Andy Rooneyisms

[TrekRider]

Andy Rooney on Monica.
Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

Andy Rooney on Prisoners.
Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

Andy Rooney on cripes.
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

Rooney on Grandma.
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

[Davet]

Andy Rooney on Monica.
Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

Andy Rooney on Prisoners.
Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

Andy Rooney on cripes.
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

Rooney on Grandma.
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

Funny! I like Andy's humerous curmudgeonism.

BTW, I have a good friend that lives in Gambrills, on Gosheff Lane.

[TrekRider]

Funny! I like Andy's humerous curmudgeonism.

BTW, I have a good friend that lives in Gambrills, on Gosheff Lane.

The only Gosheff Lane I know of is south of Gambrills, nearer to Crofton. I ride there often, though. Pretty nice area, too.

[Moonshot]

I'm not a huge fan of Andy Rooney, but I've watched him some on 60 minutes and this list didn't appear genuine.

I checked and this list is not from Rooney, just another made up Internet joke for what it's worth. Still, some of it is funny, just not Rooney's style.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney3.asp