Fifty Plus (50+) - Stereotyping, Expectations of us "older" folks

Stereotyping, Expectations of us "older" folks

RANT:

My wife attends an aquaerobics class sponsored by our rec dept. Yesterday, they decided to change it to a "Silver Sneakers" class. Silver Sneakers is a program supposedly designed to get the "elderly" amongst us to do exercise. OK, however, everyone in this class already WAS doing exercise.

So, they bring in an "expert" from Arizona to teach the class. All current instructors are standing around taking notes as if every uttered word is from God.

Immediately there are words like "Dearie" and "Sweetie" and, "You know, this is good for your activities of daily living" kinds of stuff. They played FRANK SINATRA, for crying out loud! "We wouldn't want to overdo things, would we now" - and all the rest of the stuff.

Ruined a perfectly great class, turning it into, well, I can't wite it here. Wife won't be going back. Amazingly, some of the ladies liked it!

ADDITIONAL RANT:

Med Assistants, MD's, etc., are now calling her "Dearie" and "Sweeetie." The MD she visited recently chided her about "not telling him about a previous toe operation," as if she was a dolt and he was talking to his elderly senile mother, when she had typed out a complete history, WITH THE TOE OPERATION LISTED, and the MD simply didn't read her chart, as he was supposed to do. He was the DOLT!

END OF RANT

More and more this is happening as one gets older.

It is one of the reasons I sometimes react negatively to us calling ourselves "old farts" etc., as I believe it reinforces in younger folk's minds that this is the accepted protocol. But, what the heck - you can't (and shouldn't) control someone else's language.

I think it really starts happening about age 68.

End of dicsussion. Nothing really to say, as it won't stop, and somehow we need to learn to live with it, unless someone has a better suggestion.

(On the bright side, I had to argue with the Burger King clerk today that I really qualified for a "senior discount.")

I have two reactions from people that I come in contact with. One is that I can't be as old as that- normally from people over 40- And the other is that I should not be doing that at my age- from people around 20.

And at work- If any job needs doing- Doug will do it- whether it is shiftinge a couple of tons of stock that no-one else can be bothered to do (Which I say- You will do it- your younger) or if they want a job done properly- Then I seem to get it.

Two thoughts came to mind reading your perfectly good rant :-).

1) I hope your wife told the folks at the rec department to be sure to advertise if they ever decide to start up the aquaerobics class again because she really liked it before it was canceled for this new format that she won't be returning to partake of again.

2) Similarly, I hope she pointed out to the Doc that the information was there for him to read if he was interested.

Sadly, there are a number (fairly large I believe) of older folks who like the "sweetie" and coddling treatment. This may well be a fading thing of past generations, but I have my doubts. Thinking back (not that long) my mother who passed in 2000 would lap that sort of treatment up. I would like to hope and believe that "younger" people adopt that tone because they are doing their best to be nice to the geezers. If enough people would turn around and say "Who the H*** are you sweetie'ing?!" it would probably come to an end, though it wouldn't do much to put the "crotchety old coot" image to rest. Can't win?

Two thoughts came to mind reading your perfectly good rant :-).

1) I hope your wife told the folks at the rec department to be sure to advertise if they ever decide to start up the aquaerobics class again because she really liked it before it was canceled for this new format that she won't be returning to partake of again.

2) Similarly, I hope she pointed out to the Doc that the information was there for him to read if he was interested.

[/COLOR]

The rec dept is already in receipt of an email from me regarding MY last experience (and it WILL be my last) with Silver Sneakers - of which I posted and ranted here about also.

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=357517&highlight=sneakers+silver

Wife has some desire to be hired by rec dept as a check-in clerk at some time, so will likely keep her thoughts to herself. However, I beleive I have already blown that opportunity for her by my previous missive. They know we are married.

And, yes, the MD was informed of his errant ways.

Nice rant. Lots of good points made quite well.

I stay away from all senior citizen activities for those reasons and many more.

Frank Sinatra...give me a break!:crash::cry::rolleyes:

My personal name policies:

-- never call someone by their first name unless they give me permission to.
-- only use terms like "sweetie" or "dearie" on heavily sedated patients.

I HATE it when medical personnel address people of respect like that.

Call me irresponsible but I like Sinatra's music.

I live in this (they say) typical mid-size town which has many, many exercise/fitness clubs.
My wife goes to some of them. There are many choices. A club that in any way offends its customers will not make it for long. Trouble is there are many opinions on this subject.
I do not like terms like Sweetie either. Some waitresses think it is cute. They act surprised if I next address them also with Sweetie. That typically stops them.
A sarcastic Darling or Honey will do that also.

Not to stereotype but, near as I can tell, ooooold folks do seem to get stupider as they get older (just a general observation and not a description of anyone in particular). I do not think oldsters get dumber in a linear manner like 10% dumber at 60 than they were at 55, etc.

I think it's more like ... dumb pretty much comes on quick. For example, if you talking about some dude that is over 75, my first instinct is to not bother investing in any serious listening to anything they have to say, except out of simple politeness, or perhaps some humorous recollecton from the past, or facts from the past--like a living history lesson--unalloyed by their soured, hypocritical, misinformed, failed, petulant, soporofic, majuscular philosophy of life/politics/economics/ethics/etc.--writ large on a nearsighted hammerheaded brain ... Oh wait ... that sort of applies to everyone! Never mind.

I'm laughing at you, Denver.

Those are exactly the kinds of experiences that I was reacting to when I originally opposed starting 50+. Fortunately, it hasn't happened here.

Incidentally, recently on a trip to the doctor I was given a form to fill out (Imagine that.). One of the questions was by what name I would prefer to be called. I responded Mr. Stuhlsatz. I don't know why they bothered to ask because everybody wants to call me by my first name. That's OK with me as long as the doctor doesn't mind being called "boy". Nick names like "hon" are completely out of the question with me.

Incidentally, the kids on my school bus don't have any trouble with Mr Stuhlsatz and many even remember it for a year or so after seeing me last. If they have trouble with "Mr Stuhlsatz" they're welcome to ue my nick name, "Your Magesty". I don't like having a 13 year old address me by my first name.

This is one subject that will turn me into a flaming ******* in public. I will drop my groceries on the belt and walk out. I will get up from the restaurant table and walk out. I will turn my back on an offending salesman and loudly inquire if there is anyone else who wants to take my business. At work I will ask "can you do my job because its seconds away from being yours". I will and have filed age discrimination complaints with human resources at work.

Finally I will respond with lllll ll.

I haven't gotten stupider as I get older.................I've turned into some peoples worst nightmare.

And its fun.

Well, my solution for young whippersnappers is to shake their hand and smile, especially as they drop to their knees in pain from having the bones in their hands rearranged by someone who used to rock climb...

As per the other topics, nothing says you have to get weaker as you get older. And nothing says I have to grow up either!

It is one of the reasons I sometimes react negatively to us calling ourselves "old farts" etc.,

I agree that there can be no positive association with that the term "old fart". It's a pretty disgusting euphemism.

First reaction...LOL :)

Heck, I hadn't been a "regular" around her since 2001 when I joined and when I started coming back around here one of the first posters I recognized was DnvrFox :thumb:

Don't let anyone...ever...put you in a category. Period. Labels are for products, not people.

Keep on rockin' DnvrFox!!! Sinatra is all fine and dandy but the minute someone thinks "this will be nice for the old folks" you damn well better run for the exits...if you wanted to be treated as if in a geriatric ward then I'd expect it would be time for one.

I like Sinatra too - BUT NOT FOR AN AQUAEROBICS CLASS!

Htfu... ;)

For me it was when the cute check out girls started calling me "sir". You just have to let it roll through you.

Growing old gracefully ain't for sissies.
Keep givin' em hell.
DnvrFox, in this thread you're almost sounding like a less acerbic version of P-Cad.

Htfu... ;) You just have to let it roll through you.

+1

Getting old is like riding a bicycle--you don't want to fall down.

I like Sinatra too - BUT NOT FOR AN AQUAEROBICS CLASS!
Does that mean you got one a them new 45 players???
(Sorry I couldn't resist a great straight line like that...)

Reminds me ,I need to put some Sinatra 33 1/3's on MP3..If you want a copy let me know
Had a good run on the Platte today...
Bud

You can always call doctor: sonny or girlie . . . or girlie man?
Of course you can tell 'em: 'Show some respect for your elders!'

You can always call doctor: sonny or girlie . . . or girlie man?
Of course you can tell 'em: 'Show some respect for your elders!'

Timing is part of it. You want to be thinking about what he's doing when you call your doctor "sonny".

Call me irresponsible but I like Sinatra's music Me too, but for aquarerobics "class" it should have been Steppenwolf or at least Chuck Berry...something to actually get the heart going. :)

Call me irresponsible but I like Sinatra's music.
My remark wasn't meant as a put down to Sinatra's music, it was meant to put down the idea that people our age like his music because we're old. I have all the respect in the world for him.

But just because I'm 65 doesn't mean I've started liking the same music my parents and grandparents listened to. :twitchy:
:)

D fox - You eat at Burger King?

I vote Dfox foregoes his senior's discounts in protest at being treated as a senior.

Growing old gracefully ain't for sissies.
Keep givin' em hell.
DnvrFox, in this thread you're almost sounding like a less acerbic version of P-Cad.

Err . . .

Is that a compliment or a put down?

Concerning PCad - one just never knows!

Expectations of older people? They are summed up in this classic 60's Bond film line (I think it's from 'Goldfinger'):

'No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.'

Expectations of older people? They are summed up in this classic 60's Bond film line (I think it's from 'Goldfinger'):

'No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.'

Actually, don't we expect EVERYBODY to die?

D fox - You eat at Burger King?

On Fridays, I walk while my son with a developmental disability rides his 3 wheeler 1.25 miles to BK, we eat, then return.

There is a really neat bike path that no one else ever uses that goes directly to BK from my home.

It makes for a nice outing, and he absolutely loves the ride and conquering the little hills on the 50 pound behemoth.

A 104 year old woman was being interviewed by a reporter on her 104th year birthday.
"What is the best thing about being 104?" he asked.
"No peer pressure," she answered.

I love it when the Dr. says, "Hi Henry, I'm Dr. so and so". I reply, "Hello. I'm Dr. Bahn".
If they are really dolts, when they ask if I'm I physician, I say, "No, I have a real Ph.D."
If they insist on calling me by my first name, I use their first name.
If they really piss me off, I fire them. That jerks their chain!

I try to use the stereotyping to my advantage. I'm an all around FRED, or
a not very fashionable guy. I screw up occasionally and don't see or hear
as well as I used to. Anybody says anything I just tell them I'm old so it's
O.K. My glasses are out of style? I'm old, it's O.K. and I don't care. My car
is old...same answer.

Maybe this kind of response causes the stereotypingto become even more
mainstream, but you know what? I've been working shift work for 38 years.
I'm old, tired and I don't have anyone left to impress. Been married for
33+ years, she knows me by now....no need to try impressing her, or any
other women for that matter. I like being older and considered incapable of
doing much.....that way I don't have to do much. It's a pretty sweet deal if
you ask me.

Now, much like Dnvr, I don't get into condecending classes or activities intended
for the couch-bound bunch and I do not enjoy being called Honey, Sweetie,
Stud-muffin (well maybe that's O.K.) etc. That kind of treatment is easily stopped and can
be done in a freindly way. All in all, I like this being old stuff.

Call me irresponsible but I like Sinatra's music.


:lol: Very cute, props to your ingenuity! :thumb:

I think your rant has even more merit to the older females. It seems the men avoid that to a certain extent until perhaps an extra 5-10 years. It's a shame that they have to stoop to that level, but I suppose they think they are appealing to the masses. When you think about it, being able to hop on a bicycle and ride 30-40-50-100 miles is pretty unthinkable to the average person over 50 years old. And even to a lot of the under 50 crowd as well. :D

I love it when the Dr. says, "Hi Henry, I'm Dr. so and so". I reply, "Hello. I'm Dr. Bahn".
If they are really dolts, when they ask if I'm I physician, I say, "No, I have a real Ph.D."
If they insist on calling me by my first name, I use their first name.
If they really piss me off, I fire them. That jerks their chain!

You've stumbled onto one of the many Link's rules:

--never assume DR. means MD.
--always underestimate the age of an accompanying female by at least one generation. In other words, never call someone's daughter their wife.
--no woman is ever pregnant unless she says she is.
--just because they dress in Walmart clothes doesn't mean they're not a rich and powerful CEO.
--assume all hot ladies will show up in your Sunday school class.
--and for a universal greating, saying, "Hello Janet Jones, I'm Dr. Weak Link" always seems to work well.

This is one subject that will turn me into a flaming ******* in public. I will drop my groceries on the belt and walk out. I will get up from the restaurant table and walk out. I will turn my back on an offending salesman and loudly inquire if there is anyone else who wants to take my business. At work I will ask "can you do my job because its seconds away from being yours". I will and have filed age discrimination complaints with human resources at work.

Finally I will respond with lllll ll.

I haven't gotten stupider as I get older.................I've turned into some peoples worst nightmare.

And its fun.

And what subject is it that causes this flaming ******* reaction in you? Sinatra on the Musak? Honey dripping names, or a specific type of stereotyping that you don't happen to do yourself?

BTW I can't believe a Burger King Clerk would argue with anyone over the age of 35 as not being qualified for a geezer discount. Howz dat for stereotyping? :thumb:

I haven't really noticed stereotyping at this point. I'm 54, so I suppose I have a year for senior discounts to kick in. Almost nobody has any idea of my age I suspect. I have been asked if my son is my grandchild, though! That's pretty funny, he's 9. So he could be. I was referred to as an "older rider" once. Of course, that nice young lady passed off the back shortly.

I do find some idiot calling me "Steve" on the telephone a bit tiresome. I usually give a quick lecture about formality with strangers one calls on the phone. Usually along the lines of "This is Dr. Perry. I'm very busy. What do you want?" As opposed to the retail customer calling, who gets the "Hi, this is Steve, what can I for you?" Caller ID is pretty nice to have!

I make complete exceptions for middle aged and older waitresses at diners. They can call me "honey" all day!

I attained geezerhood a few years ago. I got hit with the realization when I got onto a crowded bus, and several people stood up to offer me a seat. I was surprised, but not insulted...I simply sat down in the nearest place and said, "Thank you."

If you really want to stick it to the old-age stereotypers, just grow a full of head of hair. All it takes is a daily dose of vit. C and toasted bark beetles. Oh ... did I let a big secret slip?

Actually, don't we expect EVERYBODY to die?

Don't get technical on me Foxy boy.

I love it when the Dr. says, "Hi Henry, I'm Dr. so and so". I reply, "Hello. I'm Dr. Bahn".
If they are really dolts, when they ask if I'm I physician, I say, "No, I have a real Ph.D."
If they insist on calling me by my first name, I use their first name.
If they really piss me off, I fire them. That jerks their chain!

I had a fight on my school bus one morning so I had to talk to the principal before I left the school. The principal is the kind of person who insists that everybody refer to her as Dr. ----. She asked my name and I replied "Mr. Stuhlsatz." "No," she said, "What's your first name? I need it for the bus ticket." I said "Just put mister."

I'm not overly formal but I don't mind refering to other people by their honorary titles. If we'ge going to do that, however, don't go talking down to me by my first name like I'm some little kid.

Not to stereotype but, near as I can tell, ooooold folks do seem to get stupider as they get older (just a general observation and not a description of anyone in particular). I do not think oldsters get dumber in a linear manner like 10% dumber at 60 than they were at 55, etc.

I think it's more like ... dumb pretty much comes on quick. For example, if you talking about some dude that is over 75, my first instinct is to not bother investing in any serious listening to anything they have to say, except out of simple politeness, or perhaps some humorous recollecton from the past, or facts from the past--like a living history lesson--unalloyed by their soured, hypocritical, misinformed, failed, petulant, soporofic, majuscular philosophy of life/politics/economics/ethics/etc.--writ large on a nearsighted hammerheaded brain ... Oh wait ... that sort of applies to everyone! Never mind.

Uh - I hate to be the one to bring it up, but we have a fellow running for President whose over 70. To achieve that honor he had to beat out a pack of fellows who, I suppose, were about your age. Given the choice, I'd rather spend an evening listening to John Mc Cain than spend an evening listening to you.

Your post strikes a chord with me DnvrFox.

I have run into condescension from younger people in the medical field many times as I work in a related field. I am particularly sensitive to those docs/nurses/PAs/certs who try to first name me right off the bat. I politely remind them, in a very friendly manner, that I prefer to be addressed as Mr. Rober, and not as "Rob".

In the service droid sector, when dealing with 20-somethings, I simply say (again with a smile), "I am uninterested in your impressions of me, and if my age is distracting to you will you please find another person to help me?"

It is interesting that I have never felt condescended to in a bike shop, no matter what the age of the employee - but, then again, its usually the 40-60 crowd who actually lay down some real money in there.

These approaches usually work fine. My best to you both, Mr. and Mrs DnvrFox.

My 80+ Dad had a single experience of 'Elderly Citizens' activity around here. His reason for not going back?

The predominately 60+ participants were all, in his opinion, "too old" and no longer seemed to know how to enjoy themselves. :D

Htfu... ;)

For me it was when the cute check out girls started calling me "sir". You just have to let it roll through you.

Has Georgia changed that much that they don't call everybody sir or ma'am?

Excuse me! Excuse me!

We aren't old. Just experienced!
+1 for a strong grip from Rock Climbing it'll shock the ---l out of them.

DnvrFox - I share your perspective!

Err . . . Is that a compliment or a put down?

Just an observation ... and now that time has passed and I reconsider the statement its validity wanes.

D fox - You eat at Burger King?

At Burger King, they ask if I want a Senior Drink. I take that as a sign of respect.