Clydesdales/Athenas (200+ lb / 91+ kg) - Help me become rich and famous.

I've been taking pictures of my weight loss and will be at my goal weight by this summer. I want to be one of those people on TV with the before and after pictures pitching idiotic weight loss schemes or flimsy workout contraptions.

About once a week a new product appears on TV trying to sell false hope to fat people nation wide. Every one of these commercials or infomercials has people with before and after pictures giving heart felt and sincere testimony about how <insert product here> helped them lose 100 pounds....

Obviously the people giving these testimonials did not lose weight using whatever sit-up machine or protein drink they're pitching, they are paid "before and after" models selling their weight loss pics to the highest bidder.

I'm trying to find out how to land one of these gigs. I feel that I possess the most important qualities to be selected as a weight loss pitchman: Greed and an utter lack of personal integrity.

I have been searching for "agents" or "talent scouts" or some way to break into this lucrative field. Obviously these models are in demand and this is a real industry that pays real money. I would sell my story to Slim Fast, Jenny Craig, Trek Bicycles or anybody willing to reimburse me for the agony I've gone through losing this weight. I can speak eloquently on the nightmare that being a fat person in America can be, I can even cry and quietly plead "Please turn off the camera, this hurts..." in order to sell an electronic belt that shocks my abdominal muscles or a copper bracelet with amazing magical weight loss properties.

I've worked hard you mother effers and I'm ready to cash in. Do any of you know how I can sell my astonishing weight loss story? Does any body know some formally fat slob that sold his story to Bowflex or Nordic Track? Does anybody know of a Theatrical Agency that handles this kind of thing?

Soon I will no longer be a fat person and when I am hard and ripped I'd like to be the wise guy you see on TV pitching high protein enemas or or some stupid chin-up bar you bolt in your doorway. If anybody can help steer me in the right direction, it would be a big help.

Thanks in advance, your pal, Richard.

http://www.excellentmarketingresults.com/Bioslim%20product%20shot%20200%20DS.jpg

ROFL, this wins the best post of the week!

After my Bicycling Magazine Online Feature, I ought to be able to land some gigs. :p

After my Bicycling Magazine Online Feature, I ought to be able to land some gigs. :p

Yeah, you're already famous, probably second to Lance Armstrong, now you gotta find some way to get your piece of the American Dream. You could probably write a book and do pretty well.

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260/TomStormcrowe/Team%20Stormcrowe_2008/10wheels3-1.jpg

Except that's not me in the pic, that's 10 wheels. ;)

This is me. :D

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260/TomStormcrowe/Team%20Stormcrowe_2008/TdC2008063-2.jpg


Yeah, you're already famous, probably second to Lance Armstrong, now you gotta find some way to get your piece of the American Dream. You could probably write a book and do pretty well.

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260/TomStormcrowe/Team%20Stormcrowe_2008/10wheels3-1.jpg

LOL. Sorry.

No worries, yu at least got the right Tour de Cure team. ;)

He came up from Tx in June for the ride! 10 wheels is a great guy, by the way. :D

No worries, yu at least got the right Tour de Cure team. ;)

He came up from Tx in June for the ride! 10 wheels is a great guy, by the way. :D

WOW, now I am famous. People posting my pic.
How do I get rich??????
Make My Brother Rich also.

Bob says Bikes are just a bunch Pipes welded together, so I made him My Chief Mechanic for The Indy Ride. He is holding his favorite bike tool.


http://i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh187/10wheels/crew2.jpg

Very funny RR! Definitely made my night by reading that. I really needed a good hearty laugh.

Thanks again,

V

Richard, I wish you were my neighbor. I think that would be fun.
Lets see the before and after pics.

Losing weight is the hard way to do this. It is so so simple, but people just don't think it out. Say you're a reasonably buff person that needs some cash. You go visit various sponsors, get them to all sign you up. You go down and take pictures. And you make commercials for each product. Then you take 6 months off work and lay in bed and eat cake icing and peanut butter until you've gained 200 lbs. Then you go take the "before" pictures and you're done. Money in the bank!

Losing weight is the hard way to do this. It is so so simple, but people just don't think it out. Say you're a reasonably buff person that needs some cash. You go visit various sponsors, get them to all sign you up. You go down and take pictures. And you make commercials for each product. Then you take 6 months off work and lay in bed and eat cake icing and peanut butter until you've gained 200 lbs. Then you go take the "before" pictures and you're done. Money in the bank!

Yup, this is exactly how it's done. For female models, I've read the 'before' pictures are actually post partum pics taken 7-9 mos. after the 'after' pic!

WOW, now I am famous. People posting my pic.
How do I get rich??????
Make My Brother Rich also.

Bob says Bikes are just a bunch Pipes welded together, so I made him My Chief Mechanic for The Indy Ride. He is holding his favorite bike tool.


http://i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh187/10wheels/crew2.jpg


So now there's a BOB the plumber too?

Yup, this is exactly how it's done. For female models, I've read the 'before' pictures are actually post partum pics taken 7-9 mos. after the 'after' pic!

Then of course they digitally enhance those photos as well:D. However the biggest secret, for women is they dress them down in the before pic, hair not done, no makeup, sour look on face. They smile nicely on the after photo, after spending 3 hours with professional hair and makeup people. For men, the before photo is unshaven for a couple of day, a raging case of hat/helmet head and for the after photo, same sour dead fish look on face they are freshly and professionally shaved, and also get time in the hair and makeup chair, same great smile:D

It's very easy to look like you're 20 lbs heavier if you slouch and pooch out your stomach. I like that all of the female "after" models in bikinis are all wearing high heels.

It's very easy to look like you're 20 lbs heavier if you slouch and pooch out your stomach.

I can vouch for this, folks! :(

I plan on selling my own line of SeizeTech protien drinks. I have a source in Vancouver that will sell me the protien powder in 150lbs sacks, but I don't know where to find the artificial flavours.

My wife works for a high quality chocolateire, so maybe I'll dope the powder with the real deal. A 50/50 blend ought to work for men and women, for different reasons of course.

Losing weight is the hard way to do this. It is so so simple, but people just don't think it out. Say you're a reasonably buff person that needs some cash. You go visit various sponsors, get them to all sign you up. You go down and take pictures. And you make commercials for each product. Then you take 6 months off work and lay in bed and eat cake icing and peanut butter until you've gained 200 lbs. Then you go take the "before" pictures and you're done. Money in the bank!

OK, I see what I did wrong, it's all in the timing. I should've lined up a sponsor before I gained all the weight!

Genious. Pure genious.

Ya know, there's another angle here too. The guys making the bucks are the ones that actually came up with the wunder cantraption.

All you need is something that you can claim you lost with while either sleeping or watching the idiot box. You will be an overnight millionaire.

Have you seen the diet plate? its a plate with the food plan diagrams printed into the plastic.

It sells with a recipe book and instruction for about $100. And you just know that there are people willing to pay for it.

LOL

Have you seen the diet plate? its a plate with the food plan diagrams printed into the plastic.

It sells with a recipe book and instruction for about $100. And you just know that there are people willing to pay for it.

LOL

You know the way to get rich quick, is to write a book on how to get rich quick........ :D

I like this gizmo.
http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/productImages/1/6/00000116716-FitnessQuestAbLoungeXL-large.jpeg

Here's another gizmo I might pitch, although I have no clue what the purpose of the skirt / divider is. Any ideas?

http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,6164514,00.jpg

Whenever I see an ad for a "gizmo" that requires stretching, pulling, pushing, whatever my first thought is "Why are these people smiling?". Anytime I have done the pulling, pushing, whatever thing I hurt!

That's one of the real fun parts of biking, no ongoing pain (maybe a little).

This brings up a good moral argument. Is it "right" for those who go from near-death-obesity to health to profit?

Personally, I couldn't. I mean seriously, I was 567 pounds, losing weight wasn't something I did to get famous. I did it to live. Now I do it so I can see my kids grow up.

Personally, if anything ever comes of what I did beyond the above two goals, I want people to know that THEY can do it. When I weighed that much I hadn't given up, yet, but I saw and see people who have.

Folks, please size your images to a reasonable width before posting -- or post them as links. It's annoying as hell when you have to scroll back and forth to read every comment.

What is it with folks not having coffee this morning?:)

... I have no clue what the purpose of the skirt / divider is. Any ideas?



It's like an elizabethan collar - keeps a frustrated exerciser from gnawing his legs off.

I have a much simpler idea...

Step one:
I am about 40 lbs from my ideal weight now... With a little help from a personal trainer and maybe a cycle of anabolic steroids I can look like one of those dudes that hangs around in the gym looking at his biceps in the mirror... This will be my 'after' look.

Step two:
I will shill myself to every ab-cisor, chub-b-gone, amphetamine based, "guaranteed to work in 90 days", Suzanne Summers endorsed device and product available.

Step Three:
Prepare for the "before" pictures using potato chips, ice cream, pizza, oreo doublestuff cookies, and the weight gain tricks from The Simpsons*. I figure I can get from 220 lbs to 660 lbs (a 300% improvement) in about 2 years, If I train hard enough!


*Rub all food on a peice of paper before eating, and only eat food that makes the paper turn clear; order a banana split, then eat around the banana because it is just empty nutrients.

What is it with folks not having coffee this morning?:)

No doubt. Or having monitors the size of a bottle of coke, apparently.

I'm losing weight the cheap way. No fad diets for me!

Steps:

Watch what you eat ($0)
Start eating more fresh fruits & veggies ($40/mo)
Buy an elliptical ($2000)
Buy a basic bike ($225)
Upgrade and accessorize bike ($300)
Buy another bike ($1500)
New bike lights ($500)
More upgrades ($300)


Yep, that's cheap :lol:

This plan works though, and I've saved dozens of dollars in gas!

Honestly, it's worth every penny. Seeing some of the crap on TV for weight loss makes me sick. Hard work is the only way to do it successfully.

I like this gizmo.
http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/productImages/1/6/00000116716-FitnessQuestAbLoungeXL-large.jpeg


Every time I order one of these they send me some kind of weird sit-up chair looking thing.:innocent: