Living Car Free - marriage at odds with car-free?

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Yes. It's hard to find a woman that stupid.

Thanks for asking!

I assure you, marriage and being car-free were never thought to be in conflict with each other before 100 years ago. ;)

Well, it depends on whether she wants to be car free. Otherwise the best you can do is car lite as a couple. But that's not bad either.

When I was married she got a nicer car because we didn't have to support two cars, and I got to use it when necessary.

And at one point she was pressuring me to get a car as well because she was concerned about various imagined dangers that I faced. I had her do the math and she discovered that if I bought a car our budget would go from in the black to in the red.

Marriage can be at odds with a lot of things. It just depends on the marriage.

I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.

I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.


Thats basically exactly the same issue with my wife and I.

Carry on.

...I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.
I'm in a similar situation. Compromise and a practical attitude about the whole carfree thing works for me and my partner.

Marriage is a compromise of course. She's stated her position and knows yours. And it sounds like you have achieved the median value there. So relax. Take a bike ride and faggedaboutit. Even as it is, you use cars less and burn less gas and money on cars than the average. You're at the optimum even if you don't know it.

My husband and I are on the same page as far as car free goes. But like any relationship, there is compromise. Sometimes we just have to go with the solution that is 'good enough' for both of us rather one person's ideal.

Marriage does really mirror your situation in a society. For example, I would probably become both car-free and vegetarian if left to my own devices. However, my wife (like a lot of other individuals in my society...) eats meat and I would like to share meals with her. Therefore, my decision is to prepare as many vegetarians meals as I can without getting dogmatic about it. Likewise, I don't insist on living in a carfree household. What I do instead is use my bicycle for the transportation that makes sense and try to avoid labels like "carfree" and "vegetarian" when discussing either meals or transportation options with my wife. I think that we both will eventually move in the direction of "carfree" and "vegetarian" as our society evolves. I believe my grandchildren will adopt both exclusively. I am merely setting the stage for them.

Depends who you marry. And if you want a different lifestyle than your partner maybe you shouldnt marry them.

Ah, now I get it. You left out "My" from the beginning of the thread title. ;)


I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.

:eek:
Would she just give in and ride if you said to her "I said we're riding and quit bugging me about it, you enviro-nazi"?

I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.

Basically my experience also. Except my wife always points out my beer drinking when I mention saving money on gas and insurance. The hard part is keeping myself from forming the habit of using the car for my solo trips, particularly errands I don't really want to do. On the plus side she takes the bus to work and I bike, so the car does only get driven for errands and doctors appointments.

I've pointed out to her that in our lifetimes gasoline will probably become prohibitvely expensive (I think it already is, but..); she says, "I don't want to worry about it". Absolutely frightening.

if you want a different lifestyle than your partner maybe you shouldnt marry them.

Easier said than done. ;)

Ah, now I get it. You left out "My" from the beginning of the thread title. ;)



:eek:
Would she just give in and ride if you said to her "I said we're riding and quit bugging me about it, you enviro-nazi"?

No, I don't think she would. Nor will she iron my shirt and bring me beers while I lounge on the couch, watching football games in my boxers.

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Marriage is not at odds with being car free if your living in China or Africa. I find the more educated and higher earning the female, the less likely she is willing to be car free or even marry someone who is.

Marriage is not at odds with being car free if your living in China or Africa. I find the more educated and higher earning the female, the less likely she is willing to be car free or even marry someone who is.

Really? I live in a city that has an unusually high number of people with college and higher degrees. Car free and car-lite are both more popular than when I lived in places with a more typical spectrum of educational backgrounds.

Car free women are most definitely out there.

http://americancity.org/article.php?id_article=217

Easier said than done. ;)
Actually its very easy. If you think to your self 'this person doesn't hold the same level of importance to the things that are important in my life and they may never understand why I am the way I am' then you move on and find someone else. Never settle for anything less then what you want. There is nothing wrong with being single if you can't find the right person for you. If you settle you will never be truly happy.

Actually its very easy. If you think to your self 'this person doesn't hold the same level of importance to the things that are important in my life and they may never understand why I am the way I am' then you move on and find someone else. Never settle for anything less then what you want. There is nothing wrong with being single if you can't find the right person for you. If you settle you will never be truly happy.


But what if you meet that wonderful person who pushes all your buttons right, but they just don't happen to be car free. You may be giving up an awful lot for that one point. No matter how you choose, in some ways you will settle.

It's the old story about looking for the perfect woman and you find her, but she rejects you because she is looking for the perfect man. No one is perfect, or perfect for you. Coupling at its very essence is about compromise. Compromise is settling.

But what if you meet that wonderful person who pushes all your buttons right, but they just don't happen to be car free. You may be giving up an awful lot for that one point. No matter how you choose, in some ways you will settle.

Brilliant.

As I continue to search for a partner, there are only a few things that are deal-breakers for me. These have to do with core values and character. They also would quickly get in the way of a happy relationship for both of us.

But what if you meet that wonderful person who pushes all your buttons right, but they just don't happen to be car free. You may be giving up an awful lot for that one point. No matter how you choose, in some ways you will settle.

It's the old story about looking for the perfect woman and you find her, but she rejects you because she is looking for the perfect man. No one is perfect, or perfect for you. Coupling at its very essence is about compromise. Compromise is settling.

Yeah... I'm pretty hardcore but I wouldn't let a car stand between me and somebody I love.

Yeah... I'm pretty hardcore but I wouldn't let a car stand between me and somebody I love.

Yep - we all have our price ;)

I'm hoping to marry a currently car dependent suburbanite. We haven't talked about the car free thing as an issue. My plan is to just do together what I did with my own life, make decisions in the car free and simple life direction and see where we end up. Since she grew up car free, it isn't so weird to her as it might be to someone who grew up car dependent.

I'm hoping to marry a currently car dependent suburbanite. We haven't talked about the car free thing as an issue. My plan is to just do together what I did with my own life, make decisions in the car free and simple life direction and see where we end up. Since she grew up car free, it isn't so weird to her as it might be to someone who grew up car dependent.

Congratulations and all the best.

*checks self* Hrm. Yep. Still female. Still don't have a car. Still have a brain.

Yeah, I'd have to say being female and not having a car is entirely possible. And I can't see marriage turning me into someone who needs a car. I'll always be someone who appreciates the engineering that goes into a car, so I always kinda want one. But it's silly to have a piece of fine engineering sit around doing nothing... And I've set my life up so that I can walk almost everywhere I need to go, and if I can't walk, biking will do the job.

I'm not pretending to be married, but I'd imagine that its a good deal more important to convince your kids to ride their bikes than your wife. If your kids are happy to ride to swimming practice, or to a friends house instead of "asking mum for a lift" then she won't be so supportive of owning a car or two. When the kid is small, get a child bicycle to attach to your wheel, or a baby carriage, and then when they are older they can ride their own bicycle. If you plan this right, by the age of 12 (which is the age in Australia where you have to ride on the road instead of the footpath), they'll be happy to be self-sufficient in regards to most transport needs.

I'm not pretending to be married, but I'd imagine that its a good deal more important to convince your kids to ride their bikes than your wife. If your kids are happy to ride to swimming practice, or to a friends house instead of "asking mum for a lift" then she won't be so supportive of owning a car or two. When the kid is small, get a child bicycle to attach to your wheel, or a baby carriage, and then when they are older they can ride their own bicycle. If you plan this right, by the age of 12 (which is the age in Australia where you have to ride on the road instead of the footpath), they'll be happy to be self-sufficient in regards to most transport needs.
Very wise approach. :)

I'm not pretending to be married, but I'd imagine that its a good deal more important to convince your kids to ride their bikes than your wife. If your kids are happy to ride to swimming practice, or to a friends house instead of "asking mum for a lift" then she won't be so supportive of owning a car or two. When the kid is small, get a child bicycle to attach to your wheel, or a baby carriage, and then when they are older they can ride their own bicycle. If you plan this right, by the age of 12 (which is the age in Australia where you have to ride on the road instead of the footpath), they'll be happy to be self-sufficient in regards to most transport needs.

That is what I basically did with my two. Both of mine rode bikes to and from school for several years. Their mother was allergic to exercise:rolleyes: Currently my DD attends a college in the boondocks, unfortunately a car is a necessity, however she has an MTB and a Kayak that each cost more than the car did:D DS is car free and is working on a masters in the UK. I did the best I could under the circumstances. They both still remember our Sunday rides to the local ice cream emporium as well as the time dad crashed with the trailer full of groceries:o

Aaron:)

It's the old story about looking for the perfect woman and you find her, but she rejects you because she is looking for the perfect man. No one is perfect, or perfect for you. Coupling at its very essence is about compromise. Compromise is settling.

I read an internet comic once (can't find it now) that showed a guy proposing to a girl, saying he'd finally realized love was a choice, about learning to love the other for who they were, how he had to get over his own fears, and that the sky wasn't going to open up with singing angels when he'd found the person for him. The next scene showed him walking hand-in-hand with her while crossing paths with another girl. Their eyes met, and the sky opened up and angels started singing. His thought bubble was something like "Oh crap".

Maybe when (or if...) that thought of meeting the perfect partner goes away, I'll know I'm ready. I have a hunch that it has more to do with my maturity than who my future spouse is. That being said, I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't tend towards a car-free/car-lite lifestyle. Understanding that is part of understanding me, and we are all looking to be understood.

*checks self* Hrm. Yep. Still female. Still don't have a car. Still have a brain. Yeah, I'd have to say being female and not having a car is entirely possible.


Of all my girlfriends, one was car-free. Beautiful, funny and intelligent.

Unfortunately, she also became a Scientologist and was encouraged to not associate with a non-Scientologist. I really loved her, but I can't complain too much. The after-effect of the breakup was the job that got my career started.

I read an internet comic once (can't find it now) that showed a guy proposing to a girl, saying he'd finally realized love was a choice, about learning to love the other for who they were, how he had to get over his own fears, and that the sky wasn't going to open up with singing angels when he'd found the person for him. The next scene showed him walking hand-in-hand with her while crossing paths with another girl. Their eyes met, and the sky opened up and angels started singing. His thought bubble was something like "Oh crap".

I think that was on xkcd.com, one of my favorites.

I think that was on xkcd.com, one of my favorites.

Indeed it was, thanks: http://xkcd.com/310/ (some adult language or I'd post the comic)

I spent a good while searching through ctrl+alt+del (http://www.cad-comic.com/index.php) with no avail, but was still entertained.