Jokes & Humor - Great quotes

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View Full Version : Great quotes


66aldo
09-24-08, 05:50 AM
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt


Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain


The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as
close together as possible.
-- George Burns


Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain


By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx


I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope


I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields


We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers


Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill


Maybe it's true that life begins at 50. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
---Billy Crystal


AND The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. :notamused:


Hobartlemagne
09-24-08, 06:14 AM
You forgot Twain's bicycle quote.

clown_hahaha
09-24-08, 05:31 PM
wow great quotes :thumb: i bet you are a literature fanatics


timothy002
09-25-08, 02:38 AM
wow... great

Panthers007
09-25-08, 11:09 AM
Winston Churchill was approached at a party by a boorish female socialite who said: "Why Winnie! You're drunk!" Said Winston Churchill: "Yes, Madam - and you're ugly. The difference being that tomorrow I shall be sober."

Closed Office
09-25-08, 10:50 PM
Winston Churchill had another one I enjoyed. He was told by Lady Astoria (I believe,
this is from memory) "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." He replied "If
I were your husband, I'd drink it." Hitler didn't know what he was up against.

johnph77
09-26-08, 01:15 AM
Calvin Coolidge was known as "Silent Cal". As the story goes a lady walked up to him at a White House function and said, "I just bet my friend over there that I could get you to say three words." He replied, "You lose." and walked away.