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09-09-08, 10:41 AM
was forwarded this email today, thought it was pretty funny...
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Cyclists are the biggest sandbags and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill.
Don't let this happen to you.
Study this handy rider's phrase book to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford Administration. I replace my 11 tooth cog more often that you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into on-coming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray energy drink into your eyes.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom made in Tuscany using Titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a breath and cost more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb last longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over â?? backward. You have 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great"
Translation: Yo, lardo, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter watching TV and eating chocolate.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search and rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
"I cant sprint."
Translation: I'll blow your doors off you putz, I can accelerate like an F4 Phantom before takeoff, don't even bother to suck my wheel I go like Boonen on cocaine.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Cyclists are the biggest sandbags and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill.
Don't let this happen to you.
Study this handy rider's phrase book to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford Administration. I replace my 11 tooth cog more often that you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into on-coming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray energy drink into your eyes.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom made in Tuscany using Titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a breath and cost more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb last longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over â?? backward. You have 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great"
Translation: Yo, lardo, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter watching TV and eating chocolate.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search and rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
"I cant sprint."
Translation: I'll blow your doors off you putz, I can accelerate like an F4 Phantom before takeoff, don't even bother to suck my wheel I go like Boonen on cocaine.