This is always an interesting question, and one that initially scared the hell out of me when considering the whole move to being car free.
Everything else, like shopping, organising moving large objects, and daily commuting to work .. all aspects that I was confident of tackling without a car. But taking girls out ??? How was that going to work. Everyone KNOWS that you need a nice clean impressive car to take women out so that you can spend money on them, right ?
And heaven knows - I have always had ridiculously expensive cars in the past, and Ive never had a problem getting girls to come out on dates (at my expense). For some reason though, I never seemed to get far with any of them .. hmmm. They would come out and spend my money, but Id be lucky to get a goodnight kiss half the time.
So anyway, I thought I would give this whole car free thing a whirl, and just forget about the whole dating situation for a while. Women were costing me too much anyway, for too little return.
So Im out the other night with friends, feeling stress free, confident and fit as a fiddle. Im not there to impress anyone, just be me and have a good time. Dance, laugh, talk, flirt, just enjoy the company and the lack of expectations.
Sometime the next morning, Im awoken by a text message from a beautiful girl, around half my age, saying how great it was to see me last night, etc, etc, we must catch up soon. Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed .. and I just want to snuggle back under the quilt and get some more sleep.
It was around then that it occurred to me that - this sort of thing keeps happening every other weekend, and Im not even trying. Im starting to think that maybe there is no real connection between having a car, and getting to be close and personal with girls. I cant remember ANY girl asking me what car I drive - its not something they care about. They want to know what gym I go to (I dont go to any gym), they want to know what secret diet Im on (I eat as much as I can) and things like that.
Women seem to care about feelings and emotions and things - not cars. When they talk, they want to talk about themselves - not your car. And at the end of the day - they don't want someone to take them out and buy them dinner and flowers and stuff .. they just want someone who is going to listen to them and be there with them, and be fun to be around. I never 'hit on' anyone, and NEVER EVER ask them to come to bed with me. They just take me by the hand and lead the whole way.
And its all free, and cars do not even come into it.
The other interesting thing is that - now that I love riding my bike(s) so much, I am not 'stressing out' over this desperate 'need' to have a girlfriend. I really couldn't give a rats if I had one or not. At least not to the point of making ridiculous compromises for girls who's hearts are probably elsewhere anyway.
If I find a hot, emotionally stable woman who loves to ride bikes, then great ! Ill consider the whole commitment thing. Until then, I don't see that its a problem .. not having a car to impress the girls and take them out is not hurting the situation at the moment at all.
Any comments, or ideas ?
cyclezealot
05-26-08, 02:23 AM
Expect gold diggers to be turned off. Many who live in urban settings never miss a car. There a car can be an expensive nuissance. That is normally not the case in the American suburbs./ Still , I think for everyone is a soulmate out there. You will find her with time. Maybe hang out at bike clubs.
RubenX
05-26-08, 02:52 AM
...If I find a hot, emotionally stable woman who loves to ride bikes...
If I were younger and/or single I would aim for cyclist girls as well. Woman + Spandex + Aerobars = Hot. Plus you won't have to spend hours explaining why you need to spend money to upgrade your Sora dérailleur.
BikeManDan
05-26-08, 12:51 PM
Ya, and how do you get the girl back to your place, bungee her to the rack?
The problem comes when you want to go on a date or bring someone back to your place. And folks, thats why I got a motorcycle :D
maneki_neko
05-26-08, 12:58 PM
Quote: "For some reason though, I never seemed to get far with any of them .. hmmm. They would come out and spend my money, but Id be lucky to get a goodnight kiss half the time.
So anyway, I thought I would give this whole car free thing a whirl, and just forget about the whole dating situation for a while. Women were costing me too much anyway, for too little return."
How about treating women like human beings? Choosing to spend money on a woman does not entitle you to sexual favors. She does not owe you anything, in fact. If you're so worried about your love life, then stop being a misogynist; it's very clear from your post how you feel about women.
Tabor
05-26-08, 01:14 PM
Sometime the next morning, Im awoken by a text message from a beautiful girl, around half my age, saying how great it was to see me last night, etc, etc, we must catch up soon. Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed .. and I just want to snuggle back under the quilt and get some more sleep.
...
Any comments, or ideas ?
Give me a few hours, I will be busy pushing my car off a cliff...
Lamplight
05-26-08, 02:36 PM
My love life hasn't changed in the slightest: I didn't date before and I don't date now. :D
Honestly, car free or not, I haven't met a girl around here in years with whom I'd even want to go on a date with. I imagine my not owning a car would be a huge turn-off to most of them, as I've found most girls, or actually people in general around here are pretty darn uppity around you if you're carless. Besides, most here are *ahem* considerably larger than me. :twitchy:
donnamb
05-26-08, 02:40 PM
^^ Where you live makes all the difference.
oldride
05-26-08, 03:05 PM
I'm single, not car free, but I am living simply and riding more and more. One thing I've noticed (even at my age, 54) is that most women are not impressed with living simply and seem very hung up on "what do you do for a living?" I don't mean to offend anyone but where I live simple living and car free would cause one to be looked down on.
Lamplight
05-26-08, 03:31 PM
^^ Where you live makes all the difference.
I am discovering that about lots of things. :bang:
jamesdenver
05-26-08, 03:37 PM
Ya, and how do you get the girl back to your place, bungee her to the rack?
While staying in Amsterdam out late I night I saw many girls sitting sideways on the racks of their male counterparts.
To the OP: when the situation calls for it just rent a car. You can get a convertable for a country picnic, or a truck for a camping/ski trip in the mountains. If she doesn't bike doa cab in the city. Say that's how you do it - and either its acceptable or not.
bigjim1
05-26-08, 03:55 PM
I never 'hit on' anyone, and NEVER EVER ask them to come to bed with me. They just take me by the hand and lead the whole way.
anybody else hate this guy or is it just me?
Jim
thebarerider
05-26-08, 03:56 PM
Sometime the next morning, Im awoken by a text message from a beautiful girl, around half my age, saying how great it was to see me last night, etc, etc, we must catch up soon. Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed .. and I just want to snuggle back under the quilt and get some more sleep.
:rolleyes:
toThinkistoBe
05-26-08, 04:15 PM
Ya, and how do you get the girl back to your place, bungee her to the rack?
The problem comes when you want to go on a date or bring someone back to your place. And folks, thats why I got a motorcycle :D
I have had girls offer to follow me home. I mean that completely literally, they follow me at ~20mph in their car. They just like staring at a cyclist's legs in action. :D
Since I moved, I live within walking distance from pretty much everything, so I won't have to deal with that anymore.
gascostalot
05-26-08, 04:23 PM
anybody else hate this guy or is it just me?
Jim
I think he's forgetting to mention that all this happens at the asylum he's living at. So whenever a babe takes his hand and 'leads the way', it's actually 220lb slab chested Big Bertha hauling away the patient into his padded cell.
cooker
05-26-08, 04:28 PM
Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed ..
Did you mean "either" or "other"?
cradduck
05-26-08, 05:35 PM
I am assuming that the "OC" in steveoc doesn't stand for Orange County. The land of extreme materialism where a person's worth is judged by the total of their pseudo-assets and where you must provide a bank statement and a valid credit card just to get a date.
Jerseysbest
05-26-08, 05:57 PM
Expect gold diggers to be turned off. Many who live in urban settings never miss a car. There a car can be an expensive nuissance. That is normally not the case in the American suburbs./
Exactly.
Gold diggers and women who want you to 'take care' of them will be completely turned off, obviously this is not a bad thing. The only problem, you still face a perception problem with some girls, who may in fact not really care if you own a car, but will be embarrassed to tell their friends/parents they're dating a guy 'without a car'.
But again, this will only be a problem if you live in the suburbs, a smaller city, or someplace rural. In big and medium cities , and maybe even in some small cities, its kinda irrelevant if you own a car.
SirGrant
05-26-08, 06:18 PM
Mmm actually I've been car free. I went on a few dates w/ this one girl (who it turns out had me on the friends ladder). But I'm car free and on the few dates we went on the car thing bugged me. I hated driving in her car because it felt like she was driving me around. I especially couldn't take it when it was someplace I can get to on my bike. I almost just wanted to say "Oh, I'll just meet you there".
Maybe it's just something w/ me but I like being independent and that is one of the things I love about being car free. By having a girl drive me it felt firstly like an unequal distribution of responsibility and it felt like I was just giving up something.
Artkansas
05-26-08, 06:18 PM
I'm single, not car free, but I am living simply and riding more and more. One thing I've noticed (even at my age, 54) is that most women are not impressed with living simply and seem very hung up on "what do you do for a living?" I don't mean to offend anyone but where I live simple living and car free would cause one to be looked down on.
In my 30s I certainly found that to be true. But now at age 54, the women I meet are more confident and are less hung up on having the car etc. Instead, that I bicycle becomes a point of honor, they know that I'm not a couch potato.
bragi
05-26-08, 06:59 PM
I totally agree that, initially, the whole car thing is vastly over-rated; if they like you, they like you, the car doesn't matter. (If they judge you based on your car, they're basically not worth it, anyway.) After a while, though, it makes a difference. If you're committed to car-free, and your significant other usually wants to drive everywhere, it becomes a question of values. My significant other and I actually parted ways over this issue not too long ago. The lesson to draw from this is to choose your partner carefully; if they're totally into driving, and are patiently waiting for you to come to your senses, maybe you need to move on. Or maybe not; it depends on your priorities.
gascostalot
05-26-08, 07:01 PM
Mmm actually I've been car free. I went on a few dates w/ this one girl (who it turns out had me on the friends ladder). But I'm car free and on the few dates we went on the car thing bugged me. I hated driving in her car because it felt like she was driving me around. I especially couldn't take it when it was someplace I can get to on my bike. I almost just wanted to say "Oh, I'll just meet you there".
Maybe it's just something w/ me but I like being independent and that is one of the things I love about being car free. By having a girl drive me it felt firstly like an unequal distribution of responsibility and it felt like I was just giving up something.
Problem number 1: Ladder theory.
Problem number 2: Insecurity.
c0urt
05-26-08, 07:25 PM
most girls put my bike in their trunk.
confidence goes a long way.
works out great.
I usually explain why I dont drive fairly early on. most girls are pretty cool with it.
what can I say...I am worth driving home for
toThinkistoBe
05-26-08, 07:27 PM
I almost just wanted to say "Oh, I'll just meet you there".
Nothing wrong with that. I've done it before with no issues.
Maybe it's just something w/ me but I like being independent and that is one of the things I love about being car free. By having a girl drive me it felt firstly like an unequal distribution of responsibility and it felt like I was just giving up something.
Do you do the same thing with other friends (not girls you are dating)? Say you are at a friends house, hanging out with 2 friends. You and your friends decide to go bowling. Do you ride with them?
My opinion may (and probably does) differ from the status quo, but these aspects of a relationship seem very trivial. My actions in a similar situation would not vary much, if any, regardless who the other person is.
gerv
05-26-08, 08:18 PM
Did you mean "either" or "other"?
Don't ask! You probably don't really want to know.
Back in my day, we'd just let that comment float right over the top...:50:
Cyclaholic
05-26-08, 10:57 PM
Sometime the next morning, Im awoken by a text message from a beautiful girl, around half my age, saying how great it was to see me last night, etc, etc, we must catch up soon. Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed .. and I just want to snuggle back under the quilt and get some more sleep.
Pictures, or it never happened :p
ReptilesBlade
05-26-08, 11:18 PM
...
I do not know how to respond to this. No woman has ever wanted me and no woman ever will.
Lamplight
05-26-08, 11:24 PM
...
I do not know how to respond to this. No woman has ever wanted me and no woman ever will.
Me either. Luckily I don't care. :p
TPCycleworld
05-27-08, 12:29 AM
most girls put my bike in their trunk.
confidence goes a long way.
works out great.
I usually explain why I dont drive fairly early on. most girls are pretty cool with it.
what can I say...I am worth driving home for
Now that's how it should be! My former boyfriend didn't drive and was very insecure about me having a car. I accepted the fact that he was carfree when I met him (yes, if you like the person it really doesn't matter!) He just felt inadequate with women he was dating having a car.
maneki_neko
05-27-08, 06:20 AM
That insecurity over a woman having a car is most likely due to seeing women as being less than human. Heaven forbid a woman be superior in any way!
Lamplight
05-27-08, 08:58 AM
That insecurity over a woman having a car is most likely due to seeing women as being less than human. Heaven forbid a woman be superior in any way!
Maybe I'm misunderstanding you, but I don't consider a woman superior just because she owns a car.
katmu
05-27-08, 10:34 AM
The idea that ALL women care about is how much money a man has or what kind of car he drives is simply not true. There are women out there who enjoy being car free and who like biking just as much as men do. But they are probably not going to lead the man by the hand as the OP suggests on the 1st date.
maneki_neko
05-27-08, 10:37 AM
You may not feel that way, but car-free guys who say they're insecure over their date/girlfriend having a car obviously have some issues.
cooker
05-27-08, 10:58 AM
Hmmmm....a one-post wonder?
katmu
05-27-08, 11:07 AM
What is a one-post wonder?
cooker
05-27-08, 11:23 AM
What is a one-post wonder?
The either side guy.
gwd
05-27-08, 11:53 AM
You may not feel that way, but car-free guys who say they're insecure over their date/girlfriend having a car obviously have some issues.
Well the thread topic always gets many opinions. I have to say I didn't notice that going car-free had much effect. The one car woman I dated grew up car free so didn't care. She'd meet me with her bike or car, if by car she preferred that I drive.
It hasn't been a big deal. On the other hand, I'm not in the hipster demographic so it might be different with them. Right now car free probably filters out the ones you don't want to have anything to do with anyway. If the peak oilers are correct then in a few months it will make little difference -the gold digging women will be on the lookout for a secure food source to tide them through the winter.
patc
05-27-08, 12:59 PM
Heterosexual mating practices baffle me.
coldfeet
05-27-08, 01:36 PM
So Im out the other night with friends, feeling stress free, confident and fit as a fiddle. Im not there to impress anyone, just be me and have a good time.
See, that's the trick, don't try, just be.
Sometime the next morning, Im awoken by a text message from a beautiful girl, around half my age, saying how great it was to see me last night, etc, etc, we must catch up soon. Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed .. and I just want to snuggle back under the quilt and get some more sleep.Pictures, or it never happened :p
+1
Ya, and how do you get the girl back to your place, bungee her to the rack?
Get an Xtracycle, have a read about Vik's Big Dummy on the Utility forum, I've met a couple of his friends, trust me, it doesn't seem to give him problems! :D
anybody else hate this guy or is it just me?
Jim
Dunno about hate, but there is a distinct odor of ego about the whole thing. Sorry OP, but if you weren't trolling, then it's a little self centered.
For myself, car free, it hasn't come up yet, it's been a while since I bothered trying, I never was much of a "chat up artist" and now I realise it isn't necessary, I'm at the age when fit, available, females are getting in short supply. I know they're out there, just somewhat hard to find. :(
toyota200x
05-27-08, 02:01 PM
See, that's the trick, don't try, just be.
For myself, car free, it hasn't come up yet, it's been a while since I bothered trying, I never was much of a "chat up artist" and now I realise it isn't necessary, I'm at the age when fit, available, females are getting in short supply. I know they're out there, just somewhat hard to find. :(
How old are you? I am recently single in a small town at the age of 24. There aren't many girls out there. I am happy that I have friends in a big town near by.
If a girl really cares about you she won't be bothered by the car free thing.
njm
05-27-08, 02:06 PM
Sometime the next morning, Im awoken by a text message from a beautiful girl, around half my age, saying how great it was to see me last night, etc, etc, we must catch up soon. Meanwhile, Ive got a girl either side of me in bed .. and I just want to snuggle back under the quilt and get some more sleep.
It was around then that it occurred to me that - this sort of thing keeps happening every other weekend, and Im not even trying. Im starting to think that maybe there is no real connection between having a car, and getting to be close and personal with girls. I cant remember ANY girl asking me what car I drive - its not something they care about. They want to know what gym I go to (I dont go to any gym), they want to know what secret diet Im on (I eat as much as I can) and things like that.
PENIS GOES WHERE?!?
HoustonB
05-27-08, 03:31 PM
This is always an interesting troll ...
Fixed. Join date May 26 2008 and first post was when? Oh i see, also on May 26 2008. Good troll, the peanut gallery all took the bait. :roflmao2:
coldfeet
05-27-08, 03:38 PM
How old are you? I am recently single in a small town at the age of 24. There aren't many girls out there. I am happy that I have friends in a big town near by.
If a girl really cares about you she won't be bothered by the car free thing.
The difference in our ages is more than your age.
coldfeet
05-27-08, 03:41 PM
Fixed. Join date May 26 2008 and first post was when? Oh i see, also on May 26 2008. Good troll, the peanut gallery all took the bait. :roflmao2:
Ya think? Possibly, even probably. If so, not sure why, some of the other conversations it generated were interesting.
Brian
05-27-08, 04:04 PM
I'm single, not car free, but I am living simply and riding more and more. One thing I've noticed (even at my age, 54) is that most women are not impressed with living simply and seem very hung up on "what do you do for a living?" I don't mean to offend anyone but where I live simple living and car free would cause one to be looked down on.
Search out your local Buddhist temple. Seriously, one of the nicest single women I know is a Buddhist, not hung up on material things at all. The fact that she rides a motorcycle when she can is pretty sexy too.
To cover my bases, I have 5 or 6 bicycles, a motorcycle, and a car. And when I start looking, it will be for a woman that is impressed by none of that.
murphstahoe
05-27-08, 04:47 PM
Expect gold diggers to be turned off. Many who live in urban settings never miss a car. There a car can be an expensive nuissance. That is normally not the case in the American suburbs./ Still , I think for everyone is a soulmate out there. You will find her with time. Maybe hang out at bike clubs.
Perfect formula - in a place where everyone owns a car but nobody can afford a house - own a house because you have foregone a car. At least you'll get the gold digger who has her priorities in line :)
cooker
05-27-08, 05:26 PM
Heterosexual mating practices baffle me.
That's not because you're gay, it's because you're male. Women are baffling.
steveoc
05-27-08, 07:30 PM
Hey thanks guys. Im pretty blown away by how many replies I have to my OP, wasnt expecting that. Thank you all.
My first post on here was supposed to be a solicitation for opinions on getting my first roadie (Im an MTB'er for the last 4 years) .. but the deposit has already been paid now, and besides, that is such a well-worn topic already. I thought this one was a much more interesting question to put forward after all. Your collective interest hasn't proven me wrong either.
Apologies to maneki cat : I never meant to suggest that women were objects to be used or anything, its really not like that at all. Speaking on behalf all all men everywhere (!!!), I could probably say that although we don't trust women in general, we do love you all still with immense passion. Its just nice to have to have that unconditional love returned on the rare occasion :)
On the subject of ladder theory - I think as a simplified abstraction it is a pretty sound theory, and pretty much holds true for a lot of connections that happen under the bell curve. Obviously though real life is much more complex than that, and the black and white of ladder theory turns into a lovely mosaic of greys and even all colours of the rainbow by the time you get out into the real world. The underlying premise of ladder theory though is that a way a woman arranges her relationships with other people is more complex than the way a (young and hormonal) man does .. and that premise I do 100% agree with.
But to keep things on topic, it appears that making a commitment to being car free does indeed have an affect on your love life. So the point of raising this question was to look at those effects for the benefit of any person who is considering making the lifestyle jump from being a mainstream car-mobile consumer to being a car-free 'modern day hippy'.
1) It tends to turn off some prospective dates. That is nothing to do with them being miserable money hungry women or anything - its just that they are people who's world view is fundamentally different to that of the car free person. Male or female or whatever. Its a major barrier to any relationship or even friendship. You have to ask yourself if that is any great loss or not.
2) It tends to attract some prospective dates as well. Again, this is probably more to do with demonstrating a commitment to a different (non-mainstream if you like) world view. Being fitter and healthier never hurts either. The logistics of meeting up with, going out with, or getting home with .... is really a non-issue.
Birds of a feather flock together at the end of the day, so if you are contemplating making the change to being car-free, then consider this : The sort of people you will be hooking up with in future will be active, socially conscious, financially responsible, fit, disciplined .. sexually active little horn bags who like wearing spandex tights and drooling over the latest Campagnolo catalogs. So if you are considering making the plunge, then do ask yourself honestly - are these the sort of people you want to have around you in future ? Are you really willing to make the sacrifice ??
hmmmmm
And to keep all things in perspective, I really have 3 people to thank for switching on the lights in my head, and allowing ME to decide that I want to be car free. 2 different bike riding girls who liked me a lot, and never saw me as a walking ATM. That really stumped me !! And my gay mate, who is the best guy I would ever call a friend. I honestly love all 3 of these people, in a nice platonic way ....
Steve (the either side guy) O'Connor
from Australia, land of sun and surf - where our mating practices are probably a little odd from the outside looking in.
patc
05-27-08, 07:32 PM
That's not because you're gay, it's because you're male. Women are baffling.
Ah, that explains it ;-)
Highcyclist
05-27-08, 08:51 PM
Hey thanks guys. Im pretty blown away by how many replies I have to my OP, wasnt expecting that. Thank you all.
My first post on here was supposed to be a solicitation for opinions on getting my first roadie (Im an MTB'er for the last 4 years) .. but the deposit has already been paid now, and besides, that is such a well-worn topic already. I thought this one was a much more interesting question to put forward after all. Your collective interest hasn't proven me wrong either.
Apologies to maneki cat : I never meant to suggest that women were objects to be used or anything, its really not like that at all. Speaking on behalf all all men everywhere (!!!), I could probably say that although we don't trust women in general, we do love you all still with immense passion. Its just nice to have to have that unconditional love returned on the rare occasion :)
On the subject of ladder theory - I think as a simplified abstraction it is a pretty sound theory, and pretty much holds true for a lot of connections that happen under the bell curve. Obviously though real life is much more complex than that, and the black and white of ladder theory turns into a lovely mosaic of greys and even all colours of the rainbow by the time you get out into the real world. The underlying premise of ladder theory though is that a way a woman arranges her relationships with other people is more complex than the way a (young and hormonal) man does .. and that premise I do 100% agree with.
But to keep things on topic, it appears that making a commitment to being car free does indeed have an affect on your love life. So the point of raising this question was to look at those effects for the benefit of any person who is considering making the lifestyle jump from being a mainstream car-mobile consumer to being a car-free 'modern day hippy'.
1) It tends to turn off some prospective dates. That is nothing to do with them being miserable money hungry women or anything - its just that they are people who's world view is fundamentally different to that of the car free person. Male or female or whatever. Its a major barrier to any relationship or even friendship. You have to ask yourself if that is any great loss or not.
2) It tends to attract some prospective dates as well. Again, this is probably more to do with demonstrating a commitment to a different (non-mainstream if you like) world view. Being fitter and healthier never hurts either. The logistics of meeting up with, going out with, or getting home with .... is really a non-issue.
Birds of a feather flock together at the end of the day, so if you are contemplating making the change to being car-free, then consider this : The sort of people you will be hooking up with in future will be active, socially conscious, financially responsible, fit, disciplined .. sexually active little horn bags who like wearing spandex tights and drooling over the latest Campagnolo catalogs. So if you are considering making the plunge, then do ask yourself honestly - are these the sort of people you want to have around you in future ? Are you really willing to make the sacrifice ??
hmmmmm
And to keep all things in perspective, I really have 3 people to thank for switching on the lights in my head, and allowing ME to decide that I want to be car free. 2 different bike riding girls who liked me a lot, and never saw me as a walking ATM. That really stumped me !! And my gay mate, who is the best guy I would ever call a friend. I honestly love all 3 of these people, in a nice platonic way ....
Steve (the either side guy) O'Connor
from Australia, land of sun and surf - where our mating practices are probably a little odd from the outside looking in.
Not to change the subject here, but might the fact that you're an Aussie have a lot to do with the different experience with car-free relationships than the predominantly (sorry Canucks) US posters here. The US is arguably the most materialistic society on earth (yes, I do live in the States), and with the least social safety net of any developed nation. Do these factors significantly increase citizen's (including potential partners') focus on car ownership as a prerequisite for a relationship? Anyone lived in both the US and Oz who can comment? Or maybe there's no difference in Oz?