Foo - I've given up on her...

:(
Well, she just won't call back. After all my time with her, and now this. I call. Leave message. Wait. Nothing. Days pass. Try again. Nothing. Repeat cycle. Try emailing instead. Nothing. I'm on week 2 now.

Things just weren't clicking and she was just really annoying. She's a terrible driver and really *****y. It's a side of her that is really distasteful. I've been giving her all the clues that I'm not interested in her. Problem is that she picked up on those clues, but now I think I'm changing my mind maybe. So, I figure I should call and talk to her, maybe meet her for coffee or something, but she won't call me back. Not even to say she got the voicemail message. I think I'm going to cut my losses and just forget about her because it's just time to move on. However, the pain and desperation I'm feeling now is pretty overwhelming. What to do? Should I make another attempt, one last desperate attempt from a guy that was once a confident and cocky SOB? sigh..... :(

Ummm. No.

You rejected her once, she's not going to go for that again. Sorry.

East Hill

*EDIT*...


Get on your bike and try to get your mind off of it. I'm passing this advice off...i had my time for it, now its my time to give it ;)

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." - William Congreve

This time you lost, swallow it and move on.

YES. Keep calling. If that doesn't work, then move onto to stalking her. Show up at her job drunk, that will impress her enough to take her back.

I think she hurt your feelings by not playing the game anymore.

And now that she isn't paying any attention to you, you might be feeling a bit "let down"?

Leave it be. Because if she DID start paying attention to you, you will not really go for it, because of the things you listed. And it will go back and forth. This is how people hearts get messed up. Quit playing the game. Don't let the game stroke your ego.

"Things just weren't clicking and she was just really annoying."

Keep reminding yourself of this.

I hope you didn't play the all high and mighty "i'm a cyclist and you're a horrible driver" angle.

A) She can always run you over.
B) It's probably over, YOU rejected HER.

Sounds like maybe you were a little quick to throw your criticism at her. On one hand, it sounds like it's over. On the other, you can see if she'll give you another chance. If she has enough patience to give you another chance, hang on to her like grim death.

I think she hurt your feelings by not playing the game anymore.

And now that she isn't paying any attention to you, you might be feeling a bit "let down"?

Leave it be. Because if she DID start paying attention to you, you will not really go for it, because of the things you listed. And it will go back and forth. This is how people hearts get messed up. Quit playing the game. Don't let the game stroke your ego.



I don't get it. Why do people think I'm playing games with her? Maybe she is playing games with me? I'm not saying I'm an angel or anything. Far from it. I've never wanted her so badly. And yes, she is a total b*tch sometimes. I don't know what to make of this. It was like a three weeks ago, she was calling me like at 11:30PM on Fri night, and then the next day. I kept telling her that I was busy and you know, brushing her off, but I kept promising that we would get together soon. Then now all the sudden, she won't call me back. And it's been like over 2 weeks since I started leaving messages. That didn't work. So, I tried emailing her today. Still. No response.

I am, dare I say, desperate. And not really functioning well at all. That's why I am on this internet forum. Because it would be a total embarrassment to tell my real friends about my despair. I am quite the cocky, arrogant, self-assured man in real life. But what a f-ing wimp I have become. I would seriously get on my hands and knees for this girl. sigh.....
:(

You're being a bit self centered if you think you can just lay down the rejection line and then reel her back in whenever you please. She has an ego too and i'm sure it was hurt by your lack of desire to be with her. She's human...


. I am quite the cocky, arrogant, self-assured man in real life. But what a f-ing wimp I have become.

What a wimp you've become? I think that most cocky arrogant and self-assurred men act that way because they are such wimps. It's an easy cover to hide behind. I know...first hand, trust me.

I don't get it. Why do people think I'm playing games with her? Maybe she is playing games with me?
:(

You are taking me wrong. I didn't mean it that way. I meant BOTH of you are doing it to each other. She feels it, you don't. You feel it, she doesn't. It's wearing both of you down.

Don't do this to each other. Don't "play". (you know what I mean now? :o) I'm sorry you are hurting.

You know what is better than being cocky and arrogant ?

Being honest and truthful about how you feel and being able to tell this girl what you love about her and what bothers you in this relationship, if there is still a relationship to be had.

That does not make a man a wimp... it makes him a man.

So, here's what you're saying:

"I've been giving her all the clues that I'm not interested in her."

"Problem is that she picked up on those clues."

"now I think I'm changing my mind maybe"

"I kept telling her that I was busy and you know, brushing her off, but I kept promising that we would get together soon."

But now:

"Far from it. I've never wanted her so badly."

If I were her, I'd be thinking, all this dude wants is a booty call.

And, not to be cruel, but I'd be thinking that this guy is a "cocky, arrogant" ass in real life.

You gave her no chance, you brushed her off. Why would she want anything more to do with you?

If you find yourself fortunate enough to have her respond, drop the attitude, and be a real man.

East Hill

If I were her, I'd be thinking, all this dude wants is a booty call.
And, not to be cruel, but I'd be thinking that this guy is a "cocky, arrogant" ass in real life.
You gave her no chance, you brushed her off. Why would she want anything more to do with you?
If you find yourself fortunate enough to have her respond, drop the attitude, and be a real man.

East Hill


Ummm, how did you know that? I mean, yeah, so you're right. There were many times that I just was thinking purely about the booty call with this girl. I enjoyed the sex very much. Wow. She was just fantastic. But then, I just kinda got tired of her. I mean, not the sex, but it was like you know. After the sex part was over I started to see a side of her that was like really distasteful to me. She is basically really short-tempered and I'm kinda chilled and laid back. And she's VERY COMPLICATED. So, I'm not sure if I distanced myself from her or she distanced herself from me.

I am a real man. Just that I'm real hurt and it's just been awhile since I've been dumped because that sort of thing doesn't happen in my world. If I was cocky before, I wish I could get that back.... sigh.

You'll see what I'm saying. The girl is just beautiful. I'll find a nice pic and post one soon. And she was going after me just last month before I was brushing her off because she was annoying me. Now, I want her back so bad. :(

You're a real man? What's that entail?

Suck it up and move on. Treat people better. Cut out the games. That's my definition, at least.

Be true to yourself first, then you'll be ready for a relationship (after a few other things get fulfilled, of course).

Was there some kind of prequil to this thread I missed?

This is typical. You don't miss her, and you don't want her back. She annoyed you. What you miss is having *someone* there.
You miss the routine of having a partner, not that particular one.
Go find someone better and move on.

Dont waste your time with someone who isn't interested. You shouldn't have to play games like this.

You'll see what I'm saying. The girl is just beautiful.

That's the only positive thing you've said about this girl. In this entire thread. (Er wait, other than the fact that the sex was good.) So...


And she was going after me just last month before I was brushing her off because she was annoying me. Now, I want her back so bad. :(

...what is it that you really want from her? Does she really have any qualities outside of looking good and being good in bed that you like? Sounds to me that you want her because now you realized you can't have her. I think that's why Siu said "stop the game playing".

It's been two weeks. I really don't think you'll hear from her again. Just make sure you learned something from all this.

It's really a stomp on the ego when a woman who is annoying and a (moderator censored) rejects a "confident, cocky" guy. I mean, who is SHE to do that to HIM? Who the heck is SHE to reject a guy like HIM?

If you were confident, this wouldn't be bothering you.

Let it go. There are plenty of women who are meant for you.

Flip it. HTFU. Move on.

That is all.

You'll see what I'm saying. The girl is just beautiful. I'll find a nice pic and post one soon. And she was going after me just last month before I was brushing her off because she was annoying me. Now, I want her back so bad. :(

Don't. Posting her picture on the internet (even in foo) is getting into real stalker territory. For that matter, two weeks of unanswered messages is getting there too. Don't be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.

It doesn't sound like things were meant to be. Why push it anymore??? Just let it go.

I don't get it. Why do people think I'm playing games with her? Maybe she is playing games with me? ...

Why would you even want to continue in a relationship where games are being played? Trust is gone, and you aren't going to restore it with a couple of chats.

Sort out what you've learned from the episode and move on. It's over. Fini. Morte. The relationship is foaming at the mouth and flat on it's back with all four legs pointing towards the sky. Accept it, and you'll have a shot at being much happier in the (hopefully not too distant) future.

The ladies have it right me thinks. One other piece of wisdom from the older set: beautiful doesn't mean diddly in the long run. It's nice, but not nicer than being with someone who you would hang around with because they are a good partner to your existence, and you to hers. Besides, all women are beautiful. It took me a long time to learn that.

You know what is better than being cocky and arrogant ?

Being honest and truthful about how you feel and being able to tell this girl what you love about her and what bothers you in this relationship, if there is still a relationship to be had.

That does not make a man a wimp... it makes him a man.


Hmmm. OK, so you might be on to something there. I suppose honesty would work pretty good. I'm not playing games with this girl. At least, I hope she doesn't think that I am because my intentions really are honorable.

I want to be honest and truthful. I want to so bad that it hurts. Now, how? She won't even pick up the phone. I just have to tell her. I mean geez. She owes it to herself just to hear me out like once. I don't think I'm asking too much and I certainly think there are a bunch of overzealot fools in here that want to scream stalker, but that is hardly the case. Just because someone calls another person 3 times in two weeks and doesn't get a phone call returned or an email returned does not make that person a stalker.

Just because someone calls another person 3 times in two weeks and doesn't get a phone call returned or an email returned does not make that person a stalker.

Correct. However, continuing to do so after she has made it clear she doesn't want to talk to you does.

The ball is in her court now. She has your number, right? If she wants to talk, she'll call. If she doesn't, leave her alone.

Hmmm. OK, so you might be on to something there. I suppose honesty would work pretty good. I'm not playing games with this girl. At least, I hope she doesn't think that I am because my intentions really are honorable.

I want to be honest and truthful. I want to so bad that it hurts. Now, how? She won't even pick up the phone. I just have to tell her. I mean geez. She owes it to herself just to hear me out like once. I don't think I'm asking too much and I certainly think there are a bunch of overzealot fools in here that want to scream stalker, but that is hardly the case. Just because someone calls another person 3 times in two weeks and doesn't get a phone call returned or an email returned does not make that person a stalker.

Just sayin', the law may see it differently.

If you were a woman, you might see things from a completely different perspective.

Think about that for a while. Ask yourself from her point of view--why is this guy calling me now, after he made it clear that he was not interested in me?

You are only thinking from your point of view. She does not owe it to herself to hear you out. She heard you loud and clear the first time.

East Hill

The only sound advice I've seen was showing up at her work drunk.

well....sounds like you blew it. If you really care and realize you screwed up...best to find her and tell her face to face instead of calling........man up .

Why would you even want to continue in a relationship where games are being played? Trust is gone, and you aren't going to restore it with a couple of chats.

Sort out what you've learned from the episode and move on. It's over. Fini. Morte. The relationship is foaming at the mouth and flat on it's back with all four legs pointing towards the sky. Accept it, and you'll have a shot at being much happier in the (hopefully not too distant) future.



I want to see her again. Of course, that would entail her actually TALKING to me. I don't get it. So, I kinda brushed her off. So what? It's not like I had intentions of treating her badly. In fact, I've never treated her badly at all. I actually was quite busy for a few weeks. I mean, yeah, she was kinda being a b*tch and I didn't like her aggressive attitude and moody behavior. sigh...

Move on? Move on?! Huh? Why? It's not over yet. I mean, if it was really over why can't she just pick up the phone and just tell me? Why? Why? Why? Is that so much to ask? This is breaking my heart. I can take rejection. But this, I can't take it.

And I just don't get why some people on here say I should learn from this. Learn what? That I should've been more available when I really wasn't? I would never, never, never do like she is and ignore someone like this. That's disrespectful. And I would not disrespect another like this. So in this thread now, I am the bad guy. I'm the stalker. I'm the cocky a**hole. I know that. I know I've got some room for improvement. I'm reaching out to her. I just want to tell her one time that I... you figure out the rest. :(

I actually was quite busy for a few weeks. I mean, yeah, he was kinda being a b*tch and I didn't like his aggressive attitude and moody behavior.



Um, how old are you?

Truthfully, try to see yourself as we are seeing you. I know you don't like this, but what we see is someone who strung along a woman, used her for sex, ditched her because he didn't like her attitude and moody behaviour, and now misses the sex. It's really not a sympathetic portrait of yourself...

East Hill

Word up, East Hill.

She isn't going to talk to you 'cus clearly she was used as a booty call. Last time i checked, the majority of women HATE it when being used for a booty call. In her mind, you were there just for the sex, and since she liked you, that really hurt her feelings. You used and abused her. No way she's picking up that phone. Maybe this situation has happened to her before? Maybe thats why she won't pick up, so she doesn't get hurt anymore.

Pretty big turn around your half - you don't know what you've got until its gone. I'd say man up and get over it. Chill out. Maybe she needs some time before she's ready to talk to you. Maybe not, but like several people have said, ball is in her court. You've just got to wait or move on.

And I just don't get why some people on here say I should learn from this. Learn what? That I should've been more available when I really wasn't?

People are telling you to learn because you started with this excuse:


I've been giving her all the clues that I'm not interested in her. Problem is that she picked up on those clues, but now I think I'm changing my mind maybe.

So which is it? Were you unavailable or uninterested? You keep backpedaling to defend yourself, but you're just making yourself look selfish. People are telling you to learn something from this because of what you've stated before--that you weren't interested and you brushed her off. Maybe next time, think about what you've done in the past and don't repeat the same mistakes.

...
And I just don't get why some people on here say I should learn from this. Learn what?

There is always something to be learned. I managed to royally screw up a few promising relationships when I was in my early 20's, and it took a couple bouts of pain before I was willing to examine what I did. Here are some things I learned the hard way:

Communicate how you're feeling honestly and respectfully. Dropping hints and deliberately giving signs are not a substitute for talking about things that concern you.

Actions speak louder than words.

Trust is a delicate thing. Once you lose it, getting it back may not even be possible, and if it can be salvaged, it can involve a lot of effort and pain.

Woman have this thing that happens about once a month. It doesn't affect all women the same way, and it can have different effects from month to month, but learning how to deal with it is one of the challenges of a relationship.

To the OP, do you read your own posts? If you could read them objectively you would have all the answers you seek.

Sorry to harsh on your mellow, but if you sound to her like you sound in this thread, then no doubt she's thinking you're pretty much a loser right now and wants you to go away.

Girls hate guys that are obsessed with them; they don't think it's flattering, they think it's creepy and scary.

Give it up man or you're going to hear the words 'restraining order.'

Woman have this thing that happens about once a month. It doesn't affect all women the same way, and it can have different effects from month to month, but learning how to deal with it is one of the challenges of a relationship.


Uh-Oh you didn't just say this!!! :eek:

Uh-Oh you didn't just say this!!! :eek:

Well, in this case I think that Z is correct.

We have a guy who was talking about great sex, then the poor woman got 'moody' and '*****y', so he dropped hints that he was 'not interested in her', and now he wants sex again. In a couple of weeks he'll decide that she's 'moody' and '*****y', and again, 'not be interested' or 'not be available'.

He's still after nothing more than a booty call. He seems to have no interest in this woman other than her looks, and sex.

East Hill

Well, in this case I think that Z is correct.

We have a guy who was talking about great sex, then the poor woman got 'moody' and '*****y', so he dropped hints that he was 'not interested in her', and now he wants sex again. In a couple of weeks he'll decide that she's 'moody' and '*****y', and again, 'not be interested' or 'not be available'.

He's still after nothing more than a booty call. He seems to have no interest in this woman other than her looks, and sex.

East Hill

Speak for yourself! :) I wasn't talking about all the above mentioned stuff. I was pointing out the women cycle stuff.

Speak for yourself! :) I wasn't talking about all the above mentioned stuff. I was pointing out the women cycle stuff.

That's what I mean! Our OP doesn't want to come out and say that he is made uncomfortable by the fact that women do have cycles (and I don't mean bikes). He has no interest in this woman other than sex, and if sex isn't available, then it's HER fault.

It's the use of code words 'moody' and '*****y' that give the game away...

East Hill

Uh-Oh you didn't just say this!!! :eek:

Why wouldn't I? It is a real thing, and while some women are not noticeably affected, many are to some degree. If a man isn't willing to accept this as part of the deal of being in a relationship, and to recognize that he may need to be a little more sensitive to how his lady is feeling, I would expect there would be friction (and not the good kind) in the relationship.

Why wouldn't I? It is a real thing, and while some women are not noticeably affected, many are to some degree. If a man isn't willing to accept this as part of the deal of being in a relationship, and to recognize that he may need to be a little more sensitive to how his lady is feeling, I would expect there would be friction (and not the good kind) in the relationship.

I guess for me it bothers me when a man brings this up. I for one am lucky that PMS doesn't strike her ugly face at me monthly. I consider myself pretty lucky in the fact that I don't have to deal with all the factors that may come into play. I guess being super athletic helps in my case.

Yes, its a real thing, we just don't know if that is the reason for her behaving the way she has. And I think its wrong of us to link it to that. I'm just saying.

I do understand what you saying too. :)

Yes, its a real thing, we just don't know if that is the reason for her behaving the way she has. And I think its wrong of us to link it to that. I'm just saying.


You are right in that we don't know if that's why she is 'moody' and '*****y', and so we should not link it to that cause.

Perhaps bellweatherman will enlighten us...

East Hill

I guess for me it bothers me when a man brings this up. I for one am lucky that PMS doesn't strike her ugly face at me monthly. I consider myself pretty lucky in the fact that I don't have to deal with all the factors that may come into play. I guess being super athletic helps in my case.

Yes, its a real thing, we just don't know if that is the reason for her behaving the way she has. And I think its wrong of us to link it to that. I'm just saying.

I do understand what you saying too. :)

Please understand, I was saying those are some things I have learned personally, and offered as "food for thought". I'm not saying I think they necessarily apply to the OP's situation. Perhaps they do, but possibly only one person knows the answer to that one for sure - and apparently, she's not talking. ;)

Please understand, I was saying those are some things I have learned personally, and offered as "food for thought". I'm not saying I think they necessarily apply to the OP's situation. Perhaps they do, but possibly only one person knows the answer to that one for sure - and apparently, she's not talking. ;)


Its all good Z! I just remind myself that we are only hearing one side of the story. :)

I don't get it. So, I kinda brushed her off. So what? <snip>

Move on? Move on?! Huh? Why? It's not over yet. I mean, if it was really over why can't she just pick up the phone and just tell me? Why? Why? Why? Is that so much to ask? This is breaking my heart. I can take rejection. But this, I can't take it.

And I just don't get why some people on here say I should learn from this. <snip>

It almost seems like you're just putting us on. Are you serious?

We all want what we can't have. The world doesn't revolve around you. She's not obligated to talk to you. She's sending her final message loud and clear.

A while back I had a girlfriend who broke up with me, but we remained friends. After the breakup, I acted more interested in her than I had the previous six months. It was funny, we flirted more the next few months than we had in a long time, although she was adamant that we were broken up. We hit a rough spot, but now we have settled into a really sweet friendship.

You sound like you're not even interested in her as a friend. You just don't like it when you're not in control.

She's not obligated to talk to you. She's sending her final message loud and clear.

+100000

This reminds me of a situation I had with a girl I was seeing a few months ago, though, the roles are kind of switched around. Things were going well (from my perspective) and then suddenly I started getting excuses when I'd ask if she'd like to go out. I'm sure some were valid reasons, but there was no effort on her part to say, "I'm busy ________, but free _________." So, like any reasonably confident person, I walked away from it. It was clear she wasn't interested, which I am fine with. Then, after not hearing from me for a while, I got a text message from her. Now I thought, maybe I misread the situation. I was open to continuing things, so contact was resumed, but the games started quickly again. It appeared to me that she was trying to string me along. I walked away from it and haven't looked back. Sounds to me like your girl may have done the same.