Books, Movies, Music & Entertainment - Favorite Simpsons Quotes
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03-25-05, 03:58 PM
Ralph Wiggums: "I'm Idaho!"
03-25-05, 04:45 PM
Homer Simpson (treehouse of Horror): "Ooooooo....look, Maggie lost her baby legs!"
03-26-05, 08:43 PM
I have many fovorites but here is one:
in an african native camp, where the simpsons are subjected to a loud, drumming beat.
Marge: "This song has been going on for hours!"
Homer: "Yeah, just like an Alman Brothers song!"
03-26-05, 08:59 PM
"There's ne'er an animal alive that outrun a greased scottsman!"-Willie
Homer: Hey, I've got a question for you. Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it.
Ned: Well sure of course, he could, but then again... wow as melon scratchers go, that's a honey doodle.
Homer: Now you know what I've been going through.
04-07-05, 10:17 AM
L M Ao
04-08-05, 01:27 PM
Comic Book Guy: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote unquote, Ultimate Belt.
Storekeeper: I see, do you have a receipt, quote unquote, sir?
Comic Book Guy:I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical as the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt.
Storekeeper: Whoa, whoa. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.
Comic Book Guy: Hey, I... Huh... Tha... Oh...
Storekeeper: Gee, I hate to let you down Casanova, but uh, no receipt, no return.
Comic Book Guy: Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.
ralph wiggum: "I'm a gulch!"
Homer: "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
One of my favourites.
Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.
if i were a billionaire, why would i live with my mother? -principal skinner
04-14-05, 04:16 PM
forget who - Thats the wackiest tabacky
05-24-05, 09:04 AM
"Wow. Rock stars. Is there anything they *don't* know?"
"Wait a minute. He's not fine at all. He lied to us through song. I *hate* it when people do that."
Sung to the Flintstones theme: Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. Aggghh!"
Pepe- I love you Papa Homer
Homer- I love you too Pepsi........Pepe- Pepe.
05-24-05, 09:40 PM
I just found this huge collection while looking through some websites.
My favourites are:
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t. "
"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha! (looking at Uruguay on the globe) "
"Dont mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
Im going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I wont be back for TEN MINUTES.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own.
Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So heres the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I wont ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.
The strong must protect the sweet
Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, youd step over your own mother just to get one! But you cant stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Remember as far as anyone knows, were a nice normal family.
I know what youre saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.
Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!
Thats it! You people have stood in my way long enough. Im going to clown college!
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.
God bless those pagans.
Im in a place where I dont know where I am!
I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t.
Oh, everythings too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybodys a sinner! Except this guy.
Mmmm, free goo.
Its not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
I cant believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!
Dont let Krustys death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! Ive seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha! (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
Dont mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.
Donuts. Is there anything they cant do?
If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, theyre about to announce the lottery numbers!
Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!
Good drink... good meat... good God, lets eat!
Lord help me, Im just not that right.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!
I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
Beer. Now theres a temporary solution.
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boys piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close.
Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing Id ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I dont care who I have to face, I dont care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
If they think Im going to stop at that stop sign, theyre sadly mistaken!
Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.
Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one every found out about.
No, no, no, Lisa. If adults dont like their jobs, they dont go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
Simpson-Homer Simpson, hes the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, hes about to hit a chestnut tree....Doh! (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song) Ignore the boy, Lord.
Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we dont deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... Youre everywhere, Youre omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?
You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, youre a big disappointment, and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.
When will I learn? The answer to lifes problems arent at the bottom of a bottle, theyre on TV!
Trying is the first step towards failure.
Americas health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we dont live in Paraguay!
Whats the point of going out, were just going to end up back here anyway?
Dont eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them. (to aliens who abducted Simpson family)
I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming.
The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Lets see. Dont tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless youre sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.
I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
And theres nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned.
Being popular is the most important thing in the world!
Old people dont need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that womans bottom? Thats right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Dont worry, son. Im sure hes up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin. (on death of cat).
And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
I wont sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks Im lazy! Im going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight.
Its like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.
Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.
OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, ILL KILL YOU!
Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?
Kids, kids. As far as Daddys concerned, youre both potential murderers.
No! No no no no no no! Well, yes.
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.
Well, Im tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!
They have the Internet on computers, now?
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything thats even remotely true!
When I look at the smiles on all the childrens faces,,...I just know theyre about to jab me with something.
Son, this is the only time Im ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose.
Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
If something is to hard to do, then its not worth doing.
Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You
All right, lets not panic. Ill make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasnt, its that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
Aw, Dad, youve done a lot of great things, but youre a very old man, and old people are useless.
Its not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day. Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say youre prejudiced against all races.
Heres to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of lifes problems.
Im having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
If this were really a nuclear war wed all be dead meat by now.
Now Bart, since you broke Grandpas teeth, he gets to break yours.
Let us all bask in televisions warm glowing warming glow.
And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And Im tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
Ah, good ol trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesnt get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesnt get to go to college.
Dont you ever, EVER talk that way about television.
Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say its okay in the bible.
No matter how good you are at something, theres always about a million people better than you.
Marge, theres an empty spot Ive always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
Im not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how Im going to Hell?
When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always wantn more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, youll get plenty back in return.
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who cant speak English.
Kids, kids. Im not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Marge, Im going to miss you so much. And its not just the sex. Its also the food preparation.
Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!
Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
You think I dont want to? Its those TV networks, Marge: they wont let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they wont! They wont let me live!
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Wont you let me live?
Ive always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and its me.
Lisa honey, are you saying youre never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say Yo Goober! Wheres the meat!?. Im trying to impress people here Lisa. You dont win friends with salad.
To Start Press Any Key. Wheres the ANY key?
You cant keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Now, son, you dont want to drink beer. Thats for daddies and kids with fake IDs.
English - Who needs that? Im never going to England!
I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when Im around!
Go ahead and play the blues if itll make you happy.
I have feelings too - like My stomach hurts or Im going crazy!
Long enough list huh? :D
rahhh!! I came on too strong again. I'm so desparately lonely.
Long enough list huh? :D
I think you just said all the funny quotes there is! :lol:
05-27-05, 11:11 AM
"You're going straight in the Army, where you'll be sent straight to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Koo-Koo-Bananas in charge!"
--Homer Simpson to Bart Simpson on The Simpsons, May 15, 2005
* jack *
05-27-05, 11:17 AM
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal...
homer to bart: 'life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just want to kill flanders...'
06-02-05, 09:47 AM
Hi SuperNintendo Chalmers!
Principal Skinner, addressing school assembly: "Children, are you adequately prepared to rock?"
06-02-05, 10:46 AM
the aliens kang and kodos - i think after assuming bob dole and campaigning
ABORTIONS FOR EVERYONE - half the crowd cheers and waves flags, other half boos
ABORTIONS FOR NO ONE - same thing
ABORTIONS FOR SOME, MINIATURE FLAGS FOR OTHERS - everyone cheers
06-02-05, 10:48 AM
oh - and selma trying to make love to troy mcclure (who has awkward sexual problems)
selma: why don't you come over here and make yourself more comfortable
troy: NO, why don't YOUR come over HERE and make YOURself more confortable
06-02-05, 11:47 AM
'I bent my wookie' -Ralph
'What's a Diorama? '-Ralph
'Dad, you killed the zombie Flander!' - 'He was a Zombie?' - Homer and Bart
'Mmmm. Sacrilicious' -Homer
'Now where'd I put my gun....' - Chief Wiggum
'Me fail english? That's unpossible!' - Ralph
'Good news everbody! We don't have to eat meat! I made enough Gazpacho for everyone!' - 'Ha! Go back to Russia...' - Lisa to crowd at Homer's BBBQ.
06-02-05, 11:59 AM
Oh yeah, a couple more-
'Ice' to see you - Mcbain.
'Hot Damn. No more sittin' in tha dirt at tha drive-in' - Cletus
06-02-05, 12:10 PM
OK, lots of repeats here, the s-m-r-t seems to be the most popular, but even in that list from hell I didn't see a couple of favorites:
Bart: For once Dad's butt *prevented* the release of toxic gas.
(At the gate of the U.S. embassy in Australia)
Marine: Actually, the embassy is considered United States territory, sir!
Homer: (jumping back and forth across the gate line) Look boy! Australia! America! Australia! America!
Marine (punches Homer, knocking him to the ground) In America, we don't tolerate that kind of crap, sir!
Homer: GIVE ME 700 KRUSTY BURGERS! :p
06-10-05, 07:29 AM
"Stupid, sexy Flanders."
06-10-05, 07:32 AM
"The dream was over....Coming up, was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?" (Voiceover on the behind the music spoof)
"Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball, and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the referee wth a whiskey bottle. Remember that? When daddy hit the referee? Yeaahhh..." - Homer
Who's next?Adam And Steve or madam and Eve.
06-13-05, 10:16 AM
thats wacky tabacky...the wackiest tabacky
Homer- The Quickie Mart is real -- DOH!
06-17-05, 07:36 AM
"If only people knew the real you and not the silver dollar throwing morphine addict you've become"
06-23-05, 08:33 PM
So many quotes, so little space...
Homer mumbling in his sleep: Lobo! Lobo!! BRING BACK SHERIFF LOBO!!!
Homer at the overturned sugar tanker: Read your town charter, boy. If foodstuffs shall touch the ground, said foodstuffs shall be given to the village idiot. Since he's not around, start shoveling.
Homer in the secret corridors of the power plant: To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse. Umm...thou shall not...ummm...(Throws rock at spider)
And the King of all Simpsons scenes:
WRP Guy 1: From now on, you'll be Homer Thompson from Terror Lake. Shall we practice? When I say, 'Hello Mr Thompson', you'll say 'Hi.' Okay? Hello Mr. Thompson.
Homer: (Stares blankly)
WRP Guy 1: Remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Guy 1: Hello Mr. Thompson
Homer: (Stares blankly)
Several hours pass...
Guy 1: Ugh. When I say, 'Hello Mr. Thompson', and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Guy 1: Hello Mr. Thompson
Homer: Stares blankly, leans to Guy 2 and whispers, "I think he's talking to you."
06-25-05, 09:07 AM
Homer: As long as your in my house, you'll do what I say, now butter up your bacon boy.
Bart: But daaad, my heart hurts!
Bart, imagining himself in the future as a real tub of lard: I wash myself with a rag on a stick, huh huh huh huh huh
Homer runs after Ooter the foreign exchange student in a locker room. Ooter says "please sir, do not chase me, I am ful of chocolate". Homer than says "hee hee hee, that kids got bosoms".
02-03-06, 09:53 AM
In honor of these other quote threads
02-03-06, 09:24 PM
"Stupid, sexy Flanders."
It's like I'm wearing nothing at all.........nothing at all........
02-03-06, 09:25 PM
"Dad, as intelligence goes up, happiness often goes down. In fact, I made a graph. I make a lot of graphs."
02-03-06, 09:49 PM
Patron at Moe's Bar: To do that, we'll need a lot of money.
Moe: I've got plenty.
Patron at Moe's Bar: When did you get a lot of money?
Moe: Remember last month when I tried to commit suicide by hanging myself but the rope broke?
Moe: Well I sued the rope company and made a fortune!
02-04-06, 11:11 PM
"I thought I saw Princess Diana, but it turned out to be a pile of rags." -- Barney
Homer talking to an insurance adjuster after wrecking his car.
Insurance Adjuster: "Mr. Simpson, you were at Moe's? Is that an establishment of some sort?
Homer -- Thinking to himself: "Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at that hour?"
Homer -- Talking out loud: "It's a pornography store, I was buying pornography."
Homer -- Thinking to himself: "Hee, Hee. I would have never thought of that."
02-06-06, 08:04 AM
From last night when everybody else was watching the Super Bowl:
After Sideshow Bob swears a vendetta on the Simpsons:
Homer says "whats a vendetta"? (Looks it up in his Italian-English dictionary.) Vendetta! AHHHHHH.
Also, I'm sure its been mentioned, but heres one from Nelson from the diorama episode.
"Here's the grapes, and heres the wrath!"
02-06-06, 09:25 AM
"cat in the furnace"!
"im not going to sit here idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog"
and one of my all time favorites, the one with U2 in it...
Homer - "Potatoe Man"
Bouncer - "Where the hell have you been?!"
02-07-06, 03:48 PM
"No deal McCuchum, that moon moneys's mine!"
Chloe Talbot (Marge's reporter friend from high school): How about some pity sex?
Barney : Is there any other kind?
Bart (looking up to heaven with fingers crossed): Come on, crazy scheme, crazy scheme, crazy scheme, crazy scheme..
Homer : Boy, get me my tools and the beer.
Bart : YES!
Mayor Quimby (from "Wacking Day" episode) : You are all a bunch of fickle mush-heads.
Homer (Christmas episode) : On this day, we celebrate the birth of some dude, which many of us think is magical, but some don't, and that's cool. But, we're probably right.
02-08-06, 12:09 AM
"I hate every ape I see, -from chimpan-A to chimpanZeeeee.."
-Planet of the Apes, the musical
Raalph: (After seeing the comic store's "Adult Section") "Everybody's hugging!"
Ralph: "When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University"
Ralph: "Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!"
02-08-06, 08:13 AM
Homer, as he tries to stop a melt down:
"Doh. Who would have thought a Nuclear Power Plant could be so complicated."
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