Touring - The nastiest thing that ever flew in your mouth

Ok Gang

I have been a part of the bike forums only a short time but I just read a thread that had me downloading in my pants.

http://bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=376753

I figure if anyone has "nastiest thing that ever flew in your mouth" stories, it has to be touring cyclists. I have one to top them all but it never happened on a bike.

I must give full credit to andrefulci for first bringing up this post in the MTB forums. All honor and praise to him.

OK - lets hear them !!

Didn't actually go in my mouth but a bat smacked me in the lips. Gave me the creeping willies for hours.

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=340097

I ride a lot in cattle ranching territory. The big trucks leave some NASTY trails of what would amount to a cowpie in a field. You learn to close your mouth, squint a bit, and maintain a perfectly straight line so most of the spray hits the down tube when you have no choice but to ride through it.

Ok Gang

I have been a part of the bike forums only a short time but I just read a thread that had me downloading in my pants.

http://bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=376753

I figure if anyone has "nastiest thing that ever flew in your mouth" stories, it has to be touring cyclists. I have one to top them all but it never happened on a bike.

I must give full credit to andrefulci for first bringing up this post in the MTB forums. All honor and praise to him.

OK - lets hear them !!

When I was on my world tour I was on a meandering road through a cow pasture in Portugal, not far from the town of Sort. There were alot of small gnats flying around. You must understand that they fly around alot during the day, but at night they take refuge in the warm, moist, crappy environs just inside the cow's butts. Well, one of them flew in my mouth and got crushed against my teeth, and I got an exquisite flavor of cow ****. I stopped and tried to rinse my mouth out with my water bottle but it was too late...a few hours later I had pretty serious intestinal upset.

Twice I have had bees fky in my mouth, and I got stung on the tongue once.

roughstuff

Just reading this thread's title made me laugh out loud!!! :roflmao:

Not that nasty, but one time I had a bug fly in my mouth that tasted like a banana flavored runt. Probably wouldn't eat it again though.

A Cicada,

I swallowed it on instinct and felt it buzzing in my stomach for a minute. Gives me the willies thinking about it now....

I had a wasp fly in my mouth. It stung me on the lip as I spit it out.

I ride a lot in cattle ranching territory. The big trucks leave some NASTY trails of what would amount to a cowpie in a field. You learn to close your mouth, squint a bit, and maintain a perfectly straight line so most of the spray hits the down tube when you have no choice but to ride through it.

Another vote for fenders!

A big ol' flippin' grasshopper at 35 mph, on a tandem with my little girl on the back. He went back out fast, but he left some legs behind...ptoo, tui!

So maybe the lesson here is that one should bite down on a bee rather than spit it out.

A big ol' flippin' grasshopper at 35 mph, on a tandem with my little girl on the back. He went back out fast, but he left some legs behind...ptoo, tui!

my grasshopper didn't hit my mouth. but, it did land on my shoulder and rode with me for about 40 miles. it was kinda special.

I'm gonna upchuck on my keyboard reading this thread!

A dragonfly. A very large dragonfly.


I've told the story here before, but I can tell it again! :D



I've also been hit in the head by several birds, a bat or two, and one of those very large june beetles (the ones that are about 4" long). And I've had a bee go down my jersey.

a huge mosquito.

Try dealing with an exploding colostomy.

a huge mosquito.

If you've ever cycled in Manitoba in June, you would have swallowed hundreds of these in just about every ride. I didn't need energy bars there!!

Machka- Pls tell your Dragonfly story. I haven't heard it....

My friend's friend had dog-do fly off the wheel of the girl in front of him into his mouth. He barfed.

No see ums last summer and was glad I have on my sunglass, otherwise they would have found their way into my eyes.

All right ... here's the dragonfly story ...

My "worst" experience with an insect occurred during a race in 1999.

The route descended into a ravine, climbed out of the ravine, turned left ... and then the cyclists pulled a U-turn and descended back into the ravine, climbed out of the ravine, pulled a U-turn ... etc. etc. for several loops.

I descended into the ravine and when I was climbing out, I noticed that there was a camera crew set up near the top of the hill filming the Cat 2 cyclists who were now about to descend the hill. I was laughing because they were all zipping up and trying to look all cool.

I got to the top of the hill, turned left, rode along a ways, then pulled the U-turn and started back toward the ravine.

All of a sudden a MASSIVE dragonfly flew into my mouth!!!! :eek: :eek:

I could feel it buzzing its wings, and I desperately tried to spit or gag it out .... but it was lodged in there!! :eek:

Just then I noticed that I was getting closer and closer to the camera crew. I didn't want the image of me gagging and spitting a dragonfly out of my mouth to be captured, but I didn't know what to do ... this thing would not back out of my mouth!

As I passed the camera crew, I closed my mouth and cycled by looking as calm, cool, and collected as a person can look with a massive dragonfly buzzing in her mouth.

As soon as I was by the camera, I reached into my mouth, and dragged this thing out ........ and then went through almost convulsive shudders at the thought of what had just happened!!

I DNF'd that race.

I also have this fear of dragonflies.

Oh. My. Gosh. Machka!!! That is HILARIOUS!!!!

Honestly I can't think of anything other than the routine bugs and road gunk that have gotten in my mouth....

An Australian Blow Fly

They do not lay eggs, but rather, give birth to live maggots. So as the fly was crushed by my teeth I could feel the maggots wriggling on my tongue.

But only for a couple of micro seconds until my stomach voided and they were flushed from my mouth.

There have been many other assorted bugs and detritus, ( including cow pee as a road train went past) but the Blow Fly takes the cake.

george
PS
Have you seen how much a cow pees??? Gallons and gallons

Machka - jeesh. What a story !! I love the picture you paint of trying to look cool as you ride by the cameras with a wriggling dragonfly in your mouth...I got a giggle out of that one. Good story!

An Australian Blow Fly

They do not lay eggs, but rather, give birth to live maggots. So as the fly was crushed by my teeth I could feel the maggots wriggling on my tongue.



Eeeewwwwww!!!

and one of those very large june beetles (the ones that are about 4" long). And I've had a bee go down my jersey.

I took a june beetle (not 4" long but long enough) square in the forehead at damn near 50 mph.

Damn! That's gonna leave a mark! (and it did!)

Lucky bee. ;) I get far to many of those. I've even had the stinger from a bumblebee hit me square on the thigh. The poor guy left it behind in my leg along with the little venom sack still pumping. I was pulling the pace line at 26 mph at the time, let out a scream, and went to the back. Everybody thought I was injured (like I tore something) and I literally was! My thigh hurt so bad that I eventually fell off the back of the line but caught back up at the traffic light a mile or two further on. Thank God I'm not allergic!

Machka - jeesh. What a story !! I love the picture you paint of trying to look cool as you ride by the cameras with a wriggling dragonfly in your mouth...I got a giggle out of that one. Good story!


Some people have told me I should have opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out when I passed the camera crew!! :lol: