Foo - Depression

3 people died on me in a 2 week period. Coworker died of leukemia at 21, almost-boyfriend (22?) of a close friend committed suicide, and a friend (28?) was murdered in Phoenix.

5 days after the murder, details about it were released. She was stabbed multiple times and almost decapitated.

4 hours after I find out about the details of the murder, my dog of 14.5 years dies in my mom's and my arms. This was last Wednesday at 1:45AM. We buried her under the orange tree.

I'm feeling quite depressed. I haven't had these thoughts or emotions since I was in high school. I have an extremely short fuse and am feeling very, very violent, which is very unlike me. Cycling only helps so much, but I'd probably have been arrested by now if I didn't ride.

I just want to beat the **** out of somebody or sometime, preferably someone on my A**hole List.

I'm going camping with some friends for a night to celebrate a birthday, then family's coming into town, then a family trip. I haven't had time to deal with my emotions...just dealing with idiots, bigots, asshats, penisclowns, ******nozzles, morons, imbeciles, etc. I even almost started **** with a coworker today over her stupid, moronic, inane whining.

I'd also like to give a big "F**K YOU!" to the idiots in my life. My last two bosses, my first 5th grade teacher, my dad's 2nd ex-wife, my high school chemistry teacher, Ellis Harper (you 'nozzle), and a couple choice members on this site (you know who you are).

I'd like to give a shout out to the people who make this corner of the internet tolerable, all the cool people of Foo and the knowledgeable people in Commuting and Mechanics.

I'm going to go drink hot cocoa and then maybe get tanked.

Good lord, man. :(

I raise my glass (of water, sorry) to things getting better for ya.

Thanks, man.

I'm sick of people.

Take the time while you're camping to clear your head. Scream, cry, throw rocks, or just listen to the wind in the trees. At least to let yourself decompress a little before family rolls into town, because that won't help you to relax any. ;)

Sorry for things right now. It'll get better.

I am honestly sorry for your personal tragedy,




but,





you started in with the personal attacks and name-calling first, based on a selective misreading of my post. You were looking to get pissed off, you succeeded, and now you're acting like a child.



Good luck getting drunk. :thumb:

(Oh, and act like you didn't read this because I'm on your ignore list.) :)

Oh, look who's response I can't read. Mr. Bigot himself. So nice of you to show up. F***wad.

Take the time while you're camping to clear your head. Scream, cry, throw rocks, or just listen to the wind in the trees. At least to let yourself decompress a little before family rolls into town, because that won't help you to relax any. ;)

Sorry for things right now. It'll get better.

Thanks. I'll try to get some time in for that. Doubt it, though. I'll probably just check into the supply of beer I'll have.

Maybe I need some karaoke and firedancing...maybe not. *Sigh*

I'm so mixed up.

Rant all you need. Foosters are the best. Good luck man.

I'd like to take that back. Many Foosters are the best.

Ah! Penisclown!!

Best thread evar!!!!111

Thanks, Unsafe.

Ah! Penisclown!!

Best thread evar!!!!111

It just came to me. And the image is amusing. (I had to hit the delete key 6 times in this post...and this sentence raised it to 8)

So sorry. That is a lot to handle at once.

Be careful with the beer. Sometimes it can fuel things up rather than cooling them down.

At one point in my life, I was feeling really nuts, and I actually enrolled in a gym. Not a health club, but a real gym, where people came in with shorts/sweatpants and T-shirts and just worked it as hard as each was able. I got into pushing the weights because it made me feel like I was pushing the burden off me. ...One day, I looked over at some really huge guy who was pushing god knows how many pounds, straining and moaning out loud. He was all like "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-agh!" I just kept thinking, "He must be going through a lot more than me." May or may not be your solution. Just an idea.

Might be a good idea to check into some free or cheap counseling during this time. What you are going through is really intense and painful. It will take more than a camping weekend to deal with it all.

My hopeful thoughts are with you.

We all have things in our lives that bring us down, the lucky ones get it spaced out enough that we can cope. Seems like you're just getting yours all at once. You are absolutely entitled to feel like crap, but you are also entitled to get over it. Get whatever help you think you need, there's no shame in it. Don't let the anger corrode you. Once you make it through this, you'll be rock-solid.

Peace.

Just remember that life is a roller coaster don't get too down at the lows or too high at the top. Things will improve they always do.

i'm really sorry for your losses. don't be afraid to seek help, whether it's from your friends, or a professional.

best of luck to you.

did you save any money on car insurance?

Find a boxing club. Hit the heavy bag. If they let you - find someone to spar with.

Acceptable violence is your friend.

did you save any money on car insurance?

I did when I hit 25 this year in March...

edbikebabe, I'm trying to get back to my fencing club to beat the crap out of people with swords, but I just can't find the time.

SS, my regards. That is certainly more than the average person should be dealt to handle at one time, but my impression is that you're strong and full of integrity. You'll get through this just fine.

Keep venting here.

And maybe one of these?
http://blogs.edweek.org/edweek/eduwonkette/upload/2008/02/bozo-the-clown-bop-bag.jpg

I think you've taken an important first step in coming here and saying that you're upset and angry--you have every right to be. But I would be wary of misplacing my anger and letting it enter into your relationships with third parties or with your thoughts about yourself (EDIT: or, rather, just be aware of it). (this was not motivated by your interactions with other members on this forum)

Just my 2 cents.

I'm sorry for your losses, and good luck.

http://i34.tinypic.com/2ushkq9.jpg

I think you've taken an important first step in coming here and saying that you're upset and angry--you have every right to be. But I would be wary of misplacing my anger and letting it enter into your relationships with third parties or with your thoughts about yourself (EDIT: or, rather, just be aware of it). (this was not motivated by your interactions with other members on this forum)

Just my 2 cents.

I'm sorry for your losses, and good luck.
Thanks.

I'm very well aware when my fuse is short, and I warn people when it is.

I was a very violent youth due to many circumstances.

I know I'm a smart, talented, all-around-good guy. I just have emotions out of control right now, and that's not good.

What I really need is a massage to get all the crap my body's holding on to out of me...but I can't afford that, or the time off I need to recover. It's a very frustrating place to be, and that's compounding the issue.

I'm going to go fry up some discarded chicken ovum with artificially heat-induced stale bread.

Artifice, thank you.

http://i34.tinypic.com/2ushkq9.jpg

:lol::lol:

Sorry to hear everything piled on all at once. If you are still feeling anger, maybe you could take it out on the TapOut van.

Something that works for me when I am aggressive is to go workout till I am ready to drop. Then I am too shot to shoot anyone...

Sometimes you just have to bleed off the adrenaline.

http://i34.tinypic.com/2ushkq9.jpg

Haha!

He's really not on my concern list...but that's frikkin' sweet!

<tangent> It was so hard to bury the dog... It was 2:45AM, about 80º outside and humid as hell. Her core was still warm, it was just her paws and snout (which I kissed extensively) that had cooled off. She was so...limp. Didn't even look like her, really, just a vacant shell of a dog. We wrapped her in the small rug that she claimed as a puppy, we kept it under her food and water bowl...

Her eyes bulged out when she was dying...she was fighting so hard to breathe... She couldn't swallow and drool was going everywhere. She fought so hard and we couldn't do anything to help her. It was so demoralizing... My entire life and career I've devoted to improving life, and I couldn't do anything for this poor creature who had given so selflessly everything she had to us when we needed her.

It does seem that there are times when things just keep piling up!!!!

Makes my depression seem meaningless (which it is), but my thoughts are with you man!

One caution. I did hear recently that some study has recently found that the old "go punch a pillow" (or go fencing in your case) actually may not be the healthy approach since perhaps violence begets violence, but look into yourself to figure out what you need to do, since I do believe the answer lies within.

Either way, know with every fiber of your being that there have to be brighter days ahead!!!!

That's tough. Can you take some time off from work? Bereavement leave? Do you have an Employee Assistance Program where you can see someone and just talk?

It'll be tough, hang in there.

When I'm feeling down and depressed I call my bud's up and we head down to the range and pop a few rounds down range. If I'm still feeling stressed, then I call some other bud's and "hit stick" - I practice/teach Filipino Martial Arts. That usually does it.

Have a good cry/scream - it helps. It will get better over time.

I truly am sorry for your loss. Life is precious, treasure the memories.

I did when I hit 25 this year in March...

edbikebabe, I'm trying to get back to my fencing club to beat the crap out of people with swords, but I just can't find the time.


A few freinds of mine meet up at my place like once a month where we go at it with bamboo swords :thumb: the rules are simple, who ever gets in 5 strikes first wins. The strikes can be any where on the body and as hard or soft as your stress level calls for at that particular meet, no armor or padding of any kind is allowed :D if you decide to go this route you have to make absolutely sure that your freinds can be trusted not to "freakout" as the rules also state if anyone freaks out and starts "over doing it" we can jump in one at a time until the rule breaker finds himself out numbered or getting the crap beat out of him by five guys. ;) stress releif? you better beleive it!

Wow, I'm so sorry SS! It's good that you are aware of how you are feeling and doing things to keep yourself from losing control. That is a lot to handle all at once, I hope you can find some peace soon. I would go hide in the mountains for a while and take a peace pipe with me.

You're a tough person Eddie when it comes to loss, I know you are. It's hard that all of it came at once but I truly believe that you will get through this, and with your personality and will of perseverance will get you will succeed.

((hugs))

Hang in there. Fortunately it's not depression yet...it's normal to be upset about bad things. Doesn't automatically make it depression.

Keep riding your bike ;)

My condolences, and support by way of prayer. You are not suffering from depression so much as natural grieving and reaction to stressors. Being depressed when there are things driving you down is not the same thing as clinical depression. Hang in there! Endorphins from a good ride or run beats anything you can ingest.

Don't fight it. That's a legitimate reason to be down and bluesy for awhile. Accept the feeling and deal with it, rather than fighting it. It will subside over time. Maybe the silver lining is you get a bunch of bad crap out of the way at once.

Wow, SS- I'm sorry to hear about all the loss and tragedy in your life- so much, and so packed into such a short time. I hope you're doing a bit better, but if you're not, it will get better for you. Time does heal.

I'm going to go fry up some discarded chicken ovum with artificially heat-induced stale bread.


Mmm. Fried egg-sandwiches. Those are always good. I hope you can revel in some of the few good things right now.

Thanks, man.

I'm sick of people.
My condolences for all your awful losses.

Welcome to my world.

My condolences, and support by way of prayer. You are not suffering from depression so much as natural grieving and reaction to stressors. Being depressed when there are things driving you down is not the same thing as clinical depression. Hang in there! Endorphins from a good ride or run beats anything you can ingest.

I never said it was clinical. :) I know it's temporary, but it feels exactly like when I had clinical depression in middle and high school.

Anywho, I just got back from the one-night camping trip and I feel a bit better.

I realized a large part of what's making me miserable right now. I don't find happiness in things, but rather in the process or journey of life. I am not enjoying the process or journey as of right now.

I did take an unreasonably long time to drive home from the campsite... Stopped at a lot of vistas and lookouts, took some photos, did some cyclist watching (the mountain I came from is a popular Saturday morning ride). That did more for me than sleeping in a sleeping bag on a hard floor in some tent during a rainstorm with a lousy loud campsite next to us who just had to run their unreasonably loud engine at...whatever time at night. I didn't have a clock on me, so I have no idea what time they were irritating...

A nice trip, though. All I need now is a couple weeks, and I have some time off then. I'm on the mend, friends. Thank you.