Mountain Biking - Mountain Bike Eye for the Roadie Guy!

One of the radio (country) stations here did a take-off on the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" thing with "Redneck Eye for the City Guy" and took some CitySlicker and dressed him up in boots/hats/jeans/big belt/...etc. and took him out to a Country/Western Bar. Was hilarious to listen to.

Anyway, got me thinking. What would you (as a mtn biker) do to a roadie to Convert him to the "Dark Side"? (I am also a roadie, but I'm a mtn biker first and foremost)

Here are some of my suggestions:

1) Put a Visor on the helmet
2) Get some Baggie Shorts
3) Lose the tight fitting "Team" jersey and get a solid color loose fit one.
4) Get a CamelBack (Hydropack)
5) Full Fingered Gloves.
6) Let you leg hair grow.
7) Get a enema, mountain bikers are more laid-back!
8) ....etc.

L8R

7) Get a enema, mountain bikers are more laid-back!


Can we, roadies, survive without that stick up our ass? :D

I'm a roadie that swings both ways (cycling that i s;) )

9) Ride within the boundaries of the bicycle lane, much as mountain bikers do on singletrack instead of riding double-file out into the street.


:D

TOP TEN WAYS FOR A ROADIE TO LOOK LIKE A MOUNTAIN BIKER

10. You feel compelled to wear a backpack even though there's nothing inside except two Power Bars and your cellphone.

9. Everything in your closet says, RACE FACE

8. When people say Campagnolo gruppo, you laugh and pretend you have no idea what they're talking about then ask them if that's the new pizza and pasta joint on 64th Street...

7. You vomit at the sight of spandex (applies to Freeriders only).

6. You cover your bike in dirt, and have a branch hanging off the seat stays even though you've never ridden in the mountains.

5. You consider your Colnago like a fat girl: Fun to ride but don't let anyone see ya with it.

4. You won't admit that you've actually seen "Breaking Away", and "American Flyers"...and enjoyed it immensely.

3. You find yourself saying "dude" a lot.

2. You piss off your wife (or girlfriend) when she finds out much too late that when you mentioned a romantic trip to the "North Shore", you meant B.C., Canada; NOT Oahu in Hawaii like she thought.

The number one way for a Roadie to look like a mountain biker:

1. You only know one traffic hand signal: The middle finger!

Although I have many cycling-related items that like me cross over between mountain biking and road biking, I do have some that are very specific to one or the other. Here are two some examples found in my closet.

Shoes
------
MTB - Encased in mud and sitting on top of a plastic garbage bag
Road - Placed alongside my dress shoes on top of carpet

CamelBak
---------
MTB - Hanging from a coat hanger over aforementioned MTB shoes and plastic bag and seperated from other items in my closet.
Road - Hanging from a coat hanger next to my dress shirts and my only suit.

TOP TEN WAYS FOR A ROADIE TO LOOK LIKE A MOUNTAIN BIKER (The Sequel):

10. Scratches on your bike don’t seem to bother you

9. Your mortal enemy: the hiker/jogger on a singletrack with a dog not a leash.

8. That sling on your arm from the separated shoulder…again.

7. Your rig has more suspension than a YZ 250

6. You call your bike a “rig” (see above)

5. You find yourself on a ski lift but it’s the middle of July.

4. Your best “pick up” line: Hey baby, you wanna see me do a “manual”? (An ice pack over your left eye quickly follows).

3. You understand the following dilemma, “Shermans, or Shivers?” and it keeps you up at night.

2. That summons to show up in court next week for destruction of city property when the cops caught you trying to build a dirtjump in the park.

1. You spend waaay too much time trying to come up with TOP TEN lists at bikeforums.net!

replace that 5W handlebar mounted commuter light with a 40W HiD helmet mounted light

Funny, but I fit most of a2psyklnut's suggestions... and I was a roadie first... visor, hair, baggies, no tight crap.

1) Send him to a chiropracter (the whole hunched over wayyy to far thing has GOT to hurt your back.
2) Loose the tiny clip pedals, and get a nice set of chunky ones
3) Ride through a giant pile of mud just to make your bike look hardcore!
4)Bang up the bike a little (once again to make it look more hardcore)
5) Replace the frame, the wheels, the handle bars...Ah just replace the bike!!!

Well it wasent top 10, but top 5 is ok i guess