive. I usually go out of my way to offer to retrieve food to go from places for my parents, run errands, etc. My parents are all for me doing errands, of course, but then we hit a little hitch when I mention I'm biking them. I don't think they're concerned with the safety of it at all.

Just want an outsider's evaulation of this little situation a few days ago. At lunchtime, I offered to bring back food from a restaurant if they wanted it. It was a restaurant they had never been to but I had called up the menu online. They said sure, they made their food selections, etc., then they told me to take my sister simply for the sole reason that she wanted to go to look at the menu there. My sister hates bikes as well, so I would have had to have driven a car if I took her. Long story short, I didn't see a reason for this, and told them so. It got to the point where my mom said/yelled, "Why do you have to make this so hard?"


One example of my problems with a car-free lifestyle and my parents. Do you think I acted spoiledly? When dealing with parents, where do you think I should draw the line?


You don't have a Lifestyle. You are just a kid living at home. And yes this also goes for all you 20-30 somethings still hanging in your parents basements.

-D

You don't have a Lifestyle. You are just a kid living at home. And yes this also goes for all you 20-30 somethings still hanging in your parents basements.

-D

Presumably with an automobile supplied by those big meanies, with the insurance and all expenses paid for too. And they have the audacity to ask you for a favor and take your sister somewhere? Oh, the horror! The outrage! Who wudda thunk? Tell 'em you never will set foot in that automobile again. That'll show 'em who's boss.

Okay, okay, one vote for spoiled. Understandable.

Shaverda, I don't think you were all that far out of line but I also recommend you go along with your parents just for the sake of going along with your parents.

It hasn't been that long that I've been living away from my parents so I know how hard it can be when parents tell you what to do so often (and let's face it, parents are not always right), but you have to pick your battles. A short trip to the restaurant in the car does not need to be a huge deal.

That said, if they are coming up with excuses to keep you off the bike every time you want to use it for transportation, there might be a reason they're not talking to you about. It may be that they think it looks like your family is dirt poor if you don't drive, or that they really do think biking is too dangerous.

You might want to promise them (and then stick to the promise) that you're not going to fight with them or repeat the same old arguments over and over again, but that you want them to be aware of the main reasons you would like to be car-free (such as saving money, being in shape, and being more enviro-friendly).

Okay, okay, one vote for spoiled. Understandable.

two actually. But who's counting.

-D

Presumably with an automobile supplied by those big meanies, with the insurance and all expenses paid for too. And they have the audacity to ask you for a favor and take your sister somewhere? Oh, the horror! The outrage! Who wudda thunk? Tell 'em you never will set foot in that automobile again. That'll show 'em who's boss.

whatever he tried to do something nice for them out of the kindness of his heart and they took it farther than his origional offer

My parents are only concerned about my safety when I tell them about how I ride to work and all around town. I'd wager that yours are worried, too, and they're trying anything they can think of to keep you safer.

whatever he tried to do something nice for them out of the kindness of his heart and they took it farther than his origional offer

"Kindness of his heart"? "Took it farther"? "Original offer?"
Interesting concepts of the parent-child relationship. Especially for a live-in minor child still living on the economic teat.

Oddly enough the folks can be great friends after you move out.

+1 Only after I turned 30 did many of my dads annoying habits finally make sense to me. Now we get along like best friends: working outside together, playing jokes on each other, fixing things together. He is kind of like an older smarter brother now. My only regrets are that it took this long and that I live so far away from him.

I don't expect him to give up his pickup truck and he is amused about my bike commuting and my wifes bus commuting.

"Kindness of his heart"? "Took it farther"? "Original offer?"
Interesting concepts of the parent-child relationship. Especially for a live-in minor child still living on the economic teat.

I did have a long reply ready to post but decided getting too off topic would be disrespectfull to the origional poster not that you have respect for anyone under 35 according to your origional post.

.back on topic...

kid I think your fine in excersizing yourself as an individual and despite the oppinions of others being a minor does not make you a worthless slave. but be thankfull your parents do offer to let you drive and provide you with a roof. and learn to drive best you can ever cause while you may be able to live car free as an individual you may need to be able to drive for a future job.

but be thankfull for your parents I was on my own at 16 and it wasent fun I might make 80k + on a good year now but there were a lot of nights I went cold annd hungery getting to this point

I think that it's, at it's root, a small thing. You ride, they drive. They asked you to drive. It's no big, unless they make you pay for gas on top of it. Possibly your parents are at that point where they are trying to let go but having issues - its common, and it often comes out as strange requests mutating into orders.

Smile, nod, and do what you think is right. That's all this situation needs.

... and despite the oppinions of others being a minor does not make you a worthless slave.
"Worthless Slave"? Priceless over-the -top rhetoric! Better even than the "kindness of his heart" BS!

Priceless over-the -top rhetoric!

Yeah, I agree that someone in this thread is definitely using priceless over-the-top rhetoric.

Kids and parents don't have a equal relationship - the power dynamic places the parents in charge, although in today's society, we expect parents to treat the child more like a participant than simply an automaton that obeys.

Honestly, I don't take this to the extreme other parents do. My kids are given consideration as thinking people, but there are times when 'the law' is set, and that has to be there, because a parent's authority needs to be absolute.

Disregarding a child's point of view, though, undermines your own authority. Children who believe their parents don't listen are more likely to rebel in dangerous ways. Parents with authority know that sometimes the child needs to have their views listened to, because power involves both people acknowledging. When a person in power has to force the other to submit, then its not power anymore, but strength. Power is when one submits to the other willingly.

What I don't understand is why your parents want you to bring along your sister; and I think it's up to you to decide what counts as a good reason. Do you think the purpose of the "bring your sister" wrinkle was to force you to drive the car? If so, I would ignore it.

I agree with being a bit less militant while you're still staying with your parents. You will have full control over your own life choices soon enough. I mean, if you go vegan you don't expect everyone else in the family to eat that way too? Your sister needed to come with you, she doesn't cycle, cycling and taking the car were the only options. If those were the facts, I'd take the car too.

My SO is gradually getting into this cycling thing, but what's a reasonable distance for me is still very much beyond the comfort zone for her. We take that into account when we plan for holidays, for example. Sometimes we cycle, sometimes we rent a car. We've come a long way from not cycling together at all.

--J

You will have full control over your own life choices soon enough.

There was a little sign posted on a wall of a kite/toy store in my hometown that said, "Tired of your parents telling you what to do? Move out NOW while you still know everything!"


:D

I still say they wanted the kids all gone to get freaky.

There was a little sign posted on a wall of a kite/toy store in my hometown that said, "Tired of your parents telling you what to do? Move out NOW while you still know everything!"


:D

And don't forget to leave the keys to their car and their credit cards and their checkbooks at the door as you won't need them no more.

Thank you for all the responses.

I'VE REALIZED I AM JUST AS SPOILED AS ALL OF MY SIBLINGS! AHHHHHHHHHH!

And just so everybody knows, I meant the OP to be a bit tongue in cheek as far as rhetoric goes. :P

And TRaffic Jammer is totally right. I'm just in denial.

Don't fret little trooper, it's a good thing your folks still love each other, and the whole family is still together. you might learn some good things about love, relationships and tolerating other people and such.... Cliché, I know, but true. NOW GO RIDE!!!!! :lol:

I can't.

I'm grounded from my bike, lmao.

. . . I wish I was kidding. My father stole my wheels and everything. Other people from my school find it amusing however. They seem to think I'm a strange teenager. I wonder why. ;)

Unless of course you meant that go ride part as some sort of sexual innuendo not directed towards me, in which case I have no response.

grounded off your bike? did they catch you with skin mags or pot? Sheesh. Oh, well. Don't do that again.

Kids and parents don't have a equal relationship - the power dynamic places the parents in charge, although in today's society, we expect parents to treat the child more like a participant than simply an automaton that obeys.

Honestly, I don't take this to the extreme other parents do. My kids are given consideration as thinking people, but there are times when 'the law' is set, and that has to be there, because a parent's authority needs to be absolute.

Disregarding a child's point of view, though, undermines your own authority. Children who believe their parents don't listen are more likely to rebel in dangerous ways. Parents with authority know that sometimes the child needs to have their views listened to, because power involves both people acknowledging. When a person in power has to force the other to submit, then its not power anymore, but strength. Power is when one submits to the other willingly.


exactly if you make anyone feel helpless they are either going to completely give up mentally and physically or completely rebel against you . treating children worse than people get treated in medium security prisons cant possibly lead to a healthy beginning to a life

grounded off your bike? did they catch you with skin mags or pot? Sheesh. Oh, well. Don't do that again.

yeah in the future just dont make any obscene offers like that. let them get their own food unless they make you . i mean learn from your mistakes of trying to be nice

In the world of manners, accepting an offer of kindness and then imposing yourself on the person making the offer by demanding more is rude.

Your mother didn't ask you to take your sister, she demanded you do it. That was out of line.

If your bike was taken away because of this incident then it is too bad that I must pronounce your parents insane.

I agree with TonyCtattoo, never again make an offer to get anything for your parents again. If at some time in the future they ask why you never make such offers, remind them of the time they took advantage of you and then punished you for it.

If you can get a part time job now and begin saving your money, you will be able to move out on your eighteenth birthday. If you don't plan to move out at that time it would still be a good idea to have that money ready for the first big fight you have with your parents after you are eighteen. They'll yell at you and say "As long as you live under our roof..." just say "OK, I'll be gone in a week."

Since you can't work full time as a sixteen year old it will take you two or more months to save up enough to pay just one months rent for an apartment (unless you are some super entrepreneur). So start now.

I have a big cousin who is about twenty years old. He works at a Wal-Mart unloading trucks on the weekends and earns $600 for two days work. I have no idea why they pay that much. It would be a great job if you could get it.

I can't.

I'm grounded from my bike, lmao.

. . . I wish I was kidding. My father stole my wheels and everything. Other people from my school find it amusing however. They seem to think I'm a strange teenager. I wonder why. ;)

Unless of course you meant that go ride part as some sort of sexual innuendo not directed towards me, in which case I have no response.

dude, don't take this the wrong way but if what ya say is true, yer ol' man is a world-class prick. stole yer wheels? you need to have a little come-to-jesus with him now. that's unacceptable.:eek:

That's whacked.

yeah in the future just dont make any obscene offers like that. let them get their own food unless they make you . i mean learn from your mistakes of trying to be nice
+1

Since you can't work full time as a sixteen year old it will take you two or more months to save up enough to pay just one months rent for an apartment (unless you are some super entrepreneur). So start now.

Actually, depending on the state I think he could work full-time. I got my first 40-hour desk job at 16. Not sure if it was exactly legal or not though. People don't pay much attention to things like that here in this part of Tennessee.

That's whacked.

No, no no... the proper enunciation of the phrase is, "Thas' WACK."

:D