Trouble trying to balance family and riding

[datlas]

I thought I might post this in "family" since my cycling is causing some domestic discord.

I am 43, married, with two somewhat "high maintenance" daughters aged 6 and 8. My wife has been a stay at home mom since our youngest was born.

I work in a professional job and over the past year have rediscovered my love of cycling....I used to race in my early 20's and now consider myself a "fast recreational" rider....no delusions of racing but I love to ride.

The problem has arisen over the past few months, that whenever I go riding and my wife is at home with the kids, especially if there is crankiness/outbursts/tantrums at home (which do occur, most likely "normal" for the kids' ages, but nevertheless unpleasant), my wife resents the fact that I have been away riding while she is hassling with the kids.

So now whenever I want to do a weekend club ride for a few hours, or a 2 hour ride after work, I am getting pushback and it is causing some stress on our marriage.

I suspect this problem would not have been such an issue if I had restarted cycling a few years later when the children are older and not so high-maintenance, but I am not happy about the idea of re-retiring from cycling for a few years until the kids are older.

Other potential solutions I have attempted, but which are not satisfying are :

1. Commute - I live 8 miles from work, which is a reasonable distance....but safety is an issue, and I have to wear professional attire for work and no showers nearby, so this is probably not feasible

2. Get up early and ride - I have been trying this, getting up 30 minutes earlier and doing a morning ride while everyone else is asleep - this works but due to darkness and weather I usually end up riding on the trainer in the basement, which is less than satisfying and this does not allow me to do any weekend rides or club/group rides, which I really do enjoy.

3. Get the wife interested in riding....a non starter. She is not at all interested. Actually she does not even know how to ride a 2 wheeler!

4. Take the girls riding. Probably not workable, they are young and are tired after a 3 minute ride down the street.

5. Back off on the riding for a few years until the kids are older....be satisfied with a 20-30 minute ride in the early a.m.

I know this problem is not unique to cycling....but I am intereseted in hearing if others have solved this difficult balancing equation. Of course, in the end, my family is much more important than cycling....but I am still hopeful of finding a decent balance that could allow me a few 2+ hour rides each week.

Doug

[10 Wheels]

I know one guy who got a new wife.
Hired a baby sitter to give the wife a well earned break from the kids.

[datlas]

I know one guy who got a new wife.
Hired a baby sitter to give the wife a well earned break from the kids.

Not good options here....as I said above family is clearly more important than riding, so a new wife is not going to happen....and she is very thrifty, would be furious at me for "spending" money so I can ride.

But thanks for the input! :)

[andrelam]

I thought I might post this in "family" since my cycling is causing some domestic discord.

I am 43, married, with two somewhat "high maintenance" daughters aged 6 and 8. My wife has been a stay at home mom since our youngest was born.
<SNIP> Other potential solutions I have attempted, but which are not satisfying are :

1. Commute - I live 8 miles from work, which is a reasonable distance....but safety is an issue, and I have to wear professional attire for work and no showers nearby, so this is probably not feasible

Don't underestemate the joys of commuting on a bike. Check out the commuting forum. There are loads of us who do this. 8 miles is very ridable. Some folks drive once a week and take a weeks worth of cloths with them. Once you get to work. Take a few minutes to cool down, then switch into clean work appropriate cloths. Some folks also wipe critical areas with a baby wipe and then reapply deoderant. Your ride cloths may smell a bit, but you won't. I do this and it takes the same time to ride home as it did to get to the "club" after work. Now I get home and have completed two rides each day. Now that the weather is nice (I ride all Winter as well), I'll take one or two days a week and then add some more distance to my ride. I still get home WAY earlier than if I'd taken a class at the club and then had to drive home. I also save about $300 in club membership fees.

2. Get up early and ride - I have been trying this, getting up 30 minutes earlier and doing a morning ride while everyone else is asleep - this works but due to darkness and weather I usually end up riding on the trainer in the basement, which is less than satisfying and this does not allow me to do any weekend rides or club/group rides, which I really do enjoy.

I would have a HUGE amount of trouble gettin up extra early for a ride, but this can work for some.

3. Get the wife interested in riding....a non starter. She is not at all interested. Actually she does not even know how to ride a 2 wheeler!

Growing up in Holland (we didn't even have a car till I was 7, the bikes were our main source of transporation), I find it almost amazing that there are poeple who don't know how to ride a bike. It is too bad, doing for a nice family ride is lots of fun. This past weekend we took our bikes with us to visit my Sister. My parents brought their bikes as well and the whole family went out for a ride. It was loads of fun.

4. Take the girls riding. Probably not workable, they are young and are tired after a 3 minute ride down the street.

This you can work on. If the wife won't ride, why not get the girls involved. The youngest will still have some issues with fitting a bike that will ride with any soft of speed. To solve that problem you could get a Wee-Ride Co-Pilot. It is not the best trailer bike out there, but at $70 it is the best value. Even if you only get 2 summers use out of it, it can be worth it. I can easily ride 12 miles with my 7 year old daughter. I don't see why I could not ride twice as far as long as I take some reasonable breaks along the way. The 8 year old should be getting old/tall enough to start filling a 24" or 26" bike with some gears. My 7 year old is just starting to get comfortable riding solo on a smaller bike around the community. She is still a bit wabbly on the larger 24" bike. Once we she gets some more experience there is no reason why next year she won't be able to ride 12 to 20 miles with me riding solo. My co-worker has been working on getting his girls to ride with him as well. We ride a 33 mile charity ride last year with his 10 year old, and she did a 20 mile ride when she was 9 (riding solo). He is now using a Co-pilot for his 8 year old as she has been taking somewhat slowly to riding solo. You could start with the 8 year old on the co-pilot, and once she gets stronger and used to pedeling for a while, get her riding solo and then start working with the 6 year old. Your wife may actually start to encourage you to take the kids for a ride as she'll get a little time for herself. There will be times when you will probably want to "kill" one fot he kids when they get all whiney, but just stick with it. Also if you can find nice paths or neat places to ride, it can realy help make this a fun experience. Bring along some snack and have a min-picnic along the way, or ride to an ice-cream store somewhere in town and make it a treat. With some creativity this can be some great bonding time with the kids, and you will ALL get some exercise.

5. Back off on the riding for a few years until the kids are older....be satisfied with a 20-30 minute ride in the early a.m.

See #1 and #4. #5 should be a last resort option.

I know this problem is not unique to cycling....but I am intereseted in hearing if others have solved this difficult balancing equation. Of course, in the end, my family is much more important than cycling....but I am still hopeful of finding a decent balance that could allow me a few 2+ hour rides each week.

Doug

Be creative and you can make cycling part of the whole family. The kids won't always be motivated. I am certain I was not always motivated as a kid to ride. You can make it work. If there is some sort of reward involved it can be very motivating. The reward need not be expensive. A simple icecream may be enough. Just last weekend I rode from Buffalo to Rochester. It took about 5 hours (4:40 in ride time), but I did it early on Saturday. Normally Saturday is my morning to take our daughter to Karate, this time my wife did that duty, I then met up with everyone in Rochester. Therefore I found time for a long ride (a new personal longest ride), yet didn't interfere too much with the family. I don't expect my wife to be supportive if I did something that extreame regularly, but she will put up with it every so often.

Happy riding,
André

[st0ut]

Commute AND / or get a tandem with a Trail a bike for you and your daughters. MASIMAN has a set up like this. I WAS in the exact situation. My soution GUILT :)
My wife hated riding although she could . I got a tab for my bike mine is a trek but i was on the giant page at the time. for my son.

http://www.giant-bicycles.com/en-US/bikes/lifestyle/1316/29431/


after riding with him for a few months i put a bug in his ear. You know it would be great if mommy could come too.. At the time he was 5 and my daughter was 2. that was about a 18 months ago.

So i had him ask her to ride. She can say no to me but not him.

So she got a bike with a TAB (Hers trek 7100 WSD with doodlebug) for her as well. Now cycliing is our family sport and hobby. Still on bike paths and parks but this year i expect to get her on the road.

to get your girls involved and hyped up get some vidoes of Womens Ironmen Tri events. and womens downhill. let them know its not just for boys.

She even OK'd me and my son taking a multistate tour in a few years. :) Hopefullly she will be a full up cyclist by then and it will be all 3 bikes and not 2 with a support car.

[Phantoj]

I would just ride less.

Think about why you ride, and how much. If you're riding for fun, you might not want to try commuting - rush hour traffic has a low fun per minute factor. Ride less but make them rides you really like to do, not "training".

Or if you're riding for fitness, ride less but ride harder. Or take early morning rides. Also, you can probably overcome the challenges associated with commuting if you really put your mind to it.

I frequently take my kids out on a tandem, and this works very well, but they are 4 and 2. I would actually rather ride with my 4-y/o than ride solo (the 2-y/o can be a pill, though.) Your kids might already be too old to really get into riding with you, even if you have a tandem or tagalong.

[bab2000]

I am 43, married, with two somewhat "high maintenance" daughters aged 6 and 8. My wife has been a stay at home mom since our youngest was born.

Similar story, so I can relate. I also, worked high tech, was on call usually 7 x 24, and instead of 2 children, had 4.

Difference I can see is my wife like riding, and as kids reached 4 they were exposed to our trainer, a girls 20" with training wheels, and after a few months trainers were gone and new bike was gift received on 5th birthday. (I am sorry).

Your wife may not actually mind you riding, but would rather you also spend time with her, or give her escape time. My wife and I had mid-week date nights, hired sitter, and just got away, some times a burger and fries or a pizza, sometimes just a stroll through the mall or other shopping area.

Riding with girls is possible, if interest can be tweaked, yet if high-maintenance, they actually may require more dad time to bring them to reality, otherwise you will not be able to afford biking just to keep them is clothes and make-up.

Now my kids are grown, and wife and I can bike to visit three of them as they live fairly close. But after 33 years of togetherness, a short break from biking, wasn't to high a price, also, there was golf, softball teams, handball, bowling, that I also took time to enjoy. But those are dull memories, it was the one on one time with the wife and with each kid that are yet vivid memories. Surprising as well when I hear the kids today talking about M&D's date night, or the family movie night, even time Dad went on school field trips.

I am certain you will find time to bike as well as enjoy your family. They do grow up so quickly.

Oh!, did I mention weddings:innocent:, last one is coming up this June, fun and $s await.:D

[caloso]

Most of my miles occur before 8am. I would get a light, some blinkies, and reflective tape. You would be surprised how calm and pleasant the streets can be before the morning commute starts. If you can arrange it, leave early enough to make your 8 mile commute an 18, 28, or 38 mile training ride that just happens to end at the office.

As far as being clean and looking professional, you can usually get away with baby wipes and deodorant, as long as you're nice and clean before you leave. (Sweat itself doesn't smell, it's the bacteria). Check out the Commuting forum for ideas.

You can make this work, get more miles, and keep your family.

[HardyWeinberg]

Putting our now 3 yr old in the trailer for naptime when she was a baby was a built in excuse for 2-3 hr ride. Yours are too big for a trailer so get a trail-a-bike (http://www.trail-a-bike.com/product/trail-a-bikes/original-folder-1/)or tandem trail-a-bike (http://www.trail-a-bike.com/product/trail-a-bikes/original-tandem/)or tandem bike and t-a-b to take one or both kids with you. Right now I can only take one kid at a time out at grown-up speeds (either in trailer or on solo t-a-b), so a tandem trail-a-bike might be on our (well, my) want-list.

[masiman]

I am in about the same situation as you but our family dynamics are quite different. My wife and kids(4, 18mts-8yrs) are all positive towards cycling. The only friction arises over schedule conflicts and the occasional tantrum, but even those are infrequent. It sounds like changes for all to make riding a part of your family life with emotions, time and desires.

A tandem is a good suggestion but it can be pricey to start off, and you did say your wife is thrifty. You can get something cheap for ~$500 but the sweet spot seems to start ~$1k+. TABs add a little bit to that expense, especially if you think about the Burley route. As HardyW mentioned, a trailer is not a good option for you due to the age and size of your youngest. Things to be careful of in the tandem route would be the relationship with your wife. One, it sounds like she would be against the purchase. Two, tandeming amplifies things between the captain and the stoker. An old saying is that wherever your relationship is going, a tandem will get you there faster. I've seen both sides of that coin.

You have pretty much layed out your options and that you thought they were not satisfying to you. My guess is your wife and maybe your kids did not find it satisfying either. I think that one of your best chances of success lies in you getting the girls to ride. That way, your wife can't complain and may even be thankful for the "free" time. It assumes that the two of you are together on the plan though. If the kids resist the riding and your wife gets mad at you for making them do it, it will likely fail. Destination rides (playgrounds, ice cream, pool, shopping) seem to be what works for most who do this.

One other option that I did not see you mention is a negotiation with your wife, i.e. I ride for 2 hours and then you get 2 hours to do something.

In all of this, I hope your marriage works. The key will be negotiations and you and your wife agreeing to support whatever options you two may be able to come up with.

A sincere good luck to you.

[datlas]

Thanks to everyone for the good suggestions. I certainly will consider my options. Getting the girls a tandem trail-a-bike might be a good solution, as it would let us do family riding and give the Mrs. a break...although the cost might be an issue. Thanks again for all the good ideas!

Doug

[Michel Gagnon]

Commuting
If you have a sports touring bike (i.e. something that rides well and has fenders), you can commute in "professional attire" most of the year. When temperature is lower than 15 C, I have no problems with dress trousers and even dress shirt. Keep the shoes, suit and tie at work.

If you slow down in the last kilometre, you won't be wet. Then washing your face and neck is probably all you need.


Daytime leisure rides
Depending on your children's abilities, either get a tandem + trailercycle or bite the bullet and get a triple. You'll be amazed at the time you'll spend with your daughters doing very nice rides. You probably won't be riding at 30-40 km/h, but you'll be visiting your town, get some ice cream... and get a real workout when climbing hills. Kids do their best to pedal when the wind is in their back. Believe me, you'll get lots of training, and on the plus side, your children will learn to use the bike to visit friends...

Nighttime leisure rides
With advances in LED technology, get a couple of powerful LED taillights (for redundancy – Planet Bike Superflash or Cateye TL-LD1100 won't break the bank), and either a decent LED headlight or a dynohub. A Shimano DH-3N70 dynohub plus a Lumotec IQ Fly would cost you about 250 $ if you build your own wheel, and then the night is yours.

[zeroderby]

I have 4 kids 2, 4, 6 and 9. I get my riding in by commuting. I wanted to take the long way home yesterday so I went in early and left early. That kind of takes the sting out of a long ride.

My only suggestion would be to find times that minimize the perceived time on the bike. Commuting is a great way to do it.

One more thing would be to encourage your wife to pursue some of her talents, with two kids so close in age she may have forgotten what some of them are and that they can be fun. It might help her relate to your desire to bike.

[jaxgtr]

I have 2 kids and my wife gets up at 4:30 am to get ready for work which means early to bed. I started riding at night 9:30 or later to get my rides in. It has work out great for me as I don't have to be at work until 9:30. Kids are older, but they typically are in bed by 10 pm, so since everyone is sleeping, that is a perfect time for me to go riding.

On the weekends, I try to get at least one of them to ride with me, not always successful, but sometimes they bite and try to keep up with the old man.

[DnvrFox]

Lunch hour rides from work? Leave a beater bike there.

I like to get up and ride at 5am, as it gets lighter.

"Trade" "girl watching" time with your wife. Sounds like she needs to discover or pursue her own interests a bit.

[simsi]

I sympathise with your dilemma. Luckily my wife enjoys cycling. Also, I can take these two on a 40 - 50 km ride (as long as we stop at a playground half way).

http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc266/betaglucan/th_BFtandem.jpg (http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc266/betaglucan/BFtandem.jpg)

The training effect of having 20 kg of bike, 5 kg of bike seat at 25 kg combined child weight is great!

[girljen]

Lunch hour rides from work? Leave a beater bike there.

I like to get up and ride at 5am, as it gets lighter.

"Trade" "girl watching" time with your wife. Sounds like she needs to discover or pursue her own interests a bit.

This cannot be emphasized enough!

I think she'd be much more open to letting you go on long rides if you take the girls (remove them from the house so they can't ask for Mom) for an afternoon every weekend.

[Podolak]

My wife has never been into cycling and that has always been a source of contention with us.

We now have an 18 month old little boy. Pre-baby I would ride a couple evenings a week after work. Right after the baby was born it was very clear that would no longer happen. Although crushed at first, I finally decided I needed to make something happen. My love for cycling was too great to just let it slip by the wayside.

Five months after my boy was born I devised my master plan. I normally awoke just before 7:00 AM to get ready for work. I decided to get up at 5:45 AM and go for an hour ride, getting ready for work when I returned. I didn't even mention it to my wife at first. That isn't something I recommend but it did work in my situation. After a few days my wife caught on to what I was doing and we discussed it. As I had already displayed it did not interfere with "her time" she opted not to be difficult. Around the same time she started taking our son to "MyGym" which is a children's activity center. She takes him every Saturday morning. I decided to do my longer, friends included ride during that time. The only exception being during the winter when I always ride alone. I am the only one of my friends crazy enough to ride during Central, NY winters. It has worked so well I have been doing it ever since. I ride six days a week from the end of winter to the beginning winter and four days a week during winter.

I have since expanded on this, when my son turned 12 months. I purchased a Burley trailer and we occasionally go for rides together after work. This gives my wife time to herself. She is now coming around to the idea of getting a bike so she can go on casual rides with our son and me. She does miss us when we are not there and likes doing things with us. I think once she gets on a bike she will enjoy it.

The end result is that even though occasionally my wife is a little difficult when it comes to my cycling addiction, I am now riding more than I ever have. Most of the year I am out six times a week at a minimum and during foul weather the worst case is a minimum of four times.

I also occasionally ride to work. It isn't the ride to work that is a problem. It is only 15 miles one way. Unfortunately that same 15 miles after work takes me that much longer to get home. This is problematic because at the end of the day she is very much ready to have a break. She is a stay at home mom so she is on baby duty all day long. Only in the evenings does she get some relief. I am still warming her up to my doing that more. We shall see.

I wish you the best of luck in your situation, know that you are not alone my friend.

[surfimp]

I can relate to the OP as I had / have various interests that at times have caused my wife to feel like I'm not focusing enough on her and the kids (she's totally been right, too). We are lucky because we've both always stressed the importance of communication and valuing each other's perspectives even when we had different views of things.

So, first things first, I'd get a sitter / the in laws / whoever to watch the kids and I'd take her out and have a good talk about the situation without the distraction of the kids. I suspect that if you both honestly talk about the underlying issues - his desire to exercise / find fulfillment through cycling, her (probable) desire to spend family time together and/or get some time for herself to get exercse / find fulfillment, you should be able to get to a good compromise that gives you each something of what you want, even though it won't be 100% of what you're looking for. But, That's OK :)

I would also seriously consider the commute option, and figure out a way to make it work. I mean, 16 miles a day... that doesn't suck! I only ride a 3 mile RT and I love the change it's made to my body, I wish I lived further away LOL. Anyways, leave clothes at work, cleanup with baby wipes, maybe ask the job if they will install showers? Why the hell not, with gas at $4+ a gallon you may not be the only one asking.... ;)

Beyond that, I think the idea of trading time on the weekends is a sound one, assuming your wife is into it. Go for your two hour ride in the morning, then let her have the afternoon to go do whatever she's into. Maybe she'd be stoked to be able just to sleep, so check out Craigslist for used bikes / trail-a-bikes / whatever for the girls, just get them out of the house and riding. Take them wherever it is they like to go, but figure out a way to go there on bikes instead of the car.

Beyond that, figure out a way to take your bike instead of the car for whatever you can... grocery runs, errands, whatever. Consider getting an Xtracycle (http://www.xtracycle.com/) or Surly Big Dummy (http://www.surlybikes.com/bigdummy.html). Set a positive healthy example for your family that you don't have to be a 300lb. fat American driving an SUV everywhere and eating supersized junk food to be happy... they get enough of that message from everywhere else, after all.

I somehow managed to inspire my wife through my own riding, so now she's on a Breezer Uptown whenever/wherever possible. We're taking the bikes and a trailer for our two young boys (1 & 3) on the weekend instead of the minivan and are having a blast doing it. I'm in better shape than I've been in years and getting better and I haven't filled up my own car's gas tank in over a month.

You can doooo eeeeeeeet! :D

Steve

[NormDeplume]

Funny you ask this, as I'm "the wife". Not the OP's wife, of course, but the wife of a new-ish runner. I'm a stay-at-home mom (who works part time from home) of two kids, ages 3 and 6, and my husband runs in the afternoons after he gets home from work. He cannot run in the mornings because his workday starts very early. I was getting pretty resentful of my husband's new hobby, even though I knew it was a good thing for him. I was bothered because it gets lonely being a mom at home all day, every day, doing dishes, sweeping floors, setting kid disputes, etc. And I was carrying around winter flab too, because it's hard to work out at home with a 3-year-old boy.

Luckily, my husband has been pretty sensitive to my displeasure (although I tried to hide it) and talked to me about finding the time for me to have alone time. That's how I ended up biking. I'm still pretty new to it (hadn't ridden a bike since I was 16 when I got a car), but the quiet time when I'm the only person for whom I'm responsible is very nice.

I guess I'm just encouraging you to help your wife find something for her that is as pleasurable as riding is for you. If she just wants a few hours a week by herself, make sure that's what she gets, if she wants to go out on dates with you more often, start calling babysitters. ;) She deserves to have an outlet just as much as you do. :)

[srp]

Last year, I managed to get 1400 miles in. 900 were commuting 32 miles RT to work in a business casual setting. 200 was for a MS Bike Tour and the rest was with the family. I don't think I did any pleasure riding alone last year.

Your girls are old enough to log some serious miles with teh right motivation. Ice cream works well. By the age of eight, my kids could easily do a 15 mile ride after dinner. The six year old might still do well with a trail-a-bike for another year or two.

We also ride to the park for concerts or fireworks. Makes a great goal.

You might also want to try taking your girls out one at a time with you. Daddy time alone tends to make them ride longer and realize they can go more than 3 blocks.

Also, make sure your girls have quality bikes with gears, gloves and maybe bike shorts.


If that doesn't work, remember the Man's Mantra

I'm a man, I can change, if I have to, I guess.

[Podolak]

Norm,

If only I could get my wife to pick something to do for herself. She has such a hard time of "letting go." She does like going to the movies though and I have been taking her more as there is more she wants to see. Just us of course. But a movie every other week hardly makes up for my riding time, even in my own eyes.

In retrospect I wish I had supported her more in pursuing her interests prior to having a little one. At least that way I would know which direction would be best to try and lead her.

[NormDeplume]

Podolak,

Balancing kids and mama-guilt and hobbies is all a very tricky business. You'll find your way, as long as you allow the Universe (or God, whatever sort of thing you believe in) to tell you what to do.

And your babe is still very young. 18 months is still just a baby, really, in the eyes of a mother. It takes some time, but we moms do eventually desire our adult time back, and we do find our way. But we're just so very enamored of our kiddos that sometimes it hard to see past it all. Be patient, as this shall pass. The child(ren) will grow, and you'll wonder how the heck they grew up so fast.

[SoulDad]

D*i*v*o*r*c*e

[chipcom]

1. Commute - I live 8 miles from work, which is a reasonable distance....but safety is an issue, and I have to wear professional attire for work and no showers nearby, so this is probably not feasible

2. Get up early and ride - I have been trying this, getting up 30 minutes earlier and doing a morning ride while everyone else is asleep - this works but due to darkness and weather I usually end up riding on the trainer in the basement, which is less than satisfying and this does not allow me to do any weekend rides or club/group rides, which I really do enjoy.


Forgive me for being blunt, but horsepucky. If you really want to ride, you will be able to work our the minor inconveniences involved with these two options, as many of us have. I'd invite you to come over the the Commuting forum or the Road cycling forum, where lots of folks have managed to make the time to commute/ride and can help you with ideas to overcome your perceived obstacles.

[tollhousecookie]

Doug, I am 43 with wonderful wife and 2 young kids as well. Your story is shockingly the same as mine. I ride my trainer before work every day. I've got a tv set in front of me and I watch old races I have and I crank up some good music. It's not the same as getting out with the guys but it has to do for now. My family simply comes first. I also have an hour lunch and I ride a few days a week then. For me it's tough. I used to ride and race all the time, but now I sometimes sneak into the garage to tell my bike, "be patient we'll ride again soon". May sound pathetic, but hey...... good luck and family first.

[tuolumne]

I did not read the posts, so this may have been said already. I would get a tandem in your circumstance. Your girls are at a great age to involve in this. Everybody wins...daughter gets private time with dad, other daughter gets private time with mom, dad has unparalleled opportunity to talk to daughter, you can go as far as you like without the stoker wearing down, etc. etc. We have a tandem with a child stoker kit now for 5 y.o. twins and a 6 y.o. that ride with me. I look forward to continuing this as they grow older.

[Rosie8]

We have fond memories of riding with my dad on his old 3 speed. My sis and I have a cherished photo of us, my 3 year old (at the time) sister sitting in the front basket, me (at 5 years), riding on the rear rack. My mom had free time away from all of us to paint, sew, dance to records, visit friends, etc. Of course, nobody wore helmets back then (the 50's) but we survived and had fun anyway.

[back2biking]

I've was a stay at home mom for my daughter for the first 1.5yr of her life, and after that I went back to school to pursue a nursing degree (only 1 year left!). I can say from personal experience that it can be very hard to stay at home with the kids all the time, and when your other half is not otherwise obligated to be away (ie work), and, they choose[I] to do some other activity, you can feel a little resentfull. However, that said I have two comments. One is that cycling is something [I]good for you, so by taking the time to do this it will benefit not only yourself, but your whole family as well because you will be physically healthier, and, perhaps, mentally more relaxed. I would hope your wife will understand this point. My other comment goes to your wife's frustration. If she is not into cycling then she need's to explore what would help her to feel as though she is getting a break, and you need to make the time for her to do that. Ideally it would be something physical so she to can reap the healthier benefits of her "outlet" both physically and mentally such as going to the gym, or something else. It could also be a knitting group, or some other adult only activity. Whatever works for her basically to make her feel as though she is getting some mental relief from the kids.

Family comes first is a great ideal, but in order to have a happy family each individual member must also take care of their own needs. You have chosen a healthy way to meet your own, so I believe it must be encouraged. Good luck with everything!

Tamara

[ummbnb]

I agree that she needs some time to develop her own interests, sans kids. I've never done the sahm gig (I admire those who do - I'd suck at it!). However, my husband (who's not a biker now, although he used to be) has been a sahd. For us *the* most important thing was that we both got time on our own to do our own thing. Caring for the kids while you work out of the home is her job and she needs outside interests and time just as much as you do.

Balance is key. It's sometimes hard to find and maintain, but once you do - everyone is much more content.

I do one or two long rides (I'm working up for a long ride this summer including a century day) each week. He takes an equal amount of time for his own interests (he plays in a band and they practice each Sunday afternoon.) I run each night after work while he gets dinner around. After dinner I clean up while he practices guitar. The kids help us and hang with us during this. My son (7) often rides his bike along with me while I run.
We have a tag-a-long for longer rides with ds and shorter rides with dd (3).

I can totally relate to high maintenance. Our 3yo is always po'ed about something. I find that making sure we keep her active is key to happiness for all. Our bike rides include lots of stops to smell the flowers (literally and figuratively.)

Good luck. Ultimately, remember that life is a series of ever-changing phases. As your girls get older, they'll have broader interests - hopefully some that you influence ;-)