Jokes & Humor - Got to love those blonde jokes!

A newlywed couple just bought their first house and were concerned about how much it was going to cost them to heat it. After spending days researching all of the options, they decided to buy a solar panel.

When the solar panel finally came, the blond wife volunteered to mount it on the roof while her husband went to work. He agreed but before he went to work he told her to make sure she puts it on the south side of the roof. He even marked where it should go.

After work he pulled into his driveway and saw his wife nailing the collector to the north side of the house. “What are you doing”, he yelled up at her.

“I'm installing the solar collector” she replied.

“You were supposed to put it on the other side of the house”, he yelled back.

“I was going to”, she replied, “but then the the man on the news today started talking about the economy and how bad it is and how our state has no money.”

“What has that got to do with the putting solar collector on the wrong side of the house?” her husband asked.

“Well”, she retorted, “The man on the news said that the governor was going to turn the state around”

True Story

My husband and I moved to Texas from South Dakota...land of snow and ice. We met this couple at church and were having dinner with them. My husband, responding to a question about his hobbies, said he used to go ice fishing back in South Dakota. The wife (blonde) looked puzzled and said, why would you fish for ice, why not just make it!!

Apparantly she had not seen Grumpy Old Men!!

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant with twins.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant. You know what she'll say after that? Is it mine?

Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find the eleven on the phone.

Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads?
They want to measure their intelligence.

Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?
It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.

Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
In case they have to draw blood.

:roflmao:

A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."

"I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front"

A blonde moment...

Ivonne, a blonde, was standing in front of a soda machine saying, "You are a dumb looking button. You don't have much of a future, either. People are going to be punching you all your life. You are a natural loser! Then you are going to be replaced by a much better looking button." I foolishly asked Ivonne why she was talking to the soda machine. Ivonne pointed to the notice on the front of the machine, which said..... "Depress button for ice."

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had
no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted,
and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at
a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious
to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde
attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the
mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the
ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere
moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bill, the
Wal-Mart greeter, sees her difficulty and unplugs the horse

A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble.
Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial
straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God
for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me.
I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going
to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and she does not win.

Brandi again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've
lost my business, my house and now I'm going to lose my
car."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "Dear Lord, why have you forsaken
me? I've lost my business, my house, my car. My children
are starving. I don't often ask for help, and I have always been
a good servant to you. PLEEEEASE just let me win the lotto
this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open
and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God himself...

"Brandi, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day
they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided
that, when the
boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never
called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early.
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the
spa before meeting a dinner date.



The blonde was happy to get home early and surprised her husband, but
when
she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise. Slowly and
quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed
with her boss!
Gently, she close the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned
to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

>


A blonde named Pam is appearing on
"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Phil.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend.
If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Phil from Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."

Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or
D) thrush."
Carol: "Oh, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."
Pam: "Are you sure?"
Carol: "I'm sure."

Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?"
Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."
Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!"


To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York.
That night they go out on the town.
As they're celebrating, Pam looks at Carol and asks her,
"Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"
"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks"

True story -

Last night, my 16 year old daughter was logging into a web site under my ID. Passwords for this particular site are the user's birthdate, so she asked me to confirm my birthdate. I cautioned her to use the right format and the website would tell her which to use. About five minutes later she was compaining that it wouldn't let her in the site. So I asked her to confirm the format.

She said it was difficult to do, as the format was Roman Numerals - MMDDYYYY.


Straight A student, but I have to wonder at times...

Seven Degrees of Blondie

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly Blondie), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast
is clear."



SECOND DEGREE
Two blonde's are walking down the street. One notices a compact
on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second Blondie says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first Blondie hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


THIRD DEGREE
A Blondie suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes
out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the Blondie is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The
Blondie replies, "Shut up, you're next!"



FOURTH DEGREE
A Blondie was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The Blondie replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


FIFTH DEGREE
What did the Blondie ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?


`
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a Blondie in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in
her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe
vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."



SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a Blondie was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the Blondie ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

How can you tell this car is a blonde's car?

(See picture in post #28)

She locked the keys in the car.................. and it took her 3 hours to get her family out!

Inventions by Blondes

3. Solar powered flashlights


Here ya go, Ms Vicki.

http://windupradio.com/solar/flashlight.htm (http://)

I think the disturbing part is that it floats!

TIME OUT

I decided that I needed a few days off but realized that I had no vacation, personal or sick leave left, so I figured the best way to get the boss to send me home was to act a little crazy. I figured he'd think I was "burning out" and would give me some time off.

I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my coworkers (she's blonde...it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I'm doing.

"Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm acting like a light bulb."

A second later the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.

"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.

"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."

With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My blonde coworker started following me. The boss stopped her and asked where she was going......

She said, "I'm going home, I can't work in the dark!"

what does a blonde and a vacume cleaner have in common?




they both suck, they both blow and they both get laid in closets.

Yup. it had to be a blonde!

Bambi (a blonde) was praying intensely to win the lottery: "Please God, Please, just let me win....Pleeeeaaasse!!"

Every day this continued...."God, just please let me win the lottery....Plllleeaaassse!"

Finally, God appeard, frustrated, and said: "Bambi, you've GOT to meet me half way...Buy a ticket!!!!!"

A blonde's calendar...

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.

March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."

April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September - When asked what the capital of California was answered "C."

October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120 pounds.

December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.

Soooo, this blonde and her brunette friend were going to the store in the brunette's car.

The blonde was riding in the front passenger's seat.

The driver wanted to make a right-hand turn and flicked on her right turn signal.

She didn't think the turn signal was working, sooooo, she asks the blonde, "Will you look out your window and tell me if my turn signal is working?"

The blonde leans out of the window, takes a look, and replies "Yes, no, yes, no, yes...

(Apologies to our international friends who drive a vehicle with the steering wheel on the wrong friggin' side ...)

Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.


Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A Frosted Flakes.


Q. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A. Branch manager.



:rolleyes:

Don't know if it has already been posted but...

My wife who is blonde came running up to me in the driveway the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to Have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

a brunette is jumping rope in the middle of the road
she keeps hey rythem by counting
68,68,68.
whenever a truck comes she stops
and moves the starts again still saying 68.68.68
a blonde comes up and says can i jump
the brunette says yes
the blonde starts also saying 68,68,68
a truck comes and she is hit and killed
the brunette starts again 69,69,69

Amy, a blonde, Texan, city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."



Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"


"I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away!

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and memorized all of the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a 'dumb blonde' joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys said, "I don't believe you." She said, "It's true. Just test me!"

"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked.

"A," she answered, smugly.

A blonde's car breaks down on the interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?" My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.




"They are my emergency flashers!"

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the Muskegon River, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?

The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."

The Mother Superior calls the convent together for an announcement

"Sisters, I am sorry to inform you we have a case of gonorrhea at the convent"

"Thank GOD", says the blonde nun standing at the rear, I'm so tired of the chardonnay

Two Blonde Nuns

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the
other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might
as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and
they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please, says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil
and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs".

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and,
then staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers
cautiously,


"What part did you get....?

Microsoft Word for Blondes 101

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the birds back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

By the way my sister is a blond.

MsVicki, you brightened my morning, thanks for the laugh.

I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys said, "I don't believe you." She said, "It's true. Just test me!"

"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked.

"A," she answered, smugly.



September - When asked what the capital of California was answered "C."

Hey, Ms. Vicki, what's the capitol of Texas?

:D

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll down...

















































Scroll up...
I like this one,man.
:p

MsVicki... Can I have my 15 minutes back, please!

I just read through 4 pages and I don't think I saw this one:

A brunette came in to work on Monday with bloodshot eyes and looking very tired. Her blonde co-worker says "What happened to you?"

The brunette says "My boyfriend brought me a dozen long stem roses Friday night and I ended up naked and on my back all weekend."

The blonde says "What, you don't own a vase?"

She was probably blonde (and smart, of course!):

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

A body builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have."

The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have."

The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was."

The Blonde Year in Review


January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.


February - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.


March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months because the box said "2-4 years."


April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.


May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into the little packet.


June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope


July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the

other swimmers were using their arms.


August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.


September - When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C."


October - Hates M &Ms because they are so hard to peel.


November - Baked a turkey for four days because the instructions said one hour per pound

and she weighed 120.


December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.

BLONDE BAPTIST COWGIRL

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my sisters though."

STAY!!!!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart ShoppingCenter and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing myfinger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strangelook and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"

Three women in Iraq one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail,
only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of
them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked
if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and
believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the
innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all
immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release
her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I
am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice
to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and,
again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves;
beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the
University of Alabama, and just graduated with a degree in Electrical
Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute
nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

Once my [blonde] sister in law and her husband had to take a flight that had 4 other stops before arriving at the Dallas-Forth Worth Airport. At the first stop, a little white truck drove up to the plane and my
sister in law watched it pull up to the wing. She asked her husband, "What's that little white truck doing?"

He explained that some airlines don't completely fuel up a plane for various reasons & we were taking on more fuel. This process was repeated at the next three stops, and my sister in law watched the plane
being fueled each time.

At the last stop, her husband said, "Ya know, in spite of all these delays, we're making pretty good time."

His wife pointed out the window and said, "I don't know....that lil' white truck is keeping up with us."

This joke is at least 55 years old. In the days before transcontinental plane flights my dad came back from a business trip to California. Shell had the fuel concession at all the airports so at Salt Lake, Denver, and Chicago the little yellow and red truck came out and refueled the plane. In Chicago the passengers were told they would be delayed several hours. Dad said another passenger said, "Give me a seat on that truck, it keeps getting to each airport ahead of us." A few years later when his flight landed at Idlewild (JFK to you youngsters) he was given a certificate stating he had been on the first commercial transcontinental flight (SF to NYC).

Q: What city in the US has the dumbest blondes and why?

A: Leadville, CO, and the why of it is at 10,250 feet of elevation, the air in their heads is thinner!http://img61.photobucket.com/albums/v185/MemoryLane/bolt.gif

There is this brunette standing by the railroad tracks saying 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22 22

Then this blonde walks up to her and asks why you are saying 22. The brunette say just because. So the blonde stands on the train tracks and starts saying 22 22 22 22 22 22...

A few seconds later, a train comes and smashes into the blonde, killing her. The brunette starts saying 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 23.

blondes are fun

;d

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the
worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices"
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can
get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just
go and give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch
an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over
to the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman
standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator, swimming rapidly toward
her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls
it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.

Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their
backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration,
she shouts out... "DAMN... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

My lovely (blonde) wife told me (honest, this is what she really said):


"I love dumb blonde jokes....




...I just don't get them."