Foo - The Truth about Santa

Go this off another forum I am a member of. You can probably guess what type and it's not the nerd forum either.


The Truth about Santa
After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on the theory of Santa:
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Does that mean there'll be no Xmas this year?

I just heard from Santa. No gifts for CBHungry :-)

CB, no matter how you rationalize it, you still have to buy Christmas presents for the kids, especialy Sam.

This analysis fails to take one simple fact into account: Santa Claus is magic!

Golly, and I was proud of doing a 5 mile lap around Stone mountain pulling my daughter/charoit in 15:30.

Now I feel like a slug :(

Santa has had Elf genetic engineers working around the clock since back in the 19th century. I personally know three Santa Clauses.

This analysis fails to take one simple fact into account: Santa Claus is magic!
Yes Santa Claus is magic he is in everyone of us!The gift of giving always brings a smile to my face.

Are saying there is no Santa???? Gee you popped my balloon! :-)

CB, so what you are saying is that if there was a Santa the world would be toast. Therefore, Santa is magic, he's that twinkle in every child's eye on Christmas eve. Does he need to be anything more than that? ;)

How much is my bike worth?

How much is my bike worth?

Yeah, sell it and take up reindeer riding! :D

But reindeers aren't made out of the latest titanium, carbon, zurcon composite and therefore I wouldn't get acceptance from others when riding(or flying)down the street.

It's really very simple..... These engineer types have no imagination, no abilitiy to think "outside the box" so to speak.
Santa is able to "fold" space/time. I don't know all the particulars, only Santa does, but he makes it work! :D

I see no reason to lie to my kids about Santa, but neither do I want to deny them one of the more fun aspects of Christmas.

A quick Google search yielded this excellent article:
http://www.bible.org/docs/pastor/seasonal/xmas/santa.htm

This is the sort of approach I take with my kids.

Sorry to add a note of seriousness in this lighthearted thread, but it seemed relevant, and I think kids learn a much more valuable leeson from hearing the real story.

Thanks CB I loved it. And Allister you sumed up the problem simply as usual.
Joe

Something funny I found (italicized) in the weblink provided by Allister:
Question:
Shouldn't we emphasize the spiritual aspect of Christmas, and simply ignore this Santa Claus business?
Answer:
While we should give particular attention to the spiritual side of Christmas, there is nothing wrong in observing the cultural aspects as well. Take Thanksgiving, for an example. On this holiday we thank God for the United States of America. That is the spiritual side. But we also eat turkey and cranberry sauce. That is the cultural side. Why do many believers find it so difficult to practice both sides of Christmas? Such reasoning defies logic.

I guess we all forgot about the Syphillis given to the indigenous people of what is now the USA. I bet they were thankful for that...Smallpox too! Wow, Thanksgiving will never be the same for me now!
:D

I guess we all forgot about the Syphillis given to the indigenous people of what is now the USA. I bet they were thankful for that...Smallpox too! Wow, Thanksgiving will never be the same for me now!
:D

Oh my stomach hurts! I think I ate too much turkey and all that other stuff! :p

And look what the native Americans gave us back, CASINOS! They weren't dumb ya know. :D

I see some Forum members are not going to get the fancy bike stuff they expected :D.

Hear all you weak in faith: this is an article written by Henry Gee, originally published in The Guardian (yep, another leftist liberal conspiracy) on 14th Dec 2000.

> Of course Father Christmas exists, and he can visit arbitrarily as many
> children as he pleases in as short a time as is convenient, barring mid-air
> reindeer pile- ups. The reason is that Father Christmas is a Macroscopic
> Quantum Object.
>
> Let me explain. It is a feature of the quantum world that particles - such
> as electrons - can be in more than one place at a time, provided that nobody
> is watching. In a famous experiment known as the "two-slit" test, physicists
> have been able to fire a single particle at an opaque plate with two
> separate slits in it. The diffraction pattern seen on the other side of the
> slits suggests that the particle passes through both holes at once and
> interacts with itself. However, if detectors are placed at the slits, to see
> which slit the particle passes through, the diffraction pattern disappears,
> and the particle can be seen to pass through either one slit or the other,
> but not both.
>
> The key lies in the fact of observation. Provided that nobody seeks to
> measure the effect with more than a certain amount of precision, the
> particle keeps all its options open. But if someone looks too closely, the
> particle makes its choice. In the language of physics, its quantum
> wavefunction collapses.
>
> Now, let's think of Father Christmas as a particle, obeying the rules of the
> quantum world. Following the logic of the two-slit experiment, it is
> perfectly possible for him to visit all the good children of the world
> simultaneously, provided that he does so unseen. If he is spotted, his
> wavefunction will collapse and he will be revealed as your Dad with a comedy
> beard after all. The quantum nature of Father Christmas explains the taboo
> against seeing him do his job.
>
> But there's more. It is possible to object that Father Christmas is far too
> large, rubicund and jolly to be a particle. In the real-life, macroscopic
> world of people, elves and flying reindeer, the quantum behaviour of each of
> the squillions of particles from which we are made averages out, so what we
> see is the everyday phenomenon of causes preceding effects, and people who
> can never be in two places at once.
>
> Cynics might attribute this last consequence to the deficiencies of
> Railtrack, but it is a fact that real people, even bearded men with red hats
> and big boots, tend to be found in discrete locations, irrespective of
> whether they are being watched or not.
>
> This objection doesn't wash, however, because it is possible to have
> macroscopic quantum objects that are larger than single particles.
> Scientists have managed to choreograph large clusters of atoms to behave as
> if they were just one particle, in a kind of nanoscopic Busby Berkeley
> routine. Admittedly, these clusters are too small to see with the naked eye,
> let alone qualify as cheerful red- faced men with sacks full of gifts, but
> the point is made.
>
> Importantly, these macroscopic quantum objects observe the rules of the
> quantum world when cooled to within a whisker of absolute zero - minus 273
> C. Any warmer than this, and the choreography breaks down and the clusters
> behave like any old bunch of atoms.
>
> Nevertheless, in this frigidity might lie an explanation for another feature
> of Father Christmas - the undeniable fact that Father Christmas
> traditionally inhabits cold places, such as Lapland or the North Pole. OK,
> so neither of these places gets as chilly as absolute zero, but it must
> count for something that no deserving child would address their wish list to
> hot places such as, say, Borneo or Brazil. The very idea is quite
> ridiculous. QED (which stands for Quantum Electrodynamics, as any fule kno.)

So there.

--J

Santa Claus DOES exist and here's a photo of him in the summer (http://www.sheldonbrown.com/images/scb_eagle.jpeg).

Yes!
SB!

According to EASTER BUNNY MONTHLY, "Santa is over rated".

According to EASTER BUNNY MONTHLY, "Santa is over rated".

Gee we used to always eat rabbit on Easter. I guess I should make a point of eating raindeer on Christmas. -;)

Joe

Gee we used to always eat rabbit on Easter. I guess I should make a point of eating raindeer on Christmas. -;)

Joe

and don't forget groundhog on Feb 2.

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Truth about Santa
After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on the theory of Santa:

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If this is true about Santa, I know exactly how he must feel, because this is how I feel while shopping for Christmas.

Remember, everything in the media is not always true!

Everyone will have a good Christmas this year!

Remember, everything in the media is not always true!

Everyone will have a good Christmas this year!

Hello Santa, I have been a good boy this year is there any chance of me getting a new Trek 6700 with disk brakes.Pleeeeease.

Thank you,
Johnny :)

Remember, everything in the media is not always true!

Everyone will have a good Christmas this year!


Hey, Santa! I have been naughty AND nice this year. You gonna stuff my stocking? Or can I stuff your's? Can I sit on your lap and whisper what I want in your ear?

(Wanna be my boyfriend? :love: )

Come on, Santa, let's ride nekkid together! WahOOOO!

Say it ain't so, Santa! :eek:

So now the truth really comes out about Santa and his cohorts!

At 37 years old, I still get stuff from Santa, my wife as well, she got a big red wagon,from him, last year.

And before anyone introduces the Coca Cola connection, let's dispel that myth and substitute it with a little more useful history.

http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/santa.asp

You mean Santa isn't a corporate advertising guy? Oh, no it just couldn't be.
How will we ever deal with a Santa that's not linked with any corporation? :eek: :D

Say it ain't so, Santa! :eek:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO never it cant be. But there is that song "i saw mummy kissing santa claus".....the plot thickies...
Marie
(sorry about the spelling)

Santa must be a proponent of the string theory :D

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

How sick am I that the reindeer exploding in flames cracks me up? And MissVicki's pictures.

Ooh mommy that's funny stuff.

Oh, great! Now Santa is posing for porn!

MS Vicki seeing I haven't had lunch yet I really could of done without having to see that :D

Ooooooh, Santa. You have the right idea now! Being nekkid ROCKS! ;)


:love:

Uh oh!

Everyone will have a good Christmas this year!

Hey Santa, can I have a peek at your list of naughty girls? :D

Hey Santa, can I have a peek at your list of naughty girls? :D

2003 LIST OF NAUGHTY GIRLS
1. A.Troll
2. Koffee Brown
3. MsVicki
4. Cyclochica
5. Spexy
6. Jean Beetham Smith
7. foehn
8. cbhungry
9. Natophelia
10. Inkwolf



HO HO HO!

Oh, great! Now Santa is posing for porn!



Umm, that wasn't me! :eek:




Say it ain't so, Santa! :eek:

It ain't so! It ain't so!!

Umm, that wasn't me! :eek:

Must be one of those web doctered pics huh?

2003 LIST OF NAUGHTY GIRLS
1. A.Troll
2. Koffee Brown
3. MsVicki
4. Cyclochica
5. Spexy
6. Jean Beetham Smith
7. foehn
8. cbhungry
9. Natophelia
10. Inkwolf



HO HO HO!

I'm number one! I'm number one! I'm number one! I'm number one! :D

I can't believe I'm only *9th*! I am proud to have made the list, though.

I can't believe I'm only *9th*! I am proud to have made the list, though.

Natophelia:

I'm not one to gloat or anything. But...










BOOYAH!
IN YOUR FACE, GIRLFRIEND!!!
I'M NUMBER ONE! I'M NUMBER ONE! I'M NUMBER ONE!

:D

I can't believe I'm only *9th*! I am proud to have made the list, though.

Girl, Your going to just have to work a bit harder on being naughtier next year ;)

What happened to Mitzi?

Joe

hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa

I have something for you, Troll, but I just can't remember how to post attachments! I'll get you yet, my pretty...

ngateguy- You've just given me my new years resolution!

Sorry to interrupt you ladies, please pardon me...

:)

My eight year-old daughter asked me recently if Santa Clause was real. Being a "typical man," or perhaps a "stupid moron," or something of that nature, I completely missed the point. She was asking the Big Question, and I approached it matter-of-factly, much as if she had asked me, "Is the moon made of green cheese?" Of course, we all know that moon is not made of green cheese, but rather a blend of Colby and Swiss. But back to my tragic tale...

We fathers hold in our trembling hands the trusting minds of our children, so I told her the absolute truth...

"Santa Clause is real, or at least, he was. His real name was Saint Nicholas, a Catholic bishop who brought toys to little girls and boys on Christmas. But he's dead, now."

:eek:

Well, she believed me, unfortunately. I should have told her the part about how Santa lives on in us, but somehow, I got confused at that point. It's just that I wanted Angela to trust me later, when she finds out that I told her the truth, not some fairy story. But Angela is a very intelligent and forgiving girl, so I know I'm still high up on her most-admired list. But I don't think I was so far up on the most-admired list for the lady at the checkout counter, though, when I she found out what I told Angela about Santa. She went overboard to swear to Angela that Santa really does exist, and that "I would never lie to you about a thing like that!" She did her best to undo the damage I had done, and I have to give her credit, she really put everything she had into it. I was wondering what effect her oaths had upon Angela as we stepped outside. But Angela made me swell with satisfaction as she remarked with a somewhat irritated expression, "Daddy, that lady tried to tell me Santa was still alive, but he isn't, he lived a long time ago!"

Ah, it's wonderful being Pappa.

:D