Foo - OK I really need your help now and I don't know where else to turn..

A colleague of mine has arranged an after work dinner and I REALLY don't want to go. Why is too embarassing to go into but take it from me honesty is NOT the best policy here so I need to wriggle out using old fashioned lies and subterfuge. This is difficult as it is a 10-year aniversary thing and my absence will be noted and questions will be asked.

My colleague has sent an e-mail that she can be flexible about the dates so this makes it hard to claim that I am washing my hair on that particular night.

Also I can't claim that I am out of country as I have to be in work around the dates in question.

My preferred strategy is to wait as long as possible (just say I am not sure about my availability if asked) without replying till the date is fixed then just say sorry can't make it on that date and not offer any further information.

Has anyone got any better strategies and what is the best excuse (or most creative) you have heard for not turning up to social engagements?

If you want to get out of it without lying, take a chicken salad andwich to work the day of the event. But leave the chicken salad out for several hours the night before, then refrigerate overnight. Eat lunch "early," then, when the cramping, nausea, cold chills and diarrhea start by mid-afternoon, no one will doubt that you need to be home, and no one would dare question your absence that night. Of course, you may be the butt of a few bad jokes, but, hey, you won't be there to hear them anyway! :beer:

Thanks but I work in a big office and the colleagues in qustion probably won't seem me vomiting so my efforts will have been wasted- any other suggestions?

I did think that maybe I should adopt an alternative strategy of appearing keen to go and then just not turning up on the night on account of a sudden flu infection but this could be riskier.

Announce that you're fasting in solidarity with the children starving in Sudan.

Please explain how lying could ever be 'better' than telling the truth? What gives anyone the right to steal under any circumstance?

tell the pervs to get lost
and that clowns suits are not acceptable

Thanks but I work in a big office and the colleagues in qustion probably won't seem me vomiting so my efforts will have been wasted- any other suggestions?

I did think that maybe I should adopt an alternative strategy of appearing keen to go and then just not turning up on the night on account of a sudden flu infection but this could be riskier.

Well, they won't see you vomiting unless you find some reason to walk over to their area and spew. Of course, if you spew a few times anywhere outside the toilet area, word will get around....

Please explain how lying could ever be 'better' than telling the truth?

the stealing thing is bit off topic but lying is often better than telling the truth-for example Schindler lied, bribed, stole and committed many practices that one would consider unethical but few would say that it would have been better if he hadn't done so to save many lives.

Is it better to tell the truth and hurt people or better to lie? a considerable moral maze but one I don't have time to fully analyze as I need a watertight strategy now.

Well, my strategy isn't exactly "watertight," so to speak, so I guess I'll bow out. Good luck! :beer:

Ok thanks for the suggestion Vegavixen even though it was really nauseating - but we are just brainstorming here

Well, as long as we're brainstorming, I'll just say that no one has ever died of embarassment, in reference to your OP. Jes' sayin'. :)

the stealing thing is bit off topic but lying is often better than telling the truth-for example Schindler lied, bribed, stole and committed many practices that one would consider unethical but few would say that it would have been better if he hadn't done so to save many lives.

Is it better to tell the truth and hurt people or better to lie? a considerable moral maze but one I don't have time to fully analyze as I need a watertight strategy now.

No, stealing is spot on topic. To lie to someone its to steal the truth from them. Lets complete the equation: "Is it better to tell the truth and hurt people or better to lie and have the hurt be multiplied because you didn't tell the truth in the first place? Sometimes pain is part of the truth.

Are you telling me that you have engaged in Schindler like actions? I hardly doubt it.

Where you are now is the direct result of your actions or inactions in the past. You danced, it's time to pay the band. You will NOT win this debate... I've been down this road.

HTFU!

Where you are now is the direct result of your actions or inactions in the past. You danced, it's time to pay the band. You will NOT win this debate... I've been down this road.

HTFU!

I have nothing to add except +100000000000000

:)

I put my vote in for the tangled web of lies. It keeps the mind sharp.

1. Plan to be there and make it clear that you want to get there. The night of, while you were running some errands with a friend, s/he got rear-ended by a drunk. Her car's pretty smashed up but nobody was hurt, thankfully. But she's a little freaked out and you have to wait to file a police report. "Start without me, if I can make it, I'll be there." This only works if you've (wisely) avoided mixing work people and the people you actually like being with. You want everything to be unverifiable.

2. As VV pointed out, stories of public vomiting will circulate around the office like wildfire. I don't recommend the spoiled chicken salad, though. Syrup of ipecac works, though very unpleasant. It's gotten me out of a few days of elementary school, but I'm still not sure if it was ever worth it. Though it's likely I was taking too large a dose.

3. Bipolar friend is having a panic attack/personal crisis. You feel you should stick around. As with #1, needs to be unverifiable by people at work.

Get creative. Lying in situations like this is easy and fun if you keep to two simple rules: 1. it must be a realistic situation and 2. completely unverifiable. You'd be amazed at how many people half-ass their lies like they don't take any pride in their work.

So, anyway, are there videos floating around of you mounting this lady's daughter or something?

:roflmao: You are one sick batsard! :lol:

If the truth is too embarrassing to tell then I just want you to know there is a bad case of flu going around. And it would suck big time if you exposed everyone to it. Now you don't want to be selfish and get everyone sick, do you?

If the truth is too embarrassing to tell then I just want you to know there is a bad case of flu going around. And it would suck big time if you exposed everyone to it. Now you don't want to be selfish and get everyone sick, do you?

But, if the truth is so overwhelmingly embarrassing that it can't be told, then don't say you have the flu and then be seen wandering around town.

Or, you could just go with "that was then, this is now. I can't control the fact that it happened. I can't control how people think of me. I CAN control how I think of myself, and I need to stop letting it bother me." Move forward. You will feel better.

How do you know that what you think of as embarassing will even be remembered from ten years back?

East Hill

How do you know that what you think of as embarassing will even be remembered from ten years back?
I can tell you haven't seen the video...

Of course, it's always possible to simply decline. And you need not give a reason. Seriously. Just say, "I'm sorry, but I must turn down your kind invitation." If they ask why, that's a bit rude on their part, but you only have to say, "I'm sorry, I just have to decline. Thank you in any case for the invitation. I'm sure the evening will be a great success for you." And smile.

Of course, it's always possible to simply decline. And you need not give a reason. Seriously. Just say, "I'm sorry, but I must turn down your kind invitation." If they ask why, that's a bit rude on their part, but you only have to say, "I'm sorry, I just have to decline. Thank you in any case for the invitation. I'm sure the evening will be a great success for you." And smile.
And then throw up on her desk.

..:D

I can tell you haven't seen the video...

So true!

There's still going to be some embarrassment, though. Perhaps if you explain to the person putting on the dinner why you would rather avoid the situation?

What I'm saying is--do you want to spend the rest of your life avoiding this, coming up with reasons every few years, or do you want to be done with it now? You are building it up in your mind as a horrible event, and the fear of the event is worse than the event itself. Break the logjam.

East Hill

If the truth is too embarrassing to tell then I just want you to know there is a bad case of flu going around. And it would suck big time if you exposed everyone to it. Now you don't want to be selfish and get everyone sick, do you?

I read something somewhere about the bubonic plague making a comeback. Could that be helpful?

diarrhea, cha cha cha, diarrhea, cha cha cha.. You wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor, it's a fifty yard dash to the bathroom door, diarrhea cha cha, diarrhea cha cha.:)

Please explain how lying could ever be 'better' than telling the truth? What gives anyone the right to steal under any circumstance?

http://www.theapiary.org/archives/2007/01/mcdonalds_ad_ag.html

AND....


http://youtube.com/watch?v=rfMHDA9hZ5s

Need more?


http://youtube.com/watch?v=B4pytd6tt1A

My sister and I once came up with about 25 verses to that song, Lodi! :D

I don't know why I posted it:) but everytime you need to call out sick or get out of something, it's fullproof, as soon as you say diarrhea, noones askin anymore questions.....:D

Kill the coworker. It will solve the current problem and the resultant incarceration or flight from justice will keep you from getting invited to any future functions.

If homocide is not your thing, (apparently it is a deal breaker for some) then try this:

http://gprime.net/game.php/excusegenerator

1. it must be a realistic situation and 2. completely unverifiable.Precisely why your answer lies in the simple phenomenon of time-travelling Nazis.

Start selling Amway or some other pyramid scheme crap. You might make a small amount of money and you definitely get the guarantee that no one will invite you anywhere for fear of being pitched.

On your way to the meal, crash your bike into a car. Shout and scream at the driver until they kick your ass, make sure you bleed a bit otherwise nobody will believe you.
On your way home pick up a few beers and a pizza, you've earned it.

ooh, ooh, I saw this thing on TV once, where they painted spots on their face in red lipstick and pretended they had chicken pox, that might work. (I think it was an episode of pingu, but I'm pretty sure this would work on people as well as penguins)

I'm not condoning this.....I think you should man up and just go and get it over with. But I know my g/f has pulled the last minute "emergency" excuse before. Agree and not give any indication that the timing is bad, then call the night of and give a fake emergency like your son got hit by a baseball and had to go to the emergency room or something like that.

I'm not condoning this.....I think you should man up and just go and get it over with. But I know my g/f has pulled the last minute "emergency" excuse before. Agree and not give any indication that the timing is bad, then call the night of and give a fake emergency like your son got hit by a baseball and had to go to the emergency room or something like that.

Careful here, or you may end up having to explain to your son that you love him, but Daddy screwed up 10 years ago and how the sins of the father are visited upon the son. BTW, how is your throwing arm?

Start selling Amway or some other pyramid scheme crap. You might make a small amount of money and you definitely get the guarantee that no one will invite you anywhere for fear of being pitched.

This is your best advice. Werx fer me. If I find out you are selling Amway or any other multi level product, you are worse than dead to me.

Let's not over complicate this. If you ain't got the scruples to just tell the truth, just tell em that you can't go out ANY evening because: (choose one, or make up one of your own)

a. nightly AA meetings
b. nightly shrink sessions - by missing one you run the risk of immediately relapsing to your serial killer ways
c. court-ordered community service
d. you are not allowed to miss your nightly dinners with your mother

the truth is very overrated- the truth can hurt people and not just me- do you all blurt you whatever you happen to be thinking regardless of consequences? (Stacey excluded :D)- and do I have to go wherever I am invited regardless of whether I want to or not? regardless of my feelings and those of others?

and do you own my truth Stacey that I can steal it from you with a lie?

Sometimes in life you learn truth has to be tempered with a little wisdom. Knowing when to keep your mouth shut! -- this is one of those times.

the truth is very overrated- the truth can hurt people and not just me- do you all blurt you whatever you happen to be thinking regardless of consequences? (Stacey excluded :D)- and do I have to go wherever I am invited regardless of whether I want to or not? regardless of my feelings and those of others?

and do you own my truth Stacey that I can steal it from you with a lie?

Sometimes in life you learn truth has to be tempered with a little wisdom. Knowing when to keep your mouth shut! -- this is one of those times.

I own nothing but my honor, sir. It would be I stealing from you. My sense of respect for others commands honesty in my dealings. I could never trust a liar.

Keeping ones mouth shut is quite different than lying, in fact they are opposites. ;)

There are a lot of things that can hurt people and people will be hurt by them, it's the course of life.

There are many things that we can do, it doesn't mean we have to. You're confusing honesty with loose tongue and lack of maturity.

the truth is very overrated- the truth can hurt people and not just me- do you all blurt you whatever you happen to be thinking regardless of consequences? (Stacey excluded :D)- and do I have to go wherever I am invited regardless of whether I want to or not? regardless of my feelings and those of others?

and do you own my truth Stacey that I can steal it from you with a lie?

Sometimes in life you learn truth has to be tempered with a little wisdom. Knowing when to keep your mouth shut! -- this is one of those times.


No, you don't have to go wherever you are invited. Just don't make up reasons why you can't or won't go. Just say, "No, thanks".

If pressed, simply say "I have my reasons".

East Hill

You could always say that the night chosen is at the same time as your monthy sex swing party.

No, you don't have to go wherever you are invited. Just don't make up reasons why you can't or won't go. Just say, "No, thanks".

If pressed, simply say "I have my reasons".

East Hill

don´t you think that this might merely serve to encourage a gossip-feeding frenzy the like of which my workplace has never seen before- don´t get me wrong I am not so interesting but coming across as Mr Mysterious does not really seem like the best way of putting old skeletons quietly to rest

That's the embarassing truth!!! You guessed it!!!!!!

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

don´t you think that this might merely serve to encourage a gossip-feeding frenzy the like of which my workplace has never seen before- don´t get me wrong I am not so interesting but coming across as Mr Mysterious does not really seem like the best way of putting old skeletons quietly to rest

My earlier point was that YOU control yourself. You can't control what happened in the past--it's gone. Do you care about the gossip? Why? Old skeletons never go away, they just pop up at even more inopportune moments.

East Hill

don´t you think that this might merely serve to encourage a gossip-feeding frenzy the like of which my workplace has never seen before- don´t get me wrong I am not so interesting but coming across as Mr Mysterious does not really seem like the best way of putting old skeletons quietly to rest

It is sometimes best to be quiet and mysterious than to be the liar of the group.

I vote for the *decline with no reason*. A reason isn't ever required, and it turns the table back around that you aren't the one being rude by not attending... they are being rude for asking why (or gossiping).

Let's not over complicate this. If you ain't got the scruples to just tell the truth, just tell em that you can't go out ANY evening because: (choose one, or make up one of your own)

a. nightly AA meetings
b. nightly shrink sessions - by missing one you run the risk of immediately relapsing to your serial killer ways
c. court-ordered community service
d. you are not allowed to miss your nightly dinners with your mother

a)...na meeting tend to be more effective....:D

I am with everyone who essentially said man-up...I don't care about the situation to be honest. Instead of figuring out further ways to hide, suck it and tell the truth...

Royalflash, um, errrr, are you my daddy?

Or at least tell us

I want to know what could be so bad that you can't go to some dinner with someone? It's one evening. And if things would be so bad that you two just can't take it then why not just take the person off to the side and explain that you really don't want to go? Will it just be bad for you and not for the other person? If so then just man up, suck it up, and go. My friends always say I have brutal honesty. I will tell you how it is. If you look fat in those pants, have a terrible haircut, were terrible in bed, or perhaps I've hooked up with that girl you think is an angel and you just started dating, I'll let you know all of those things, or anything else you ask. If you ask me to dinner and I don't want to go, I'll tell you. The truth almost always comes out later. If you make up some lame excuse then you are found out don't you think that will be just as embarassing as the dinner would have been in the first place?