Foo - My Cousin- The Saga

I feel as though this story should be shared with the world. This is an epic tale of love and hate, of fear and courage, of hope, of disappointment, of pain and suffering, but most of all, it is a tale of a family- of my family.

This story cannot be told in one sitting. It must be given to you as it was given to me, a bit at a time. The story is too great to write, or read in one sitting, so I will tell my tale over a period of days.

Thus begins My Cousin.

Ooooh!

A story by UA! :popcorn

(I'm using Icelandic names to protect the innocent and to keep in tradition of the great Icelandic Sagas of yore.)

I was 7 years old when my mother's brother and his wife had their first child. They named him Thorgrim, son of Thorstein. He was a quiet child, concerning himself with the study of ancient beasts rather than the study of sword play and horseback riding. His days were filled with reading, writing, and arithmetic, not with the training a warrior son should do. When Thorgrim was 3, his mother gave birth to another son, Lief, and when Thorgrim was 5, his sister, Ingibjorg was born. Leif became the warrior son and Ingibjorg became a beautiful warrior daughter.

After Ingibjorg was born, Thorstein and his wife, Hildegunna, began to argue. They held on for another 7 years before finally divorcing. This had a profound affect on the children, but especially 12 year old Thorgrim. The children all moved in with Hildegunna, but fiercly independant Thorgrim and his mother fought all the time. Before Thorgrim was 18, he moved in with his father. This situation turned out even worse for Thorgrim, as Thorstein understood his son even less than Hildegunna did.

Juicy...

I am waiting for the honey mead to kick in and a good berserking to take place.

thorgrim? o_0

Chapter 2

When Thorgrim was 18, he struck out on his own. Deciding religious studies was his calling, he started his education. The first year went fine, and that summer, he worked and lived at a Buddhist monastery in the Californian mountains. (FYI, California is called the Iceland of the U.S. by many people.) Thorgrim claims no religion, but his beliefs are small pieces taken from numerous religions. Coming back from his first summer at the monastery, he moved in with his grandparents and continued his schooling. After only a few months, Thorgrim was forced to leave the grandparents house after numerous and oddly inconsiquential arguments.

The next two years took Thorgrim to Berkeley. He started school and a job, and held on to both for quite a while. In the summers, he worked for different Buddhist monasteries, and during the school year, he held down jobs as a dishwasher. During this period, he mostly stayed away from family, only visiting my parents (who had a boat there) occasionally, and rarely seeing his parents or grandparents. Those who did manage to see him, thought he was doing very well.

was the boat a long boat with a carved figurehead and shields hanging from the sides?

If Thor looks anything like this, he needs to be introduced to the Foo ladies.

http://seshdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/thor-painting.jpeg

:popcorn

The next two years took Thorgrim to Berkeley...

Uh-oh. This story can't be going in a good direction. I hope he didn't meet Dumpster Muffin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUPEMflUTuk).

.

When I was kid, I had a gerbil named Thor, God of Thunder. I found it to be ironic.

I'm waiting for the part where he thayth that he'th really thor...

I see what you did there!!!!!

Have a friend whose husband IS named Thor.

More, give us more!

Have a friend whose husband IS named Thor.

is her name Sif?

is her name Sif?

hehe - yes.

or roadfwog on another forum. :)

Chapter 3

Throughout all this education, Thorgrim felt a need to explore different religions and what they meant to him. He wanted to learn about how cultures used their religions. He felt as though he could understand religion.

At the beginning of 2007, Thorgrim had saved enough money to travel. He set out for India, land of Hindu, Muslim, and Buddhist. Thorgrim spent 3 months traveling, studying, and learning from gurus. It was on this pilgrimage that he decided his life would be dedicated to the study of world religions. Thorgrim also brought something else back with him. Something that would change his life.

Malaria or a wife?

venereal disease?

hookworm

A Tata Nano?

http://images.paultan.org/images/Tata_Nano_13.jpg

Oh sorry, I was still thinking of the Ugly Car thread.

The sacred Mormon plates!! :thumb:

The Lost Monet?

8 kilos of hash?

Shhhhh!

Just wait...UA is a master storyteller and one hell of a writer (even if he doesn't believe me).

*sigh*

Chapter 4

Thorgrim had no job or a place to live when he made his way back to the U.S. He still wanted to go to school, but, after the experience in India, he didn't want to live in California again. He wanted to see more of the world and decided Colorado would be a fun place to live for a while, with it's high mountains and beautiful vistas.

Thorgrim contacted his fathers sister, Helga, who lived in Colorado. Helga and her husband Gudmund were happy to give Thorgrim a place to stay, with the stipulations that he either go to school, or hold a job. Thorgrim agreed and moved to Colorado. This was in the spring of 2007.

I'm thor, my thilly theat gave me a theriouth rash on my gluteuth maximuth.

This was in the spring of 2007.

Ok, so now at least we know he's not the Unabomber.

Wait ....
I think I dated this dude!
I just thought he had a lisp.

Sorry. please, continue ...

Chapter 5

Thorgrim arrived on Helga and Gudmund's doorstep with nothing but a small dufflebag. His black hair, ragged and long, looked as though it hadn't been washed in a month. His shaggy black beard, just as unkempt, added to his overall dishoveled appearance.

Thorgrim drug himself into the house and throughout the next few weeks, settled himself into his new surroundings. He showered and shaved. He researched jobs and schools. He looked at religions around the city. I took him on a few hikes, showing him the beauty of Colorado. A friend of mine loaned him a bike so he could get around. Throughout this time, Thorgrim stayed to himself, rarely asking for anything, rarely helping out around the house. In this new environment, he discovered what he had brought back with him.

Lyme disease?

Athlete's foot fungus.

Chapter 5

Thorgrim arrived on Helga and Gudmund's doorstep with nothing but a small dufflebag. His black hair, ragged and long, looked as though it hadn't been washed in a month. His shaggy black beard, just as unkempt, added to his overall dishoveled appearance.

Thorgrim drug himself into the house and throughout the next few weeks, settled himself into his new surroundings. He showered and shaved. He researched jobs and schools. He looked at religions around the city. I took him on a few hikes, showing him the beauty of Colorado. A friend of mine loaned him a bike so he could get around. Throughout this time, Thorgrim stayed to himself, rarely asking for anything, rarely helping out around the house. In this new environment, he discovered what he had brought back with him.

With what did he drug himself?

Lyme disease?

Key limes?

8 kilos of hash?

Chapter 6

Thorgrim had been feeling very poorly since India. Helga and Gudmund decided to pay for a doctor's visit for Thorgrim. The doctor told Thorgrim he had giardia. Thorgim was given a perscription and sent on his way. Helga had driven Thorgrim to the doctor's office, waited for him, driven him to the pharmacy, bought the medication, and driven him home. All of this was done without a single thank you.

Before Thorgrim started his medication, he researched it and discovered there was a small, unlikely, chance of cancer. Thorgrim threw away his medication (that Helga had payed for) and decided to deal with the giardia. Helga and Gudmund were shocked. They took Thorgrim back to the doctor so the doctor could discuss the actual side-effects of the drug. After talking with the doctor, Thorgrim was convinced he needed to take the drugs, so Helga bought another perscription for Thorgrim and Thorgrim started taking it. Again, all without a thank you.

While this was happening, Thorgrim signed up for school, and found a job washing dishes. He was riding my friends bike to work and back, and seemed to be enjoying his time. But the peace was soon to be broken.

Giardia (http://www.hikingdude.com/hiking-giardia.shtml)

After reading the symptoms, I have had that for all my life.

Giardia (http://www.hikingdude.com/hiking-giardia.shtml)

After reading the symptoms, I have had that for all my life.

You gots these swimmin in your gut? ewwwwwwwwww

http://www.biotech-weblog.com/50226711/giardia.jpg

Thorgrim,

Is that this guy's (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zThk6-Gk24&feature=related) name?

potential future gifts for Thorgrim:

http://www.mcphee.com/categories/parasite.html

payed?

I want mooooooooore!

I want mooooooooore!

Really!

So when we last left our hero, he had some bugs growing in the gut and ...

Chapter 7

Thorgrim started school in the fall of 2007. After 2 weeks, he discovered washing dishes and going to school was to stressful for him, so he quit his job. Helga and Gudmund were ok with his decision because they felt he needed all the help he could get, and if that meant they would pay his bills for him, then they would do it. This situation worked well for Thorgrim into the new year.

While in his second semester, he strted aggressive verbal attacks on Helga. Helga is a strong willed woman and won't take grief from anyone. Thorgrim felt as though he needed control, and thought he could control Helga. Things began to get worse and worse. Thorgrim set hot-off-the-stove pans onto the formica kitchen counter-tops, not once, not twice, but four times, burning holes and bubbling up the formica. He would argue with Helga over stupid things. Early one morning, while Helga and Gudmund where making breakfast for both themselves and Thorgrim, Thorgrim walked into the kitchen from outside. Helga, not having been outside and planning a walk after breakfast, asked Thorgrim, "How's the weather?" Thorgrim responded, "Why are you asking me? You can see it's sunny." This riled up Helga, who nearly burst with anger before Gudmund said, "Thorgrim, what is the temp outside." Thorgrim turned to Gudmund, "It's pretty warm," and departed the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Thorgrim had been taking his medicine until he started feeling better, and then stopping it. He would start feeling poorly again, go to the doctor (paid for by Helga and Gudmund,) take the medicine until he started feeling better, then stopping it. This went on for a long period of time, before he had a realization.

This went on for a long period of time, before he had a realization.

That hot pans jack up formica?

...This went on for a long period of time, before he had a realization.

Hmmm...Thorgrim realized that he is a selfish d0uche bag? This sounds beyond the need for tough love. His aunt and uncle should assume no responsibility for him. Time to kick him to the curb.

It's been three days... I'm waiting in suspense!