Jokes & Humor - Bicycling Guitarist jokes

I've been called a traveling minstrel. Does that make my Schwinn a minstrel cycle?


What I've learned as The Bicycling Guitarist: when you ride over sharps, you get flats.

I traded in my menstrual cycle for a Cannondale. :lol:

You don't want to guitar on your tires.

Hoo Scott. Thanks for inspiring the following:

Most bicycles that have fenders have them over the wheels. In this case the fender is on the rider (The Bicycling Guitarist plays a Fender Stratocaster guitar).

also:

Mean people call me guitarded. :(

Why not be a Guitaring Bicyclist?

Why not be a Guitaring Bicyclist?
Good question and one I hadn't considered, but I knew the answer before hearing the question.
It's a matter of which is to be emphasized. In my case, I am a guitarist who happens to bicycle, not a bicyclist who happens to play guitar. "Bicycling Guitarist" and "Guitaring Bicyclist" are NOT synonyms.

Also I have used "The Bicycling Guitarist" as my stage name since the early 1980s, have a web site (http://www.TheBicyclingGuitarist.net/) by that name, and go by "TBG" for short even when asked for a name to be called by when waiting for fast food.

You can be the bicycling guitarist or the guitaring bicyclist - take your pick.

And I mean take your pick!

It's hard to play guitar without it.

A more technical name for pick is plectrum. So to play guitar you can use a plectrum or finger pluck, and both sound dirty for some reason.

Speaking of sound, check your mouth movements when going from the last sound of "Bicycling" to the first sound of "Guitarist" and compare to your mouth movements when going from the last sound of "Guitaring" to the first sound of "Bicyclist."

"Bicycling Guitarist" rolls off the tongue easier than "Guitaring Bicyclist." It has a ring to it (well, actually only Guitaring has a ring, but you know what I mean.)

Back

Back in 2002, the New York Times published an article in which Mick Jagger said you can't do rock and roll going ten miles an hour on a bicycle. I don't know for sure whether or not he was referring to me, but I wrote a reply to the NYT and to Mick Jagger's web site (he never answered me!)

However, I posted to another forum, and got the following response from Anzofate, who in a later post gave me permission to quote his reply. Check out the following exchange:


> In a New York Times article by Weinraub titled 'Rock's Bad Boys Grow Up but
> Not Old' published on September 26, 2002, Mick Jagger is quoted as saying:
>
> 'Rock 'n' roll requires a certain amount of energy,' he explained. 'You just
> can't do rock 'n' roll sitting on a bicycle going 10 miles an hour. You
> really have to wind the energy level up - that's part of the main
> ingredient. It's not like you have to be a brilliant musician, but you need
> a kind of explosive kind of musical energy to play rock 'n' roll well. And
> we have that.'
>
> I am The Bicycling Guitarist. Contrary to what Mr. Jagger claims, I do rock
> 'n' roll sitting on a bicycle going 10 miles an hour. I have done this for
> twenty years and twenty thousand miles. I sent an e-mail about this to
> Mr.Weinraub of the New York Times and also posted to the forums at
> MickJagger.com.

Well, I don't know.
Two wheels? Single guitar? It's got no pizzazz.
How about dropping a wheel. A unicycle. I like it.
And lose the guitar. Get something big and flashy
like, say, a tuba.
Yes, a tuba on a unicycle, now we're in the ballpark.
Add a monkey on your back playing the glockenspiel,
and a midget with an alphorn.
You could pull him on a dolly.
Drop the rock-n-roll. Classic religious speed metal!
Of course you'll have to learn to yodel.
Practice twenty more years then give me a call!

If'n you ride a long aways you guitard.

If'n you ride a long aways you guitard.

Meanie!

On a lighter note...

My given name is Christopher, which means "Bearer of Christ" or "one who carries Christ" in the original Greek form of the name. It apparently was the most popular name for boys in the year I was born, and it is the name of a Saint in the Roman Catholic Church who supposedly carried the baby Jesus across a river or something like that. St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers, and many people carry little medals with them that show him carrying the baby Jesus on his shoulders.

I was devastated to learn that the Catholic Church removed his feast day from their official calendar of events in 1969, but upon reflection it makes sense not to honor Christopher too much. After all, Jesus didn't need anyone to carry him across the river. Baby Jesus could crawl on water!

(yes, I made that up myself! Joke copyright 1990 to The Bicycling Guitarist)

Q: How do you get a guitarist to play more quietly?


A: Put a piece of music in front of him.

I don't read music, but I don't play by ear either (I use my fingers, duh!).

Anyway, some of the local townsfolk have contacted me about my willingness to become the "Town Troubadour" (no fooling). I have given it some thought and am not averse to the idea. I told them to go ahead. I've even thought of a slogan: "The Bicycling Guitarist, he's troubadourable."

Anyway, some of the local townsfolk have contacted me about my willingness to become the "Town Troubadour" (no fooling).

I notice that shelato12771 (message 13 of this thread) has the tagline "Tuba = Heavy Metal"

Perhaps he could become a TUBAdour!

I notice that shelato12771 (message 13 of this thread) has the tagline "Tuba = Heavy Metal"

Perhaps he could become a TUBAdour!

But can he be the BikeTubist?

East Hill

This Thread Is Truley A Cymbal Of How Well Bikes And Music Go Together

But can he be the BikeTubist?

East Hill

Picture THAT tandem putt-putting down the road; a guitarist captain and a tuba playing stoker, both riding no-handed. A two-wheeled Bluesmobile, for sure. The ride will be much easier if ya play slide guitar. So easy, in fact, that it'll be positively FRETLESS.

(I hereby volunteer for 5 extra minutes in purgatory for this one)

^^^

I think we need some YouTube footage of this when it happens!

East Hill

^^^

I think we need some YouTube footage of this when it happens!

East Hill


YouTUBA

YouTUBA

:roflmao2:

Rock on, my man!

East Hill

I was just wondering how you handle doing windmills on a bike.

I was just wondering how you handle doing windmills on a bike.

I tilt at them (literary reference).

Pete Townshend of "The Who" is one of my mentors (he may not know it though). I do windmills occasionally for crashing power chords where appropriate. For non-guitarists, a "windmill" is when one swings one's arm widely in a circle before hitting the strings of the guitar.

And now for something completely different (I always wanted to say that!):
I may be a minstrel and a troubadour, but I am not sure whether or not I am a bard. So far as I know, I am not barred from anywhere. I wonder, if you are no longer allowed to tell stories, are you disbard?

I've been thinking up more slogans to describe what I do, such as "Bicycling Guitarist: the pay's not great but the hours suck!" Immediately the pedagogue (dull pedantic teacher) in my head tells me I should use "and" instead of "but" in this slogan. I tell it to keep its and off my but!

Hmmm, if one teaches bicycling, is one a PEDALgogue?

That's all (for now) folks

He guitarred by the angry townspeople for using his tuba too late.

http://www.unicycling.org/btdt/music.html

Watch out playing guitar on a bike at 10 mph, or all those roadies will start calling you a Fret.

Not to forget this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peAM7vXTR6A

http://www.unicycling.org/btdt/music.html

Watch out playing guitar on a bike at 10 mph, or all those roadies will start calling you a Fret.

Unicycling with a Sousaphone? OK, it's on:

http://www.ekt.org/news/

I injured my knee about three weeks back. For a while there, I was worried it would interfere with my riding and playing the rest of my life, so I came up with some alternate stage names for myself.

The Hobbling Guitarist, The Guitarist who used to Bicycle, The ex-Bicycling Guitarist, and (my favorite): The artist formerly known as The Bicycling Guitarist.

Fortunately, it seems it was only a contusion and seems to be all right now. Whew!

Bicycles are better than women part 1 (http://drollyjokes.com/jokes/men-women-jokes/men-women-jokes-3009/)
Bicycles are better than women part 2 (http://drollyjokes.com/jokes/men-women-jokes/men-women-jokes-3056/)





http://drollyjokes.com/jokes/men-women-jokes/men-women-jokes-3009/

:lol:

Do you play pedal steel?

If your riding in cold weather are you in phrygian mode ?

Bicycling Guitarists most hated song ? "Unchained Melody"

Do you play pedal steel?

What if they Steel your Pedals?

If your riding in cold weather are you in phrygian mode ?

Bicycling Guitarists most hated song ? "Unchained Melody"

Ch-ch-chain!

CHAIN OF FOOLS!:roflmao2::roflmao2::roflmao2:

Here are TWO more ORIGINAL PUNS by "The Bicycling Guitarist." Share if you dare, but please give credit where credit is due, or due due as the case may be...

The late actor Patrick McGoohan (Number Six in The Prisoner television series) at the Pearly Gates, refusing to conform:
"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My afterlife is my own...I am not a number; I am a dead man!"

Years ago I had a great marketing idea for a movie merchandising connection with the Harry Potter series: Chia pets! They could have a line of chia pets as the characters in the books and movies and call them "Hairy Pottery."

Yesterday I added to that thought. See the chia pets sprout growth (or grow sprouts) in new places as the characters enter puberty!

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Shred tunes, not tires.

Here are TWO more ORIGINAL PUNS by "The Bicycling Guitarist." Share if you dare, but please give credit where credit is due, or due due as the case may be...
<SNIP>
Okay, I'll shut up now.

They're trying to revive Fozzie Bear as I write. ;)

Avoid sharps, flats, and hole notes.

Hi all.
Tonight I saw a headline on MSNBC that said "After pullout, some will stay." To my disappointment, it was about Iraq.

Oh, and the other day I was posting to a science news group and neglected to give a reference link to the source (they get really annoyed at that). So I posted another with the link and said "A Cite for Sore I's."

Bye for now

Do you swing from trees with your bike? If you did then you could re-name yourself "Bicycling Guitarzan . . ."

Do you swing from trees with your bike? If you did then you could re-name yourself "Bicycling Guitarzan . . ."

Then I could use this pickup line:
"Me Bicycling Guitarzan. You Bicycling Guijane."

Hmmm, if you rode a refurbished bike and swung from trees you could call yourself "Recycling Guitarzan."

If you had the refurbished bike and refused to swing from trees you would just be "Recycling Guitarist." But even if you didn't swing from the trees you could be still be "Recycling Guitarist" if you rode your bike repeatedly. . .

If you were bi-polar you could still be "Cycling Guitarist" too. I guess you could go as "Bi-cycle Guitarist" also.

If you were very strange, people would send e-mails to each other about you entitled
"RE: Cycling Guitarist. . . "

Do you like to run, ride AND swim? You "Tri-cycling Guitarist" you!

And I guess if you did all of the above and still swung from trees you could be named: "Tri-cycling Guitarzan. . . "

. . .

And I guess if you did all of the above and still swung from trees you could be named: "Tri-cycling Guitarzan. . . "

You know what? If you were "Tri-cycling Guitarzan" AND played in a rock group with Jane, Boy and Cheetah, well you could step up on stage and say, " I'm Tri-cycling Guitarzan--with my Jungle Band!"






I am really dating myself with the referrals to "Get Tarzan," a very old novelty hit by I-cant-remember-who orginally. This group is not the originator, but they do have an entertaining version! See: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/519333/funny_guitar_zan_and_his_jungle_band/

I am really dating myself with the referrals to "Get Tarzan," a very old novelty hit

Sometimes I date myself too, and sometimes I have to slap myself if I get too fresh.

So what's it like dating yourself? Do you ever have to buy yourself flowers? Candy? Romantic dinners?--or are you a "cheap date?"

I just remembered another original joke of mine from the past, so let me post it here for posterity.

I like chemistry so much even my dog is a lab!

You know how the alchemists were always trying to turn lead into gold? Well, I'm trying to turn fleas into gold. Surely you've heard of the Golden Fleas?

I just remembered another original joke of mine from the past, so let me post it here for posterity.

I like chemistry so much even my dog is a lab!

You know how the alchemists were always trying to turn lead into gold? Well, I'm trying to turn fleas into gold. Surely you've heard of the Golden Fleas?


Hehehehe, that's a good one!

Remember "The Flying Nun" television show from the 1960s?
I have an alternate title: Nun of the Above.


another original pun by The Bicycling Guitarist. Share if you dare but please give credit where due, or due due as the case may be.

Hey folks! There's been a flurry of activity on The Bicycling Guitarist joke front recently.


I've been called a traveling minstrel. Does that make my Schwinn a minstrel cycle?
In a songwriter's forum, Lijemtu answered the above question of mine: "Only if you play ragtime."

In that same forum, Mike McLaughlin asked "What's the hardest thing about playing guitar on a bike? The pavement!" To which I replied: "Ouch, Mike. My asphalt to the ground!"

In welcoming me, BobbyJoe said to not let some other people "tire" me out.
I said "The Bicycling Guitarist is two tired."

Gina asked what I do if I get a song idea and can't write it down. Lijemtu said "In the past he spoke into the tires. In the future, wheel have to see."

I said "Hey, we could have a wheel-ality show."

Pinch harmonics, not inner tubes.

This reminds me of the time I used to hang out with Peter Griffin of the Family Guy cartoon television series.


http://www.TheBicyclingGuitarist.net/graphics/family-guy.gif