Road Cycling - field guide to cyclists: "By their lycra you'll know them"

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supernova87a
01-23-04, 03:05 PM
NYT, September 24, 2000, Sunday, Late Edition - Final
By CARL SOMMERS

THIS is a popular time of year to hit the road for long bike rides held to
raise money for good causes or just to get cyclists together for a 100-mile
spin. It's also a great time of year for a shorter bike trip, around the park
or around the block. But the masses pass by on two wheels, don't believe they are
all alike. There are several classes of bike rider. For those who care -- and
there are people who spend their lives classifying birds or ferns, after all,
so why not bicyclists? -- here is a field guide to the bicyclist.

Easy Rider

HABITAT -- The local park. Quiet, one-way streets, often riding against traffic
instead of with it (as cyclists should do). Sidewalks.

BIKE -- Yard-sale special with swept-up handlebars and a few gears, or a
department store "mountain bike" that would disintegrate if it ever got on an
actual mountain.

DRESS -- In warm weather, bermuda or gym shorts, T-shirts. In colder weather,
sweat pants, leather jackets.

GOODS CARRIED -- Fanny packs.

SHOES -- Sneakers.

HELMET -- "We're not going far from home."

GOAL -- "Exercise," once or twice a year.

ATTITUDE TOWARD HILLS -- Only if their house is on one.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION -- They make computers for bikes?

NOTES -- These riders barely get noticed by the other categories. Yet they

NOTES -- These riders barely get noticed by the other categories. Yet they
probably enjoy the activity more than any of the others.

Tourist

HABITAT -- Gathering for group rides in parking lots, moving in lines along
suburban roads or sitting at tables in front of delis.

BIKE -- Mountain bikes (never ridden off asphalt) or entry-level road bikes
(the
ones with the curved-down handlebars and skinny tires), often with rear-view
mirrors.

DRESS -- Some dressed like the Easy Riders others in bike shorts, T-shirts or
bike jerseys in solids or colorful patterns.

SHOES -- Sneakers or shoes with a cleat that clips in to the pedal, often with
soles flexible enough for walking when off the bike.

GOODS CARRIED -- Pockets or fanny packs.

HELMET -- White, with a couple of vents.

GOAL -- Go for a nice group ride, later to go for a longer group ride.

HILLS -- Detours to avoid hills helps meet goals of longer rides.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION -- Mileage.

NOTES -- These riders see bicycling as a healthful social activity. In the
office, they will brag about riding 25 miles.

Enthusiast

HABITAT -- Grinding away on suburban or rural roads or grinding round and round


BIKE -- A week's salary on two wheels.

DRESS -- In warm weather, bike shorts, solid-colored short-sleeved jerseys,
fingerless gloves. In colder weather, tights, long-sleeved jerseys, possibly
windbreakers, long-fingered gloves.

SHOES -- Clip-in shoes with rigid soles that clip and clop while walking.

HELMET -- Colored, with 12 or 16 vents.

GOODS CARRIED -- Saddle bag.

GOAL -- Go as fast as you can over increasingly long distances.

HILLS -- Hate them, but won't avoid them. Pedal hard on the downhill side, to
keep average speed higher.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION -- Average speed.

NOTES -- Type A's on two wheels. These riders won't slow down for slower riders
(it will decrease their average speed), though they will wait for them at
intersections. They work too hard to talk much while riding. Won't talk about
their hobby at the office, but will be overheard arranging rides.

Racer

HABITAT -- Doing slow laps in the park waiting for the group to gather for a
hard training ride. Flying down the road in formation. Doing slow laps in the
park to cool down.

DRESS -- In warm weather, shorts, often bib variety, jersey with club name and
sponsors or a European professional team jersey, with names of sponsors that
make Italian screen doors or French milk. In very cold weather, face coverings
that make riders look like terrorists hijacking a jetliner.

BIKE -- A month's salary on two wheels. Exotic materials like titanium or
carbon
fiber or classic works of art in Italian steel.

SHOES -- Clip in, rigid soles preferably made of carbon fiber with air vent to
minimize drag.

HELMET -- Dark, with more vent than helmet.

GOODS CARRIED -- Everything, including spare tube and minipump, in rear pocket
of jersey.

GOAL -- To ride a bike light enough to hold over your head in one hand. To win
races.

HILLS -- The steeper the better.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION -- Maximum speed.

NOTES -- Both men and women shave their legs and are equally vain about them.
Conversation in the saddle consists of rehashing previous races or discussing
bike components. At work, they don't talk about cycling at all, out of
realistic
fear that co-workers will think they are crazy.


cyclezealot
01-23-04, 11:30 PM
Interesting post..I am closest to the touring type..But, only 25 miles...Most of us quickly graduate beyond that...
Never met a cycling addict who does not like to brag and does not mind letting cyclists' addiction fly into the face of those who think us crazy.

caadman
01-24-04, 07:54 AM
Oh man this gave me such a huge laugh supernova87a!!! I just loved it, probably because I can relate to every single "type" or cyclist that he described here!!...This is sooo true!! but I got such a great laugh and more understanding just how much of a bike junkee I am!! :D

Benjamin


RonH
01-25-04, 06:05 AM
Gee, I'm part enthusiast and part racer. :rolleyes:

lotek
01-25-04, 07:36 AM
I'm part enthusiast, part racer and part tourer.
(cross breed? Heinz?)
funny stuff

Marty

CarlJStoneham
01-26-04, 01:16 PM
Me = tourer/enthusiast :)

Laggard
01-26-04, 02:04 PM
Me = former racer and current bum.

I can remember people being astonished that I'd do a 40 mile ride and think nothing on it. "40 miles???"

nathank
01-27-04, 03:59 AM
At work, they don't talk about cycling at all, out of realistic fear that co-workers will think they are crazy.

yep, that's definitely me! they think i'm crazy enough biking to work when it rains or in the cold and snow... if they even half-way understood my training and racing...

Ed Holland
01-27-04, 05:56 AM
Great post!

I spotted myself immediately in the enthusiast section :)

Cheers,

Ed

BikeInMN
01-27-04, 06:56 AM
Pretty good post.

Me - Racer

One correction for you

Most important computer function - Watts

Speed is just a byproduct of watts :)

SamDaBikinMan
01-27-04, 07:08 AM
They did not list the Redneck category.

Redneck

HABITAT -- Riding down the dirt road to cousins trailer for a date watching the hunting channel.

DRESS -- Typically coveralls, but sometimes the women bikers will wear daisy dukes to tease theor cousins or brothers.

BIKE -- Yard sale special that still had an unfrozen/not too rusty chain.

SHOES -- Wolverine hunting boots.

HELMET -- Ball cap bearing a gun company, budweiser, or tobacco company logo.

GOODS CARRIED -- Snub nosed pistol, chewing tobacco, tall beer.

GOAL -- To get some action once we get to the relatives trailer.

HILLS -- Time to walk.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION -- ???? The only computer we have is a 1.00$ calculator we use to figure our feed requirements for the hogs.

NOTES -- Rednecks will only ride their bikes if the truck is broke down for more than a month. Otherwise they will ride the family mule or wait for a ride from a buddy.

rancid_chicken
01-27-04, 07:50 AM
Crap, I'm not too happy that I fit into the racer category. Kind of sucks that I'm in the category of people that I make make fun of at the shop.

sebring
01-27-04, 08:40 AM
For the redneck rider you can't forget about the cigarette hanging out of the mouth with red pack of Marlboro's in the back pocket or in rolled up sleeve.

Toothpick
01-27-04, 11:45 AM
Redneck addition - No seat bag, but rather a 'coon tail hanging from seat attached with bailing wire.

caloso
01-27-04, 12:29 PM
Commuter

HABITAT: City streets, amid the potholes and exhaust.

DRESS: Occasionally in serious cycling kit but often in shirt and tie with a reflective ankle strap to keep pant cuffs out of the chain.

BIKE: You name it: hybrids, cruisers, hard-tail mountain bikes, old-school racing bikes. Usually fitted with lights, blinkies, reflectors, fenders, and racks.

SHOES: Wingtips.

HELMET: Covered in reflective tape.

GOODS CARRIED: In panniers or backpack: Brown bag lunch, laptop, pda, cellphone, spare underwear.

GOAL: To get to work in one piece.

HILLS: If they must.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION: Time of day.

NOTES: They don't talk much about cycling at work. They don't need to.

gonesh9
01-27-04, 01:13 PM
Good one Caloso! I was identifying myself as the Enthusiast, but now I think I'm more of a Commuter.

NZLcyclist
01-27-04, 02:43 PM
racer to the bone......however i do talk about thigns at work..hmmm and computer function: would have to be average and max RPM

Brendon

jfmckenna
01-27-04, 02:54 PM
LOL
REDNECK RIDER
You kidding me they ride in pick up trucks and yell real loud as they gun it past you as loud as they can. Some times they ride down the street on there lawn mowers cause they lost there license drunk driving but a BICYCLE! They wouldnt know where to put the gas in it. This post craks me up thanks guys/girls

Hey but seriously I was thinking I need to get like a Bush Beer Jersey or Dale Ernhardt Or Chevy/Ford Calvin peeing on something just to maby gain there respect. I may start a new post here on the red neck riders from around the world LOL

gonesh9
01-28-04, 02:04 PM
Messenger

HABITAT: Swerving through traffic at full speed, coffee shops, dive bars.

DRESS: Black pants rolled up, studded belt, black shirt, black trucker hat.

BIKE: Dumpster find converted into fixie, spray painted black.

SHOES: Vans or similar for pedal straps, or nice road shoes for clipless pedals.

HELMET: Never!

GOODS CARRIED: Messenger bag with drab colors.

GOAL: To deliver goods and look cool doing so.

HILLS: Fine, but would rather find a flatter route.

MOST IMPORTANT COMPUTER FUNCTION: Too good for computers.

NOTES: Will not acknowledge bicyclists with gears. Drink Pabst because its cool.

lotek
01-28-04, 02:39 PM
Gonesh9,

I was going to post almost the same thing only subtype
Fixie.
One thing I'd change Most important Computer function:
Duke Nukem (or something similiar)
good post.
Marty

rancid_chicken
01-28-04, 10:18 PM
I drink Pabst because it tastes good. I would hate to have a messenger job just to drink it. :beer:

jfmckenna
01-29-04, 09:55 AM
I drink Pabst because it's cheap and I just dropped a lot of cash on a new racer :)