Foo - Continue the story.

On a cold, damp, gray morning we slowly pushed the canoe into the water. Not knowing what lay ahead of us, we started paddling.

The sun slowly rose to the east, burning the gray mist to a burnished orange. Each stroke gently moved the water in slowly growing triangles and the canoe slipped through the water hardly making a sound.

The movement of the water hypnotizing her as she thought "Should I close this thread?"

But before she could answer herself, millions of tiny evil robots swarmed into the river, shredding the canoe and all but one of it's inhabitants. Then a deathly silence fell on the scene as the robots vanished as quickly as they had appeared.

The sole survivor slowly floated to the surface surround by the remains of his canoe and friends and began to slowly realize what had happened could have been prevented if only he had paid heed to the warning signs. With that thought slowly revolving in his head, he sank back beneath the water, arms spread, mouth open, bubbles trailing from his nostrils as he sank slowly to meet his fate.

As Bill Pullman floated to bottom of Lake Placid, he could see in the murky water the figure of a creature...

a creature so foul and disgusting that the mere sight of it would make a person.....

Then, without warning a shirtless George Bush (43) toting a bandolier and an M-60 appeared and grunted a monosyllabic "Duh" before traipsing off to the next CM ride.

hmmm guess he fell off the wagon.....

Even though the wagon was being pulled by eight flying horses, none of them would turn to catch him as he plummeted to the ground. As he grew swiftly closer to the earth, something moving to his right caught his eye.

He was not even sure when his eye fell out, but now with his diminished sight, he would never know what caught it. Then he hit ground.

Except the ground would not hold him, but opened up to embrace him.

He thought: "Gee, the ground seems a lot farther away than I thought"

Which was understandable with his lack of depth perception. Then he rememebered he was a cartoon character, so he got up and was not surprised to find his abdomen was now an accordian.

Try as he might, he could not tune himself. So he decided to utilize his artistic abilities to their fullest extent.

Try as he might, he could not tune himself. So he decided to utilize his artistic abilities to their fullest extent.

and began to fart a tune....

"Flight of the Bumblebee" is an exceedingly difficult tune to master...

However, given Mr Bush's innate talent for blowing wind that sounds good, but is entirely useless, nobody was surprised.

As he walked away from the divot he made, one eye less, torso flipping around wildly, and attempting to fart the Flight of the Bumblebee, he realized this wasn't the way he wanted to end up.

Slowly, carefully, so as not to jab himself in his only eye, he held his thumb up to his mouth, and blew.

He blew so hard, his body, once so accordian-like, took the shape of a balloon.

Which was a bad shape to be in, as he had fallen to earth in Giant Clown Land. Before he could say Unsafe Alpine is a cross dresser, a huge pair of clown hands was bending and folding, twisting and tying his ballon body into what can only be described as the work of mind demented by years of hard pore cornography.

Which attracted the previously mentioned liberal robots.

Giggling to themselves, the canoeists regained their composure and j-stroked towards a small green island that appeared magically in the distance. “Hay bill” Sonya blurted out “that sure is killer weed I sure have the munchies let’s stop on that island and make some burritos”!

And they proceeded to make tofu burrito's - because they did not want to anger the liberal robots (which were sustained by renewable energy sources and also abstained from meat)... but it was too late, because they were already in a robot rage...

... THEY WERE CORNERED, all seemed lost, then Tiffany noticed the carbon footprints of an Suvasaurus heading towards a Starbucks. Funny, why had they not seen that Starbucks before? They followed the footprints to apparent safety, but sadly, the store was closed, due to the hubris of the coffee conglomerate cognoscenti.

"...and what about the bigger than life-sized GWB pen¡s shaped balloon? Please don't forget about the giant presidential pen¡s.."


-said Tiffany...

Sonia or Tiffany – whatever your name is, are you off your selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or what? I can’t see the Starbucks or the bigger than life-sized GWB penis shaped balloon. I’m challenging your dilutions and I knew I should have taken Dagmar on this canoe trip!

I'm George W. Bush, and I approve this story. :thumb: :twitchy:

Sonia or Tiffany – whatever your name is, are you off your selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or what? I can’t see the Starbucks or the bigger than life-sized GWB penis shaped balloon. I’m challenging your dilutions and I knew I should have taken Dagmar on this canoe trip!


Then she told him to take his ritalin so he could reread the story and find the part that he missed (http://www.bikeforums.net/showpost.php?p=7041604&postcount=21). It was then that he saw the inflatable George Bush who had been painfully contorted and twisted like some freakish phallus folded into a knot... And from that moment he became unable to rid himself of the image - and was tormented by it every waking moment of his life - until he took an ice-pick and...

..carved a statue of his mentor the evil Chenney and proceeded to bow and wail like the man child he continues to be...

And then everyone faded into oblivion... and nobody ever cared to recall what happened to any of them. :beer:

except JOEY, who was in the sink already. every red one was in south africa for the first time! oh, the glee! the wonder! as joey called his bestie, AARON, with 2 A's, because he rolls like that, AARON realized for the first time that the mountain was indeed a blue one and every star that night went to sleep, EXCEPT the oldest... ronnie.

now, ronnie was a spectacular firelight. when "DOUBLE A" AARON saw this, he couldnt resist and gently slipped the spoon into the lock, turning ever so slightly.

the vault opened.

"what now?!" she exclaimed sarcastically.

But AARON knew that to get it open, he would have to get the entire loaf and magically, almost mysteriously shove it up his....

...astronomically large chimney, to keep the weremoths out.

A blazing fire was started using old Watchtower pamphlets for tinder and ronnie as a firelighter, baking the loaf and plugging the chimney solid.

No one had counted on the smoke getting so thick...except for formula4 who kept making a strange Yorping sound and begging for ice cream with Funyuns crushed on top.

Since the stars were asleep, the weremoths had no sense of direction and were wandering about aimlessly, slamming themselves into luminous watch faces and iPhone users. Ironically, no one moved to help them.

AARON shook his head, and after a minute of figuring out the south African phone system called...

SOUTHERNBUTTSTARCOMMSYSTEMSPLUG, he instantly knew the mistake. It was not only a cannery, but an entire factory up there! He phoned in the cat and called the phone company.

"Hello, SOUTHERNBUTTSTARCOMMSYSTEMSPLUG, how may I help you?"

"Fordnam has passed the creek" He replied.

AARON was brilliant throughout the entire ordeal. Every small mistake was counted, and the vault was sealed again. A simple, lone, solitary can of tomato swause was spilled on the carpeting, which was a class A felony back in those days. But he was smart and cleaned it up at once, knowing that there will always be another day for "things" to happen at those amusement parks during the main festival at niederwald, TEXAS at noon during the summer nights in which he felt so helpless, amused, and used while abused. Was he the only one throwing trash? In the newest weeks since the rising, three horses escaped while the sun was rising. What a horrible delight!

AARON WAS INTENSE during the install process. Five fences in 72 hours?! This was insane. He had never seen this before. The chimney was hot and so, so so cold. Freezing, he got the SHIMANO flytrap in JUST IN TIME.

This was it!! Just then...


CAMPY CLAUS came into the window, old and battered, yelling, as loud as he could....

Flurndehurnde*****hausen!

Drunk again, that Campy Claus. Sure, he was just "celebrating" the Shimano flytrap installation....but did he need to share his navel peircing with everyone?

Back at the festivities, the horses had now broken through the main network defenses and were now hacking their way into an encrypted file mysteriously named, "Tartar Sauce"...

more! more! more!




.. more tar-tar...





But they were refused... no more tar-tar.


''No more tar-tar until you crack the code and liquidate every last home-grown tomato that is fomenting the anti-pasto revolucion. I want them ground into a paste, I want their house burnt down, I want their seeds turned to ashes... I want them dead, all dead!!''


That was when the horses knew that campy clause had to be stopped, enough sauce had been spilled for no reason... they had to get to the tar-tar, it was obvious now that the tar-tar held the secret - the secret that could bring campy clause down...

Tartar Sauce, [33G]!

This new formula was the latest and greatest yet. Ten years have passed and AARON has grown into a rather large corporation , AARONS.

Selling horses and livestock accessories, the company has everything from 10-speed ratchet saddles to red sauce by maconish and bacon, flown in from austria every tuesday.

Ronnie walked in quietly. "DAD, when is my new AMISH CRANKSET coming from ammino? The newest company had put "SHIM" out of its ratchets many moons ago. That's when AARON got very upset and called the cable company. "Why is this happening!!", he wonders.

Just then came the knock at the door. ROUGH, BAD, EVIL, STRONG, MUSCULAR CAMPY CLAUS© WITH A BANDOLIER AND SUB-MACHINE GUN (52x11) W/ROCKET LAUNCHER. And then, in a girly voice...

"WHO'S BEEN MESSIN' WITH MAH BOIZ?"

He was gay.

And featured on the website......




[edit: if someone could illustrate campy claus© id appriciate it, for our viewers]

Yes, the rumors were all true... Campy Clause was gay (and in a way that was outlandishly effeminate) - but he was also italian, so he was really just conforming to the common stereotypes and expectations..


Ronnie looked at Campy Claus and then turned to his father as though he had known the answer all along... there was never was a chicken - because the egg had always came first -- and the easter bunny had murdered all the first-borns before they could hatch.


And now Campy Clause had come to even the score, the rabbit had to die - those unborn chickens would be avenged... their yolks had not been spilled in vein.

AARON smelling trouble and a hint of bacon pushes a discreet button under his massive mahogany desk. A panel in the ceiling opens and a rain of happy meal toys litters the floor.

"Woops, wrong button".

AARON bolted toward the stables where the horses were on their fishstick break. "Flicka, oh Flicka!" he screams...or at least tries to, remembering he'd hocked his voice last week to pay for upgraded cable.

Snagging a riding crop from the rack, AARON takes a fighting pose, and facing his pursuer gives the fingertip flick that can only mean, "Bring it you saucy drag queen."

Just then the elevator doors opened and...

... he was off to the 5th floor!

Now this was no ordinary floor. Magical wonders of the east were in this room. Oh what joy, and what harmony awaits him! As he entered room one, there were a few horses around. A few bursts from the shotgun and it was all over for them. Why should he wait longer for floor 34? That's where he went.

CHATPER 2 : AARONS CORPORATE HQ

Entering the first hallway, a solitary bottle of hot sauce rolled down from the floors above. What's going on way up there? He entered the door to the GRAND LOBBY. It was a massive large area with shiny marble floors and magnificent stone columns almost reaching to the sky. Large mohogany desks lined the edges where one could study or relax all day. At one of the desks, CAMPY CLAUS© was doing something with one of those 'asian ladyboys'. Not wanting to see more, he went up the grand staircase to the next floor, which overlooked the lobby.

He crossed a bridge and went to the other side, going to the girl behind the counter. Snacking on marshmallows, she gave AARON the ticket to get in the next room.

When he entered the next room he saw the biggest, most massive.....

Tartar Sauce, [33G]!
[edit: if someone could illustrate campy claus© id appriciate it, for our viewers]

http://simplyxmas.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/04019-3.jpg

When he entered the next room he saw the biggest, most massive.....

...pile of nachos ever constructed...ever.

Tortilla chips the size of sails, hot cheese dripping down like Tammy Faye's makeup, pinto beans as large as really large things...a truly phenomenal sight.

AARON, being lactose intolerant starts blasting the huge nacho pile with the shotgun, only hours later getting frustrated with how little damage he can do to the cheesy mountain. Climbing up the huge pile he stops by a pub attached to a WalMart, both built upon what appears to be a massive olive and has a cold one.

An announcer interrupts the televised 200th Anniversary Girls of Foo Pudding Deathmatch and AARON nearly chokes on his deep fried tofu chips as the announcer announces an announcement. The real announcer says that...

TAMMY THOMAS will be joining the match! Immediately after that, a pile of dirt was born into this world. And that's how the tower was on.

AARON knew this was an AMAZING TIME IM HUMAN HISTORY.

The toilet was red, with....