Jokes & Humor - And then the fight started ...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, What's on TV?
I said, Dust.
And then the fight started ...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 Seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started ...


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive ...
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started ...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and Come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'
And then the fight started ...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.’
''My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started ...


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
And slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...
He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started ...

Thank you for the laugh (s)

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'...... And then the fight started.....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And then the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her, "Not as much as the dress that you wore yesterday."
And then the fight started.....

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible! I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started.....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the
truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived
home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
And then the fight started...

While at the State Fair my wife and I visited the champion livestock show. There were signs on the bull pens telling the history of the bull. The first one we looked at had a sign that read:

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that read,

'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW......That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that read, in capital letters,

'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day....You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

And then the fight started.....

:lol: very very funny

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, What's on TV?
I said, Dust.
And then the fight started ...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 Seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started ...


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive ...
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started ...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and Come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'
And then the fight started ...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.’
''My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started ...


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
And slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...
He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started ...

TOO FUNNY !!

Thanks for sharing.

Very funny...