Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man...
[laughs hysterically]
Homer: So to answer your question, I don't know.

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. --Homer Simpson

"Every time I learn something new, it pushes something old out of my brain. remamber when I took that home brewing course and I forgot how to drive." - Homer Simpson

followed by marge saying, "Homer that's because you were drunk!"

Ms. Krabapple: "Embiggens? Hmph. I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield."
Miss Hoover: "I don't see why not! It's a perfectly cromulent word."

Fat Tony watching Itchy and Scratchy: "it's funny because it's true."

Smithers' computer booting up with picture of Burns: "Hello....Mr....Smithers....you're...very..good at.....turning....me......on"
Smithers: "You kids should probably ignore that"

I felt a surge of power, like God must feel when He’s holding a gun

-Homer

An obese Reinhold Wolfcastle coming out of the Quik-E-Mart: "It's for a movie!"

"Eat my shorts!"

Just a classic line.

Bart: "I'm riding a unicycle with my pants down. This should be every boy's dream."

nobody makes love to max power... you strap yourself on and feel the Gs

"I owe it all to yes-I-cannibus"
Homer (medical weed episode)

Homer: "I'm a rageaholic! I can't live without rageahol!"

Apu, singing on the Simpson's rooftop

"who needs the kwikie mart...I dooooooo."

Homer from the Intel commercial:

"Many of you may mock my interest in the pastry sciences...."

most certainly people have forgotten one of the most classic of them all with Kang and Kodos as the presidential candidates:
Kang: Abortions for all!
Crowd: half boo half cheer
Kang: Ok, Abortions for none!
Crowd: half boo half cheer
Kang: Abortions for some, miniature american flags for others!
Crowd: cheer.

"Saxamaphone" - Homer J. Simpson
"This is the day Homer J. Simpson becomes...HOMER JAY SIMPSON!" -Homer J. Simpson


(I most likly didn't get the phrases word for word...)

why that sounds like rock and or roll. -reverand love joy
mmm. pointy. -homer afer eating what he thought was a candy bride and groom.
there must be 100 dollars woth of grease on that fry cooks fore head. -homer

no thats my retirement grease! -willy

what the hell are you kids doing? -homer
practicing tennis. -kids
thats tennis, whats the one where the chicks wail on each other?- homer
you me foxy boxing? -bart
yeah , thats what i wanted. -homer

When Homer was bootlegging liquor and putting them in bowling balls. Then, he was throwing the liquor-filled bowling balls in the gutter at the bowling alley so they can go down a secret tunnel to a speak-easy.

Bart: Gee, you really suck dad.
Homer: Yeah, suck like a FOX.

Homer: It's BTO
Bart: who?
Homer: There Canada's answer to The Who.

hey bart i got my uncles pellet gun wanna go shoot apu with it? -NELSON

Homer - Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip

Homer - Wow, that saxophone would make a great pipe

Lisa: But what happens when someone wants to buy non-alcoholic beer?
Apu: Hmm, funny, it's never come up.

Apu: Who needs the ageless wisdom of Ganeesha when I have Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman?

(voice from the crowd): I'll vote for a third-party candidate!
Aliens: Go ahead! You're just wasting your vote! Mwahhhahahahah!

"hi, super nintendo Chalmers." ralph wiggum
"it tastes like burning."
"everythings comin up Milhouse!"

moe: "now to get me some caveman hookers."

Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the errrr things.-Homer

Super Fun Happy Slide!!!-Homer

"Wait a minute, Barney. You've got to be sober to fly. I mean, it's not like driving a car." Homer to Barney after Barney vows to give up booze in order to learn how to fly a helicopter.
-----------------------

Mr. Burns: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
Homer: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff.
Mr. Burns: Hurl this (pudding) at THAT (lenny)
Homer: At Lenny, but he's a war hero!
Mr. Burns: Well lets decorate him, then.
Homer: No!
Mr. Burns: Not even for... four dollars!?
Homer: :hurls it:
Lenny: Ow! My eye, the doctor said I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
Mr. Burns: Ahaha, that was capital! My lung is aching.
Homer: I like when I threw the pudding!
Mr. Burns: Do it again! I'll make it an even eight.
Homer: You're the boss :hurls another:
Lenny: Ow! I'm in hell!
Mr. Burns: Let's keep the laugh's coming eh, Simpson? Let's say I make you my executive in charge of recreation. No, better yet.. my prank monkey!
Homer: Will you keep giving me money?
Mr. Burns: I can't have my little monkey running around in rags!
Homer: Woohoo! :hurls another pudding, at Carl:
Carl: HEY!
Mr. Burns: What are you doing, man!? That's Carl!

from the bootlegging epdisode

"Marge I won't lie to you...see you later" and walks away

"Going out, if we dont come back avenge our deaths"

And some others,

"Everything is bad if you remember it"

"You can prove anything with statistics, 65% of all people know that"

"The only dangerous amount of alcohol is no alcohol, who wants to go to the IHOP?"

Evil Homer: "I am evil Homer, I am evil Homer, I am evil Homer, I am evil Homer!"

"Look Dad, a baseball made out of Secretariat!" ~Bart

"You call this a soccer riot? Come Boys! We'll show 'em a soccer riot." ~Willy

"The Denver Broncos! Uggghhhhhh!"

"I am so smart...S-M-R-T. I mean... S-M-A-R-T" ~Homer

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

-Homer to Lisa

(At the Gilded Truffle) Marge: Homer! Use your inside voice!
Homer: I DON'T HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE!

that one was on last night.
Homer- I need $200 bart
Bart- the bill is only for 100
Homer-... i broke some bathroom fixtures

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly" & "Here Comes The Metric System!".


Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such Drivers Ed films as "Alices Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" & "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot".


Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Homer: Sorry doesn't put thumbs on the hand Marge!

Lisa: Oh! This is why I can't have nice things!

The last two are from the same episode that Lisa builds Linguo. I love the part with the Mob guys when Linguo goes into "Bad Grammar overload...ERROR...ERROR...". One of my favorite episodes :)


*Edit* I found the whole exchange w/ the Mob guys.

Louie: Hey, they's throwing robots!
Linguo: They ARE throwing robots.
Legs: He's disrespecting us. Shut up you face!
Linguo: Shut up YOUR face.
Legs: Whassamatta, you?
Louie: You ain't so big.
Legs: Me and him are going to whack you in the labonzza!
Linguo: Bad grammar overload! Error! Error!

thats kind of what i implied: lisa
implied or implode?; homer

When the Simpson family get a job at a seafood factory when they're in japan and need money to get home:

Bart- Hey! I think i'm getting the hang of this now! Knife goes in, guts come out (picks up magical fish)
Magical fish- Spare my life and i will grant you three... AHHHHHH
Bart- Knife goes in, guts come out

I have to say that this season's writing has really improved relative to the last few. Not quite up to the level of the Conan O'Brien golden era, but there have been some really funny bits lately. In Sunday's episode, for example:

Alcatrazz: Ain't no thing!
Principal Skinner: I think you mean "It isn't a thing!"
Alcatrazz: It's idiomatic, beeyotch.

Homer- Someone broke the toilet.

Homer explaining love to Bart: Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

In the car, looking for Bart in the park, Homer almost runs down a wild animal:
Homer "Doh"
Marge " A Deer"
Lisa " A female deer!"

Everytime I learn something new it pushes something old out of my head. Remeber that time we went to the wine tasting class and I forgot how to drive?

Tha's because you were drunk!!!

And how..........

"Woo Hoo ! Good things happen to bad people"

" Im sorry Marge, The liquor bedrunkened me"

"when I was seventeen...
I had a very good beer.
I had a very good beer, I bought it
with a fake ID...
my name was Gerold Mc'Gee..
when I was seventeen."

"It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything." - Homer J. Simpson

Ralph: "And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life."
Teacher: "Thank you Ralph, very graphic."

and...

Ralph: "I'm pedaling backwards!!"

"God is my favorite fictional character." -Homer

"Homer you are to hyper, lets get you home and get a beer in you than off the bed." -Marge

I think I remembered the wording correctly, it was a couple of days ago

Ralph Wiggums: "I'm Idaho!"