Tom Stormcrowe
01-14-08, 04:46 PM
Subject: 5-Minute Management Course
>> THESE ARE SO TRUE AND GREAT LESSONS!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 1:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
>> her
>> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
>> towel
>> and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
>> next-door neighbor.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
>> towel.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
>> naked in front of Bob.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
>> she
>> gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'It was Bob, the next-door neighbor,' she replies.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Great!' the husband says. 'Did he say anything about the $800 he
>> owes me?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining
>> to
>> credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
>> to
>> prevent avoidable exposure.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 2:
>>
>> A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
>> forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
>> After
>> controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
>> slide up her leg again.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The priest apologized, 'Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
>> 129.
>> It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : If you are not well informed in your job,
>> opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 3:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
>> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
>> out.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
>> Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff!
>> She's
>> gone.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii,
>> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
>> Pina
>> Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : Always let your boss have the first say.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 4:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
>> rabbit
>> saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The eagle answered, 'Sure , why not.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of
>> a
>> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
>> sitting very, very high up.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 5:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get
>> to
>> the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
>> bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
>> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
>> after
>> eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
>> top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out
>> of
>> the tree.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : Bull **** might get you to the top, but it
>> won't
>> keep you there.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 6:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the
>> bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
>> there, a cow came by and **** on him.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
>> realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
>> there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
>> dung,
>> and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Morals of the story :
>> (1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
>>
>> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
>>
>> (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth
>> shut!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>> THESE ARE SO TRUE AND GREAT LESSONS!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 1:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
>> her
>> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
>> towel
>> and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
>> next-door neighbor.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
>> towel.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
>> naked in front of Bob.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
>> she
>> gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'It was Bob, the next-door neighbor,' she replies.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Great!' the husband says. 'Did he say anything about the $800 he
>> owes me?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining
>> to
>> credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
>> to
>> prevent avoidable exposure.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 2:
>>
>> A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
>> forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
>> After
>> controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
>> slide up her leg again.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The priest apologized, 'Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
>> 129.
>> It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : If you are not well informed in your job,
>> opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 3:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
>> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
>> out.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
>> Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff!
>> She's
>> gone.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii,
>> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
>> Pina
>> Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : Always let your boss have the first say.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 4:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
>> rabbit
>> saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The eagle answered, 'Sure , why not.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of
>> a
>> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
>> sitting very, very high up.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 5:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get
>> to
>> the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
>> bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
>> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
>> after
>> eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
>> top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out
>> of
>> the tree.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Moral of the story : Bull **** might get you to the top, but it
>> won't
>> keep you there.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Lesson 6:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the
>> bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
>> there, a cow came by and **** on him.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
>> realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
>> there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
>> dung,
>> and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Morals of the story :
>> (1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
>>
>> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
>>
>> (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth
>> shut!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE