Jokes & Humor - I tried to make this one funny, ok, but maybe not "ha-ha" funny

A plant begins growing out of the floor of someone's house. He summons his neighbor. The neighbor arrives, and says, "Why not put it in the garden? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but you really went overboard last time with that redwood that is now growing on my property, being 70 FEET WIDE!!"
Then, he adds, "This is not the first time this has happened. You remember the award-winning lettuce, the luxuriant but extremely tough grass in the yard, the houseplants that needed Ritalin..."
"Hey, I was just trying to genetically alter some vegetables in order to stop global warming."
"This is not good, my friend. You know nothing of ecosciences. Be like me and build a reverse air conditioner."
(The conversation was growing pretty heated at this point, as they had already had disagreements about things like building additions to their homes and other less important issues.)
The neighbor with the plants was about to tell the previous neighbor to go to the place in his religion of eternal fire, but ... his friend said, "You know how hot my place is! Get a life!"
So they became friends forever thereafter, finding common ground they could agree upon, based on disparate but somehow logical afflictions.

uhhhh...am I missing someting? senor?

OK Jacob. Now put the rest of the little red tablets back in the bottle and back away from them.

In a voice, through a loud-hailer "PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER"

I dont get it.....i think i have been hit on the head one to many times....but ive only been hit once....

I dont get it.....i think i have been hit on the head one to many times....but ive only been hit once....

I think we've all been hit on the head once too often...

Maybe not ha-ha funny? Yup! :D

Alright, two crappy 'jokes' from jacob. Is it possible to ban him from the joke section?

Remember kids, insanity can be fun.

Alright, two crappy 'jokes' from jacob. Is it possible to ban him from the joke section?
I found both of them extremely funny. What's up with the rest of you? Y'all have no sense of humor at all!

This is the kind of joke that really gets my day started.

:D

I love ya, Jacob!

:beer:

So, I was mowing the yard one day and found a rattlesnake, a sidewinder. It retreated behind a cactus, then it hissed and spat on the lawn mower. could it have been trying to attack the lawn mower blades?
or perhaps it even thought they were a potential threat?

Jacob

How many ice cubes fit in a pc monitor box?
depends on which pc you mean - politically correct monitor box (refrigerator) or personal computer monitor box

Why does the sun get so big just before it goes down?

Look at all the daylight it has to suck up.


Why do parallel lines never meet?
Nobody introduced them.

Okay, here's one of my very favorite jokes that's all but guaranteed to illicit either merely a polite chuckle or a blank stare.

Old Penrose enters his favorite club and spies his friend Hargreaves sitting reading the Times in his customary chair next to the fireplace. Penrose walks over and says "So sorry, Hargreaves. I heard you had to bury your dear wife this morning."

Hargreaves looks up from his newspaper and nods. "Yes, had to.", he says. He looks down at his newspaper, his brows knit together pensively, then looks up again and says, as if in afterthought, "Dead, you know."

I get nearly as much fun out of people's reactions as I do from the joke itself.

How many ice cubes fit in a pc monitor box?
depends on which pc you mean - politically correct monitor box (refrigerator) or personal computer monitor box


Hah, hah, hah -- your damn funny; you're a hell of a kid.

Okay, here's one of my very favorite jokes that's all but guaranteed to illicit either merely a polite chuckle or a blank stare.

Old Penrose enters his favorite club and spies his friend Hargreaves sitting reading the Times in his customary chair next to the fireplace. Penrose walks over and says "So sorry, Hargreaves. I heard you had to bury your dear wife this morning."

Hargreaves looks up from his newspaper and nods. "Yes, had to.", he says. He looks down at his newspaper, his brows knit together pensively, then looks up again and says, as if in afterthought, "Dead, you know."

I get nearly as much fun out of people's reactions as I do from the joke itself.

Now that's funny. :)

Now that's funny. :)

Thank you! It figures that it would be in the forums where I'd finally meet someone who appreciates that one! :p

What did Darwin have to do with the joke I wonder?

Man oh man I want so bad a great wonderful pinata party.