Foo - Funny things you teach your kids...

...or funny things your Dad taught you...

I was brought up with 'Omenade' for lemonade. 'Storbs' for strawberries. 'Hepticopters' for helicopters.
Usually these were due to me saying them wrong and my Dad perpetuating it.

Now I realise I did the same to my kids.

My 7 year old daughter still says 'Berekferest' instead of breakfast plus lots of others.

I taught both kids to get dressed. For years both of them thought their arms were called 'Right arm' and 'Other arm'.

For years my daughter thought there were monkeys in the ATM machines and CD players have mini people in them reading the disc and playing their instruments. Plus the usual Dad stuff - that hot dogs are made out of dogs and cheese comes from the moon.

I'm gonna ask my 13 year old son tonight if he remembers any more.....

Anyone have a warped view of the world due to their Dads distorted sense of humour? Fess up.

Yes. I rather not though.

just remember lairs can figure and figurers can lie.

there was dad/mom "cows in the woods" all "those sneaky cows'"

Had my youngest blabbing about what I do for a living to the doctors in the ER (a basic science researchers cells and....... in the same hospital)

"froshed flakes"

"mooveh"

My entire world is completely off-kilter due to my father's distorted sense of humor.

For years my daughter thought there were monkeys in the ATM machines

You mean there's not? I've been putting bananas in the deposit envelopes for years for nothing!



And the reason there are so many short actors is that they fit better in the TV...

My entire world is completely off-kilter due to my father's distorted sense of humor.

+1, but in a good way :D

When I was a little girl, my dad taught me to say "I'm irresistible" except it came out "I'm irresissible" without the "t". My parents got married in Vegas, and he had me and my sister believing for years that he just met my mom in Vegas and married her on the spot. There's a ton of others that I can't remember... Gotta love a good dad. :D

More my mother.

Cemetery = Marble Orchard
Armadillo = Possum on the half-shell

Pasghetti instead of spaghetti

I got some from my grandfather.

Coffee = Doggyphew

Kitchen = Chicken

My Dad used to always tell me to never run the water on full stream when brushing my teeth, etc. He said it was wasting water. To this day i still can't fun the bathroom faucet at full stream even though i know it is a ridiculous concept, considering the faucet has an aerator and very little water is being use either way.

the funniest thing I remember is my dad telling us about "hill cows". they have two legs shorter than the others so they can stay upright on the hills.

My parents always told me and my sister that if we weren't quiet while driving through a canyon all the rocks would roll down and crush the car... It took many years before i realized that it was simply a fabrication to get me and my sister to quiet down on road trips.

My grandmother told me that if I didn't clean and cover my cuts a troll would come and cut off my finger while I slept.

toby = fart

don't know how they came up with that. I should ask them before they get too senile.

Not so much from my parents but perhaps a regional thing.

Several years ago, out of the blue someone asked me what it meant to "unthaw" something. It then hit me that for my entire life I had used the word unthaw to mean thaw. :p

My father always told me if you unscrewed your belly button, your rear end would fall off. I have told my boys this.

Your father is a wise man

agreed, I mean look at how I turned out.

When I was a little kid, I somehow came to believe that the proper name for a banana was "munyamop." I have no clue where this came from. My now-81 year old mother still calls them "munyamops" around the family.


I have told my son this piece of advice that I think every parent should pass on to their kids: "Never take candy from a stranger unless he offers you a ride." Okay, maybe you shouldn't tell them until they are 14 and understand the concept of sarcasm and deadpan, slightly off-kilter humor, but the little disease-factory money-pits should hear it, by gosh.

I also firmly believe that there is no point in having kids if you can't mess with their minds. God knows they aren't a paying proposition, so you gotta get your investment back in entertainment value. :D

I taught my son not to play with his bellybutton because it's like a balloon knot. If he plays with it, it could untie, and all his guts would drain out.

The look on his face was priceless.


One thing my dad taught me, and I will teach my son, since it's worked out so well for me:

Always make sure she has a better time than you do.

Don't hold in your farts or your breath will stink.

My father always told me if you unscrewed your belly button, your rear end would fall off. I have told my boys this.


So apparently if you righty tighty it, you get junk in your trunk?

So apparently if you righty tighty it, you get junk in your trunk?

not sure. see, I am left handed, which might mean I have a left threaded belly button. never tried to adjust mine, what with the chances of losing my arse if I screw up.

We love beenanas in our house and lasternight we had noogles for dinner. My daughter gets up and washes the eyegers out of her eyes first thing each morning.

My father used to tell me he was a Spitfire pilot during the war. I believed him until I was old enough to work out the maths.

Boa Constructor instead of Boa Constricter
Kafwin instead of Katherine
Can't remember anymore right now...

My father used to tell me he was a Spitfire pilot during the war. I believed him until I was old enough to work out the maths.

THAT is fantastic... I gotta make something like that up for my kids.

My older two don't believe me any more so my partner and I have to have another... :)

My friends have their little girl using the word "fluffer" instead of fart. All belly's are called "bhuddas," and any cheese/rice puff snack is called "poofs."

They may want to keep in mind that, in the adult movie biz, the term "fluffer" has a very specific, and very different, meaning.

They may want to keep in mind that, in the adult movie biz, the term "fluffer" has a very specific, and very different, meaning.

What a coincidence! (Actually, my kids used to say "co-inkydink.") A lady I work with came in my office this morning to compliment me on something I had done. As she got ready to leave she said she had just come by to fluff me up. It was difficult to explain to her that she might not ought to tell people the she had "fluffed up Dick" this morning.

My brother in law told my niece that some people eat turtles. So, now whenever my 2yo niece comes over, she begs me to let her eat my turtle.

I taught my son that telephone poles were "special" trees grown by the phone company.

my dad use to say,
"you turn them all upside down and they all look like sisters."

He was a perv.

I just realized I have one...
My dad calls bluegill and other panfish 'skippies'. I found out the true meaning when i started fly fishing.

I ate Bambi, Smokey the bear, Flipper, Michigan M Frog, thumper and many other woodland heros (My dad liked feeding me strange new foods then giving me heck about it, he had a pretty warped sense of humor back then).

I was a strange little boy (not to mention seeming to have inhereted his sense of humor...I'm not that mean though...Santa's Elves are really the bad little boys he abducts and beats to a pulp every morning in a whiskey-fueled rage...or not :p ).

I taught my kids a lot of random cheesy stuff (mostly to annoy my wife), like super-elaborate handshakes and shooting their fingers when they say hi.

What I'm working on now is the end of the comedy show "Thank you, thank you! Enjoy the buffet! I'll be here all week!"

When they were little, I taught them that when the music is playing, the ice cream truck is out of ice cream. :D

When they were little, I taught them that when the music is playing, the ice cream truck is out of ice cream. :D

Now that's just mean! :D

My mom convinced me that it wasnt necessary to go to school everyday.. I love my mom :D.

And my dad had me believe that Kenjiro Shinozuka (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenjiro_Shinozuka) was a monster.

My father always told me if you unscrewed your belly button, your rear end would fall off. I have told my boys this.

My mother said that if I unscrewed my belly button, my arms and legs would fall off. Scared the heck out of me.

My wife and I convinced our kids there was a hampster in the printer, making the paper come out, etc.

I wish I could remember off of mine. Some were taken. A particularly humorous answer, though, was when I asked my dad, "Why do geese fly in V's"? And he said, "Because it's too hard to make a G"