Foo - Opinions: Internet Dating.

Since relationships are a popular topic here, I'd though I bite. Here's my story:

After breaking it off with my long-time ex-girlfriend about a year ago, I felt that, over time, a really huge piece of me was missing. Even though getting much more involved in cycling helped filled that void, it did not close it (and is a bit far from doing so). Given this, it's been a little tough getting back on the scene. I've tried (and haven't stopped) chatting up some women when I moved to Brooklyn, with little success. Furthermore, before moving (in August), things with a girl I was dating at the time went much worse than I expected, setting me back even further in this regard.

With a few recommendations, I tried searching it out on the internet, with some luck. I did land something of a relationship for four months (after several months of moderately trying to find one), but throughout that time, that gaping hole was still there, and was growing larger.

So I ask the BF community this: what do you think about internet dating? I would consider myself a reasonably social guy (outside of the web, of course), but what are your perceptions on just searching on the net. Even though I did it before, I still have some doubt going back to it again...

All of your responses will be much appreciated!

I found my wife on match.com, FWIW. :)

Done it before, met three nice guys, one of whom I had a 7mo-ish relationship with.

hmmm, quit one - one real stinker on there who was just odd (his profile and all his e-mail notices incorporated the idea and sayings that "If you want the real thing - you got it here". - I blocked him out and realized that most all men in my matches do not post pics. Quit that site totally and deleted everything.

OK onto another larger site - started out fine - but met (not in person) and emailed several times until it seemed like another person sat down at his computer and he became a complete pervert. Banned him. In the meantime a couple other interesting people "showed" up and had one date with one who seemed nice - but HE called for date 2 and disappeared from the face of the earth, am not calling him.

Have another person of interest, who is very busy - AND WHO RIDES A BIKE - getting ready to join me on one of my rides. We'll see ...

I'm still kinda thinking about this thing - I mean I have several people - who really seem nice - but are NOT who I would date - I mean our profiles are so different that I think some of these guys just ping off every female living around them. Meaning I get one notice that is one sentence "I like your profile", and the next notice is "I want to meet you".

Um, no.

I have several friends/acquaintances who DID meet their SO's - a couple who married via internet dating sites - but my opinion is still open ...

too many kooks out there! friends-of-friends seems to be a better method to meet singles.

too many kooks out there! friends-of-friends seems to be a better method to meet singles.

Unfortunately I've met some of my friends-of-friends - including a friend who (as it turned out) fixed me up with her weirdo ex-husband - good grief - the guy picked me up in a van - and when passenger door was opened - garbage fell out - I pulled myself up to the seat only to find a PAIL between the seats that was the ASHTRAY!!!! It was an absolutely Odd freakin night and then I find out it was her ex-husband. OY! We went out to a dinner at a safe restaurant (place where I used to do the catering out of and knew everyone) which went well - but thereafter was him driving around from parking lot to parking lot so we could "talk" because he isn't comfortable around people. Needless to say ... I did some fast talking to get out of that van!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I've been living in my local area so long that I've said no several times over to the locals in the local bars I stop in (old mom & pops bars with the same old Cheers like people in there - nice people but not where I want to go) - just friends. I'm not being picky but I don't want to live in these bars - where most of those people do - every day there, no real outside activity unless there's a keg involved.

I just use the "how hot are these guys" thread.

haha, j/k

Did it, met a few nice guys, dated one for a couple of months.

Nothing wrong with trying it & seeing what happens. There are lots of sites, including cyclingsingles.com

I did it quite a bit after a big cross-country move. I had some good dates and some pretty boring ones, but never any horror stories. I also met one of my good friends and riding buddies this way and she has gone on to meet the love of her life on the same site we met on.

Go for it!

(I also wrote, on a whim, the single greatest Craig's List ad ever posted, which got me lots and lots of responses. I'll let you use it in New York only. PM me for internet dating gold.)

My brother not only found his wife on the internet, but moved to the Philippines to be with her.

It's working out great, by the way and I'm really happy for him. He owns his own business now and has a pretty good life :D (I'm actually even a tad jealous! 2 housekeepers, a nanny for the kids, and a house in the mountains above Cebu, and he was near broke when he left.)

How old are you? I got 2 single friends in the brooklyn, both decent italian chicks.

EDIT: I know I sound like it but I'm not a pimp.

Internet dating: a lot like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase 'Upside your head'.

PS - I loves me the Eye-tal-ian chicks, sl.

Haha... I'm actually serious...

EDIT: about the dating thing, not the pimping thing. I'm not a pimp.

Met an ABSOLUTE PSHYCO on there who made my life a living hell for 7 months after we dated.....other than that, ya it's great go for it.....

Met an ABSOLUTE PSHYCO on there who made my life a living hell for 7 months after we dated.....other than that, ya it's great go for it.....

<amazed look> Ok then .... that makes me feel even more comfortable!!!

There are some quality people in the mix, but there are no shortcuts to the dating process. Once you weed thru the matches to find someone who looks interesting and who is also interested in you, that simply begins the process. You still have to communicate, meet, get to know each other, identify chemistry, invest time in the person. It's not magic, and if you believe it will work like magic it will either help you have a positive attitude or it will discourage you when you realize it's still hard work. That's been my experience. I have met some quality people, educated people, and people with common interests, but it's never quite been Ms. Right. Still, it seems like a great idea in theory -- allowing you to pre-screen potential dating interests to find people who are available and who meet all your pre-requisites (e.g. non-smoker if you are a non-smoker, redhead if you like redheads, etc.).

I've had both good and bad experiences. Among the bad: a girl who confessed her criminal record over dinner, and later drank a few beers and started bouncing off the walls; another girl who felt it appropriate to have platonic male sleepovers while dating; another girl who felt it appropriate to have platonic male sleepovers while dating....and some really good experiences: e.g. 2-3 different physicians with great intellect but with whom one of us ultimatley didn't feel the chemistry; another girl with whom dating didn't work, but with whom I have since reconnected with as good friends. That's life. You'll meet crazies anywhere.

Holy crap, I dabbled in online dating for a bit. Exchanged a few emails with this one girl and chatted online once, and then talked on the phone twice. Something about the girl seemed off, so I bailed. Girl called me like 15 times a day for the next 4 days and texted me nonstop. Worst part was that she lived in my town, there was a chance I'd run into her (hopefully not while on my bike and her in a car).

But I did meet a few really nice, very attractive, surprisingly normal girls that I just didn't "click" with. Friend of friends is still the best, but online is in 2nd place, and not a bad option if you're in a new area.

Sorry if I offend anyone, but beware, lot of uglies and fatties ya got a wade through, some with extremely outdated photos. I'm not a prize myself, but I ain't desperate.

Holy crap, I dabbled in online dating for a bit. Exchanged a few emails with this one girl and chatted online once, and then talked on the phone twice. Something about the girl seemed off, so I bailed. Girl called me like 15 times a day for the next 4 days and texted me nonstop. Worst part was that she lived in my town, there was a chance I'd run into her (hopefully not while on my bike and her in a car).

But I did meet a few really nice, very attractive, surprisingly normal girls that I just didn't "click" with. Friend of friends is still the best, but online is in 2nd place, and not a bad option if you're in a new area.

Sorry if I offend anyone, but beware, lot of uglies and fatties ya got a wade through, some with extremely outdated photos. I'm not a prize myself, but I ain't desperate.


And some scary looking ones too!!!!

Haha.. I'm not a pimp.


Kind of on the subject and I dont want to highjack, but anyone ever hear of or thought about Courting?
We are considering it for the kids.


SL = pimp.

I've met two of my last three girlfriends on the internet. Both of those relationships were good ones. Meeting in person or through some other means would not have made the relationships last longer. And I'm still on a friendly basis with both. In fact...I just met a really, really nice women on the internet after moving to NM. We chatted, we met and we get along great. I think the key to using the internet for friendships or dating is to have a good amount of conversations BEFORE you ever met in person. Find out how the person responds to questions, comments and just life in general. Then take it to a couple of telephone conversations, so you can see how you communicate live. If that all goes well, then you can decide to met in person.

Just my two cents...

I've tried it - I AM trying it! I've met nice guys (Mr. Handsome, Houston) and not so nice (Psuedo-Stalker, Mr. First Date Butt Grabber, Mr. McLoud, the NeatFreak, etc..) and two 'Divorced - no, Separated!'

I went to online because realized that I didn't even KNOW many single men. And I'm involved with my local bike club and play with the local tennis club. I do both of those activities and more, 4-5 days a week.

I think I just look scary...only half joking. The guys I play tennis with nicknamed me 'Killer #1' ;)

So it's something to try. Go for it. It's nice meeting new people.

I've pretty much decided I need someone that cycles, though. Who else would understand my gnarly tan lines? :D
I'm trying out fitness singles, and am on Plentyoffish (free site).

If I lived in Cali instead of New Mexico...I'd look you up overthere!;):) But meeting the right people in your area can be kinda' tough. So online is not such a bad thing sometimes.

I've tried it - I AM trying it! I've met nice guys (Mr. Handsome, Houston) and not so nice (Psuedo-Stalker, Mr. First Date Butt Grabber, Mr. McLoud, the NeatFreak, etc..) and two 'Divorced - no, Separated!'

I went to online because realized that I didn't even KNOW many single men. And I'm involved with my local bike club and play with the local tennis club. I do both of those activities and more, 4-5 days a week.

I think I just look scary...only half joking. The guys I play tennis with nicknamed me 'Killer #1' ;)

So it's something to try. Go for it. It's nice meeting new people.

I've pretty much decided I need someone that cycles, though. Who else would understand my gnarly tan lines? :D
I'm trying out fitness singles, and am on Plentyoffish (free site).


hehe I'm still trying it but man there's some players out there. <Tude dresses in ninja costume, looks left, then right - douses the area with High Karate cologne and sinks into a wary crouch ....> :p

I did a lot of internet dating. Had plenty of those dates where you see the person and you try to get away before they see you because they did a bang up job of making themselves look way different. I'm not super into the looks but it doesn't bode well when the person you are hoping to maybe in the future start a trusting relationship with in a way lies about how they look. Shows a lack of confidence too. Not attractive.

That being said, met a hot redhead from match and things are going great! Taking her out for our first mountain biking session together this weekend :D :D

That's always a plus. It's really hard to find someone that would understand the cycling thing. Heck, I even get razzed at work about my love for my bikes.

Heck, I even get razzed at work about my love for my bikes.

I never do...one advantage to working at a shop. ;)

but throughout that time, that gaping hole was still there

Probably because women keep stealing your testicles and putting them in their handbags.

Why don't you learn to be happy while single? of course there's going to be a whole after breaking up with women, give it some time, become yourself again, then try. And don't give up so much of yourself.

That's always a plus. It's really hard to find someone that would understand the cycling thing. Heck, I even get razzed at work about my love for my bikes.

Yeah - the cycling thing is a hard one to find in the single world so far ... Hiking, fishing, long walks (oy), quiet times, holding hands, kissing (hehe - yeah that is listed) and another whole smattering of things are listed.

I mean - how about - kayaking, canoeing, hiking, camping, outdoors in general, BICYCLING, cooking, grilling, etc (get the gist?). I think some or a lot of people list "interests" in what they think womens would like to see. Perhaps they forget us outdoorsy types. :p

I've tried it - I AM trying it! I've met nice guys (Mr. Handsome, Houston) and not so nice (Psuedo-Stalker, Mr. First Date Butt Grabber, Mr. McLoud, the NeatFreak, etc..) and two 'Divorced - no, Separated!'

I went to online because realized that I didn't even KNOW many single men. And I'm involved with my local bike club and play with the local tennis club. I do both of those activities and more, 4-5 days a week.

I think I just look scary...only half joking. The guys I play tennis with nicknamed me 'Killer #1' ;)

So it's something to try. Go for it. It's nice meeting new people.

I've pretty much decided I need someone that cycles, though. Who else would understand my gnarly tan lines? :D
I'm trying out fitness singles, and am on Plentyoffish (free site).

Too bad you're so far away. ;)

Just post some more pics in the Ladies of Foo thread, I'm sure the PMs will flood in.
EDIT: pics of gnarly tan lines are especially welcome.

Society will always need an outlet for this sort of thing, so it might as well keep up with technology. People tend to sneer at internet dating, but really, if you're not particularly religious so you can't meet people at church, and you're not a complete moron so you don't go to bars to meet girls, how many other options are there? People always say to go to libraries and museums and such, but seriously, even if you're a total Romeo, do you really want to strike up conversations with complete strangers to get their number? Online, you at least know everyone who's there is after the same thing.

I haven't done it in years, but I met nice girls when I did, and have plenty of friends who've had positive experiences. BTW, I actually see it as superior to many traditional models of meeting people, I mean, you have their personality, religion, political leanings, etcetera laid out before you before you even initiate contact, see if they look like an Olde English Bulldog, and you can see if they can type out a complete sentence or if they sound like a MySpace turd, so what's the downside?

There was this guy who tried over and over again to find the woman just for him. After trying for about two years with no success, the Police eventually found all of his dates stored in 55 gallon drums in the back of his house.

Not that it would happen to you, mind ya. ;)

(Generally, I think it's pretty safe)

I've been trying online for the past six months or so. No luck. And by that I mean I never get any response at all. Apparently I'm just as unattractive online as I am IRL.

I've been trying online for the past six months or so. No luck. And by that I mean I never get any response at all. Apparently I'm just as unattractive online as I am IRL.

well, your signature seems to be encouraging stalking.

Ah, the sweetness of Foo men...:love:

well, your signature seems to be encouraging stalking.

Eh?

I've tried it - I AM trying it! I've met nice guys (Mr. Handsome, Houston) and not so nice (Psuedo-Stalker, Mr. First Date Butt Grabber, Mr. McLoud, the NeatFreak, etc..) and two 'Divorced - no, Separated!'



HA! You knickname your former online dates too? I do that to keep them straight and when referring to them with friends.

Here are some of mine:

Pompous surgeon girl,
Waif Girl,
Austin MD (she is cool so no derogatory nickname),
Cambodiar (she pronounced her country of origin with an 'R'),
Attention hWore (her term),
....

I've always been skeptical of online dating sites. I'm pretty anti-social in general though, and don't do the normal things some one my age does (whose heard of a 23year old male who DOES NOT drink? alcohol, that is..i drink plenty of water) so going to the Bar etc is sorta something i don't do. I open up to people i know, but dont' have any friends to 'date' their friends. my room mate is great though...i see her maybe once a week! woot living in my room.

Anyways, i checked out that cyclingsingles just to see...and i'd have to travel 250 miles to find the nearest person! lol - i knew the cycling scene in orlando sucked!

HA! You knickname your former online dates too? I do that to keep them straight and when referring to them with friends.

Here are some of mine:

Pompous surgeon girl,
Waif Girl,
Austin MD (she is cool so no derogatory nickname),
Cambodiar (she pronounced her country of origin with an 'R'),
Attention hWore (her term),
....


hehe

I'll add

Whiney
Pompous arse
StrangeGuy
Perv

:D

I just use the "how hot are these guys" thread.

Worked for ravenmore. :p

Worked for ravenmore. :p

ravenmore found a guy on that thread :eek: glad I don't post. :)

I think I just look scary...only half joking. The guys I play tennis with nicknamed me 'Killer #1' ;)



Ummmm... from your icon, 'scary' isn't what comes to mind:D

Ah, the sweetness of Foo men...:love:

Yep. A little honest flirting never hurts....especially with the lovely ladies here in Foo.;):D

Thanks for all of the responses! It's actually a bit overwhelming, but I was really expecting people to sneer more at it than actually support it!

Personally, I really like the idea of finding people over the internet, as it's usually much easier to find common ground than "guessing" at it in real life. I was a bit precarious to it because of the social stigma I thought would be associated with it, i.e. you are "supposed" to find girls in everyday situations, even though that is quite difficult to do (though not impossible by any means; I actually use any "elephant" to strike up easy conversation with people, to much success).

In regards to bars, I am a wee bit under the age limit to really try them (legally), but I have gone to one with some of my friends who are successful with women in those scenarios, and I don't really think they are for me. I dislike drinking, and I get the perception that many women who go to bars have a bundle of their own issues. Do not want.

I considered it for a bit after finishing college...

I just ended up dating a coworker instead... After working with her for like 4 years... :o

I met my wife online, though not through a dating service.

She found my MSN profile and wrote me, we met a week later. The rest is history still writing itself. :)

Eh?

Current weather conditions where you live.

Current weather conditions where you live.

Yeah, there's an airport about 5 miles away. That narrows my identity down to one of maybe 100 000 people... ;)

Thanks for all of the responses! It's actually a bit overwhelming, but I was really expecting people to sneer more at it than actually support it!

Personally, I really like the idea of finding people over the internet, as it's usually much easier to find common ground than "guessing" at it in real life. I was a bit precarious to it because of the social stigma I thought would be associated with it, i.e. you are "supposed" to find girls in everyday situations, even though that is quite difficult to do (though not impossible by any means; I actually use any "elephant" to strike up easy conversation with people, to much success).

In regards to bars, I am a wee bit under the age limit to really try them (legally), but I have gone to one with some of my friends who are successful with women in those scenarios, and I don't really think they are for me. I dislike drinking, and I get the perception that many women who go to bars have a bundle of their own issues. Do not want.

Well, I'm not on the market, but if I was I certainly would do it.

Gotta beat the old way.
Especially for the somewhat socially challenged, which I think I was in my younger years.

i "tried" eHarmony, but failed the entrance exam.

don't really care enough to try any others, and haven't found any that cater to my interests. so i'm just going about things the old-fashioned way.