Mountain Biking - Don't you hate it when your halfway out and have to poo

Imagine a 16 mile loop with no bailouts around a lake. Your on mile 8 what do you do?

Watch the soft, fuzzy leaves in that boggy area -- might be nettles :eek:

I hold it 'til I can't hold it no more, pick a tree to hide behind and BLAM! Out like a shotgun.

There was a big crater out in a cow pasture in Orting, WA - - part of the Moto-x track I race at. I'd always wondered how it got there . . . .

That saddle gets mighty uncomfortable when the turtle starts poking it's head out.

I hold it 'til I can't hold it no more, pick a tree to hide behind and BLAM! Out like a shotgun.

Great image there.

This is what shirt sleeves and shirttails are for. And if you are wearing a jersey I hope you're carrying some tissue in a bag. Basically, if you are 8 miles out in nature with no bathroom then there's not much chance someone will come up on you while you're doing your business. Just make sure not to squat in poison ivy.

who needs TP when you have these great illustrated directions
http://asthecrowflies.org/2007/01/09/how-to-poo-in-the-woods/

Imagine a 16 mile loop with no bailouts around a lake. Your on mile 8 what do you do?

Explosive combustion?

sh...t happens!

I've memorized all the port-a-potties along my routes. And public toilets. And dense clumps of trees. At my age I am more worried about draining the lizard then having the turtle poke its head out.

who needs TP when you have these great illustrated directions
http://asthecrowflies.org/2007/01/09/how-to-poo-in-the-woods/

wipe with stick ??????? No thanks, i would trap a squirrel before i used a stick

Um... I've always carried tp in a ziploc bag in my camelback, so even if it rains I'm good.
What, am I the only one?

No, me too. I've lost way too many socks in the past.

Imagine a 16 mile loop with no bailouts around a lake. Your on mile 8 what do you do?

Wade into the lake and poop. Just keep moving.

Wade into the lake and poop. Just keep moving.

Nah, then you might get the dickslug. Don't want to mess with that.

Imagine a 16 mile loop with no bailouts around a lake. Your on mile 8 what do you do?

sounds like you need fiber supplementation to allow for more timely bowel habits and general good health.

Wade into the lake and poop. Just keep moving.

Question answered, thread closed.

Question answered, thread closed.

I can't poop underwater

thread opened

You take it like a man and do it in the woods and wipe with nature, I've used horsetails before, they work well - very soft !

I can't poop underwater

thread opened

Touche, fair call.
THREAD STILL OPEN.

Sync your body with the morning - you won't have to go during the day!

You take it like a man and do it in the woods and wipe with nature, I've used horsetails before, they work well - very soft !


Plus, you can use horsetails to scour out pots and pans (they have silica in them) :) .

East Hill

Just don't use the same ones...

Wade into the lake and poop. Just keep moving.

yup their aint nothing like taking a dump in lake, river etc.

I can't poop underwater

Now there's a tale of discovery that needs telling.


Don't you hate it when your halfway out and have to poo

If you're already halfway out, it's too late.

wipe with stick ??????? No thanks, i would trap a squirrel before i used a stick

there goes my hot chocolate all over my desk

Now there's a tale of discovery that needs telling.

+1

But then I thought about it... and now I don't know if I want to know.

Sync your body with the morning - you won't have to go during the day!

+1. I've trained my body to take a nice big crap every single morning, so, never a problem on rides.

Thanks for all these wonderful images. :eek:

I think after reading this thread I'm probably going to need Therapy. :D

This place is good for a laugh, I have to admit!!! :)

Ray

A snowball provides the most refreshing wipe you will ever experience.;)

But make sure its made from fluffy snow not the little ice crystals :D

How about dry ice?

You might try this book

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a4/NHSuperHawk/shat_cover_med.jpg

http://www.northshorecare.com/images/depend-fitteds.jpg

I simply use Depends adult diapers on my rides. Unequal protection and added cushioning for those bumpy trails. It gets a little squishy sometimes though :rolleyes:.

Just don't use the same ones...

Oh, look, hot cocoa :D .

East Hill

well I have tried to poo underwater on a fishing trip and couldn't make myself do it... I also have a prbolem peeing underwater. I'm sure that's a medical condition and there is a pill on TV for it, but I'll just let it be.. I'm pretty sure I could poo in a submarine, so underwater may not be accurate.

You might try this book

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a4/NHSuperHawk/shat_cover_med.jpg

I saw that in Books A Million and had to do a double take.

Re: Pooping in water - You've never released a brown microshark in someone's pool?

Re: Pooping in water - You've never released a brown microshark in someone's pool?

I have always referred to it as boneless brown trout. Never heard that one before..

well I have tried to poo underwater on a fishing trip and couldn't make myself do it... I also have a problem peeing underwater. I'm sure that's a medical condition and there is a pill on TV for it, but I'll just let it be.. I'm pretty sure I could poo in a submarine, so underwater may not be accurate.

i am sure with some therapy you too will be able to experience the true pleasure, freedom and empowerment that only an aqua poop can provide. There is a 12 step program as well. Good luck brother.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaper#Adult_usage

Astronauts wear trunk-like diapers called "Maximum Absorbency Garments", or MAGs, during liftoff and landing. On space shuttle missions, each crew member receives three diapers — for launch, reentry and a spare in case reentry has to be waved off and tried later. The super-absorbent fabric used in disposable diapers, which can hold up to 400 times its weight, was developed so Apollo astronauts could stay on spacewalks and extra-vehicular activity for at least six hours. Originally, only female astronauts would wear Maximum Absorbency Garments, as the collection devices used by men were unsuitable for women; however, reports of their comfort and effectiveness eventually convinced men to start wearing the diapers as well. Public awareness of astronaut diapers rose significantly following the arrest of Lisa Nowak, a NASA astronaut charged with attempted murder who gained notoriety in the media for driving 900 miles in an adult diaper so she would not have to stop to urinate. The diapers became fodder for many television comedians, as well as being included in an adaptation of the story in Law & Order: Criminal Intent, despite Nowak's denial that she wore them.

Other situations in which diapers are worn because access to a toilet is unavailable or not allowed include guards who must stay on duty and are not permitted to leave their post; this is sometimes called the "watchman's urinal". It has long been suggested that legislators don a diaper before an extended filibuster, so often that it has been jokingly called "taking to the diaper." There has certainly been at least one such instance, in which Strom Thurmond gave a record holding 24 hours and 18 minute speech. Some Death Row inmates who are about to be executed wear "execution diapers" to collect body fluids expelled during and after their death. People diving in diving suits (in former times often standard diving dresses) may wear diapers because they are underwater continuously for several hours. Similarly, pilots may also wear them on long flights. Some competitive weightlifters choose to wear diapers early in their training because the pressure makes them urinate involuntarily. In 2003, Hazards magazine reported that workers from various industries were taking to wearing diapers because their bosses denied them toilet breaks during working hours, while The Epoch Times claimed in 2006 that diapers are a popular way to avoid long bathroom lines during China's traveling season.

Um... I've always carried tp in a ziploc bag in my camelback, so even if it rains I'm good.
What, am I the only one?

Baby wipes are more useful. You can also use them to clean cuts.

Two things any cycling pack should not be without: Baby Wipes and Duck Tape.

well I have tried to poo underwater on a fishing trip and couldn't make myself do it... I also have a prbolem peeing underwater. I'm sure that's a medical condition and there is a pill on TV for it, but I'll just let it be.. I'm pretty sure I could poo in a submarine, so underwater may not be accurate.

The external pressure underwater is much more than the pressure above the surface. This is the reason you have trouble doing this.

Baby wipes are more useful. You can also use them to clean cuts.

Two things any cycling pack should not be without: Baby Wipes and Duck Tape.

Sometimes after a hard night of drinking not even duct tape will stop it, that's where the baby wipes come in.

Sometimes after a hard night of drinking not even duct tape will stop it, that's where the baby wipes come in.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Seriously though, what I was commenting on was the versatility of both products. Wipes can be used to clean cuts, bike parts, your chain, your glasses. I need not speak to the versatility of duct tape. It can be used as a tire boot, it can hold a broken frame together (but only after you clean it), you can use it as a bandage for lacerations (again you want to clean that first).

Imagine a 16 mile loop with no bailouts around a lake. Your on mile 8 what do you do?

I finish my 40 mile ride then go home and poop


Ok in an emergency I would find some woods and a place to squat

do it

then use leaves,
or one of the socks I carry which hold the tubes in my camelbak
(I use old socks around the 3 spare tube I carry)

or if I don't have the camelbak, a sacrificial sock

sh...t happens!

ditto:D

After a few days away from this thread...well...I am laughing out loud.

The external pressure underwater is much more than the pressure above the surface. This is the reason you have trouble doing this.

And this is how poop gets outside of a submerged submarine. Pressurize the system higher than sea pressure.

Just don’t open the ball valve to flush while this evolution is under way, or you will sustain psychological damage that won’t allow you to poop in a submarine ever again.

Why don't you just poo in the sock, put the sock in the zip lock bag and then put the bag in your camelbak. Pack it in, pack it out! Might stop another rider accidentally running over your business.

Why don't you just poo in the sock, put the sock in the zip lock bag and then put the bag in your camelbak. Pack it in, pack it out! Might stop another rider accidentally running over your business.

I'd do that, but it looks too much like a clif bar so I don't want to risk it.